d_stack04 Reviews

Blank Check (1994)

Wow....just....wow

[2/10 · 29 August 2021]

I remember enjoying this one as a child (8yo when it came out) and I decided to rewatch it on Disney+. Outside of the terrible pacing, worse dialogue and some of the weirdest ADR editing I've ever seen, there's so much about this movie that doesn't hold up.

The pedophilia that you're reading about in other negative reviews is a result of this movie's terrible message: money can get you everything you want and is the only route to happiness. They try to gloss over it with a half-assed "family is the TRUE fortune" life lesson at the end but it's heavily outweighed by the glorification of reckless spending, deceit, and thievery.

This kid steals, lies and cheats his way to a week of fun, adventure and a super cringey kiss with a 30 year old woman. Can't recommend enough that you never show this to your children.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)

Just End the Franchise Already

[5/10 · 21 June 2021]

Loved the first one, was meh on the second, and this one is flat out NOT SCARY.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

Everything Wrong with Hollywood in One Film

[5/10 · 8 June 2021]

Nostalgia baiting cash grab that is resting on the laurels of its brand name. Doesn't add to the lore, doesn't develop the characters, there's nothing memorable about it (at least no pleasant memories), and it only tarnishes the legacy of the first three.

I find it hard to believe that at the time there wasn't a script on Spielberg's desk more deserving of his efforts and this budget. Big studio films are becoming the fast food of entertainment; so enjoyable in the moment but nothing you're going to remember once it passes through you.

The Last of Us: Part II (2020 Video Game)

A little less Abby would have gone a long way (Or maybe just better structuring)

[8/10 · 29 June 2020]

I feel that Abby's narrative was executed poorly. I liked the intent of the message but it's asking players to leap too much from hating a character to sympathizing with her. "Revenge is a double edged sword" is a tale that we've heard a thousand times in a hundred ways. I appreciate the boldness of this game's take on that narrative but if they went back and forth between stories as opposed to the "meanwhile on the other side of Seattle..." approach I think that the theme would have landed better and not given players the storytelling whiplash that is turning off a lot of people.

Fortunately, the epilogue sequence saved the game for me a little bit. I loved playing as Ellie in this game so the last bit with her was a satisfying return to the game I had been very much enjoying. Joel and Ellie's relationship is the big draw for me so their last conversation hit the right notes for me.

Once again, I appreciate the intent of playing as Abby but maybe if it wasn't so long (cut the love triangle between Abby, Mel and Owen. I already knew that the last two were dead, that subplot had no impact or stakes) or if it was executed better, I could give this a 10 like the first game.

But the game manipulated me into hating a character then tried to manipulate me into sympathizing with that same character by forcing a 10 hour flashback sequence to play through. It just didn't work for me but I still enjoyed my time with the game. It's like Diet The Last of Us, a lot of the same ingredients but the taste is just a little off.

Birds of Prey (2020)

I did this weird thing...I made up my mind AFTER watching the movie

[8/10 · 7 February 2020]

Don't listen to the trolls or fanboys who made up their minds about this movie months ago. Go see it yourself and make up your own mind! Having said that...

I really enjoyed this movie. I thought that the action in this movie was executed very well and the color palette was used to its full potential. I love that DC is shifting away from trying to be a carbon copy of the MCU and is now focused on being the alternative. Hard R. Villain-centric. Letting their directors put their own stamp on every movie.

Margot Robbie cements herself as the Harley Quinn of this generation. She's funny, vicious and walks the anti-hero line with grace. Ewen McGregor chews up every scene that he's in. A pure adaptation of Black Mask? Nah. An entertaining take on the character? You betcha. The cast top to bottom is great and I hope we get the chance for a follow-up in the future.

Some of the storytelling is messy. There's an abundance of narration that sometimes works but other times feels like a shot of nitro to revealing exposition. The timeline jumps around a bit but telling this story linearly would take away its iniquity and make it feel like every other comic book movie.

Overall, I give it an 8 but I bumped it up to 9 to counter the trolls trying to trash this movie for not being the movie that makes them feel better about themselves.

Richard Jewell (2019)

Eastwood's losing his touch...

[16 December 2019]

Ten years ago, this could have been a great movie when Eastwood had a sense of subtlety and nuance in delivering the film's message. Richard Jewell beats you over the head with it to make sure you walk out knowing the message; the media and federal government can be dishonest. Gasp! In this day and age, Eastwood is clearly trying to stir up the conservative caucus with a film like this by reinforcing their internal belief of distrust toward the media and FBI....just in time for Trump's impeachment, isn't that funny? Anyone with a half a brain can spot this well-acted but flawed storytelling film for what it's trying to be, propaganda. Anyone with less will fall for it easily. A good message that could have been delivered with more subtlety and less bias. It's a shame, could have been a great movie but it's not.

Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (2019)

Some laughs but not nearly enough

[5/10 · 24 October 2019]

I'll open with the simple fact that if you're not familiar with Kevin Smith's body of work, don't bother with this one. Every joke and reference will fly over your head. Having said that...

I actually went to a roadshow screening of this with Smith and Jason Mewes in attendance. Even with seeing those two live and getting a sweet intro, the movie just didn't do it for me. At the same time when it points a finger at the reboot model of Hollywood and mocks it, this movie falls into the same traps as bad reboots. If it were a clever take on the reboot model (22 Jump Street), that would be a different story altogether but instead it's just the same plot all over again with the same jokes all over again. That might be the most disappointing thing about this movie, the comedy. While there were moments I was laughing, so many of the intended jokes were either references to old jokes from Smith's previous films or line for line repeated jokes. This movie isn't Smith saying, "hey! I came up with some new jokes for these old characters" more than it's him saying, "remember all these jokes that were funny 20 years ago? Well....here they are again!" I will call out one scene where I thought to myself, "I wish the movie was as good as this scene" and that's the scene with Ben Affleck reprising his role of Holden McNeil. That scene was funny, heartfelt and concise. Flashes of the Kevin Smith of old with dialogue. While there is more heart in this story than the first Jay and Silent Bob movie, it's handled with the same subtlety as the comedy, beating you over the head with it. Overall, I will say that if you love Kevin Smith's filmography and cherish every one of those films, go see this movie and laugh your ass off. If you're hoping that this movie is Smith's return to form, you'll be greatly disappointed. It's a Kevin Smith's Greatest Hits Tour, the question is, "how much do you like his music?"

Succession (2018–2023)

Meh...Suffers from a lack of a protagonist

[6/10 · 8 August 2018]

Although just about every technical aspect of this show is done well its storytelling leaves a lot to be desired. There is no central character to root for. Every story has to have someone you go on the journey and sympathize with. There isn't a decent person to pick from the bunch.

Roman is an over privileged snake. Connor is a wimp who is infatuated with a prostitute. Shiv is a liar and a hypocrite. Tom is a pathetic ass kisser. And lastly there's Kendall, the character they try to make you root for and fail miserably at doing so. Logan is aptly made the villain so no need to cheer him on.

This would work as a straight up comedy with these characters, laughing at them getting what they deserve but the show is too serious for that. I actively rooted for everyone to fail. I stuck with it until the end of the first (and likely only) season just to see where it went and was pretty disappointed.

Good acting and, at times, writing but not enough to save it from its biggest flaw.

The Hateful Eight (2015)

Another Great Film by Tarantino

[8/10 · 24 January 2016]

Quentin Tarantino is the kind of filmmaker who doesn't make the same movie twice but all of his movies have a feel to it, a signature theme. And this movie is right in his wheelhouse. Dialogue heavy, unique characters, revenge, redemption, and of course, F-bombs. Now while there are many fans of this style we get from every Tarantino film, myself included, there are also people who don't dig Tarantino and boy is this movie NOT for them.

This movie is basically a cinematic play. 80% of the movie takes place in one room and through the dialogue we learn about the characters more than their actions. The characters themselves are perfectly drawn for the scenarios that this story puts them in. And the actors in these roles nail it all across the board. Samuel L. Jackson stood out to me the most. Obviously he and Tarantino have built up a strong rapport over the years but it hasn't been since Jackie Brown that Jackson led a film of QT's. He knocks it out the park and it's a shame he wasn't awarded with a nomination from the academy.

Now when it comes to the story I was left a little underwhelmed. As you sit there trying to figure out who's really who and where their allegiances lie, the tension and mystery build very well. But the execution of the reveal is what disappointed me. It seemed like it would have been better to have the reveals come through the climax as opposed to cut back to the reveal then jump back to the climax. Overall I enjoyed the mystery of the movie but I kind of feel like Tarantino unnecessarily dumbed down the reveal.

As for the technical aspects of this film, they are all top notch. Ennio Morricone's score captured the tone of this film perfectly, Robert Richardson's cinematography made you feel the cold of the blizzard. The editing was smooth. Costumes and sets looked awesome. While yes this is a 2 hour and 48 minute movie (over 3 hours in 70mm), the dialogue and editing make swift work of the movie. I was actually surprised when the last chapter title card came up.

Being a huge fan of Tarantino, I can't call this his best work. Actually, I can't even go top 5 out of his 8 films. But that isn't to say this isn't a great movie, it is. I just feel that most of his other movies are better. But even an OK Tarantino movie is still a good movie overall, the guy is just that talented. I would recommend this to any Tarantino fan or film buff but this isn't for everyone. Not a great date movie but definitely enjoyable to the person who knows what they're getting from this movie. Good story, great characters, and lots of amazing dialogue.

8 out of 10 stars

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)

The Force is calling to you...let it in.

[8/10 · 18 December 2015]

I have to start this review by saying that in my opinion nothing will ever top the original Star Wars trilogy. Ever. I loved those movies as a kid, I love them even more today, and I will insist on being buried with at least one item of Star Wars memorabilia. I will be referencing those movies throughout the review so I shall shorten it to the O3 for the remainder of the review.

Having said all of that, I really, really enjoyed this movie! It hit all of the right notes for me. While yes, there certainly are flaws as this is not a perfect movie, I find those to be nitpicky and insignificant because this movie is such an entertaining experience. I opened with the comparison to the O3 because if you walk into this one expecting the impact of the 1977 classic you'll be disappointed. There are maybe 15 movies EVER that have accomplished that. But this movie is great on its own nevertheless.

JJ Abrams and Co. put something really special on the screen for us and it starts right from the opening scroll. The Force Awakens nails what the prequels fumbled: getting you the vital information in the scroll. It gives us some details as to what's happened in the last 30 years but also lets us know what's happening now and the importance of the beginning events. The scroll starts with a sigh of relief for us impatient fans that read every rumor and potential spoiler for this movie: Luke Skywalker has vanished. Whoo! He is NOT Kylo Ren. He is NOT a Sith. He is missing and both The First Order and the Resistance are looking for him. This movie did a great job of throwing in enough references to the O3 without overwhelming us with sentiment and nostalgia. A great blend of old and new.

Along with this exciting new story comes intriguing new characters. The film focuses on Rey, played exceptionally well by Daisy Ridley, as its central character but the supporting cast is great too. John Boyega is excellent as Finn, a former stormtrooper turned good Samaritan, and Oscar Isaac has a fantastic turn as fighter pilot Poe Dameron. Like the O3's cast these characters are great on their own and they interact well with each other. And as for the First Order we get real treats from both Domhnall Gleeson as General Hux and Adam Driver as Kylo Ren.

The best part about this movie for me was not from one of these new characters but from the returning cast. And that was Han Solo. Not Harrison Ford portraying Han Solo but Harrison Ford BEING Han Solo again. Whereas with Indiana Jones 4 I felt like Ford was only trying half of the time to be Indy again I thought he was Han Solo in every single shot of this movie. Everything you loved about the character came back in spades. The humor, the hero, the schmoozer, the great banter between him and Leia, and of course, him and Chewbacca. Which is why his death was the most heartbreaking moment of this movie. Like I said, I read the rumors. I heard about Han dying as often as I heard about Darth Luke but I was hoping that would be BS as well. Alas, it wasn't.

What separates this movie from the prequel trilogy as in Star Wars movies made in the digital era is the special effects. Abrams had a heavy emphasis on practical effects and keeping as much as possible in camera and it shows. Things are actually being blown up, when the location of the scene is outdoors they are actually outdoors. Now of course a movie of this scale will have some CGI in it but it's done so well that it blends in with the practical as opposed to distracting from it. Puppets, animatronics, real sets. That's what immerses us in the Star Wars universe again.

So when you take these great characters, set them in a real universe, and put them through this fun story you end up with an adventure to remember. The movie doesn't have a dull moment and never really slows down. Some dialogue scenes catch us up and story but then boom it's back to the action. If I had any complaints about this movie I can only tell myself that we still have two more coming in the next 3+ years. I did want to see waaaayy more Luke than what we got but holding him back until the last scene makes me that much more excited for Episode VIII. I do have questions about some of the characters and their backstories but there's more to come. And this is what a movie franchise should do. Make you want to come back for more.

This is the movie to see this holiday season. I know I spoiled a few things but there is still much more to experience for yourself. Take a friend, a date, and most importantly, your children to this movie. If this is their first Star Wars movie they will be hooked and dying for you to show them just who this Skywalker dude is. I highly recommend this movie to any movie fan and every single Star Wars fan. If you think the prequels ruined Star Wars for you forever all I can say is, "The Force is calling to you...let it in."

10 out of 10 stars

Krampus (I) (2015)

A horror comedy that isn't scary...or funny

[4/10 · 14 December 2015]

As a frequent cinema goer I can appreciate when a filmmaker tries something new. I like it when a movie takes a risk. But it is called a risk for a reason. Michael Dougherty took some risks with Krampus and while I admire the effort, I didn't care for the resulting product.

Krampus is that movie that tries just a little too hard. Everything feels forced. The comedy. The "scary" moments. This movie desperately wants to be this generation's Gremlins and it isn't. Not by a long shot.

This movie is not without its positives. The actors in this movie do a very good job and I was very close to caring about their characters' fates. But the good acting is wasted on the movie thanks to its clichéd dialogue. And the exception of this would be Conchatta Farrell. She plays the same loud, brash, sarcastic old broad that she annoyed us with for years on Two and a Half Men. I can't help but think that a better actress who could play the type of character they were aiming for, like a Kathy Bates, would have made the character more sympathetic and the movie a little better.

The biggest problem with this movie is it doesn't ever really decide if it's a horror or a comedy. It gets more serious at the end as horror comedies naturally do but by that time you really don't care about these characters. It was a horror movie that didn't make you root for the bad guy per se, but man was I waiting for everyone to die. There are scenes where these people are getting attacked by their toys (yeah, I know. Stupid.) and you can't tell if you're supposed to laugh or be terrified. I laughed at how unterrifying the creatures were but I'm sure that wasn't the filmmaker's intent.

And as for the creatures, once again I appreciate the deviation from the norm and using practical effects, but they are really cheesy and look too puppet-y. First off, we see some toys come to life and attack the family. Sounds like a real scary Christmas scenario. But the toys that come to life are a jack in the box; something that hasn't been under a Christmas tree in about 50 years, a porcelain doll that wouldn't be a suitable gift for ANY of the female characters, and an obviously CGI killer teddy bear. But my biggest complaint is the actual Krampus creature itself. The movie shows you flashes of the villain and even got me excited to see what this thing looks like. Then when they show the Krampus it looks like a prop from a local theater production. At that point, I wish they had never shown him, the mystery would have been way better.

The movie's story is just flat out inconsistent. For a good while you forget about the Krampus completely because of the endless attacks from his minions. You never get any kind of explanation as to where everyone else in this town went to. The grandma character was most frustrating. They used the very annoying foreign language ploy to get more dialogue on the page. As in the character says something in a foreign language, another character asks what they said and yet ANOTHER character translates. See how I just wasted three sentences to explain something that could have been done with one? Yeah, THAT annoying. She also happens to be the living exposition machine. Why is this happening? Grandma will explain after the fact when saying this earlier might have saved a person's life but whatever, I guess. And at the end they kill off about 4 or 5 characters within a matter of seconds. It's as if they realized they had too many survivors at the end and just sloppily had the creature take them out.

The most disappointing aspect of the film is its comedy, or lack thereof. I know how subjective comedy is but you see every joke coming from a mile away like you do this film's jump scares. Maybe it's the Conchatta Farrell thing bothering me still but the jokes feel like they were written by the staff of Two and a Half Men. It's just set up, break, punchline, repeat. They never take advantage of any physical comedy that could come out from a story like this.

Overall, you could see that everyone really tried on this movie but the execution left so much to be desired. I wouldn't recommend seeing this in a theater simply from a financial standpoint. If you're still curious about this one by the time it gets to disc, go ahead and rent it if only to feed your curiosity. No offense but if you're a teenager you might really enjoy this one. I saw plenty of teens enjoying this one and laughing at the jokes I groaned over. So who knows? Maybe I'm just too old for this one.

4 out of 10 stars

The Night Before (II) (2015)

A hilarious holiday comedy that ISN'T about the holidays

[9/10 · 24 November 2015]

I'm of the opinion that after beauty, comedy is the most subjective thing in the world. Some things that make one person laugh is not guaranteed to make EVERYONE laugh. Nothing is universally funny, even Family Guy. People hate it, myself included. So having said that I get why some people don't find Seth Rogen funny. He never plays too far from type, at least in his comedic roles, so I get why people say he plays the same character over and over. He does, kinda. But I think he's hilarious. But The Night Before is not your typical Seth Rogen comedy. Sure, this movie has the trademark crude humor of Rogen but this movie has one thing many of his comedies don't: heart.

The Night Before tells the tale of Ethan (Gordon-Levitt) who suffered the tragic loss of his parents on Christmas Eve as a young adult. That year and every year since his surrogate family in the form of best friends Isaac (Rogen) and Chris (Mackie) has held a tradition of going out and partying, in constant pursuit of the illustrious "Nutcracker Ball." On the year the friends agree to end the tradition, Ethan stumbles upon tickets to the Nutcracker Ball and the story goes from there.

This script was from a story by the film's director Jonathan Levine. If you haven't seen his previous films like 50/50 or Warm Bodies, I highly recommend doing so. This guy can balance comedic moments sewn into a dramatic story, especially in 50/50. And that's what the story of this movie is, dramatic. First off, this movie has almost nothing to do with the holiday season. No character goes through an arc where their lesson is taught by the magic of Christmas. This is a buddy comedy set during the holiday season. It's a tale of friendships and how they evolve over the years. And at this point in their lives, their mid 30s, they're growing more apart by the day. By the end of the film, all three men realizing keeping the friendship together is hard so that means they'll simply have to work harder at it.

I personally found the characters to be very relatable considering I am around the same age as them. And it really is this demographic that the film aims at, twenty and thirtysomethings. People are either starting a family, have careers taking off, or are stuck in a funk of monotony. All are represented in our leads of Rogen, Mackie, and Gordon-Levitt, respectively. But the character that steals the show is Mr. Green, played to absolute perfection by Michael Shannon. When you find out the guys have to go buy weed from the same guy from high school you're expecting a cameo from Danny McBride or Jonah Hill or maybe even Will Ferrell. But Chris (Mackie) gets into the car and it's f*cking Michael Shannon! He acts as a guide to the three men so he keeps popping up in scenes (thank God) to teach each man a lesson about friendship. As one might expect, James Franco does eventually show up in this movie and his scene is great too but Michael Shannon is this movie's scene thief.

The humor is what you would expect from a Seth Rogen comedy; crude, drug induced, pop culture reference laden, and riddled with F bombs. But as I said before, that kind of comedy appeals to me so I ate it up. I laughed out pretty consistently throughout this movie, not every joke hit as hard as it was intended but I still couldn't stop laughing. And I don't know what it is about Seth Rogen comedies but I always find myself caught up in his soundtrack choices. I blared "Paper Planes" a lot after Pineapple Express, I became a Katy Perry fan after The Interview, and now I can't get enough of "Runaway" by Kanye West. The music compliments the scene its used in so well.

I think that this movie would be a holiday classic, given that it stands the test of time, if it weren't for a few faults. Once again, the audience is really narrowed down to 80s babies so I know this won't be a four quadrant classic like A Christmas Story. Also, the movie isn't really about the holidays, that's simply the setting. But as far as buddy comedies go, I think this could be a classic after time has passed. It has distinguishable characters that almost anyone can relate to. A great story about friendships and their inevitable change. And most of all, hilarious performances by every character.

This is the kind of movie you take a buddy to see. It's about friends who have become family so the closer the friend, the better. Yes, there is a romantic element to the story involving Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Lizzy Caplan but it really doesn't serve a purpose outside of propelling the plot through slow spots. It might distract a girlfriend who isn't a big Seth Rogen fan but you never know.

A funny, heartfelt movie that really appealed to me.

9 out of 10

Spectre (I) (2015)

Great Bond movie!!

[6/10 · 17 November 2015]

I was very impressed with this latest installment in the Bond franchise, especially given that it followed the spectacular Skyfall. While Spectre wasn't quite as good as Skyfall this movie is exceptional given that the Bond series has a terrible history of making back to back quality films. Casino Royale was followed by the disappointing Quantum of Solace, Thuderball followed Goldfinger, and every Brosnan movie that isn't GoldenEye.

I don't usually compare Bond movies side by side like this but this movie forces me to, thanks to the many firsts this installment gave us. To start, Sam Mendes is the first person to direct back to back Bond movies, Martin Campbell has made two great Bond movies as well but they were 11 years apart from one another and featured different actors as 007. Also, this is the first movie to reflect on previous movies, tying in a continuity for the Daniel Craig series. Monica Bellucci is the first Bond girl over the age of 40, still looking stunning at 50.

While Sam Mendes is a fantastic filmmaker and this movie is far from garbage, this movie shows why the Bond series needs a new director for every installment (I wanted Nolan real bad). I enjoyed Spectre but I expected more given how Mendes knocked it out of the park with Skyfall. This movie feels like more of the same, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but each Bond movie should feel unique and distinguished from one another. This movie was like a 85% Skyfall. All the same things I loved about Skyfall are there but to a lesser degree.

The story was good but not great like Skyfall. Cristoph Waltz was great but Javier Bardem was amazing. The dialogue from Skyfall was intriguing and smooth whereas Spectre only had flashes of those moments. And Lea Seaydoux's character wasn't the damsel in distress Bond girl nor the butt kicking-involved in the action character, she was just kinda there for the third act.

Don't get me wrong. This is a good movie. Go see it in the theater and have a great time. The acting performances all around were top notch. Daniel Craig, in my mind, is coming real close to challenging Sean Connery as the best Bond ever. Maybe if his last turn as Bond brings his series to a nice conclusive end then he could take the crown. And I love Ralph Fiennes as M, I always felt like the M character should be the diplomat of MI-6 but at the same time can drop some hats when needed.

The story played out really well but the mystery of it all and "twist" at the end was completely expected. I feel that when something is revealed about the story and the filmmakers are questioned on it, their best bet is to offer no comment. Just like Benedict Cumberbatch being Khan and everyone knew it, the producers denied Cristoph Waltz being Blofeld and everyone knew they were lying. So the reveal that he was Blofeld didn't hit me as hard as the filmmakers had hoped. All the same it was great to see the character back and who better than Waltz to play him? The technical side of this movie was some of the best this franchise has ever seen. No, Roger Deakins did not shoot this one but the cinematography was great nevertheless, highlighted by the amazing long take that opened the movie. The action and editing of it was well paced and exciting. And I don't think there is really a Bond movie with a bad score.

All in all, I really enjoyed this Bond movie and it would rank up there amongst the top ten 007 films had it not followed Skyfall. Go see it with a friend, a date, a relative, anyone who wants to see good action but not in a sea of bad acting or shoddy writing.

7 out of 10

Halloween (2007)

For the love of God, LEAVE JOHN CARPENTER ALONE!!!

[4/10 · 25 October 2015]

As a kid growing up, having your life shaped by the movies you watch, one rarely pays attention to the people behind the camera actually making these movies. You have your favorite actors/actresses and of course favorite movies as a child but you don't usually have a favorite director. Once I started to really pay attention to the filmmakers I realized that John Carpenter is one of my all time favorite directors. He made Big Trouble in Little China (one of my absolute favorite movies to watch with Dad), The Thing (that's how you do a friggin' remake), and the ultimate slasher flick, Halloween.

Before this movie was released, Hollywood had already remade the stubbornly independent Carpenter films The Fog and Assault on Precinct 13. At first I thought, "okay. Good movies but not Carpenter's best. I'm fine with remaking those." I never in a million years thought they would remake Halloween. 12 more sequels sure, but never an attempt to recreate the classic original. Boy was I wrong and boy were they wrong for making it.

Christopher Nolan is oft credited with redefining the comic book movie with The Dark Knight. I agree with that statement and I'm willing to go one step further and say he first redefined the remake or reboot first with Batman Begins. After that 2005 release it seemed every remake and reboot made had to include an origin story for the character. This is where Rob Zombie really fails with his take on Michael Myers.

First of all, horror villains don't need an origin story, least of all Michael Myers. One of the things that make a good horror villain is not really knowing anything about the killer. All you really need to know is how to kill him. Rob Zombie gives us the "backstory" of Michael Myers' insanity with this remake. I have several problems with this first act of the movie.

In the original, you get the feeling that this kid just snapped one night and killed his sister. This remake ups the initial body count by having Michael kill his sister, her boyfriend, his mom's boyfriend, and the local bully. And through his environment at both home and school and how these people treat him, Zombie would have you believe one of the most iconic horror villains was born out of simply being white trash. It almost seems as if Zombie wants you to sympathize with Michael as this part of the movie progresses.

They continue with this attempt at sympathy by showing Michael's time in the psychiatric hospital and his relationship with Dr. Sam Loomis (played greatly by Malcolm McDowell, probably the only thing better about this remake, no disrespect to Donald Pleasance.) All this accomplishes is bloating the run time and messes up the pacing of the story. Once again, Zombie tries to justify Michael's insanity when he kills a nurse for being bitchy to him. If that justified murder, there would be about 200 people left in the world. Then all of that sympathy is completely washed away when he kills the only person who treated him with respect, the immortal Danny Trejo.

Wow, all of that and now we're finally getting to the actual story of the movie. So now Michael has escaped and is on his way to Haddonfield. It's at this point of the movie that we meet the spunky, charismatic, goofy Laurie Strode. Doesn't sound familiar? That's probably because she is the EXACT OPPOSITE of the original character. Laurie Strode's character and Jamie Lee Curtis' performance did what a lot of modern horror movies forget to do, make you care and root for the main character! I almost wanted Laurie to die first as I found Scout Taylor-Compton's performance flat out annoying.

And it only gets worse from there. My main problem with this movie is it just isn't scary. I'm sorry, it's not. I've watched the original at least a dozen times in my life (I watch it every Halloween night) and it STILL scares the crap out of me. Zombie does a good job with the nostalgia factor by casting actors such as McDowell as Loomis along with supporters Ken Foree and Brad Dourif but fails almost everywhere else. The score is the ultimate horror theme and the modernization of that is off putting.

But for me, the ultimate sin of this movie is the ending. Laurie has a gun pressed right into Michael's head, she pulls the trigger and her face gets blasted with blood. I thought, "well at least Zombie knew better than to set up a sequel." No. They made a really, REALLY bad sequel to this awful remake. There are some good moments in this movie, it's actually one of the less worse modern horror remakes, but the original is so dear to my heart that I can't forgive what they attempted to do with this.

If you haven't seen the original I would like to welcome you to civilization, we entertain ourselves sometimes by watching movies and that is one you should definitely see. This remake, like EVERY JOHN CARPENTER REMAKE, should not be watched because it's flat out insulting to the original. This movie might be fine on it's own if you haven't seen the original, but why eat ramen noodles when you can enjoy prime rib? You want a good horror remake? Watch Carpenter's The Thing.

4 out of 10

The Walk (II) (2015)

Zemeckis scores again

[8/10 · 25 October 2015]

After his 3-D animation "trilogy" of Polar Express, Beowulf, and A Christmas Carol I thought Robert Zemeckis had lost a step and wasn't the same great director he was before. I didn't mind Polar Express but Beowulf was underwhelming and A Christmas Carol was a Jim Carrey movie not made in the 20th century so enough said. Then that opinion was completely erased with Flight. Zemeckis churned out another multi-Oscar nominated movie with a good story and awesome acting to compliment the top of the line special effects.

And then he did it again with The Walk. If you read up on anything at all about Phillipe Petit or Joseph Gordon-Levitt's studying with him then you must know that Petit does not fall to his death in this film. But just like Flight, you knew the character would survive but the scene was so perfectly executed you were on the edge of your seat with tension.

The story of Petit is focused on his early days as a Parisian street performer and how he accidentally, perhaps it was fate, stumbles upon a photo of the soon to be completed World Trade Center towers. This inspires him to hang a high wire between them and walk it. Helping him along this journey is a very good supporting cast highlighted by Charlotte Lebon as Petit's lover, Annie, and the always excellent Sir Ben Kingsley as his mentor Papa Rudy.

The first two acts of the movie cover Petit's insatiable thirst to create this work of art or "coup" as it is commonly referred to in the film. His drive to accomplish this feat often leaves his accomplices and lover left in the dust as far he's concerned. But this drive is what made this man pull off one of the greatest stunts in history.

Because this was a highly illegal feat, the planning of this stunt made the movie feel like a classic heist movie. But instead of robbing a bank or a casino, they steal a piece of the sky. One thing that has always bothered me as a moviegoer is when two people who's native tongue is not English speak English to each other whilst alone. This movie does a great job of erasing that annoyance of mine.

Then we get to the actual walk. I admit with no shame that I am deathly afraid of heights so when I heard people were getting nauseous at screenings I was hesitant to see this in IMAX 3-D. Boy was I glad I went anyway. For obvious reasons, we know this walk wasn't shot on location with practical effects but the CGI was so good you would think they rebuilt the towers for this movie. The aerial shots were scary as hell, they got my heart pounding but thankfully my acrophobia was held in check.

The 15 minutes we get with Petit on the wire are some of the most intense minutes ever put on film. This is the moment where you realize that only Zemeckis and a handful of other directors could pull this off. Petit wrote a book about this, a great documentary was released about it, and Gordon-Levitt studied with him, he lives. But there are moments that make you think Petit might actually fall to his death and suffer the consequences of his own hubris. And it's all thanks to Robert Zemeckis.

If you have an IMAX theater near you, this IS one of those movies where it's completely worth the $15+ ticket price. It's a great family film about a man who won't quit on his dream no matter how impossible it might seem. Almost every movie made after 9/11 referencing the WTC towers has tried to play on the tragedy of their destruction, this film does not do that. This film showcases the beauty of these buildings and how Petit's walk turned the opinion on them from "ugly filing cabinets" to "a New York icon." This, like almost all of Zemeckis' live action movies, can be enjoyed by pretty much anyone and everyone. A great movie-going experience.

8 out of 10

The Visit (I) (2015)

Good, not great, could have been better

[6/10 · 22 September 2015]

Ever since The Village I have always walked into a Shayamalan movie with the lowest of expectations. That was reinforced by Lady in the Water and cemented as my mindset with The Happening. These movies, along with a lack of children or any interest in the stories, made it easy for me to skip The Last Airbender and After Earth.

So I was intrigued when I heard that Shayamalan took his fat check from the Will Smith story written turd to self finance a smaller movie to regain artistic control over his films. After seeing the first trailer I felt something I hadn't felt since halfway through The Village, excitement for a Shayamalan movie. I avoided seeing any more footage or trailers to keep myself in the dark about any possible spoilers or the trademark Shayamalan twist. However, I still kept my expectations low because we've all been fooled by a good trailer (I'm looking at you, A-Team.)

The Visit exceeded these expectations. I'm not a huge fan of found footage films, mind you, but this one is the exception. The Visit tells the story of two teenagers who visit their grandparents for the very first time. The reason we're told that it has taken this long for these family members to finally meet is because the children's mother, played very well by Kathryn Hahn, ran away from home and hasn't spoken to them since.

The older child, Becca, documents this visit with the hopes of reuniting her mother and grandparents, hence the found footage format. Along with Becca is her younger brother, Tyler, a kid who spends a good amount of the film rapping. As time goes by, the kids begin to notice strange behavior from their grandparents, particularly their grandmother after dark. They soon find out their grandparents are far from what they expected.

My biggest problem with found footage movies has always been the shaky camera. I get it. Someone holding a camera who is running would shake the crap out of it. But when you mainly use that as your source of suspense, a shaky angle where our protagonist is running and screaming, it's a problem for me. This film unfortunately contains that trope but uses it to a lesser extent. The real thrills come from this movie in moments, flashes. A kind of did I just see what I think I did moment. The movie had it's share of jump scares, of course, but once again not overplaying it.

The acting in this movie was fairly good in general, exceptional for a Shayamalan film. The only character I had a problem with was Tyler but his acting was well. He's a teenage boy with confidence, teenage boys with confidence are annoying, and he annoyed me, so kudos to the performance. Both Peter McRobbie and Deanna Dunagan do a great job of creeping you out as the grandparents but the star of this is Olivia DeJonge as Becca. It is through her perspective we mostly see this story and it's her performance that really stuck with me after I left the movie.

Now on to the story, how it plays out, and most importantly, the twist.

SPOILERS BELOW!!!

So as the week of this visit goes on and the kids finally fear for their safety and call their mother to pick them up right away. After showing the elderly couple to their mother via Skype, the mom reveals those are NOT their grandparents. Turns out these people murdered the real grandparents and are assuming their identities. After this revelation the old people really start to lost their sanity and try to kill the children. The children survive, of course, and are reunited with their mother.

As far as the twist goes, I liked it, it served the story well, but you could see it coming from a mile away. The entire time through the movie I thought that could be the twist and it was only confirmed with every scene where the mother could have identified her parents but she didn't. The other twist that I thought could have been possible was that this was all an elaborate prank on the children. And I gotta say, it would have been a GREAT movie albeit with a morbid ending if it were both. If the mom had driven up alone at the end instead of with the police and said, "got ya! they ARE your grandparents!" and these kids just murdered them? Awesome! It didn't happen but I wish it had.

All in all, I rather enjoyed this movie. The suspense was good, the story was told well, but the twist was just too obvious. The movie had more good moments than bad. Yes, it was gross but that dirty diaper to the face scene was awesome. Some of the jokes didn't really land for me but comedy is the most subjective thing ever next to beauty so I can't fault the movie too much for that.

I think that this was a step in the right direction for Shayamalan's career. Hopefully, this will lead him to having control once again of a studio feature. I think that this is a good movie for anyone looking for a decent scare or two for any occasion. A date, hanging with a buddy, or going to the theater with the family.

6 out of 10 stars.

The Gift (VI) (2015)

A smart, tense thriller beautifully executed by Edgerton

[7/10 · 18 September 2015]

Joel Edgerton joins a large list of actors who have gone on to direct a feature with The Gift. He has also joined a much smaller list of actors who make an exceptional film with their directorial debut.

The Gift is a thriller that is hard to take your eyes off of. We begin the story following couple Simon and Robyn, portrayed by Jason Bateman and Rebecca Hall respectively, moving into a new house in a Californian suburb from their previous home, Chicago. After an encounter with Gordon (Edgerton), a man from Simon's past, the couple begins to receive a string of gifts. Whereas Robyn sees Gordon's gesture as hospitality, Simon thinks he has an ulterior motive.

The acting performances in this film are top notch, especially from Bateman. After having achieved so much success in the past with comedic roles it's good to see him step outside of that and take on more serious material. Rebecca Hall does an excellent job in the role of Robyn, the character who carries the emotional journey as well as the movie itself. Last but certainly not least is Edgerton himself. The way he portrays Gordon really messes with your mind as to which character you sympathize with as the story is told.

Edgerton also does an excellent job directing the film. The movie is on a slower pace, as a thriller should be to build tension, but it never really slows down the story. There's a good amount of twists and turns to keep the story from feeling sluggish. This isn't your typical thriller where there is a lot of violence, bloodshed, or, !!SPOILER!!, deaths. In fact, there are no deaths in this movie, on screen or off. The creepiness of the Gordon character is the source of your unease in this movie.

While there are a few jump scares here and there, the real scary thing about this movie is its psychological manipulation. It makes you think about how you treated other kids in school and how you were treated back then. For the most part we have all grown up since high school and have matured but sometimes we hold on to our perspective of that person from back then and this movie plays on that.

This movie ironically made me think of Adam Sandler, particularly the phone call scene with Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison. Maybe being a bigger man and apologizing for your previous sins can save you a load of trouble, it certainly would have for Simon in The Gift.

I enjoyed this movie from start to finish and recommend it to anyone looking for a good story and a tense experience from a very talented actor/writer/director. I wouldn't call it a good date movie, but a enjoyable movie to see with a friend.

Cowboys & Aliens (2011)

A Good Summer Popcorn Flick

[6/10 · 30 July 2011]

Before you read this review, realize that the only Oscar noms this movie will receive is for its special effects. It was a fine summer blockbuster action movie. No, it was not True Grit or The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. But was it better than Transformers 3? You bet your a$$ it was. Daniel Craig, once again, delivers a solid performance in the role he played. It didn't unleash the potential of his talent (I'm waiting for David Fincher's version of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" to see that) but he perfectly fits as Jake Lonergan. Sure, the plot didn't exactly delve into why these aliens were so interested in gold, whether that be greed like human beings had for it during this era or a different explanation, but it did deliver on the action.

Jon Favreau did a fine job blending in the two genres of western and sci-fi. He knew just when to pick up the pace and get the excitement going, and at the same time knew when to slow it down and develop the characters involved. Harrison Ford was...Harrison Ford. My only criticism was that Sam Rockwell was severely underused, much like he was in Favreau's Iron Man sequel. This guy's got talent and will show it off with the right role soon enough.

If you're in the mood for an entertaining sci-fi actioner, this movie is a must see. If you want something with a little more substance, then go see "Another Earth", also a good film. 7 out of 10.