Writer, Director, Producer, Cinematographer, and even Sound department, are the many hats worn by this Mononymous film-maker - Makinov, who prominently features his/her name in the title and at the end of the film so boldly as if their fame had already exceeded their talent (think Cher, Beck, Bono, Prince, or even Sting).
That was the first laughable moment in this (first) film from the artist known as Makinov. But the (unintentional) laughs didn't stop there.
The film begins with Ebon Moss-Bacharach's character searching, somewhat desperately, late at night for a boat to rent. He and his pregnant wife, played by Vinessa Shaw, are trying to get to a nearby island, for who knows why.
After a long and tedious search, he finds a drunk fisherman reluctantly willing to part with his 15 foot row boat with an outboard motor, which, by the way, he uses daily for his work. After some less than shrewd negotiation, our hero offers the guy four thousand dollars (what?!?) for the use of his dinghy for a day.
As an aside, it's worth mentioning that while the two leading actors are clearly not A-list performers, they do bring face recognition, if not name recognition to the film. They are recognizable and have faces you know, but can't quite place. They're decent enough actors, and typically play supporting roles quite well.
In "Makinov's Come Out and Play," however, they stumble around woodenly upon arriving to this island, which appears to be all but deserted, minus the odd child or two they run into, as they search for food and lodging. They deliver their lines well enough, but the direction is terrible, as there are long awkward pauses, and odd reactions that seem inappropriate for the scene.
It takes some 35 minutes for our clueless couple to realize that there is something amiss, and come to realize the children have all gone bad (again for who knows how and why... which is never explained) and are wantonly slaughtering any adult in their paths, using chopped up body parts as footballs, necklaces, and other assorted toys. Mind you, there is not a child to be seen over the age of 13, most averaging 7-10 years old. We're talking tiny, wee kids, who somehow have the strength to bash down doors, chop through flesh and bone, and cart off struggling fully grown adults.
After 40 minutes or so of our unlikely heroes running around aimlessly, painfully, and without any urgency to get off this Lord of the Flies island, Makinov provides us with an ending with a "twist," if you can call it that. It's obviously meant to be shocking, but instead evokes laughter once again.
Throughout this entire disaster though, there is somehow a fleeting twinge of anxiety and suspense. At first I couldn't put my finger on what could cause this tension. It surely was not the dialogue, nor the story-line, or the uninspired, single-shot camera work. I finally pinned it down to the music. Makinov did, actually, get one thing right it would seem. The delicate use of crescendos and diminuendos, notes that would as easily have accompanied Hitchcock's Psycho, created this dramatic tension throughout his film, albeit with a retro, 70's style sound, but well done none-the-less.
As the final credits rolled, the screen filled with our Mononymous (A Film By) Makinov, I was dumbstruck that I could only muster a single word to describe what I had just saw, the lonely adjective looming as large in my mind as Makinov's moniker hung on the screen before my eyes, and I muttered aloud..... Awful!
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One star for the clever music, but otherwise, this film was nothing more than a big fat zero in my book. It is definitely one to be avoided, as an hour and a half spent chewing your own toenails would be more productive and thought provoking.
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