doublenpatriot Reviews

Punisher: War Zone (2008)

This is not revenge. It's Punishment.

[9/10 · 21 March 2009]

Punisher: War Zone is THE Punisher movie. I don't care what everyone else is saying like, "Oh, it's a crapfest, oh it sucks." Well you guys don't know what a true Punisher movie is. THIS is it. Most people don't like it because it's unrealistic, well that's Punisher for. If you ever read the Comic Books, what he does to the criminals is just insane, I mean it's brutal as hell. So enough about the comics, lets talk about the actors, Ray Stevenson in my opinion IS the Punisher, his hair style, physique, scowl and low voice, it's just perfect. Dominic West is a very good Jigsaw and he portrays him as the evil killer that he is.

The violence in this movie is crazy, heads are blown off, blood is splattered everywhere, this is were the movie shines, it's action and insanity gone out of the ball park. Now what I don't like about the movie is that why doesn't the Skull appear a lot in the movie? I mean I think they should have added in a bit more. So if you're not a fan of Punisher, then don't watch this movie because you would probably hate it. This concludes my review for Punisher, 9 out of 10.

House of the Dead (2003)

House of the Stupid people who can't make a movie Dead

[1/10 · 21 March 2009]

House of the Dead... (sighs) When I heard about this movie in 2003, I didn't really want to watch it at first but when I was on Youtube, it was on there, but when I watched it, I was shocked on how bad it was. This movie wasn't just bad, it's friggin' horrible! You wanna know why? Well then I'll tell you.

A group of 20 somethings are going out to an island to attend the so-called "Rave of the Century." They are so desperate that they pay the Captain from Das Boot $1000. Jesus Christ, is that Rave actually worth going to when it barely resembles a Rave at all?

The captain warns them about the Island they are going to is called the Island of the Dead. (Wait a second I thought this was HOUSE of the Dead.) He warns them about the dangers and blah blah blah blah. The first fault in this movie is that why the hell would a Rave of the Century (Bullcrap) would be held on some island? And who would wanna pay a sh*t load of money to go there? THAT'S STUPID!

After they arrive at the Rave (Which holds about two tents, a small stage and a port-a-john, damn I would have want my money back.) They discovered that someone has crashed the party. Blood's everywhere and no one is around, what do you think you would have done? Run for your live of course but these retards also blind people apparently go looking for their friends.

They come across an old house that is many times bigger than it looks outside. Another half hour of stupidity passes with deaths of the luckier people who get killed first. So what do these dumb asses do? Absolutely nothing, it's like their saying, "Hey with all these zombies going around killing our friends, let's just not do anything and get killed off!" Then we get more and more bad acting, stupid dialogue of jibber jabber, and billions of clips of the once-popular House of the Dead game. Why they put this in the movie, I don't know, they were probably taking crack at the time.

The only good thing about this movie, is Jurgen Prochnow who tried to save the movie with his character, but he doesn't though he tried so hard to. Jesus, this movie makes Double Dragon an Oscar-worthy movie, and that's a bad sign there! So our heroes come back to the house where they face the so-called zombies. At first they face about 10 of them, and then suddenly a crapload more come in from nowhere. You wanna know what else is strange? When the people get the guns, they suddenly turn into Commandos and then become super accurate! I mean, it doesn't make any sense!

So they blast the leathery undead feigns away, zombies are killed left and right, it's just crazy and boring, seriously, I nearly fell asleep after watching this scene. But in the heat of the battle, one of the characters are being eaten and the other character bothers not to help her but decides to have a long ass flashback that leads to this point! WHAT?! That is stupid! Who has a flashback while their friend is being killed? This is the part the ticks me off to NO END! Who would want to put this in a movie?! Goddamn it, I should have sent this piece of garbage to the Marx Brothers!

After fighting their way through the hordes of evil, they learn that a preacher created these monsters to become immortal. The hero and villain say possible one of the stupidest sentences ever spoken in a film.

Dumb Hero who can't act: You created these monsters to become immortal. Why?

Evil villain who also can't act: To live forever!

Reviewer who is MAD: THIS MOVIE IS Stupid!

So two people are left with the destruction of the zombie menace, they finally live happily ever- WAIT! The preacher has survived and engages the two survivors in a sword battle, they defeat the preacher but the second survivor dies, leaving only one left. The Special Forces arrive and save the survivor named Rudy Curien. Wait a minute, Curien? Oh okay, so the name makes a cameo but do you ever see the doctor anywhere? HELL NO! G and Rogan were barely in it; the Magician isn't in it either, so what the hell is the point of adding Curien there when the movie barely resembles House of the Dead? THE MOVIE BLOWS! It makes you want to slit you wrist and take a cyanide pill! It makes Super Mario Bros. Movie look like a masterpiece.

House of the Dead could've been a good movie, but they screwed it up! You know who is to be blamed for this? UWE BOLL, the director who keeps smucking up our favorite games by turning them into crap! I mean, who the hell hires a director that messes up video game movies? Are these game producers taking cocaine while drinking a bottle of whiskey? If Uwe Boll ever asked me for the rights to turn my video game into his movie, I probably punch him in the face and spit on him. Don't EVER watch one of his movies, don't even watch Far Cry because I saw the trailer and it sucks! So that concludes my review for House of the Dead, I give it a 1 out of 10.

The Angry Video Game Nerd (2004– )

He's the Angry Video Game Nerd!

[10/10 · 20 March 2009]

Back then there were games that ticked us all off to no end, then from Philadelphia, came a game reviewer that took us back to the past to play the games that suck ass. And from there, was when our inner anger exploded when the Angry Video Game Nerd vent his wrath upon these horrible games. He has made over many videos and gain millions of fans that fell in love of his anger. To this day, he continues to make reviews on games, which bring laughter to us all. My favorite episode would be the Ghostbusters NES game, I never knew that there was one for the NES, but now I do and I know it sucks. So with that said, James Rolfe, I salute you.

P.S. Superman N64 was nothing but a PIECE OF DOG CRAP!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

It's good to have you back Dr. Jones.

[1/10 · 7 August 2008]

I don't care what people are saying or what they're whining about. I find this movie entertaining and will always be a good and treasured Indy movie. Now the actors in this movie are great, especially Shia La Beouf. The action, suspense, and humor is down very well and the scenes are incredible. The bad is what everyone is talking about. The script could have been written by a 11 year old boy. The use of CGI makes the movie not like an Indiana Jones movie but a King Kong like film. The idea of aliens is just plain weird, why didn't they make it into a supernatural type film? Still the movie is good and I hope you can check it out of DVD. Also if you don't like the movie then I respect that because everyone has their own opinions. 8/10

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (I) (1997 Video Game)

Tough and hard, but fun.

[7/10 · 8 July 2008]

The Lost World sets you in the eyes of 5 different characters. 1: Compy 2: Dieter Stark ( Human Hunter ) 3: Raptor 4: T-Rex 5: Sarah Harding ( Human Prey ) They all have different attributes and must use it to survive Isla Sorna. The game play is a bit hard to master but it is pretty decent, the graphics are somewhat OK but the humans' faces are hard to describe and tell. But still this is a pretty good game and I suggest you try it out. The only favorite character I like to play as is Dieter Stark, because you get a gun and shooting dinosaurs is fun! The Lost World: Jurassic Park, I give you a 7 out of 10, you just needed to be fixed up a little.

Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995)

John McClane is kicking ass again!

[8/10 · 8 July 2008]

Die Hard: With a Vengeance is the one of the pound breaking sequel ever made. McClane is pulled back into action to stop the madman Simon Gruber ( The Brother of deceased Hans Gruber. )from turning New York City inside out. Along the way, McClane is assisted by Zeus Carver ( Samuel Jackson ) to thwart Simon's plan. THIS is how you make a sequel and it will keep you one the edge of your seat. Good Things: The action and suspense are very well executed also the acting is incredible with the formula of Bruce Willis and Samuel Jackson. Bad things: The only gripe I have with the movie is the intentions of Simon's, was he looking for revenge or was he just tricking McClane? Why did he say that he hated his brother if the movies called Die Hard with a Vengeance? I mean it's just confusing. Still this movie is a great sequel to the Die Hard Series, I recommend you buy it and you'll be bitting your nails.

Live Free or Die Hard (2007)

He's Back!

[8/10 · 8 July 2008]

After 12 years of waiting for a new Die Hard, what I got was an incredible return! John McClane is now in his fifties and is now taking on a cyber terrorist group lead by Timothy Olyphant. McClane as usual is in the wrong place at the wrong time but he always pull through! He is aided by hacker Matt Farrel played by Justin Long to stop the terrorist before the send the US into another Great Depression. Good Things: I like how it shows the relationship between McClane and his daughter now, it was pretty funny in the beginning. The action, as always is super and well-made like when McClane takes on a jet, that was crazy! Bad Things: The villain Thomas Gabriel was not one of the greatest of all the others in the Die Hard series and PG-13? What the hell? Should have been R rated! That's what made these movies great is because the R rated. Rent it or buy it and see for yourself.

Die Hard 2 (1990)

Decent Sequel

[7/10 · 8 July 2008]

Die Hard 2 takes place two years after the events in the first movie. John McClane's marriage is going steady now and is going to the airport to pick up Holly, little does he know that a plot to rescue a drug kingpin bu holding the airport hostage. McClane now realizes that he must stop the terrorist and save Christmas again. Now what I like about this film is the action and suspense like when John tries to get the airplane to stop but it crashes. Also what was cool is that John uses his lighter to blow up the plane while saying, " Yippie Ki Yay motherf**ker. " ( Boom )Now that was awesome. But what I don't like is that the cheesy one liners and that annoying freaking police chief! Still this is a good movie, rent it at blockbuster if you have the chance. I give this movie 7 out of 10.