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Reviews
Le orme (1975)
This Is A Giallo How?
It's a rhetorical question, because Footprints On The Moon isn't a giallo film. The persistent error reviewers often make is naming anything Italian in the suspense and/or horror genre(s) as such. There's only a fairly narrow set of definitions for gialli: murder mystery+police procedural+mystery killer+bizarre murder set-pieces. Generally, the killer's motivation is to cover up other crimes - often other murders. And while there are often elements of stalk-and-slash, there are never supernatural elements (save for the occasional hallucination).
'Footprints', however, is mainly an interesting psychological thriller, not much more.
Flesh and Bullets (1985)
Cinematic Trash At It's Finest! (very minor spoilers)
That's right: I rated this ten of ten stars, because for what it is, it's perfect! Confession: I am not a 'cineaste'. I am not a 'connoisseur' of 'auteur cinema'. What I am is a tireless admirer of bottom-rung, ultra-low-budget, try-hard, so-bad-it's-good filmmaking. And, chances are, if you are reading this, you are as well. If not - boy are you barking up the wrong tree!
Admit it, Flesh and Bullets is a better film than any you have ever written/produced/directed, isn't it? If not, what in the world are you doing here; thumbing your nose at a product that never really sought your approval in the first place?
This film is a true howler, and I appreciate all the effort it took to dig this out of whatever trash heap it came from, scan to digital, then package and market to freaks like me. It has just about every element you could want from a motion picture such as this - cameos from elderly Hollywood stars (whom I hope had a nice day of it, a decent hot lunch, car fare, and enough to pay their utilities that month in cash) - erstwhile porn actors making a go of it in the 'straight' world - fashions and hairstyles that look stuck in the 1970s, despite being shot in the mid-80s - sweaty plywood sets - tatty Mar Vista location shots - the Downtown L. A. Mayan Theater locations that are 'chef-kiss' sleazy - and pre-disfigurement Robert frikkin' Z'Dar in a minor-but-pivotal role!!!
If any part of that previous sentence appeals to you, I whole-heartedly recommend you seek this out for your collection. If not, what's the point in disparaging? It was obviously made on a lark, for fun, and fun it is - nothing more.
P. S. This at least played the Mayan Theater (obviously), and I have it on good authority the print this was struck from came from a bombed-out grindhouse in Boston's 'Combat Zone', so it played in at least two locations new.
Motörhead: Stay Clean (1979)
This Is The Era...
...that most people think about when Motörhead is the subject, or at least the first which comes to mind - the classic lineup: Lemmy, Fast Eddie, and Philthy Animal. In such circumstances, for fans, this video is the next best thing to actual live footage. I mean, it is basically live; cut between a few takes - close enough for rock 'n' roll!
A cautionary song on the pointlessness of heroin addiction. It's no secret Lemmy enjoyed his booze and amphetamines, but the man loathed smack entirely.
Stay Clean!
Ghoul Scout Zombie Massacre (2018)
Fine Art, No - Big Fun, Yes!
To write a scathing review of this film is kind of preposterous. Is it in questionable taste? Yes. Is it kinda derivative? Of course. Zero-buget production? Check. But boring? GTFO, lulz!
The women - er, uh, 'girls' - are cute, sexy, and occasionally nude. The dudes are dumb. The baddies evil perverts - and the surprise villain must be seen to believe. Plus an extended cameo by notorious genre great, Joel M. Reed (Career Bed, Bloodsucking Freaks, et al)!
The slight 71 minute running time breezes by, with grotty sight gags and lewd humor galore. Your mom would hate it (which is probably the best review you can give for a film of this nature).
So, yeah, high art it's not - but it is a loving homage to all things trashy, 'bad', and gross. I omitted two starts for it's short running time and flute solos. But if you're even here reading this, I guarantee you'll find something to love - just bring your barf bag!