grendelsmom Reviews

Casino Royale (2006)

Who needs TV when you got all your favourite ads at the movies

[1/10 · 2 January 2007]

OK. I get to the cinema at 2.40pm. Only a short wait till the movie starts at 2.45, or so I think. For the next 20 minutes I'm treated to a rich assortment of trailers for films I would never want to see. This has whetted my appetite for the 15 minutes of advertisements that follow. It doesn't get much better than this.

Finally, the lights in the theatre dim and the movie starts. Thank God, no more bleeding ads! Then James Bond whips out his fancy new Sony Ericsson mobile to talk to his mate. The terrorist has an old ugly looking Nokia. Bond hacks into the secret services database using a spiffy looking Sony Vaio notebook. He manages to nick the mobile phone of one the baddies, another Sony Ericsson shown in loving closeup. The girl at the casino asks Bond what drink he'd like - not a vodka martini but some concoction with gin in it. And not just any old crap like Plymouth or Bombay Sapphire, but Gordons. And what watch does 007 says he wears - definitely not Rolex, but Omega. Seamless. For the next Bond film, I think Casio should throw a couple of wads of cash at the producers so that calculator watches become cool again.

What's going on! Why are we allowing this sort of blatant advertising to be regularly shoved in our faces in a movie we've paid good money to see! 007 is a licence to print money as well as a licence to kill. Any half decent Bond film will make an obscene amount of money in ticket sales, DVD releases, PS2 games etc without needing to resort to such over the top product placement. It is pure greed on the part of the studios that motivates them to do this and pure apathy on the part of the audience that lets them get away with it. Get mad people! Or else you might soon be enjoying commercial breaks in the middle of your next movie at the cinema.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

An Accurate Portrait of High School Life

[10/10 · 13 January 2006]

Napoleon Dynamite is the most impressive debut feature of any director since Reservoir Dogs. I can't think of another film that has so realistically captured the experience of high school. The film is at it's funniest when it's at its most real - I laughed hardest when Napoleon utters lines like "Do the chickens have large talons?" or "I already made, like, infinity of those at scout camp". It's less effective when it resorts to conventional comedy such as turning Kip into a gangsta rapper wannabe. And ironically, the brown suit that Napoleon wears to the dance is actually the coolest thing that anybody wears in the film.

One of the most refreshing things about this movie is that while it is highly subversive, there is no profanity, explicit violence or sex. In this sense it is much more radical than films which feel obliged to be "gritty". A genuinely sweet film like this is pretty rare these days.

I will slap the next person who says that Napoleon Dynamite is ripping off Wes Anderson. The quirkiness in Anderson's films seems contrived and laboured whereas in Hess's film, it is effortless and flows naturally. If anything, Napoleon Dynamite has more in common with the films of John Waters which celebrate the blandness of suburbia.

And I reject Roger Ebert's assertion that we can only laugh at comedies like this because we either feel superior to the characters or we pity or like them. This is a movie for those of us who never got to hang out with the popular kids, who were never good at talking to girls, who retreated into fantasy because reality was either too bland or too painful and those of us who pretended we didn't care what people thought of us because they thought so little of us. So when I laugh at Napoleon, I am also laughing at myself.

Of course a film like this couldn't succeed without the outstanding performances of all the main actors. If the Oscars were awarded on the basis of merit, then Jon Heder would win the Best Actor award. But they're not, so he won't.

Though not perfect, I am giving the film 10 stars because it is so unique... and also to lift the overall user rating - After all, if crap like Donnie Darko can get a rating of more than 8 while Napoleon is only around 7, there is something seriously wrong with the world.

Million Dollar Baby (2004)

Oscarworthy movie

[26 March 2005]

ere, wot's everyone raving about? Million Dollar Baby is the sort of manipulative schmaltzy drivel that wins Best Picture Oscars year after year. Good luck, been there, seen that.

Where to start? First, that annoying voice over which pretty much tells the whole story and reveals what everyone is thinking. The people who wrote this script need to take Screen writing 101.

The next problem I have with this film is the one dimensional characterisation. Morgan Freeman puts in his usual turn as the dignified black man (too bad that his character is redundant to the story). And since when has it been OK to stereotype poor white people from the South. Maggie's family is portrayed as evil welfare cheating trailer trash. The other hillbilly character is the dumb young male boxer with delusions of grandeur. Maggie's final opponent is a vicious Amazon who'd give the Iron Sheik a run for his money - at one point, I expected her to hit Maggie across the back with a folding chair when the referee wasn't looking.

The film fails most miserably where it tries raise questions over life and death and what it means to be alive. Such questions should be examined openly and honestly, or not at all. Unfortunately, MDB only ever deals with these issues superficially. The scenes between Frankie and the priest didn't really ring true and those long ponderous discussions between Frankie and Eddie got pretty tiresome after a while. The fact that Maggie's injury was caused by foul play is just a little too neat for my liking.

The one positive in this film is the luminous Hilary Swank who brings a vibrancy and life to her character. There is a vulnerability about her which makes you want to take her in your arms and protect her - that is until she shows off her massive biceps and starts knocking the snot out of other women.

Roman Holiday (1953)

Perfect

[15 January 2004]

Like many other people, this is the film in which I fell in love with Audrey Hepburn. I remember the exact moment too. It was the ad-libbed scene at the mouth of truth. After Gregory Peck plays his prank, we see Hepburn's (not her character's) genuine reaction. We see that Hepburn is as delicate, innocent and kind as the princess she is portraying. I can watch this scene a dozen times and not get tired of it.

Roman Holiday really is the perfect romance film. Hepburn and Peck are not only very attractive leads, but also have a wonderful chemistry. Eddie Albert provides just the right dose of comedy as Peck's sidekick. And the location... I don't think Rome has ever looked more delightful on film. Sure there are a few Italian stereotypes, but hey, it was the 1950's and none of it's done with any mean-spiritedness.

***Warning Spoilers***

The ending of Roman Holiday, while utterly heartbreaking, is entirely fitting. This was a romance that was too good to last. And yet, when I see the final scene where Peck trudges out of the press conference all alone, I keep hoping that Hepburn will run after him and declare her love and renounce her throne or some such rubbish. If only they had DVD back in 1953, then they could have shot an alternate happy ending.

Megiddo: The Omega Code 2 (2001)

Watch The Omen instead

[26 December 2003]

This terrible mess of a movie plays like the wet dream of your average American christian fundamentalist. It is about two brothers, one who becomes head of the EU and UN (read Antichrist), the other who becomes president of the good ol' USA and plans to kick his brother's unholy arse (sorry I mean ass) back to hell. Along the way they happen to fall in love with the same woman who is a stunner when she's young, but ends up looking like Cecilia Bartoli as she grows older - well you know what they say about Italian girls and their mothers.

For a film about the Devil and Armageddon, Megiddo is not in the least bit frightening (unlike The Omen, which quite literally put the fear of god into me). Michael York is more annoying than threatening as the wise-cracking Antichrist.

What baffles me is how they were able to get a B-movie cast for this Z-grade turkey - I mean are Michael York and Michael Biehn so hard up for cash that they need to degrade themselves in a film like this? What's worse is that the production values are quite high so there are no crappy special effects to laugh at.

It's not all bad news though. The incomparable Udo Kier plays the part of the Devil's right hand man (who else). R Lee Ermey is a hoot as the straight talking US president and brings back fond memories of his role as the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket.

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Welcome back to the realm of mortals Quentin

[14 November 2003]

Having seen Kill Bill today, I think Quentin Tarantino is in danger of remaining a 90's icon instead of assuming his rightful place in the pantheon of great film directors. You get the feeling that the weight of expectation from his legion of fans is now too much for Tarantino and is stifling his creativity (much the same as George Lucas with the last two Star Wars flicks).

The main problem with Kill Bill is that it is all homage and nothing else. You take away the references to Kung Fu, Samurai and Female Blaxploitation films (and any other obscure genres that I might have missed) and the whole edifice comes crashing down. The references are none too subtle and in the end, you feel like you're watching a comedy show that's parodying these genres.

Kill Bill uses techniques that we've seen before in Tarantino movies, such as the non-linear plot, but here they do not serve any purpose. Then, there are things that are sadly lacking. Instead of the smart, sassy dialogue of Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction, we get the hokey martial arts mumbo jumbo (yeah I know it's supposed to be a reference to Kung Fu movies). Having a couple of women call each other Bitch is about as clever as it gets.

And really, I think Quentin needs to get counselling for his foot fetish before it gets out of hand. Instead of gratuitous nudity (of which there was ample opportunity to display in the film), we are treated to several loving close-ups of Uma Thurman's toes.

Despite all this, I still enjoyed the film. Tarantino has captured the essence of the genres he is paying homage to - I don't think anyone else could have done it so well. The fight scenes are OK and the decapitations and arterial bleeding are as good as I've seen in any samurai film. And Chiaki Kuriyama is genuinely creepy as the teenage killer.