delzog Reviews

Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers (2022)

Yuck. Awful.

[2/10 · 15 July 2022]

I got suckered into this because IMDB's inflated rating of what's got to be a bomb. The reason this never made it to the theaters was to avoid the dismal failure.

This movie is terribly stupid. As a cartoon, it was a cute show. As this Roger Rabbit wannabe, it fails all over the place.

Certainly the show is above a child's appreciation ... and as an adult it's just stupid. This is the type of movie you put on while you're reading a good book.

Several disturbing scenes that are very cringe worthy. Like Gadget (the female mouse) hooks up with the Zipper (a small fly) and they have a family of .... well, I have no idea what you'd call those disgusting things. Was that really meant to be funny? To a kid under 10? WHO HAS NO IDEA of the context???

This show was just the dung of Disney.

Birdies (2022)

A job to watch...

[3/10 · 11 July 2022]

From the guys experimenting with other guys, the drugs and drinking, the girls who have more tattoos than writing on a truck stop bathroom wall ... has about as much resemblance to golf as Biden does to intelligence. The humor is crude, the cast weak, the script ... wait, was there a script?

I think this movie might be enjoyable if you're high ... well, really high.

I'd avoid this one if you're actually looking for a movie involving golf. I think "The Wiz" has a miniature golf scene ... better than this whole film.

Why You Suck at Golf (2020)

Canadian Ham...

[5/10 · 11 July 2022]

You know you're stuck in a Canadian film when they speak English but use metrics. Photography seems to be the best part of the film. Characters are wooden, but there seems to be an honest attempt at humor. If this was really done on a $10,000 budget then I'm impressed by what must have been a voluntary cast and in this regard, I have to raise my review estimate. Look, a 3-5 star movie on a penny budget will certainly rate higher in my opinion than a multi million dollar movie that really sucks that I'd rate 2-3. Enjoy this easy simple movie ... just don't expect some classic movie!

Ring of Death (2008 TV Movie)

Terrible camera work and editing!

[3/10 · 8 June 2022]

Who knows if this film would have been any good? You spend the whole time feeling nauseous from the hand held camera zooming in and jumping from character to character. The story, of course, was preposterous, but the warden was likeable as a deranged old man.

I Am Lisa (2020)

Female werewolves?

[2/10 · 14 February 2022]

This movie seems pretty sophomoric if you're into that stuff. Sadly, that might be the best thing you can even say about this film. The acting was so-so, but what can you do with such a lousy script? I think the worst of all of it was the added effects ... seriously, Bela Lugosi's "The Wolf Man," was tons better in story and effects and that was made in 1941 ... Over 80 years later and this is the schtick they came up with? That's not just sad, but outright pathetic.

Limitless (2015–2016)

Why the show failed...

[5/10 · 2 February 2022]

The show started okay, but then, it's like they new it was going to crash and burn and so they torched it themselves. The cheesy-ness got sooo bad. Working for the FBI and using a dinosaur child show persona to mask 'bad words,' such as 'killer' with 'hugger,' was beyond stupid for one of the smartest people on the planet!

And the smartest person on the planet, and assuredly in the room, is a complete fool and can't even do anything on his own. CALL DADDY!

My biggest gripe with the show is that after the first few episodes, he proves himself to be a fool ... which is an idiot. And that completely blows the premise of the show. Which kind of makes the entire show blow.

Bones: Mother and Child in the Bay (2006) Season 2, Episode 2

Terrible ... hypocritical.

[3/10 · 22 July 2021]

She says in one moment that she doesn't understand anything about being a parent and then harps continuously about being a parent. No way is Booth, the great FBI father who loves his kid so much ... apparently doesn't share in joint custody of his son. More attacks on religion by a sanctimonious character who acts one moment all callous and cold, but then is qualified to offer psychological advice and criticism. I can deal with the outrageous sciences they use, I can even make allowances that they can determine the location of ALL soil samples in order to identify a murder scene BUT the hypocritical and ridiculous nature of the leading character is vastly disappointing.

Bones: The Soldier on the Grave (2006) Season 1, Episode 21

A very disappointing episode

[3/10 · 22 July 2021]

A true Ranger would never sit ideally by while his fellow soldiers are insulted. This episode portrays soldiers in the worst light and actually has the audacity to try and portray these left wingers as 'okay.' Don't be fooled by the simplistic arguments they try to pass off as 'discussions.' Of all the episodes so far, this is the worst.

Bones: The Woman in the Garden (2006) Season 1, Episode 13

Sad commentary on Hollywood

[4/10 · 22 July 2021]

This story revolves around illegal aliens that are in the country and at least one is killed. What ruined this for me was that it mitigates the fact that they make gang members heroic for being in the country illegally. They even make it seem like a 'drive by' shooting is okay ... since nobody was killed. HOWEVER, the fact remains that these are gangs that shoot people ... legal or illegal! You want me to feel sympathy for someone illegal, then they shouldn't be portrayed as thieves, killers, or members of gangs.

MacGyver (2016–2021)

I managed 1 episode....

[1/10 · 22 May 2021]

This was terrible. I mean, the worst reimaging of an old series that I've ever-ever seen. I managed to get through the first one with such a disappointment that I had to write this review. I can't begin to imagine how it has a higher rating than 2 stars. Not only was this a terrible rendition, but the characters were extremely unlikeable. MacGyver was clever ... here he's just an arrogant jerk.

For those like me who were expecting something new and good, don't. I didn't much care for the original, but it's loads better than this!

Finding 'Ohana (2021)

A wet dream for the non-Hawaiian

[4/10 · 7 February 2021]

This movie was really-really stupid. It's like some Hawaiian's wet dream of what Hawaii should be ... but isn't. First, nobody lives like this in Hawaii! I've lived on 3 islands for over 30 years and I can assure you that this movie is a parody of Hawaiian life. From the hick cars, to a guy that's about to lose his house on O'ahu for not paying 5 years back taxes ... that'd be like losing a million dollar home and land for about $10K in taxes.

Then there's the language and speeches of EVERYONE. Nobody talks like this here. Pidgin? Sure! But not like they portray.

The way they treat kapuna and heiau's would, or should, insult just about every local here.

The portrayal of the living conditions all the way to the POS island cars is ludicrous at best. This would be right for a person living in Puna on the Big Island (but doubtful) but the islands don't allow junk cars much (safety inspections required here) ... lots of rust buckets, but that's about it.

The use of a box of spam by a kid to reach the pedals on a car?! Not even.

Everybody like, "ohana" and always giving away fruits, fish, etc... Hawaii is friendly, the people great, but this?! No. And the way it tries to shame the Hawaiian that's moved to New York is shameful in itself.

Much of this is a rip of other shows ... especially "The Goonies."

Casper, the white-redhead haole kid, is typical of the stereotyping of this show.

The lack of respect of these people, especially the young to the older generation, is plain silly for Hawaiians! I tell you, aunty ever here her keiki give lip or stink eye like dat, she give'em the slippa!

Anyway, this show is a four at best and that's because there's not enough Hawaiian motivated movies and it tries to portray the island as something magical (which it is) but in a horrible fashion! Watch "Lilo and Stitch" and you'll have a MUCH better representation of the islands.

The F**k-It List (2020)

Pretentious piece of garbage

[2/10 · 19 August 2020]

This show is so stupid and will p'u'ss most people off. Its tantamount to the guy who is born with everything, has everything, gets everything and then moans and cries over what? NOTHING!

I think I hate this character more than almost any I've ever seen.

If you think this represents ANY real person. If you think this represents the real need of teens ... to abandon their sexuality, destroy their lives, and quit on working towards real life goals ... then this movie is for you.

To me, this is a liberals wet dream and it's only redeeming point is ... well, I couldn't find one. So I guess the redemption is in the fact that it's finally over.

Republic of Doyle (2010–2014)

The most annoying character...

[6/10 · 14 August 2020]

The character played by Mark O'Brien, "Des Courtney" ruins the show. Nobody, I mean nobody, would keep such a dullard around them and certainly not in such business as private investigation. It was okay when he was a punk who was into graffiti, but they adopt a grown up who has the character of a 6 year old. After over 3 years, his character hasn't grown and is only more annoying. At the end of the second season I actually cheered when he got shot and there was the likely possibility that he'd die. Aside from that annoying garbage, the rest of the show actually is quite good and would be worth a few more stars. But people like me will fast forward through anything that has him in it. Really-really ruins the show.

Other criticisms. The convenient and annoying cell phone calls in every segue. They need new mechanics. The family uses each other, lies to each other, and the lead character is the only likable character who gets dumped on all the time ... which gets old too. I'm surprised that this ran as long as it did.

The shows worth a watch if you're bored, but as far as great PI shows? No. Not even close.

The Good Dinosaur (2015)

Good CGI ... awful story!

[3/10 · 7 June 2018]

The person who made this was on a bad acid trip. That's the only excuse I can think of for this thing with horrible story elements! What the producers were thinking when they read the script makes me think the whole crew was stoned. Maybe it was a bet, "I'll make the stupidest movie, sell it under Disney's Pixar, and people will love it!"

The premise ... a mentally evolved dinosaur at the dawn of mankind. Man, though he wears clothes and has the hands and dexterity to use tools ... is a dog. Literally.

The dinosaur, who can only use his mouth to manipulate tools and items, somehow has ropes and creates baskets, thatched roofs, etc.... somehow creates a farm dwelling in the middle of nowhere, with no other dinosaurs around, in the mountains ... growing corn. Yes. Corn.

The cowardly dinosaur falls into the river and gets swept SOOOOO far away that he takes days to get home. But when he falls down a huge swollen waterfall, he just ambles out just a tiny bit winded.

I think of all the Disney productions I have ever watched, this is the worst. I would have given it ONE star, except the CGI was really good. Especially with the vistas. The character design ... well, certainly not Pixar's best, that's for certain. So, I gave it 3 stars because kids will enjoy it and visually adults will be good with it ... though I expect most to be as disgusted with the story elements as I was.

IF you are going to watch it, I hope you find it for free as I expect you'll be severely disappointed if you pay to watch it.

The Mummy (2017)

Awful....

[2/10 · 22 August 2017]

As a mummy movie, this will disappoint you. Only children who enjoy Harry Potter would give this movie a good review.

The plot has holes too big to begin to fill. And the crossover between Hyde and the Mummy, is a blatant and poorly done remake from League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

The worst part of this wannabe zombie movie is the flirtation with evil as some source of good. I mean, c'mon!

Ender's Game (2013)

A complete bastardization of a great novel

[3/10 · 7 April 2017]

Okay, I gave this movie a 3 for the simple reason that some of the CGI was cool and added a bit of depth for visualizing the novel into a contemporary theme.

I had hopes that the movie might hold up at least as an interesting sci-fi on it's own merits. Much like the newer release of Star Trek, all far removed from the original story, but good if not compared to the original cast and stories. It does NOT.

The pacing is ridiculous, the story too contrived, and the characters two-dimensional. I understand the constraints of the film and time and therefore must conclude that it was a foolish mistake to make a movie out of the book. It would have been better to make a mini-series, with a less known cast, over a longer period of time on a fraction of the budget for the simple reason that "Ender's Game" lends itself ideally to that type of cinema.

Perhaps, if I'd never read the book, I could have like the movie enough to give it another star or two, but I doubt it. I wholly suggest you save your money and time and instead invest in the book or even the audiobook, which was really well done.

Bee Movie (2007)

Simply Awful!

[2/10 · 5 February 2011]

I wonder how many people were paid to write good reviews of this trash. Seinfeld is obnoxious, loud, and can't hold a script with another actor to save his life ... no wonder he never made it in movies and only had the one sitcom.

The premise of this movie is beyond asinine! Only those under 4 might find there anything to enjoy. Bees in a high tech society one minute, talking, going from grade school to college in 9 days, yadda yadda yadda... Just stupid.

Only redeeming facet of this movie was the voice of Reene Zelweger, and that only because I in particular like her.

I rated this a two as I've seen worse, but not much. Moreover, I rated it a two to offset those morons that gave it a 10! PLEASE, just shoot me now.

Save your money, save your time, and most of all save your mind and avoid this tripe.

The Usual Suspects (1995)

Cheap ploy for a plot twist -- ruins movie for me.

[5/10 · 18 August 2008]

The movie was simplistic and I'd already determined who I thought was the real bad guy. However the director and writers thought it would be okay to manipulate the story by basically lying to us. The fact is, without the theatric lies, the story is VERY predictable. And you will most likely have guessed the perpetrator the same as I did, but be left questioning your reasoning until the end when you realize that your reasoning was sound but that they showed us false scenes that weren't possibly real.

It's like a kids ploy. He shows you a picture of a tree and says, "Look, it's a tree." Then he comes back an hour later and shows you a picture of a truck and claims it was the same picture as the tree.

The plot holes in the movie stem from the ending itself. Without giving away the story line, we are told one thing and shown it as a flashback to be real. But then the rug is pulled out from under us only to discover that the flashbacks weren't real at all.

To me that sucks and ruins the movie. There's a trust that is established between an audience and the stage, and I feel this movie betrays that trust. How it got so high a rating while insulting the audience astounds and bewilders me.

I cry foul and refuse to give more than a 5 rating for it's overall movie appeal.

Like Father Like Son (2005 TV Movie)

Where's the darn ending?

[3/10 · 9 June 2007]

I hate a movie that doesn't have an ending. I don't care how good or bad the rest might be, I don't like to be left without a conclusion. Such shows should insist upon a disclaimer ... something like: The movie you are about to watch has either no ending or is so ambiguous as to not be conclusive.

In the movie the last scene we are left with is Dee and Dominic having a bit of a row and he says, almost regretfully I thought, that it couldn't be him because the fingers were either that of a girl or a child. THEN IT ENDS! Well sure, the smoking gun, so to say, is in the hands of the Dee's son, but what about Dominic's daughter? I actually thought we might discover it was her! Anyway, unless you like inconclusive movies, then I'd avoid this one. Otherwise, I thought the movie generally good.

Listen to Me (1989)

It's not reality -- it's a movie and one with a point...

[7/10 · 12 October 2004]

People harp about this movie because ... what? The debate isn't like what they had in college? That some of the scenes wax sophomoric? Who cares? It's a movie. It tells the FICTIONAL tale of a poor boy and girl who are introduced to the fairy tale life of the rich. It's the story of dealing with the past, coming to terms with the present and hoping for the future. If you want reality, then go watch the channel 9 news or watch 'Supersize Me.'

The acting, while maybe not stellar, but what movie really is? Was okay and fun to watch. The characters and players are appealing.

The sentiment runs a bit deep, maybe too deep, but then we're dealing with a movie and not a soap opera. If there's really any criticism for me to make, it would be that they should have lost the debate. Contrary to the movie, I believe that facts always win out over sentiment. But then... I was happy that it didn't. After all, it was just a movie.

Open Range (2003)

Nothing like a good John Wayne movie, but for 2003 ... not bad!

[15 September 2003]

I'm happy to see a good western again. Seems like there's so few being made and over half always star Kevin Costner. That's okay, as at least we still get to see a western!

I give the movie a 6.5 out of 10 for over all movie. an 8 out of 10 for movies in 2003. a 6 for the genre.

Well worth watching for the idea of a better time, better men, and a better West. Maybe not suitable for kids as it's rather violent at times, but for the rest of us, good clean fun.

~del