FatPhil Reviews

The Avengers (1998)

Execrable

[2/10 · 22 April 2024]

Tone deaf to the whimsy of the original series, and full of the most absurd tropes. Contrivances galore, and a new deux ex around every corner. Painfully acted, attempting sophistication, but entirely lacking in class. Cringeworthy dialogue, double entendre and innuendo perfectly placed to ruin any scene that may have started to pretend it might have a chance of displaying any modicum of an ability to approximate any real depth. As bad as any Marvel or DC superhero movie, and with an equal level of unbelievability to the characters and plot. A terrible parody of a bunch of James Bond movies, to boot - not just of the real Avengers. No, I do not have anything positive to say about this. Garbage.

Spice World (1997)

Of course they're only in it for the money, but so were The Beatles

[3/10 · 22 April 2024]

Not worth the vitriol or hate.

At least find something to laugh at, even if it's some some unexpected reference, or even a self-reference: "But I won't do that"; "It's expensive! ... Um, not necessarily.".

Have a snigger at some of the vignettes - Richard O'Brien's late night appearance; every scene with Roger Moore or Barry Humphries; and who can forget the not necessarily expensive thing (yes, it gets two points)?

Has it aged well, given that I'm first watching it in 2024? Of course it has! Every property it was imbued with upon its inception and creation it still has, be that good, bad, or terrible. Maybe like a stinky cheese, it's possibly better than it was because we now know how complete a snapshot of late-90s peak girl power it was.

I'm not asking for anyone to enjoy the movie, but at least be honest, you did laugh a few times, didn't you?

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)

A Slack String of Tropes

[4/10 · 21 April 2024]

I watched 2016 yesterday, and whilst that wasn't great it didn't do its very best to numb every bit of my brain that is capable of enjoying films, unlike this one. Trope after trope, after trope.

I'll mention the up-sides - to be honest the child acting wasn't that bad, they did pretty well with the material that was dumped on them. Oh, up-side, not up-sides, I really can't think of a second.

The downs, oh, my the downs. It's more Scooby-doo than Ghostbusters. With - and correct me if I'm wrong here - a hell of a lot of "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" mixed in. (It's even got a young oriental kid for comic relief.) Trope after trop after trope, just so unimaginitive - perhaps the kids this was clearly made for haven't seen the great movies from decades back that this is clearly ripping off? And of course the climax is a "baddie with glowing pew-pew death ray coming from hands" vs. "good guys with pew-pew death ray coming from something held in their hands" CGI battle which is as dire and predictable as it sounds.

And to finish they pour a bucket of sugary schmultz over your head. Worst, it's not even slime. Gimme the queef jokes from 2016 over this. But I'll survive happily without either.

Cripple Creek Bar-Room Scene (1899)

At least it vaguely tried

[4/10 · 4 May 2020]

This is terribly poor quality in almost every way, compared to the Lumiere brothers' output at a similar or earlier time - mis en scene apparently hadn't been invented yet, and the casting is questionable - the barmaid is a bloke in drag, right? - but at least it was attempting to have some narrative. However, whilst there are times when the elegant simplicity of a train arriving could be considered a superior production, this tale's got the slapstick (just watch that hat fly!) and the laughs.

Complicated Women (2003 TV Movie)

Just Complicated Women

[5/10 · 4 December 2017]

I almost feel guilty giving this the low score that I did, as, for what it is, it's excellent. Had it been part of a three-parter that expanded onto the (studio and real world) politics and society more at the time in question, and then even delved into the reversion of the code decades later, I'd have been deliriously happy, but alas all I got was the clip show part.

As such, it's great. First hand reports from the people who were there - the Complicated Women themselves - makes this a particularly insightful documentary. Mick LeSalle is a great writer with an encyclopaedic knowledge of the field (and also the single film reviewer I pay the most attention to, he sees through the fog when others can't), and if you're not familiar with the pre-Code movies you should hopefully find it a very interesting eye-opener...

... an eye-opener which will make you say "how did things go so wrong?", and then wish for the other two parts of the documentary :/

Viktor Schauberger: Comprehend and Copy Nature (2008 Video)

A new take on "Science Fiction"

[1/10 · 15 March 2017]

SPOILERS... (can you spoil a "documentary"?) This documentary is simply self-publicity by a group of people who have become so obsessed with what they are working on they are unable to rationally approach the subject. You'll be introduced to lots of interesting ideas, and interesting characters working on them, you'll see lots of beautiful nature, pretty diagrams, and "demonstrations", but when it comes down to the actual proof of any claims made, the film suddenly goes silent. Occasionally when a clear claim is dangled in front of you they will admit "but it didn't withstand scientific scrutiny", and then follow up with "so development on it was continued" - which does give an insight into their inability to be rational. So many times the generation of energy (from what?) is mentioned, yet not one single watt is ever generated the whole time.

As someone with a deep scientific understanding, I found this painful to watch. Don't start me on the "egg" shapes that aren't ellipses (unfortunately you need to get 90% of the way through before that nonsense appears).

I'd actually assert that from an educational perspective, this movie is dangerous, as it contains word salad that has a veneer of being scientific, which could persuade people less capable of judging things on scientific merit that it has some. It has none.

MILFBusters (2011 Video)

The parody was good, the porn was boring

[3/10 · 16 March 2016]

Disclaimer: skin-flicks are a genre I am unfamiliar with, take this review with a pinch of borax.

I am quite a fan of Mythbusters, and only became aware of this production when it was admitted by the Mythbusters themselves that they knew of its existence. Curiosity took ahold.

The parodying of the Mythbusters format was excellent, and whilst the actors were not very good visual matches, the characters/personalities were at least reasonably recognisable. The voice-over and graphics added to the effect. Basically, all of the points go for this parody aspect.

The skin-flick aspect was very much for the camera - unnatural poses so that visibility was optimised - other production values were also taken into consideration, four fifths of it was well lit, for example. It was also almost entirely vanilla (not saying too much, but you will need an umbrella for one segment), and at that, to be honest, it was extremely boring. Misogyny level wasn't too high, but definitely non-zero; I think they think they were trying to keep it low, but I also don't think they succeeded well enough. I watched the whole thing from start to end in one go, I suspect that's not how it's supposed to be watched. It just seemed to drag out for ever. Sure, there's lots of red meat, but the fight sequences were dreadfully choreographed. I'm not entirely sure everyone even really knew what they were doing all the time.

Maybe a good movie for those into the genre, but not for me. Adam Savage is right to leave the copy someone gave him in its shrink-wrap.

Fat Slags (2004)

Neither 1 nor 10

[5/10 · 21 May 2015]

I have a nasty feeling that most of the people who've given this 1 did actually laugh at at least one thing, but then noticed that they'd done so, and felt shame at laughing at something so low-brow.

Now consider the priest who wishes to stamp out the evils of homosexuality, the politician who wishes to keep it, or make it, illegal. You know the ones, the ones found with rent-boys a few years later. They notice something inside themselves that they felt shame about, and they wish to crush it. (Book of Mormon reference - see it.)

Stop over-compensating. Just be honest to yourselves. It was trashy low-brow, camply over-acted in places, toilet-to-gutter-level, immature comic-book humour. Yes, and it was kinda funny. They captured the absurd irreverence of the Viz cartoon rather well.

If you watched this not expecting potty humour - *you* are stupid, not the film.

Likewise, if you gave it 10, consider those who remark that everything even vaguely camp is fabulous! No it's not. Stop over-compensating. Be honest to yourselves. It was trashy low-brow, camply over-acted in places, toilet-to-gutter-level, immature comic-book humour. Yes, and it was kinda funny.

OK, I know I've just insulted 80% of the people who've voted on this film (that is the case, I don't deny it), and apparently also insulted everyone else from priests to homosexuals (which is not the case - I just needed a metaphor), but I've long thought that when averages on IMDb are evaluated, all 1s and 10s should be silently ignored. The U-shaped "bell curve" of this film reinforces that opinion.

I was expecting a 3, maybe 4 if it was Viz-like enough, which it was (sorry Viz, I'm still a fan of the original). But I laughed more than expected, hence the score. The stupidity of it worked for me. I was entertained. As was my girlfriend (though perhaps not quite as much, but we are from slightly different cultural backgrounds).

Loved the supporting roles - all of them hit the nail square on. Dolph - there's no shame, no need to drown your agent - you were grand. Punt and Dennis - classic. Les Dennis - even you should get a pat on the back!

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

Preposterous

[3/10 · 10 March 2015]

Strip the harsher bits of the language and a few brief graphics, and all you have is a children's story. Add the language and graphics back, and you have a film suitable for nobody.

Visually, it's quite bold, but like the scripting, it suffers from not knowing when less is more. I felt like shouting "shut the frack up" so many times, there were so many words with so little positive contribution to my experience. Some of the less gaudy imagery, and the skillful integration of the music with the visuals, was quite Greenaway-ish, but please forget I mentioned a visionary like that in the context of tripe like this.

Editing was painfully cartoonish. Plot was about as complex as a typical children's cartoon too. Pretentious visual masturbation, not even particularly well done, to be honest - you can see the joins. Best left on Wes Anderson's Kleenex, not my wall.

Oh dear, I've just found out that this was supposed to be a "comedy". A few bits of slapstick does not a comedy make. Extreme drugs required in order to get any giggles out of this.

Heavy Metal Britannia (2010 TV Movie)

Great content, just in the wrong order

[5/10 · 4 September 2012]

I loved seeing all that old footage, and it was great to hear so many of the "gods of metal" talking about how they viewed the development of the genre. However, they jumped around in time like H.G. Wells' pet crack monkey.

For example: Don't show clips of Breakin' the Law while you're discussing the early to mid 70s. Don't play Breadfan while you're discussing the mid-to-late 70s.

This could have been so much better if only they'd not tried to deceive you about which music/video snippets occurred when.

And quite what an original piece from Metallica was doing in the music, I don't know, this was supposed to be about Britain. It would have made sense to bring Metallica in for their plagiarism of Budgie etc., but it makes no sense showcasing their best original work, from the 80s, while trying to present music from the UK in the ~70s.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

This film won the race in reverse

[5/10 · 5 November 2006]

I watched it for one reason - Sacha Baron Cohen. I was hoping for Bruno-level campness - always good for a low brow laugh, and at least a passable attempt at a French accent, which really isn't that hard. I got neither - he was a complete flop in his role, and in fact his role was atrociously constructed, so perhaps it wasn't his fault.

However, what I got instead was a good back-to-basics snigger-fest at the foibles, and just plain trashiness of the American "culture" which surrounds NASCAR, and its ilk. OK, the stereotyped redneck is easy to parody, but this was done with a certain finesse which kept it fresh right till the absurd end. Of course it was very predictable in places, but had just enough comic twists to surprise occasionally. Many of the support apart from Baron Cohen had some very witty lines as Mr Bobby's foil, and they delivered them well.

The product placement was a tad annoying (well done Sony for that _huge_ Vaio logo). The spoof adverts in the film almost made up for all the real not-really-particularly-subliminal ones.

I expected little from the film - it gave me far more than I expected.

Little Otik (2000)

When the dream comes true, the nightmare begins

[7/10 · 18 October 2006]

Anti-spoiler warning: Do _not_ see the film's trailer, it spoils the film dreadfully. And this is one film which you don't want spoilt.

This is a long film, in places utterly absorbing, in others quite shocking, in many places extremely funny, but alas rather predictable and a little repetitive too. On the whole quite a work of art. And oh so Czech too, which is nothing but a complement, in particular for the brilliantly executed and highly amusing animation of Otesánek.

There are almost no weak roles, or weakly acted roles, and no matter how crazy people's actions or decisions might be, they all seem to be quite in character. In particular look for excellent performances from Veronika Zilková as the "mother" Bozena, struck with a terminal case of wannabe-breeder rabies. The change in the interplay between the young girl Alzbetka and the very old Mr. Zlabek is superbly done - both having their time as the creepy one, and both as the innocent one.

This was going to get an extremely high score (and I tend to vote low on the whole), until the ending appeared, and went. I thought it cheapened the film slightly, but I still gave it a pretty good score nonetheless.

Anger Management (2003)

Laugh? I nearly did!

[3/10 · 24 September 2006]

Hit yourself over the head several times before seeing this, or perform some other soporific procedure, otherwise your suspension of disbelief will stall within the first few minutes.

However, with that bump dealt with, at least you know what the rest of the film will contain. Immature humour. A primary plot line which permits the script and screenplay to take absolutely bizarre, and consequently unbelievable, turns makes this film a roller coaster ride. And yes, some will puke.

Bottom, willy, plums, boobies.

Oh dear, I've just spoilt a dozen or so jokes by effectively telling you their punchlines.

Worst of all, despite the unpredictableness designed into the story, much of it is predictable. The impractical jokes that the lead characters play on each other being primary examples.

If there's one positive thing to say about the film it's that it never pretended to be anything apart from a throwaway comedy, and it indeed succeeds in that end. Get yourself in the right mood, and you might just occasionally be led towards a snigger.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Not a family film. Don't bring the adults.

[3/10 · 17 April 2006]

A trite, and painfully stretched-out, melange of hackneyed fantasy nonsense.

The special effects are the usual high quality ILM fare - alas they're the same old ILM fare. Nothing seemed particularly novel or groundbreaking. (Though the morphing was fairly well done, certainly no joins visible, and the animated tree had an excellent organic feel to it.) Alas the film seemed to exist pretty much for no other reason than to tie a sequence of otherwise unconnected visual special-effects 'jokes' together.

Acting was fairly unexceptional - the actors themselves were generally of a peerless standard, in their particular genre. However, it seems they were all told to just play their traditional genre. I could see the fast show residues in places, die hard ones elsewhere, and was genuinely expecting to see spilt cups of tea and perhaps reference to antiques elsewhere.

John Williams needs to stop creating scores using copy-paste from his older ones too.

Team America: World Police (2004)

Mastery of a another medium

[7/10 · 26 March 2006]

Parker and Stone have yet again shown that they can take a deliberately limited medium, and, working with its restrictions rather than fighting against them, produce a poignant yet comical delight.

Like SP:BL&U, both the script and the songs are packed with "did they really just say that" moments. Many of the vignettes will be easily-recognisable borrowings from many sources. Of course the action movie clichés are there by the bucket-load, but you'll also see Monty Python too. Mind your step.

A must see for anyone hyperemetically sick of action movies or out-of-control presidents.

Rok dábla (2002)

Charming film, but not one full of warmth and happiness

[6/10 · 10 January 2005]

The easiest way to get maximum appreciation from this film is to skip the first 2 minutes. For some utterly bizarre reason there's a small selection of vox-pop mini interviews that introduce a comparative irrelevancy into the film, and severely lowered my expectations from the movie.

Fortunately, the guts of the movie had me hooked very quickly, music being one of the loves of my life, and the major and minor tribulations of musicians (really - not so much highs and lows but lows and lower lows) are ones that I'm not entirely unfamiliar with. Once you've made your way past the bottom of that depression, there are fortunately several highs for the protagonists, don't worry, so the film does cover the full spectrum. And there are plenty of smile-inducing moments, though this really isn't intended as a belly-laugh comedy.

I guess it would take a Czech to tell us how much of this documentary about a documentary is actually true, it's constructed so that everything apart from a few mystical bits is entirely possible.

Thinking about Spinal Tap is _not_ helpful while watching this film. Alas a few Tap-isms were, possibly accidentally, introduced into the film, but that could be due to Spinal Tap covering so many bases when it comes to the misfortunes of musicians.

Musically, the film is utterly beautiful, assuming that central/eastern European folk music doesn't annoy.

Definitely a film worth seeing. I saw it accompanied by green tea - but I suspect that next time I see it, and there will be a next time, I will accompany it with a few shots of vodka instead! Phil

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Not for the weak-stomached - this schlock will make you puke

[3/10 · 21 November 2004]

High budget nonsense aimed at those who suspend their disbelief before the opening titles have even finished and need the sound-track to tell them what emotion to feel, I've not seen cinematographic schlock like this since E.T.

The plot plods along with little cycles of "mistake", "grave danger", "solution/escape", and by the third or 4th such cycle it gets quite tawdry. I guess JRR's to blame in part, but the utter predictability of the whole film, even down to the details, by someone who's _not_ read the book, indicates that all we have here is the playing out of standard fantasy/adventure/action clichés, and nothing even vaguely capable of stimulating or challenging someone familiar with more than a few films.

So lets not look at all the difficult stuff like weaving a plot, and see if it can redeem itself through special effects instead...

Sorry, nothing new here, except new ways to demonstrate how to make visual and physical errors. For example, for some bizarre reason they decided that they wanted to make the lighting as unbelievable as possible, which they suceeded at grandly. With monster CGI looking like it had barely moved forwards since Quake, more polygons, perhaps, I almost felt like I was watching my N64 at times.

Nope, I really don't have anything positive to say about this film. A big ball of hype but absolutely nothing promised was delivered.

FatPhil

Tootsie (1982)

Hoffman is always good - but cannot save this dated nonsense

[4/10 · 17 November 2004]

An exceptionally dated film - stuck right in the 80s. Chock full of hackneyed films about the performing arts clichés. Chock full of schlocky music. And due to that soundtrack is sometimes even feels like Hills Street Blues without the cops. It's _that_ 80s.

If you're prepared to turn off your brain, and just let the slapstick roll over you, you'll probably enjoy it. Don't look for deep, though. Take the cheap laughs when offered them.

Not annoying enough to make me turn off, but not one I'd watch again, and would actually try to avoid.

FatPhil

The Green Mile (1999)

Surprisingly impressed

[7/10 · 19 January 2004]

I agree with the multiply repeated positive comments by others. However, what seems apparent is that people have missed the _humour_ of the film. e.g. Percy's end is belly-laugh material, and the knowing looks on faces when taboo topics are being talked about is definitely snigger-worthy. (In particular the 'praise Jesus miracle' of Paul's (Hanks') cure.)

The framing at the end was too long, the moral of the tale doesn't need to be said three times. However, the other 3 hours was perfectly paced.

There was no need for as many special effects as there were. In the olden days we were happy with bulbs just blowing, why do they need to give off pyrotechnics as they blow?

There's something in this film for everyone apart from the impatient. If you don't like it, then take a look at yourself.

Nobody's Fool (1994)

Wonderfully acted mundane film

[5/10 · 29 November 2003]

Sorry, but it's totally mundane, and has oh-so-predictable, almost comic book complexity (i.e. none), montages that if they weren't executed so well would place this pretty near the bottom of the heap. Partial spoilers will appear at the end to justify the above.

Dylan Walsh and Pruitt Taylor Vince definitely take the credit for delivering the most believable performances, but Paul Newman and Bruce Willis certainly don't shame themselves. The female contingent was a bit weak, but Jessica Tandy takes the honours as being the perfect gentle old lady. Melanie Griffith let the side down, I believe she was trying to charm the male viewer, but it was painful to watch.

Content-wise, as I say, the story's mundane, and is stuffed with the kind of emotional schlock to which only the likes of Billy Chrystal (but in a different way, obviously) stoop. However, if you don't want an action movie, this fits the opposite role perfectly. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with mundane storylines if done well (c.f. Take Care of Your Scarf, Tatiana by Kaurismaki).

Action movie fans should definitely look out for the car chase scene, which also contains the film's biggest shootout, and the most impressive brawl!

Honest ;-)

(partial spoilers here)

Examples of the low-points were the utterly predictable parts such as: - there was obviously going to be some ultimate denoument with the cop (the 'chase scene' above). - his luck would come around at cards at the end. - the kid being persuaded to be brave near the end. - after the repeated references to the daily trifecta bet and the 'low' of Sully not being able to make the bet the only day he would have won it, we are force-fed the high of finding out the son made the bet for him after all. - Toby was obviously going to try to hitch up with Sully towards the end of the film.

_Painfully_ predictable, I have to say.

The 2-second highlight of the film, however, is when Sully throws Carl, half his age, out of the window. Particularly good as we get to see it more than once.

Good Advice (2001)

So Mr Sheen can act, it appears

[5/10 · 3 November 2003]

An amusing little romp. Spoilt by a few absurd characters, perhaps (the Shermans, Iris, and Styne) Sheen the younger keeps the film away from just zaniness. Given that Sheen's normally into zanier roles, this is a suprising one for him, and he pulls it off perfectly, he certainly went up in my estimations as an actor after seeing this.

The film as a whole? schlock romance - you'll probably love it (I didn't so much) corny sexual references - you'll laugh (I groaned) bad guy gets stung happy ending - not as well done as trading places, for example.

Don't expect wonders, and you'll not be disappointed. A fun Saturday night movie.

The 6th Day (2000)

Action movie? Nope. Humerous? Nope. Message? Nope.

[4/10 · 3 November 2003]

Possibly the worst Arnie movie ever. It tries to be a sensible movie, but has no suspension of disbelief. Worse than that it simply rehashes some old concepts out of prior movies such as Total Recall and perhaps Bladerunner, and glues them together with truly tedious action sequences and unimaginitive special effects.

Not even worth me spending any more time reviewing it, to be honest.

Gladiator (2000)

Good solid movie

[7/10 · 3 November 2003]

Not one of the all-time greats, but certainly one of the all-time pretty-darn-goods. Solid acting from almost everyone. Perfectly fitting soundtrack. Well balanced dynamics (action versus silence versus dialogue). Highlights for me were the later interactions between Caesar and his sister - in particular the busy bee tale and later the only time he really raises his voice at her.

Visually, it's a little monotone, but there's good use of space by the director - the claustrophobic scenes give you that sense of discomfort and the more open scenes can be quite airy.

Violence levels were expected to be high, so there's no point in anyone complaining about that, you have all the warning you need before you've ordered the ticket.

The Assignment (1997)

Let down by being unrealistic and predictable

[5/10 · 25 April 2003]

I can't believe anyone found the twists in this movie surprising, as it's formulaic and is full of clicheed elements. It's quite tense at times, though, so it's still worth seeing.

Film smartarses are encouraged to call for stunts, effects, or details before they happen. e.g. In one car chase, how/where will the pursuer's car flip, and will it explode after it lands?[*] After you've called half a dozen such things, and been right about them, you'll be writing the rest of this commentary, I've said enough.

Phil

[* of course it does, all cars explode when flipped, didn't you know that?]

Dogma (1999)

Clash of the Titans without the Medusa

[6/10 · 2 February 2003]

The religious theme to this film is irrelevant. One fairy story, the Christian mythology, deserves as much entertaining screen-time as any other fairy story, such as Greek mythology.

Anyone who thinks this film provides any new insight into any argument concerning ontology is one book short of a testament. It's just a comic-book story with some novel super-heroes. Enjoy it for what it is. I was laughing almost solidly for the first half of the story! I stopped laughing half way through, and later I worked out why - Alan Rickman was missing. His camp (over camp, he spoils it sometimes) role as Gods messenger, glues the fairly thin plotline together. Chris Rock comes in second place for his faultless job of keeping the movie on its toes. The choice made for God was abysmal, but fortunately God's on-screen for very little time at all, so it doesn't matter much.

The film makes digs at lots of people and _lots_ of films - some directly some indirectly. Look out for the Karate Kid reference - that's why I think Rickman _makes_ this movie.

Probably the best Smith I've seen, but that's not saying much - all of the other ones I pretty much loathe.

If you don't like the movie, or don't find it funny (or both probably), then that's cool, at least you have thought about it. If, however, you're offended by it, then you need to do a bit more thinking...