bck2mono Reviews

Strangers with Candy (2005)

I'm sorry, but this film is a disaster.

[4/10 · 13 January 2006]

Oh dear baby Jesus- the t.v show was a work of pure GENIUS! But...

why, then, oh WHY did they go and make a really awful film of Starngers With Candy? I had the pleasure to get a ticket to an advanced screening of the film in L.A. about 9 months ago, and was peeing in my pants with excitement....until the film unspooled and with it, my hope of seeing a film adaptation that equaled or bettered the original series. It was a nightmare, pure and simple. When the comment cards were handed out after the show, I sat there and wrote for so long I was one of the last people sitting in a formerly packed theater. I had to write all over the margins to fit in everything I had to say. Fortunately for you all, I will condense my thoughts to the following:

The film simply lacked any of the wit and charm of the show. It takes zero chances and achieves nothing. They made no use of the new format to try anything new, and in trying to do a film version of the show, all they managed to create was a substandard hour and a half episode- minus several of the original series actors (namely Orlando, Derek and Dad) and minus the laughs.

The film starts with Jerri getting out of prison and returning home to basically pick up where the series does. The prison material was funny and I was temporarily relieved that what I was about to see would deliver... until i saw what followed. What follows is a rather insignificant and unfunny episode storyline about Jerri's dad in a coma and a science fair. Truly lame.

I had in my mind a vision of the film that was a prequel to the t.v. series- including the (clearly colorful) back-story to Jerri's life. The back-story was handled on the show in the opening credits. How could you lose showing Jerri as she was in high school 30 years before, and the dropping out into a life of alcohol, drugs, prostitution and crime? The shows creators could have had a field-day with this material, with their wonderfully rude humor.

I was truly crestfallen leaving the theater and realizing that they had failed so miserably. A true shame. Any word of its release (or lack thereof) I've heard concerns legal problems of product placement (or some such thing.) I feel like the potential distributors of this film realize that this film is doomed to failure, and don't feel like shelling out on such an obvious turkey.

Shame on everyone associated with this film.

Cold Creek Manor (2003)

An abortion

[24 September 2003]

ATTENTION: spoilers

This film is rotten. Everyone associated with this disaster should be ashamed of themselves. Where to begin? The story. what story? Family moves to a rural fixer upper estate to escape New York City. They hire the former owner to do home improvements, even though he has just been released from prison and appears to be unstable and they have two young children around. (Makes sense, guys.) That's an hour of the film right there. The first act is excruciatingly long and slow. The editor of this film should be relegated to editing porn in The Valley. The writing is practically structure-free, and has most of the interesting action happening in the past (Massey's childhood with his abusive father- and the history of the house), or in the present, but OFF-SCREEN! The kids are obnoxious. Juliet Lewis's character is pointless. She literally has nothing to do, except get beat up and find her dead sister. The perky restaurant/bar owner couple never develop. You keep expecting something to come of these characters, but it never does. On top of all this we get the requisite `stormy night with lots of lightening' climax and an oppressive score that works against the film and becomes laughable because the film can't support its weight. The snake bit is ridiculous- and had the audience laughing after a while. Only in the last 15 minutes of this film does anything resembling suspense, or action happen. This film has all the earmarks of a script that was passed through many hands and suffered lots of tampering on its journey to the screen. There is no other way to explain this abortion of a film. Shame on you, Figgis. I hope you needed the money. I sure could have used my $10 for something more useful.

The Making of '...and God Spoke' (1993)

Perhaps only for filmmakers

[9/10 · 29 July 2003]

At first, I couldn't believe the relatively low ratings IMDB users have given this film. When I saw it, a friend of mine and I were embroiled in our own filmmaker's apocalypse- trying desperately to complete our first feature. Not surprisingly, we LOVED this film. We watched it many many times, and can still quote from it. I suppose that our reaction to it, and identification with the situations depicted have everything to do with our background, and without having worked in the business, I can't say I would have found it quite so entertaining. The pretentious cinematographer, the lazy crew, dumb P.A.s, ego problems among filmmakers, selling out - all well known situations to people in the business, which makes these characters especially hilarious. To anyone else, certain gags might still elicit a chuckle, but real belly laughs would have to stem from identification with these hapless filmmakers, and the situations they're forced to deal with. To me, this is where the film fails to stand up to comparisons with Spinal Tap. That film's story and its gags don't all hit on a level where you have to be a bad heavy metal musician to really enjoy. So that's the failing of And God Spoke in my eyes- it doesn't have enough for non-industry people to hold their interest.

Pizza Runners (1996)

This film has it all

[9/10 · 26 August 2002]

The laughter! the tears! the gen-x angst!

All the ingredients for 90s indie-film success included! Endless references to pop culture, gratuitous nudity, an edgy soundtrack and lots of talk, talk, talk!

See the film that destroyed my already shaky mental health! Now you can plunge yourself into the abyss!