bodyshots80 Reviews

Forrest Gump (1994)

A dullard's Citizen Kane...

[1/10 · 7 April 2003]

Why do people love this movie? This movie is not only completely unrealistic, it's also boring. Almost everyone I know who saw this movie and wasn't middle aged said they liked the movie but it was too long and kind of or too boring. Does that make sense? When looking back at this movie, did it really give you anything back? This movie is illogical, stupid, pointless, and umm... like before I get too redundant, annoying. I was hoping that Forrest Gump would die in the war or like get hit by a car when he was running. That would have been hilarious and then this movie could have been up there with Toxic Avenger and Braindead. And the Academy Awards are a joke. They don't recognize really good movies usually, and I'm stil in shock that American Beauty won since it actually deserved an Oscar. I seriously think that Demolition Man or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was a better movie. At least Wesley Snipes had a cool hairstyle. Go rent a classic like Vanilla Ice's Cool as Ice or C.H.U.D... Forrest Gump sucks and isn't he more like an anti hero? I'd rather have Leatherface or the Toxic Avenger, but who doesn't root for them anyway?

The Thing (1982)

Easily one of the best horror movies ever

[10/10 · 24 March 2003]

John Carpenter used to be a great director and this is an example of that. He's done one really good movie in 10 years and that's "In the Mouth of Madness." For some reason he's gone away from what he does best and chooses to do horrible big budget horror movies like"Vampires" and "Ghosts from Mars." This is a classic horror movie and better than the 1951 original. Kurt Russell is excellent and so is the rest of the ensemble cast. Paranoia is the best way to make a horror movie work. Movies like Session 9 don't even need a budget because they work so well with human nature and how it takes very little for man to turn on his friends. This is a must see for any horror fan or even Sci Fi fan.

Bleed (2002 Video)

"I wanna see her tits!" and "Welcome to my orgy..."

[18 March 2003]

You got loves movies like this, now the acting is horrible, and the gore is fake looking and kind of the flashy directing style that barely allows you to see anything. Well, I liked it because it was stupid and had tons of nudity. Woohoo! Rock & Roll.

Joe Somebody (2001)

You waste your time and they do not even fight

[3 March 2003]

I thought that that would make most people not watch this if they have not seen it. It sucks. There is not one funny party. I have no doubt that Tim Allen is probably a pretty funny guy, but his movies sure don't do anything to make me believe that. Home Improvement was an okay show when I was 13 but I don't think he was really funny in that either.

Bully (2001)

Powerful movie that will leave you feeling empty

[2 March 2003]

I have to recommend this movie even though it won't give you that feeling of optimism that a lot of movies aim for. I don't know how movies like this constantly get overshadowed by crap like The Hours and Adaptation. This movie was awesome but not for everyone. Even Bobby, who is a horrible person, wasn't all bad. He really loved Marty(in a homosexual way). Every time he did something bad to Marty he would apologize and say "you're my bestfriend, right?" It's kind of sad. He was so scared of being gay that he was a really bad person. They have a sick friendship which basically consists of Bobby making him do stuff he doesn't want to, abusing him physically and mentally all while really caring about him. This movie is graphic and realistic. I think it's much better than Kids and it even has Bijou Phillips naked.

Re-Animator (1985)

Why did the 80's have to end??? :(

[10/10 · 1 March 2003]

Horror movies are not made like this anymore. I saw Stuart Gordon's "Dagon" and yes it was pretty good. There was gore but not enough sick humor. It didn't have the same feel that the 80's movies had. Society, Re-Animator, Fright Night and Night of the Creeps were all awesome. Twisted humor, over the top gore and exploding heads are what good horror movies need. Oh wow, they're remaking The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Woohoo, they're going to make a sequel to Darkness Falls. Screw that. Just buy this unrated DVD and boycott the pathetic waste that gets mad run and will make way too much money. Oh well, as long as movies like that will help us get head from our stupid naive girlfriends I guess they have a purpose.

Saved by the Bell: The College Years (1993–1994)

This was on at like 6 in the morning and I was still...

[28 February 2003]

drunk so I actually watched it. It was much funnier than the original which usually sucked even though I would watch it and actually once skipped a baseball game to watch it which cost me an all star appearance one year in little league. Anyway, I laughed my ass of of course I had been drinking a lot. I'm just getting a kick out of how many people miss this show, get over it, it was like 9 or 10 years ago. Hopefully you all are in college or have jobs now or something. Oh well, keep the fight, they might actually bring it back, and do Saved by the Bell: The Out of Work Years. I think it would be hilarious.

The Last House on the Left (1972)

Brilliant trash! Craven at his perverted best.

[8/10 · 28 February 2003]

This movie is a strange, very low budget horror movie. But it was almost perfect. You get a very sick feeling while watching and it feels good. And the reason you get a sick feeling is because you don't care about any of the characters and you might have fun watching the backward Mayberry like cops. I'm sorry to see that Wes Craven has fallen so far with Vampire in Brooklyn and putting his name on crap like They. "They" is easily the worst wide released horror movie in years... oh wait, I forgot about Soul Survivors. But you have to admit you are somewhat retarded if you go into a teen driven PG-13 horror movie.

Half Past Dead (2002)

Ice T and Denzel Washington make this movie!

[27 February 2003]

Okay, I'm sick of people complaining about this movie. You see a movie that has Sylvester Stallone in it as a retired cop and Ice T is a great rapper and are scared of the hood. Back up yo! Y'all boyz can't hang with dat homie.

Pearl Harbor (2001)

A story nearly as perfect as Michael Bay's hairstyle

[1/10 · 27 February 2003]

He has a perfectly groomed head of hair and his movies are the same. My one real complaint is that they should have called this movie, "the night of the demons want your brains." This movie combines the hilarious stunts of Jim Carrey and the adrenaline based action of Sylvester Stallone. To keep from fainting, keep repeating to yourself it's only a movie. It's not like this is based on a true story or anything. Michael Bay thinks spending 200 million dollars on special effects will make a blockbuster hit(and classic in the making)? He's right!!!!! I only had to bare this grim horrific movie twice. Thank God that stupid whore dumped me before I had to see it after it was released on DVD!!!! But now that I think about it, I'd have to put in my top ten all time horror movies. A must see for everyone who enjoys a great western.

Reindeer Games (2000)

Refried beans Games is more like it... Where is Rudolph?

[27 February 2003]

When I saw this I thought that it would have Santa Clause and his eight reindeer in it. But what do you know? Ben Affleck robs us of 8 bucks once again. If you want to see a great Christmas Special I recommend Black Christmas, Silent Night, Deadly Night or How the Grinch stole Christmas.

Armageddon (1998)

Where were Pat Morita and Ralph Macchio???

[27 February 2003]

Okay... this movie would have been outstanding if they had cast Pat Morita and Ralph Macchio instead of Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck. This movie needed some star power and maybe even a different premise. I mean, why not have a story about a young Brooklyn kid who has many bullies and no friends. And then you could maybe make him pick up karate from an old man and finally defeat his main bully even though his karate master is corrupt... It would have been a much better movie.

Fever Lake (1997 Video)

Too scary for the 193 people who have voted on it...

[1/10 · 27 February 2003]

This is an over the top pilgrimage that also has the great acting skills of Mario Lopez. "Terror Weekend At Fever Lake" says it all. Okay, well maybe there is some Academy Award worthy acting and witty writing in this movie but Corey Haim's hair carries the film. Umm... they also must have signed a deal with Walmart because that's where the cast all got their clothes. I think these college students were too cool for school. So what the hell are you doing? Why aren't you watching this movie? If you liked E.T. you'd better buy this video.

Ghosts of Mississippi (1996)

Movie is okay despite Baldwin's inept performance...

[20 February 2003]

I couldn't help but think that I was watching A Time to Kill during this movie. However that movie had better acting and a very similar story except this was factual. James Woods was great as usual but just a little over the top. I wonder if it's a coincidence that every actor in this movie is a left wing liberal(not that there's anything wrong with that). They wasted the talent of Whoopi Goldberg. If you can try to ignore Baldwin and his annoying I'm so sorry and the white man can save the black man once again you might enjoy this movie. Alec Baldwin has two problems: his acting and his political beliefs. I'm not sure which one has destroyed his career. Anyway, this is probably a 6 out of 10. You might give it extra credit because you have to realize that Rob Reiner is a hack director so this is a pretty good effort from him.

Hexed (1993)

This movie rules!

[20 February 2003]

This is a stupid, spoof like comedy. But it's pretty funny. There are no big name actors really but a lot of familiar faces. I couldn't stop laughing when I saw this and don't understand why people hate it so much. I guess too many "Titanic" and "Lord of the Rings" fans are voting for it. Oh well, this movie kicks ass. If you like this check out Repossessed. It's another underrated spoof that made almost no money.

Igby Goes Down (2002)

A not so shocking but very boring attempt at comedy...

[1/10 · 17 February 2003]

Why was this movie made? Haven't we seen enough movies and shows about how empty and jaded the rich are? Well, usually the characters have had some reason to be anything but empty and still have some kind of capability of human emotion left. You can't identify with one character in this inane movie. A lot of rich kids use drugs and rebel against their families but this movie is just fake. I see why it didn't get a wider release. Some independent movies are brilliant(is this even independent?) and some are okay but still have a few original ideas and some material that pushes the limits. This movie sucks. The only good part of the movie is Amanda Peet. She is hot and I don't care that she sucked in this movie she at least took her shirt off. Hooray!

Kangaroo Jack (2003)

True classic that combines Citizen Kane and Basic Instinct

[15 February 2003]

When watching this movie you must admit that you are amazed by the outstanding acting. Most movies just have wannabe thespians but not Kangaroo Jack. The writing and direction are superb. The person who plays the kangaroo is probably the next Gregory Peck because I seriously thought he was a kangaroo. For those of you who think that movies are just about tons of money and overrated actors, go see this movie right now! You will be blown away and will have the urge to watch it over and over again much like Donnie Darko or Memento.

Little Nicky (2000)

Adam Sandler meets Magnum P.I.

[1/10 · 15 February 2003]

Okay... this movies sucks. Adam Sandler sucks. Yes he did a few funny movies(Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison) but this guy is a hack. I remember watching him on Saturday Night Live and he could never really do a skit well because he was too busy laughing. Now I didn't see Eight Crazy Nights but I'm sure it was almost as gay as this.

Titanic (1997)

Underrated comedy that might be better than Airplane!

[1/10 · 15 February 2003]

When I watched Jack die I literally began to cry because I knew that I would never see something as funny as that. It was sentimental and it warmed many peoples' hearts. You actually think that this movie is so funny and fake that you can't bear it and then you get to see his lifeless body frozen in the water. The only thing that could have made this movie better is if Old Rose had been thrown into the water or killed and eaten. If you like this I suggest you rent The Texas Chainsaw Massacre... the movie is not quite as graphic or shocking but you will also like it.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002)

Okay... why did they make this movie?

[4/10 · 5 February 2003]

If you were a fan of the Gong show you might find some humor in this, however, this is a joke of a movie. It's very mindnumbing and probably the biggest flaw of this movie is it should have never been made. George Clooney does his best to make it somewhat intelligent, but I have to ask this, why did it take him 10 or 12 years to succeed in Hollywood with his looks and family? Obviously he is not the most intelligent guy. Oh and how daring! He has Julia Roberts in it, and also has Brad Pitt and Matt Damon with cameos. Oh wow... I'm shocked. A good independent movie is one where the cameos are surprising and different. This was just crap.

Tangled (2001)

Moronic thriller for 12 year old girls

[5/10 · 26 January 2003]

This movie was pretty horrible except for Cook. She is gorgeous, however, she cannot really act. But that's okay because as long as you get to look at her that's all that matters. This movie was stupid and made for stupid people. They even explain the whole movie at the very end when it didn't need to be explained. A five year old could have figured out the twists without the movie having the end tell you. The first 10 and last 10 minutes are the most ridiculous. Just skip this altogether.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin (2001)

Bale was Bale(awesome) and Cage was Cage(horrible)

[25 January 2003]

Why do you people think that Nicolas Cage can act? This guy should be a sandwich maker at Quiznos or something. He's not goodlooking and his accents are always horrible. He reminds me of David Duchovny, however, he can hold his own sometimes. Cage needs to get off of Xanax or Somas... seriously.

Buying the Cow (2002)

Awesome movie that deserved theatrical release

[10/10 · 20 January 2003]

For some reason this movie got buried and ended up being released straight to video or whatever and the somewhat funny but crappier Van Wilder was released. There aren't many misses when it comes to the jokes(not as much as I can say for Van Wilder, American Pie 2 or Scary Movie 2). Maybe this movie was too controversial because of all the jokes with underaged kids? Anyway, this movie is a laugh riot.

Menace II Society (1993)

How can a bunch of illiterate gangsters killing people be brilliant?

[20 January 2003]

This movie is sad because it really is fake and melodramatic. I think that Don't Be a Menace to SouthCentral while Drinking your Juice in the Hood is actually brilliant. It makes fun of most of what makes this movie so fake and unsettling. If you have seen this and don't live in an urban city in America, you really have no idea how fake this is. One key example is when the Mexican gang took a black gangster to the hospital. This would never happen. Gang members stick together? I thought that they rivaled each other... If you want to see a more realistic depiction of the hood you might want to check out Boyz in the Hood. It has much better acting(the only really well done movie with Ice Cube in it) and much better direction. Of course Menace would have never been made if it had not been for Boyz in the Hood. The only thing that this aimless movie achieves is trying to bring more tension between races.

A Guy Thing (2003)

Not original but sometimes funny

[19 January 2003]

I don't totally hate this movie but it's sick how people can write a script, get it okay-d and it turns out that we've seen every line and every twist in 20 different movies. Since this has the cool guy from Dead Man on Campus and Scary Movie and the very hot Selma Blair it gets a 5/10.