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kentashcraft
Reviews
Carrie (2013)
Even great actors can be miscast
I'll admit up front that I would gladly watch Chloe Grace Moretz read the phone book. I consider her the greatest actress of her generation, with a range from here to Jupiter and a colossal screen presence. But that's why I have mixed feelings about her in this role. She's just too damn visually arresting to be believable as an outcast. You can't take your eyes off her, which is normally a good thing, but not for this part. Sissy Spacek (who was 10 years older!) had the kind of rabbity plainness that allowed her to fade into the background when needed. For better or worse, Chloe can't escape her superstar quality.
Julianne Moore's performance is obviously more understated than Piper Laurie's was, which was wise on her part. Piper's performance in the role of the mother was flat-out iconic, and trying to reprise it would have been really risky. Otherwise, I did like the fidelity to the original in the script and dialog.
Of course, as a sad sign of the times, the prom had a DJ rather than a live band like the original.
Don Jon (2013)
Revolting
I'm going to start with the aspect of this movie we all recognize but never talk about - the stereotype of the "Jewish-American princess" (JAP). Scarlett's character of Barbara Sugarman is the personification of every JAP joke, from her conservative sexual preferences to her controlling nature to her upwardly mobile ambitions. Yet despite that and having been given a Jewish- sounding name, which Jon's father even comments on, she is never specifically acknowledged as Jewish in the script. I don't have a problem with portraying stereotypes as long as it's done honestly, but here I think it was a case of doing it while stopping short of admitting it. Sorry, screenwriters, you can't have your PC and eat it too.
Having said that, my assessment of this movie is simply "revolting." How can we like a movie centered on a shallow man's overtly portrayed masturbation addiction? Its one saving grace is the always brilliant Julianne Moore's role as the breath of fresh air in this polluted story. I'm really amazed that Scarlett, who has always chosen her roles wisely in the past and now has her pick of them, would have agreed to do this one. It isn't as if she needed yet another Hot Chick role in her resume.
And the Catholic Church connection did nothing but make Jon's character more disgusting. As a movie, it's a well done realization of a story that I'd just as soon not see.
The Bling Ring (2013)
Love to hate them
These are some of the most despicable characters I've ever seen in a film. Not so much because of what they do, which doesn't really hurt anyone much, but because of the kind of people they are - narcissistic, shallow, and morally bankrupt. Born into lives of wealth and privilege, they define their lives by the greed for more wealth and privilege. Their parents might be even more loathsome for nurturing these attitudes, but since they play relatively small roles in the movie we end up hating them somewhat less than their kids.
It's been said that "A story is only as good as its villain is bad." By that standard, this is one great movie. It makes you want to condemn these kids to a hell of poverty, powerlessness, and most of all, absence of attention.
Spring Breakers (2012)
Atrocious miscasting
The four "Disney Girls" cast in this movie could probably have made a nice PG-13 comedy together. But they had the bad judgment to work in this dark, indie-style film that they weren't at all suited for. I'm sure the movie itself can be defended on artistic grounds. I didn't like it, but it does have a certain depth. It might have been believable if edgy actresses had been in the roles rather than fluffy teen idols. I mean, who can imagine Ashley Benson or Selena Gomez having anything to do with the people on the other side of the tracks? To me, this is a perfect example of a movie that was sold only because it could offer names.
Universal Soldier (1992)
Ally Makes the Film
I'm amazed that in all the reviews of this film here, not one has recognized the primary star as Ally Walker. Without her, this would have been just another B action flick, but her arresting screen presence and wide-eyed ditzy/tough character elevate it to classic status. Beautiful women are common in such movies, of course, but Walker is also a brilliant physical comic, with an energy reminiscent of Lucille Ball. That's the sort of factor that makes an otherwise silly plot entertaining, by pulling down its seriousness level.
Kudos to the director also, for making sure her hair was perfect in every scene, no matter what trauma she had just experienced. Again, a subtle comedic touch that makes such a film stand out.
2012 (2009)
An insult to anyone's intelligence
I never would have thought I'd see a movie that made the Biblical story of the Flood appear credible by comparison, but 2012 is it. This has to be one of the most scientifically bogus movies ever. It starts with the idea that neutrinos from the Sun, which do not interact with ordinary matter, have "mutated" (as if elementary particles have DNA), and are heating the Earth's core like a microwave oven. That alone would leave any physicist in hysterics. This heating causes massive earthquakes that generate massive tsunamis that ultimately drown the entire Earth, including the Himalayas (but not Africa, which somehow floats to the surface unscathed). The oceans end up about twice as deep as they started. Where did all the extra water come from? Even assuming the melting of all the Earth's ice, sea levels would increase by maybe a few yards, not several miles.
I'll give this movie a two only because great special effects have to be worth something.
Destination: Infestation (2007)
They have to be kidding
This movie is stupid in countless ways, but I'll focus on only one. The killer ant-infested plane was flying at 35,000 feet, where it is very cold. Insects are cold-blooded animals and cannot function effectively below room temperature. Whatever threat the ants presented could have been easily neutralized (at the penalty of some passenger discomfort) by turning off the heat in the aircraft and if necessary, ventilating in outside air. Evidently the basic physiology of insects never occurred to the writers, because early in the story the ants flee to the luggage hold, where they would instantly have been immobilized by the cold.
This may not matter to disaster movie fans who love stereotypical disaster movie plots and characters, but folks who desire a modicum of believability will be disappointed to say the least.
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Tarentino falls short
I'm sure I'm in the minority here, but I was disappointed in this film. Partially, no doubt, because Tarentino's formula (long periods of off-the-wall dialog punctuated by short periods of extreme violence) is wearing a bit thin for me. But mostly because the plot features two unrelated protagonists and is therefore emotionally diluted.
A better plot would have pitted either Shoshanna Dreyfus or the Basterds against the Nazis, but not both, since they were not working together and either could have unintentionally disrupted the other's plot. It's difficult to root for a character who might scuttle the plans of the other character you're rooting for.
Other complaints: 1) Brad Pitt's Tennessee accent is way over the top, particularly when he attempts to speak Italian. This is not a slapstick comedy. 2) There is no reason given or implied for Col. Landa's choice to defect. That was the turning point in the movie, yet inconsistent with his personality and unexplained. 3) Shoshanna's murder served no plot purpose whatsoever. If you're going to kill the hero, at least make it consequential. Hey, I'm a great fan of Tarentino, but there are basic principles of storytelling that even he can't ignore. Clever dialog and creative violence only go so far.
The Jackal (1997)
Lots of thrills, but lots of absurdity
Although The Jackal is one of my favorite films, due to the fine acting of all the principal players (especially Diane Venora), and good direction of the action scenes, the plot contains an amazing number of outright ludicrous elements that I must protest. Taking it from the beginning: In the opening scene, a coalition of police forces storms a Moscow nightclub to arrest a Russian gang figure named Gazzi. Now, as any policeman knows, the first thing you do in an arrest is handcuff the perp. But in this case, despite their overwhelming numbers and armament, Major Koslova (Venora) and Carter Preston (Sidney Poitier), stand and argue with the guy for a few minutes while the other police stand by and do nothing. This, of course, allows Gazzi to get the jump on Koslova with a knife. Not the greatest police work. Then as Gazzi and Koslova struggle, she manages to get her gun free and shoot him. A few minutes later Preston thanks her for saving his life. His life? She was the one he was trying to kill.
For revenge, Gazzi's brother hires the Jackal (Bruce Willis) to perform an assassination of, as it turns out, the First Lady of the U.S. In the next scene, the Jackal purchases a weapon on the internet - from some sort of eBay for terrorists, it would seem. He chooses a huge Gatling gun that fires monstrous depleted uranium bullets at an advertised 1400 rounds a minute (although if you time the actual firing later in the film, it isn't even a third of that rate). Now the question is: Was he high? If you want to kill a single person the best weapon is a sniper rifle of some kind, like the one used by the Jackal in the original novel. One of those would have been infinitely easier to acquire, transport, and hide. Instead he buys a machine cannon that would be more appropriate for engaging an entire army division. Okay, dramatic license, but please.
He smuggles the giant weapon to Canada, and there he contracts a local techno-hood (Jack Black) to build him a remote controlled firing apparatus. He tells the hood he doesn't want to attract any attention, and demands that he turn over the blueprints for the thing when he is finished. Then when the hood asks him or a few thousand bucks for the plans (out of 70 million the Jackal is being paid), he takes the guy out into the woods and uses him for target practice with his weapon, leaving the corpse and several hundred somewhat unusual depleted uranium bullets for the authorities to find. How's that for not attracting attention? In the book, the Jackal kills the guy in his house and hides the body, much more credibly.
After the gruesome murder scene is quickly discovered, Preston and Declan Mulqueen (Richard Gere) fly up to Canada and locate the hood's shop, where they find the blueprints for the firing station that were so important for the Jackal to destroy, although after he'd killed Black, the Jackal seems to have decided the blueprints weren't worth going back to the shop for. This is a guy that is the absolute best at his trade? Mulqueen takes one look at the plans for the device, which had nothing to do with the weapon itself except to mount it and fire it, and immediately deduces the exact cyclic rate of the weapon's automatic fire. Brainy.
The Jackal manages to smuggle the weapon across Lake Michigan on a pleasure boat, and as he's docked at a marina he spies Mulqueen, who appears to be searching for him (Mulqueen had not yet seen him at that point). Does he try to hide, to appear inconspicuous, to keep a low profile? No, he pulls out a gun and starts firing at Mulqueen! How's that for not attracting attention? Then he has to make a screaming getaway in his van. Great plan, for someone whose success depends on not being discovered.
For her safety, Mulqueen's former lover Isabella (Mathilda May) is moved out of her house by the FBI people, who fear the Jackal may come after her. Why he might be after her is never explained (perhaps he would need a pleasantly sadistic diversion from the tedious job of planning an assassination). Rather than leave the house empty, Koslova and an FBI agent remain in it, sitting ducks. Why? At one point they realize the Jackal is probably inside the house (they were outside at the time). Do they call for backup? Do they establish a perimeter and contain him, knowing that they have him boxed in? No, of course not. They run back into the house, where the Jackal, hiding and waiting for them, kills them both. Police Work 101? In the film's climactic scene, the Jackal and Mulqueen face off in a DC Metro station in the middle of the day. The scene is a good 5 minutes long, and for the duration of it no one else (except for Isabella) appears in the station. Even assuming that all the riders had been scared away by the gunplay, it's hard to imagine that no police of any variety showed up. Maybe the director waved them out.
Considering the competence of the good guys and the bad guy, it's surprising anybody won.
Untraceable (2008)
Not awful, but fatally flawed
Untraceable has some good acting performances, notably Diane Lane at her tormented best, but I have two major complaints: First, the cinematography is so over-the top dark that it could be "Seven - The Sequel." Second, the pre-climactic scene in which Lane's character (an FBI agent) is captured by the cyber-killer is one of the most absurd plot developments I've ever sat through.
In the script, the geek/genius killer hacks into her car's computer (which would have no external connection to make that possible, but never mind), putting him in control of the car's entire electrical system (most of which would not be controlled by a central computer, but never mind). The he talks to her via her OnStar system, which would suggest that...oh, never mind. The point here is that she then breaks a window, escapes from the car, manages to call for backup, and is standing some distance away with her gun in hand, when she sees the car's headlights come back on.
Now what would any law enforcement professional with a milligram of sense do in such a situation, knowing that a psychopath is controlling her vehicle and police are on their way to the scene? But no, she doesn't stand fast with her weapon drawn and wait for her backup; she gets back in the car and tries to drive away! Of course you just know the guy will be hiding in the back seat with a taser gun, and he is. So not only does the allegedly brainy heroine behave like a moron, but the genius criminal has expected her to behave like a moron, which is even more absurd.
Whatever the film's strengths up to that point, for me it could not survive that scene, and there was nothing subsequent to rehabilitate it.