ken-miller Reviews

Phone (2002)

Clever

[28 August 2003]

Phone is a 'haunted technology' movie, like the Ringu trilogy

(where Ringu had a possessed video tape, Phone has a possessed mobile phone number), which has, of course, led

some reviewers to simply label this film as merely a Ringu clone.

But this is unfair, as Phone's use of flashbacks is well-used and,

once the heroine starts looking into the origin of the phone number

(another nod to Ringu, and also The Eye), the plot becomes much

more twisty and engrossing than similar films. The bitter, spite-oriented origin of the possessed phone number is

typically Far Eastern in flavour, and the story, reaching a satisfying

denouement, is clever and is certainly as well-constructed (if not

more so) than in the Ringu films.

The weakest part of Phone's story is the inclusion of an attacker

(angry at the reporter heroine's expose of him) who tries to kill the

protagonist and, when he dies, is never mentioned again. This

could be a (bad) case of cutting in order to reduce the film's

running time (as with Bichunmoo) to please Korea's cinema

chains (who demand films be short enough to to be shown as

frequently as possible each day.)

All in all, though, Phone is a fine horror tale with some genuine

scares and a superb performance from the little possessed girl.

Goliathon (1977)

Fur-in-flames!

[13 August 2003]

Before Danny Lee made it big in The Killer, he played Johnny Feng

in... The Mighty Peking Man!

Beginning with an earthquake & an initial attack by the ape man,

the film becomes a jungle fantasy for a while, with an elephant

stampede, death by quicksand, Samantha the blond jungle girl, a

romantic flashback, and a battle between a leopard and a cobra

(as Johnny sucks poison from Samantha's inner thigh!) When Johnny, Samantha and Utam the giant ape go to Hong Kong

the film switches to King Kong mode, with Utam becoming a

sideshow act, taking part in a tug-of-war with what look like Tonka

Toy trucks (as the locals throw fruit and prod him with sticks.) Utam finally runs amok when he sees Samantha being molested,

and the film culminates with Johnny, Samantha and the Peking

Man atop a high-rise building, getting buzzed by army helicopters.

This movie is hampered by shoddy process shots, and a sub-par

ape costume, though close-ups of Utam's face are more successful, but the film more than makes up for this with the

inclusion of Samantha (who seems constantly to be on the verge

of popping out of her animal skin costume), impressively-made,

large-scale model shots of downtown Hong Kong, and one of the

best endings of a giant ape movie.

*Spoilers* In this particular tale, the girl DOESN'T leave the shot-up primate's

side and dies, the creature's final, fur-in-flames moments are

more violent than Kong's many demises, and the movie finishes in

a downbeat fashion.

Expect the Unexpected (1998)

Uneven but watchable

[24 July 2003]

Expect The Unexpected is one of those Hong Kong films that

switches from lightweight romantic scenes to hard-boiled details

(like the dead baby in the washing machine), then back to more

upbeat scenes. This kind of thing just isn't done in Western pics

and can be disconcerting to viewers used to one kind of story or

the other. The romantic interludes are accompanied by an amiable score

from Cacine Wong, which suits the atmosphere of those scenes. But where the film scores highly is with the series the gritty street

shoot-outs that are well-done and vicious. Parts of this film just ramble along, with conversational sequences

that are just not needed, but Yam & Ching Wan are good, and the

ending really is unexpected. Uneven but watchable.

Ninja the Final Duel (1986)

Why should you see this film?

[22 July 2003]

There is one all-important reason you should view this film: The Ninja Water Spider Attack Team! One of the most insane ideas ever to be recorded on celluloid: ninjas hopping about a lake on top of giant, rubber spiders! The other ninja teams're pretty good too, especially the dudes who dig super-fast under the ground. Also worth looking out for is the sequence where the fighters do their formation-marching in front of their leader: one pattern they assume is a swastika-shape, like something from "Springtime for Hitler"! Oh yeah, one more thing to watch out for: the totally naked girl fighter who likes to do high kicks! The original film/series that this footage comes from supposedly runs for hours and hours! Some more of this footage can be seen in Shaolin Dolemite.

Scorpion Thunderbolt (1988)

Cut-and-paste epic

[5 December 2002]

By far the best of Godfrey Ho's cut-and-paste movies, SCORPION THUNDERBOLT features tawdry kung fu combat, soft core sex, blood 'n' gore, and a goofy rubber snake-beast! The spliced together elements don't make much sense, but there's something about this weird mishmash of a movie that makes it bizarrely enjoyable!

Trinity Goes East (1998)

Good soundtrack

[4 December 2002]

Trinity Goes East is unquestionably very low budget - but it does boast a good, lightweight Spaghetti-Western-esque soundtrack.

Featuring scenes parodying Lone Wolf and Cub (one of the main characters pushes a piglet, that is sometimes an obvious puppet, around in a booby-trapped babycart), Trinity Goes East is an okay kung fu no-brainer that stars Steve Tartalia. Tartalia is one of those 'gwailo' actors/fighters who used to be frequently featured as a western bad dude in such Hong Kong films as Operation Condor and Once Upon a Time in China.

One Million Years B.C. (1966)

Solid-gold

[18 October 2002]

One Million Years B.C. is THE film that made me a movie fan and lover of all things prehistoric! Ray Harryhausen's creatures are great, the music adds superbly to the atmosphere, the location photography looks just right (just ignore the occasional obvious set), and there has never been a better-looking cavegirl than Raquel Welch!

A solid-gold guilty pleasure! Actually, what's there to be guilty about? This film is solid-gold entertainment!

The Vikings (1958)

Superb score

[10/10 · 18 October 2002]

The striking thing about The Vikings, other than its superb score and wonderful location photography, is the fact that it doesn't try to make its leads 'likeable'. The characters seem to act far more 'of their time' than many protagonists do in other period adventures, imbuing The Vikings with a more authentic feel. Interestingly, though Douglas' character is definitely not portrayed as a nice kinda guy, one is still left feeling emotional as his longship is turned into a funeral pyre at the end.