Sir Didymus Reviews

Alien 3 (1992)

Torn from its director like a chest burster in a bad mood...

[7/10 · 27 June 2004]

'Alien³' had so much potential, yet so much to live up to. The first film in the series helped define a whole new way to give a mass audience science fiction on a grand scale, while the second film managed to provide even more thrills and spills than a sequel had ever done. How on earth was a third movie, all those years later, supposed to live upto its predeccessors?

It appears this movie was cursed from day one. The script was written, rewritten and rewritten time and time again, and the director, who has since gone on to prove his incredible talent with the likes of 'Fight Club' and 'Se7en', was effectively fired from the project and not allowed the reshoots he needed from a studio that attempted to control his every shot.

What was originally released in 1992 was a confused mess. It showed obvious potential, but lacked any sense of direction and purpose. Sub plots started and were abandoned, and entire scenes appeared disjointed.

As it stands, the theatrical version is by far not the worst film I've ever seen, and I enjoyed it from time to time, but on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd have given it no more than a 5 - a sort of mindless popcorn fodder to pass two hours every few years.

The new 'special edition', released in the 'Alien Quadrilogy' boxed set, and now on dvd, restores a great number of scenes, finishes off some of the abandoned effects shots, and fleshes out a previously hollow film. The movie now has purpose - its religious and moral message a lot more understandable, characters make more sense, and while nothing can be done to improve on the lack of any real action, part of the need for that is simply because the previous film in the series was an all out frag-fest.

A lot of people are put off by the film because its dialogue-heavy, there's no guns or big weapons to splatter aliens with... indeed there's only one alien as opposed to a planet of them... and most of the cast are British. The trick is that if you're going to compare it to any of the series, compare it to 'Alien', while 'Alien Ressurection' is the real sequel to 'Aliens'. Don't go into it expecting another action fest, and approach it with an open mind(preferably a British one - I guess we 'get it' easier), and there is much to enjoy. The cast are all excellent - some of England's finest actors are on show here, and Sigourney Weaver is excellent as ever. Her final scene, notably different in this version of the film [though arguably this is the one change that isn't needed!], is surprisingly poignant, and the film still manages to pack a fair punch for a [then] 13 year old saga.

Do yourself a favour - get hold of a copy of the special edition, and look at it with an open mind - you just may find yourself loving this one.

Dead End (I) (2003)

Dark and different...

[21 June 2004]

'Dead End' has sneaked out in the United Kingdom to little fanfare - compared to recent horror hits such as 'Cabin Fever', 'Wrong Turn' and 'Freddy Vs Jason'. The basic idea itself is an intriguing one - a family on their way to a festive gathering take what appears to be a shortcut and meet unexpected ends.

This in itself could very easilly have been made as part of one of those horror anthology tv shows that have appeared throughout the years, and is hardly a new concept. However, sustaining this for a whole film, when most other horror films are heading back down the exploitation gore-fest route of the 1970s and 80s, is what attracted me.

Its at this point that I feel I must address what others here have said about the film - that its boring, that its not scary or gory. Well the last point I agree with - its not gory. But here's the deal - its not meant to be. There's a minimal amount of gore, because you see, in the days before the slasher film, you didn't *need* blood and guts to make a horror film - mainly because the best you could get was Hammer's poster-paint version, which never really worked, even if other aspects of their work were incredible. This is a thriller with horror elements, not the other way around. Go into this expecting a bunch of teenagers in a car picked off by a knife welding maniac one by one, then you're in trouble... and you won't enjoy this one bit. Go into it with no expectations, and it is possible to enjoy the film.

I didn't find it scary - but then again so few films successfully manage to scare me these days. What I did find was a film that although predictable in its use of standard genre elements, also managed to keep me guessing as to the cause of it all right until the end. Perhaps thats because there's arguably no real point to it all, but at the very least, this is a stylish film, certainly nothing special, but definately above average - acted with great gusto by a small cast of believable but unknown actors. There's a few witty one liners here and there, and the odd grisly moment, and although the tension never reaches boiling point, it there still an almost continual sense of unease. If you can switch off your cynical head, and just enjoy a basic horror thriller, then this is the film for you. If not - go watch 'Freddy Vs Jason Vs A Big Sharp Object And Your Face: Part 274... In 3D Smello-Vision'.

War of the Worlds (1988–1990)

Forgotten favourite.

[18 June 2003]

*slight spoiler alert*

This humble tv series from the late 1980s is almost forgotten by the majority, especially in the UK where it was broadcast in a post-midnight slot.

But it does have a lot going for it. The leads in the first season are all likeable, the stories were ahead of their time in terms of television science fiction and it's later obsession with paranoia, as perfected by 'The X Files'. The continuation of the 1950s movie was a great benefit, as it provided the series with a backbone from day one. It's creepy aliens and their catchphrase "To Life Immortal", and the somewhat grisly scenes in which they murder humans or die and break down into a strange acidic goo are certainly not family viewing material, but they are a precursor *to* shows like "The X Files" which occasionally relied on the new-found ability to provide grisly shocks without falling foul of the censors.

However, the second season was an utter mess. Two of the leads were killed in the first episode, the original aliens also bit the dust, and some ridiculous lower-budget "Mad Max" look took over as new aliens with the ability to clone people, and that strange fellow Adrian Paul of "Highlander: The Series" fame appeared on the scene. I gave up before the show finished its late-night runs, no longer interested in the show which once showed great promise.

The first season was, and still remains a classic slice of American television, and if you can get hold of any episodes, its worth a look.

Queen: Greatest Video Hits 1 (2002 Video)

More than a fandango...

[7/10 · 31 May 2003]

If The Beatles are the most inventive band of all time, then Queen must come a close second. For thirty years now their music has entertained millions in every corner of the globe, with sell-out tours of the UK, Europe, America, Australasia and South America - even Africa was bitten by the Queen bug. Their performance at Live Aid is widely regarded as the finest that day - and if they'd given the world nothing more than 'Bohemian Rhapsody' it would have cemented their names into the history books for all time.

But there is much more to them that the Rhap... and this dvd is a suggestion of some of that. Twenty-two performances of some of their most famous (and not so famous) hits from the first eight years of their chart career, from early classics 'Keep Yourself Alive' and 'Liar' to the camp curiosity that is 'Flash' (the signature theme for the 1980 cult hit 'Flash Gordon') - it's all there.

Early attempts at promotional footage give way to the land-mark 'Bohemian Rhapsody' video, and then a dozen or so further promos along with tv footage and live performances. Musically, this is some of the best of Queen - visually, they peaked much later on. Most of these videos are simple lip-synch-to-the-camera routines, as opposed to actually playing with the medium (as they did in the 1980s and beyond), but while they might be a little bit too much for one sitting they make perfect viewing you can just dip into once in a while.

On a more technical front, the dvd could be much better. The sound is impressive on the first disc - as sixteen tracks have been remastered into DTS 5.1 sound, and the backup PCM stereo track is adequate for the vast majority who don't have DTS (why there's is no Dolby Digital is beyond me). The audio commentary is just about worth hearing, but is really a one-listen affair. The documentary 'Inside The Rhapsody', on the other hand is an interesting (if badly designed and split into segments) look into the creation of the legendary 'Bo Rhap', in which Brian May plays back different sections of what remains of the original master tapes.

Picture wise, however - this dvd is a mess. Whilst you can't improve some of the images that much (due to the videos being worn out and low budget), butchering 4:3 images into 16:9 by simply cropping the top and bottom has left several of these videos looking odd - especially on a standard television set. The 'Bo Rhap' promo in particular, with its kalidoscope imagery is ruined by the process - and it's not even consistent either, as of the six videos on disc two, four have not been converted and one has been altered to widescreen only to be mastered as a fullscreen image, stretched onto your tv set as a result!

On the whole then, this dvd is a great disappointment. For a band known to be perfectionists, this is sloppy. However, the chance to own these videos on a digital medium may win many people over, and if it doesn't, the alternate takes of 'We Will Rock You' and 'Bicycle Race' (now with uncensored fat bottomed, naked girls racing on bicycles) will grab many a Queen fan.

Baise-moi (2000)

A new benchmark... in bad movies.

[1/10 · 2 May 2003]

I've just had the misfortune of sitting through this film. That it's title translates into 'F*** Me' in English was hardly promising - but I tried to keep an open mind throughout.

Within minutes - I was left baffled by a plot that barely makes sense, acting that makes daytime tv soap operas look like Oscar material, and some of the worst directing I've ever seen.

The violence within the film is highly graphic, but nothing particularly terrible. There's much worse in several critically acclaimed films that I really enjoyed - so that in itself isn't a problem for me. What is a problem is that the film's protagonists have no reason for doing what they do - other than their graphic rape at the beginning. If this film can be compared to 'Thelma & Louise' in any way, its that Themla and Louise were both likeable people who ended up in a bad situation they couldn't escape from. The leads in this film are not exactly likeable at the start of the picture, let alone when they go on a killing spree murdering anyone and everyone that gets in their way.

The rape sequence is very graphic - and certainly more realistic than your average Hollywood attempts. But there is no real explanation as to why it causes the characters to lose control - it just does. Obviously, rape is a tramuatic experience - but this film seems to just trivilise their order in an attempt to score cheap 'shock points'.

The explicit nature continues with sex scene after sex scene. Blow jobs, sex from both front and behind, standing up, lying down, on all fours - whatever your dirty favourite - chances are its in here... and seemingly for little reason other than titilation.

Chances of the film being saved by feminist undertones are not taken. Thelma and Louise took revenge on the kind of men who raped them, this women just kill whoever they feel like. Not even 'Ms 45' killed everyone she could - only men who she had an understandable fear of following her ordeal.

Certainly not a film for the faint of heart, I thought I could stomach almost anything - but watching them murder yet another person unjustly whilst having sex with yet another person who they later murder - it all became a bit too much. I didn't so much find it shocking, as entirely boring after a while. That the potentially enjoyable scenes were scuppered by violence seconds before they could've gotten interesting didn't help either!

To conclude - I learned nothing from this film. It's appalling direction and somewhat hammy subtitles (in English, possibly identical to the French - but I couldn't tell you for certain), as well as some dreadful acting from its leads... and worst of all - a jumpy nature that effectively ruined every murder - simply left me unable to find any merits within this picture. I may have seen a worse film... but I'd be hard pressed to name one!

Avoid like the plague!

Best of Bowie (2002 Video)

From 1971 to 1999 - it's the anti-chameleon.

[9/10 · 15 February 2003]

David Bowie has often been described as the ultimate chameleon of rock. But a chameleon does its best to blend into its surroundings, the very antithesis of what Bowie is all about. Throughout the years he has tried on many guises, attempted many genres, some more successfully than others, but has almost always been interesting regardless of what he's doing.

This compilation takes in 46 performances of some of his greatest work. Early British (and even Dutch and American) tv performances pad things out a little, but the main draw here are the three dozen or so promotional videos. From the early stages of the 'Ziggy' era, to the surrealist video for 1999's 'Survive', Bowie grows old gracefully as the performances go by. Along the way there's glam rock, plastic soul, dark quirkyness, mainstream poprock, r&b, hard edged guitar driven rockers and a bit of dance and drumNbass thrown in for good measure.

The collaborations with Mick Jagger ('Dancing In The Street'), Pet Shop Boys ('Hallo Spaceboy') and Nine Inch Nails ('I'm Afraid Of Americans') are here, as are all his more famous and well loved classics. The videos themselves vary from the simple promo performance, to live concert footage, to some hugely entertaining visual treats.

Highlights include the rarely seen 'Labyrinth' promos and the bizarre 'Ashes To Ashes' video complete with black skies, bulldozers and spacesuits. 'I'm Afraid Of Americans' sees Bowie being chased by Trent Reznor through a US city, while 'Thursdays Child' finds Bowie seeing his younger self in the mirror as his biological clock shows no sign of slowing down. The video for 'Be My Wife' is downright creepy, but my own personal highlight is the promo for 'The Hearts Filthy Lesson' has inspired many a rock video since, most notably those of obvious fan Marilyn Manson.

The 2-disc dvd package may not appear to contain any extras, but appearances can be deceiving. There are 9 easter eggs hidden within the two discs, seven of which are alternate performances. The best of these is a 20-minute video for 'Blue Jean'. Almost a short film in fact, 'Jazzin For Blue Jean' tells the story of David's struggle to get into a concert by Screaming Lord Such (also Bowie) in order to impress 'his bird', with at times hilarious results. It was worth the time it took to work out how to access the easter eggs for this hidden gem alone!

All in all, this is a worthy package of one of the most influential and entertaining musical artists of the last century, and in 97 years time, probably of this century as well.

Jazzin' for Blue Jean (1984 Video)

It was the Fa Fa Fa Fa Fashion...

[10/10 · 15 February 2003]

In the mid 1980s, thanks mainly to Michael Jackson, seemingly everyone and their codfish was making overlong promo videos with stories on either side of the song.

David Bowie only made one of these - but it's far better than most. The story is that Bowie's character, Vic, manages to impress a girl enough with his false tales of being friends with rock star Screaming Lord Byron, and for some reason says he has tickets for his gig that week - the hottest gig in town!

Bowie manages to get her a ticket, but not himself, and the opening part of the video sees his ridiculous attempts to get past security while Byron (also Bowie) prepares for the gig by doping himself up and moping about in a stereotypical rockstar manner.

Post performance of 'Blue Jean' from Byron, Bowie and his date meet the star... with disasterous consequences, and a funny exchange between Bowie and the director about what 'should' happen...

A classic video, and now easy to own thanks to the 'Best Of Bowie' dvd... as long as you can work out how to find it (hidden easteregg) that is...

The Dreamstone (1990–1995)

The greatest animated series of all time...

[25 July 2002]

'The Dreamstone' was absolutely fantastic. I'm lucky to have four episodes, including the double-length pilot on video. The show is absolutely stunning, a visual tour de force, with believable characters and some truly fantastic voice-over work. The scripts were never dull, the stories never boring, the show mesmerised me in a way no other cartoon has ever done, or probably will ever do. The Noops, Rufus & Amberley were fully-dimensioned, Rufus in particular so wonderfully realistic that many I know have actually dubbed me as the human version of him. We have the advantage of seeing the show now with our older, more cynical eyes - and that everyone who has seen the show since that I know still holds it in great adoration as a result is a testimony to it's sheer brilliance.

The Crow (1994)

It can't rain all the time...

[10/10 · 2 July 2002]

The modern world of the big screen is more often than not absolute pants, and it's not everyday you get to see a modern film that truly knocks your socks off.

Neither is it everyday you find one that nearly kills you it's so damn good! But 'The Crow' is, in my opinion, the finest film ever made. Brandon Lee excels in his final role, echoing his father with an eerie sense of fate. Ernie Hudson is brilliant as ever - hell this man made 'Congo' worth watching so he's bound to make 'The Crow' even better. Other members of the cast, notably Michael Wincott and Tony Todd also add their acting brilliance, but they could amount to nothing without a great script.

The truth is, the script for this film is electrifying. As I write this, the site's quote of the day is from 'The Crow'. I'm reminded of great lines like 'Halloween ain't till Manyana' (if that's how ya spell it) and 'Jesus Christ walks into an inn, hands the innkeeper three nails and says - can you put me up for the night' and above all the haunting 'It can't rain all the time'.

Everything about this film is superb. I watch it as little as possible because I don't want it spoiled and turned into an everyday film I enjoy. When I watch 'The Crow' I want it to be the same special movie it always has been, and for that reason, it always will be.

Labyrinth (1986)

Name ONE film more entertaining that this...

[10/10 · 2 July 2002]

I LOVE LABYRINTH. I LOVE LABYRINTH. I LOVE LABYRINTH. If I say it enough times everyone who reads this will too :P

There are some in this world who hate this movie. I know of one person myself, who feels the only good thing about it is David Bowie with a mullet.

Then there are those, like me, and most people I know, who see it as a high point in cinema. Now I'm not a 'Star Wars' fan, in fact I only watch the original for Peter Cushing, and I only want to see the latest for Christopher Lee. But George Lucas DID make 'Howard The Duck', which can only be a good thing. Jim Henson is a god - that was already universally known before I started this. Terry Jones is a god also - hey, he's a Python! David Bowie is also one of my favourite musicians, who, despite comments to the contrary, has proved he can act in films such as 'The Man Who Fell To Earth', 'Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence', 'The Linguini Incident' and of course 'Labyrinth'.

Jennifer Connolly puts in an early performance of merit sixteen years before her Oscar win, and Bowie is fantastic and, as many members of the opposite sex have told me, very sexy as Jareth. Then there are the others. They a re not muppets, they are not animatronic creatures - as far as I'm concerned they are alive. They may as well be as they are so lifelike it's unbelievable. Hoggle, Ludo, The Worm, The Fieries, and especially Sir Didymus (hee hee :) hee hee) are all wonderful creatures you'd love to meet, and I'm not just speaking for myself when I say how great it would be to have a house full of goblins ala Jareth's Castle.

The imagery is wonderful, the script first rate, the acting from the leads and the puppeteers superb. The music is the best Bowie made between 'Scary Monsters' in 1981 and '1. Outside' in 1995. There is nothing wrong with this film whatsoever. When I watched 'The Godfather' I thought "Yeah - a good movie, a great movie" but I wasn't enthralled by it - it didn't make me feel uplifted. "Labyrinth" does. In a world when films like 'Titanic' and 'Gone With The Wind' are applauded for their extravagances, 'Labyrinth' is a breath of fresh air. It is not stale like most 80's movies today, and it leaves me with a feeling of pure enjoyment and happiness every time I watch it - which is at least once a month by the way...

Day of the Dead (1985)

Hell is jam packed so the dead walk the earth once again...

[9/10 · 2 July 2002]

First, let me say that I'm not going to go too much into the plot summary as others have already done this. Second, I'm not going to follow the usual idea that third sequels tend to be rubbish. Thirdly, I feel I should add my views on a film I've seen way over a hundred times since I discovered it four years ago.

The film has a lot to live up to. 'Night Of The Living Dead' is geniunely creepy, especially the very first zombie who still scares the hell out of me. 'Dawn Of The Dead' was a great film let down by a few budgetary constraints (such as the lack of finance for it's original ending to look convincing, and the 'accidental' use of a certain piece of music from 'Monty Python And The Holy Grail' in an apparently thrilling scene). 'Day Of The Dead' had to be as good as, if not better than these two films.

The first problem was that the movie we see is not the movie intended. The original script can be found on the internet, and paints a very different picture which could, with a few modifications and updates, be made today and garner much appraisal. But finance problems reared their ugly head again, and the big plans for this sequel (which thrill me even on the page in script form) went down the proverbial swannie.

Some key characters remained, others dissappeared, but the script was always going to be a struggle to complete convincingly. And there are moments when you'll be cursing the dialogue and the acting - but hey, it wouldn't be a low budget horror movie any other way!

Personally I feel that there is much to commend this film, as long as you can get past the appalling Cassio-Synth style soundtrack. Terry Alexander is fantastic, a performance full of energy, humour and above all pure greatness. Together with Jarlath Conroy (the Rowan Atkinson lookalike) he gives the film some light relief from it's bleak vision of mankind's future. Also capable of bringing a smile is the late Richard Liberty as Dr. Logan - aka Dr. Frankenstein. And best of all, Sherman Howard excells as Bub, the kind zombie.

The effects are gory to this day, there are plenty of jumps and above all else, the same humour that fills 'Dawn Of The Dead'. It's a shame that a vintage film suffers from cuts and trims to this day, yet 'Day...' does, and really it deserves to be viewed uncut and often. Like the rest of the trilogy, this film ranks alongside the best horror movies of all time, and no big budget made Romero all the more creative...

Howard the Duck (1986)

Misunderstood Or Plain Bloody Stupid?

[7/10 · 29 June 2002]

"Howard The Duck" is a film financed by George Lucas, and tells the story of an alien duck from a planet where ducks have advanced in much the same way as humans. Whilst admittedly more of a turkey than a duck, the film is nethertheless worth giving a chance.

Some songs, books, tv shows and indeed films become so bad they actually become good for that very reason. A perfect example is the entire recording career of William Shatner, especially "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds", and another is "Howard The Duck".

This film is absolute cack, so much so that it is rendered brilliant for those who love high-class rubbish of the finest calibre, like myself. I switch off, stick this film on, and know I'm not going to be bothered by serious plot lines, good acting (bar the ever reliable Jeffery Jones) or anything else of note.

What I get instead is a midget in a duck costume and lots of stupid lines that wouldn't seem out of place in a Mel Brooks film, such as "I'm not Jenning anymore, I'm... someone else...". Plus Howard playing guitar at the end of the film is worth the rental price alone - and I taped it off BBC1 years ago so I'm not complaining! :D