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Reviews
Two If by Sea (1996)
Worst movie I've seen in years. And I watch many...
Granted, I've never been a huge Bullock fan. The best she has done where she had to act were the Congeniality movies. The Net, Demolition Man, that one where she played Harper Lee, all terrible. I've always tended to enjoy Denis Leary. Well, his movies, not necessarily his coked up stand up routine. So this movie could've gone either way for me. However, it turned out to actually be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Not a moment of the story was original, it plods along at a god-awful pace, the acting is sub-par. Everything about this movie is embarrassing. Or at least should be to those involved. Oh, and the theme of the ending would appear to be: "If you don't like what he is, annoy him until he changes into the man you want him to be." Because this always works in life right? Give Leary's character one week. He'll resent her so much he'll despise the sight of her. But aside from everything about this movie being terrible, it sucked. Don't waste your time.
Slumdog Millionaire (2008)
Excellent movie. Worth a watch.
Saw this movie a few days ago. Luckily it was good enough to still be fresh in my mind. Actually, the only thing that annoyed me about this movie were the askew camera angles at certain points. They were mainly used during the action sequence at the beginning. I think the quick cuts and music would've built enough tension without the aide of the odd angles, but who knows. The directing was still fantastic. Even more impressive was the music. Most impressive however was the acting. Dev Patel was remarkable. His acting was, well, Oscar worthy. Even the children actors were fantastic. I can't give it a 9 or 10 simply because I didn't feel fully engaged in the the movie until the last 30-40 minutes. Nonetheless, the directing and acting were good enough to captivate me until I got there. Not much more to say about it that hasn't already been said or written. The one thing I'm definitely gonna remember from this movie, Dev Patel. I definitely hope to see more from him in the future.
Multiplicity (1996)
Don't be deterred by the 5.7 rating. One of the 90's top comedies.
Okay, so the premise is obviously before it's time, and there isn't too much to the plot. A guy clones himself a few times and problems/hilarity ensues. This movie could've easily gone to the b-movie shelf if not for Michael Keatons above average acting. Of course Andie MacDowell was good as his wife, but Michael Keaton steals the show. It's hard to get bored over the course of the movie because you keep wanting to see what Michael Keatons various personalities are going to do next. The effeminate Doug alone makes the movie worth a watch. My main issue is probably with the editing. I'm sure it's hard to edit one guy being multiple guys (especially in 1996) but a few of the panning shots were kinda choppy. Not a huge deal, but it does take you out of the moment for a second. This movie is probably a 7 out of 10, but giving it an 8 to make up for the undeserved 5.7. I'm pretty picky about my comedies, but this one raised itself above the pack. Consider other comedies from the same year: "Bio-Dome," "House Arrest," "Black Sheep, "Jingle All the Way," "Down Periscope." Out of all of them "Multiplicity" is the only one that I can recommend. If you like Michael Keaton, you can't miss this one. And if for some reason you don't, this movie might change your mind.
Lake Placid (1999)
Wait, why was this movie made...?
Recently finished watching this movie and...what?...really? Easily one of the lamest, most boring pieces of garbage I've seen in a long time. It was all too lame to be funny, and far too slow paced to be scary. I'm puzzled by the amount of positive reviews this movie has received. Bridget Fonda played the paleontologist Kelly Scott. This was easily one of the most irritating characters I've seen in a movie in a long time. Think of Robin Wright Penn in "Sorry Haters" or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction." Now make them slightly less likable and you'll have a fair understanding of Lake Placid's Kelly Scott. It's obvious when it's trying to be funny, so instead of being funny it's all just lame and corny. I wouldn't even have minded the godawful script and annoying characters if there had at least been a little gore. Maybe bring along a few more cops or scientists so at least SOMEBODY can get killed. No Suspense whatsoever. Too lame to be a comedy and too slow to be a horror movie. Which means it can ultimately be one thing. BORING
P2 (2007)
Excellent acting, somewhat wasted
I checked out the ratings on yahoo movies before watching it. It got 2 F's and 2 D's. Seriously? That's far worse than most movies they preview. Apparently the Boston Globe didn't think P2 was quite as watchable as Norbit. The acting of Wes Bentley and Rachel Nichols was far better than you'll find in many horror/thriller/suspense movies. Good enough to at least put it in the 'C' grade category. However, I can't really say much for it beyond the acting. The suspense never builds, I wasn't scared once, there was absolutely nothing original, and the next time I'm in a parking garage I probably wont even think of this movie. It's easily forgettable, but come on, at least the acting is above par for most movies of the genre. Weak script and weak directing for the most part. I can't recommend it, but I certainly could never understand giving it an F. Seriously Boston Globe, give Bentley and Nichols at least a little respect.
Cube (1997)
Cool rooms, ridiculous movie.
I'm having trouble contemplating how this movie has a 7.5 after 32,000+ votes. The opening sequence has a man diced into cubes as he attempts to cross a room. I thought this part was very cool. Unfortunately, that was easily the sweetest thing in the movie. The only other death caused by the rooms was a spurt of acid that miraculously landed right on the guys face. Sadly, the sweetness of the room effects was overshadowed by the atrocious acting and even more pathetic dialogue. Perhaps the saddest part of the movie was its attempt to incorporate mathematics. This could've been one of the best parts of the film if they'd decided to have even a single mathematician proofread the script. Using the words 'prime' 'factor' and 'cartesian' doesn't make it mathematically profound or philosophical, or correct. Nor does mentioning Descartes' name. As the girl proved, wearing glasses does not make you a math genius. They were all terrible actors, but the doctor was so comically bad I couldn't help rooting for the psychopathic cop who dropped her off the edge. Was he supposed to be hero? But if they'd only stayed in the room, they wouldn't have been driven mad and perhaps the cop never would've lost his mind and killed all the people...are you serious? And the annoying autistic man is the only one to make it out? What? No matter what way you try to justify the characters motives they're all idiotic. If you have even a semblance of logic this movie will not make any sense. What would be sweet is if this movie were remade in 5-10 years with a decent script, some people who can act, and at least one profound mathematical concept. I swear, real ones do exist. Only someone 13 or younger could buy into this movie, but it's slightly too gory for anyone that young. So who is this movie for? In the words of Gene Wilder, "you know...morons."
Severance (2006)
A step above your average horror movie.
Easily one of the better horror movies I've seen in a while. I thought it had an excellent mix of comedy and gore and both were well timed. The acting and directing were both above par. It's not edge of your seat horror, but I wasn't expecting Omen or Exorcist, so I wasn't disappointed in that. The bad guys aren't ghosts or monsters, but really angry guerilla fighters somewhere in Hungary. I enjoyed this touch of realism because it allowed the jokes to be funny, but allowed the horror aspect to keep you grounded. Granted, I wouldn't put it up for an academy award, but it managed to keep my attention from beginning to end. Compared to most modern day horror movies, can you really ask for more than that? Watched it on a recommendation and would pass that recommendation onto others.
Gag (2006)
Good luck staying awake through this atrocity
Another one of those horror movies that I got solely due to the cover artwork. My mistake. Although some of the acting could be deemed less than extremely pathetic, the directing was not. He has absolutely no idea how to create a suspenseful atmosphere. Granted, the script from Kirk Sever didn't give him much to work with, but there were still times where it was obvious he didn't maximize the suspense. I wasn't scared once. I was however left wondering, "Kirk Sever wants his sister to do what to him...?" It tried to use shock value to create a horror movie, but we've seen Saw, Faces of Death, Hostel, etc. You're gonna have to take it a lot farther than that. Otherwise it'll just look lame, as it did. Overall it looked like a decent high school project. Nowhere near anything worthy of being on a Blockbuster shelf. If you like horror movies, even if you like bad horror movies, do not watch this. The only way you could justify watching this garbage is if you're an up and coming horror director/writer and you want to see what not to do.
13 Seconds (2003)
Artwork on cover = by far the best part of the movie
Please listen to the post claiming it's literally so bad it's not funny. I can usually find the silver lining in a terrible horror movie, but this movie, this is really something special. Usually a movie this god awful would be so bad it's in some way amusing, nope. This movie is so bad it took me 3 watches until I could finish it without falling asleep. Unfortunately I'm one of those people who has to watch a movie in it's entirety before forming an opinion. Somehow this middle school project waste of time ended up on a Blockbuster shelf with a cool cover. Someone posted a review defending the acting and calling this a good new independent horror film. That poster should make it clear that they're directly related to the absurdly inept director of this movie. I'm a pacifist in general, but this movie was so bad I actually became furious with everyone involved in this inane venture. Absolute trash.