depicco Reviews

Los Billis (2023– )

yet another of those series..

[3/10 · 4 December 2023]

There is something going on with Colombian TV: if is not lame series where people pretend that by acting idiotic they are supposed to be funny, is something related with drugs, gangs, prostitution, opportunism and something that praises violence, ignorance and stepping over others.

When confronted about the situation, the producers response is that this is what people like to watch and that content connects to people, because if there is nothing else to watch and there are no options is because people choose to watch it, and that is how they connect to people because everybody in Colombia is related to drugs, violence, gangs and prostitution; this is the same people that complain when this is how Colombian people are portrayed in foreign series, because is only bad if other people do it.

This basically translates to 'poor us, nobody has come to tell us what to do or made something else we can copy, and by making a series about violence once again we are being oh so intellectual and deep'.

So, yeah, yet another oh so deep series about gangs, violence, drugs and prostitution because there is nothing else to do.

LOL: Last One Laughing Colombia (2023– )

what being a comedian in Colombia means

[2/10 · 23 August 2023]

Some self named comedians start a journey of self discovery where they find out that what they have done their whole lives, act obnoxious and crass, is not funny and tasteless, and the reason other people watch them is to feel better about themselves when they see on TV people that are even more obnoxious and crass.

Some of them discover that dressing in drag, acting like a moron, being vulgar and insulting everybody else will not make other people laugh even after trying their best, which causes confusion as they see other people doing the same and not being funny, so they start to wonder what they will do for the rest of their lives.

The Matrix Resurrections (I) (2021)

Lame cashgrab

[4/10 · 13 March 2022]

Execpt this time is with the same actors, another try at milking a franchise that shows if you use the right title it will give lots of money no matter how pointless or lame it is. If you don't get the point of the franchise simply throw a lot of throwback scenes and fill with empty pointless dialog an voilà, is oh so deep and you have an instant factory-made hit which is the envy of the market research department.

Too bad it resurrected as a zombie.

Monster Hunter (2020)

Awful timing

[7/10 · 29 August 2021]

I changed my mind. I am aware there's a game series about this franchise but I have not played those games, so my comment is not about those games but what I saw on the screen, and that was AWESOME (the monsters look incredible, and ironically they may look better than the cgi used for real machines like helicopters), but the thruth is this is just a mashup of scenes from other monster movies. Great effects and dialogue and acting that would be believable in those situations instead of the witty puns intended to make the characters look cool; this is not about ninja turtles. What a pitty it came out in the middle of the covid thing when nobody could watch it.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Totally missed the point

[4/10 · 28 August 2021]

Kinda like Dragon Ball, made as a cash grab because if it has Nightmare on Elm Street in the title people will go watch it, even if they are not aware why people liked the franchise in the first place. If this movie did not follow the franchise probably people would not think as bad of it, but probably would not be remembered either; kind of an average movie on its own.

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018)

Not bad, but not great

[6/10 · 28 August 2021]

The first one was kind of meh, the second was genuinely funny and gave me a reason to expect a third one, but it turned out to be kind of a dissapointment.

It is kind of a rehersal of the first one; instead of witty it is stuffed with gimmicks like old cartoons: if you make funny faces is supposed to be funny, even if this is all you do.

Gemini Man (2019)

Good enough

[8/10 · 13 April 2021]

The story is predictable; there will be no surprises and if you know before-hand the premise of the film you will know what is gonna happen through the whole movie.

Having said that, what appears on the screen is quite impressive most of the time. The acting is good, the scenary is beautiful though not a fan of making bullet holes and damaging walls of historic buildings, and the announced de-aging looks quite impressive and convincing. Almost ironically the CGI fails somewhere else. This is not a Marvel/Disney movie and you will not expect people shooting laser beams from space guns, yet some of the fights look as if they were taken from a Spiderman movie, with bouncy characters that don't follow a natural behavior, instead of real people fighting. Some of the dialogues are cheesy and simply follow the villain persona, but overall is an adequate option to spend two hours.

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

Like an awkward itch..

[6/10 · 16 February 2021]

As most previews reviews, it may not have been that bad on its own or as a reboot, but this is not a reboot; instead it states that if you want to milk the franchise you can pretend that no natter how many times you defeat the big bad threat it will reappear as a deux ex machina just because; that if the characters get too old you can replace them with younger ones and that even if the main character has no special treat that makes them unique (which was one of the lessons of the movie, you can be special too if you believe hard enough!) it is 'that' character that has to be protected even if anybody can take her place (then else there would not be a movie)

On the other hand the big guy uses his strenght to choose curtains and walllapers it seems (or as they point out in the movie itself, to hide to his family that he weights a quarter of a ton), and Sara C. pretends to be disgruntled while trying to supress her laughter through the whole movie

For some reason the super-soldier from the future could not bring along some weapons like emps or even medicine for herself, though the idea of a machine that can split in two phases is kind of cool, even if many times the CGI was kind of cheesy.

Still the characters are women and it includes ratial diversity, so if you hate it is because you are a misogynist or are against Mexicans even if they had to choose a Colombian actress for the role, or you don't recognize women empowerment even if the main character does nothing heroic through the whole movie and the other characters are the ones that keep saving her unlike in previous movies.. kinda meh.. better just take it for what it is when craving something cheesy, but not to take it seriously

Mile 22 (2018)

Annoying

[5/10 · 6 December 2020]

Independent of plot which does not seem bad it's got vices carried along the whole movie. Camera makes jumps in no longer than 6 seconds; that means there is not a single lapse of 10 seconds through the whole movie where the view remains still, even when people are simply talking, because you know, it's got to have action and which better way than annoying the viewer. At least 20% of the movie time is the character slapping the rubber band in his wrist. Because of the camera jumps fight scenes are just a bunch of random kicks and closeups that don't mean much. Dialog in many ocassions seems pointless and out of context, like 'want some coffee?' And instead of answering about the coffee you just yell how not achieving the goal will destroy the world (not real quotes from the movie to avoid spoilers, but kinda). Also, because is an action movie, people can not talk as if they were not high on caffeine. Gets tiresome; none of these things add value to the story or to the movie, just gimmicks, and actually gimmics that tarnish and make it hard to see a movie that otherwise would have been good

Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)

Another proof that critics don't know s*t

[9/10 · 16 May 2020]

I liked the first one, but this one is closer to the idea I have of Silent Hill. Nice effects, and a wide display of creatures and settings from the franchise. All those critics, both from 'professional' reviewers and here seem generic like what somebody would say from any picture that the reviewer wants to critizice. I saw it as something well done and consistent with the franchise

Galaxy Quest (1999)

Almost...

[7/10 · 21 March 2020]

There is a reason why classic Ghostbusters is a classic and new Ghostbusters sucks big time. A good actor would try to relate with the emotion he is trying to represent and act according to the situation, so the public can relate to the characters; this way, if they were good actors they would not base their acting in clichés and situations that have no reason to be, like using eyeglasses with duct tape or covering the eyes to represent he is an idiot; that only shows the actor is an idiot in real life.

Galaxy Quest has them both. In an aniversary interview the writer is clearly upset when asked about the way the aliens talk and walk. The original script had the aliens passing as normal akward humans, but it turns out the actor that plays Mathesar got creative and it seems that if they did not talked like that or walked like that, they were not akward enough and they could not have passed as nerdy people in a convention; the result is something nobody can relate to, since nobody acts like that in real life. Luckily the script was good, there were good actors other than that and there is goog CGI, or it would have been a mess because an actor that did not know how to act the part, and a director green lightning that. Making that aside, is a movie to watch and enjoy in a lazy weekend

Gamer (2009)

Almost

[5/10 · 13 November 2019]

The plot is good and it's got nice visual elements, but it tries too much to 'be original'; that means useless camera jumps, oh so witty 'echoes' and repeat a sentence over and over and the same other stuff that every other film that tries to be original ends up doing. You know, making all the film dark and move the camera dark so the viewer does not know what's on screen (Godzilla), shaking the camera as if the camera-man had seizures because they want to show he is an amateur (Clobber) is not original, is stupid; making a building round because everyone else does it as a rectangle or growing a beard as everybody else that tries to show his individuality does, is not original. All sheeps that try to show they are different end up doing the same as all other 'original' sheeps. This is a hipster movie

The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XXIX (2018) Season 30, Episode 4

Huh?

[2/10 · 30 October 2019]

Hard to find words for it; not funny at all instead I was left with wtf? Clearly they ran out of ideas and instead just shoved a bunch of weirdness to fill the time

Rock of Ages (2012)

Uh?

[2/10 · 28 August 2019]

Yea, when I think about rock n roll definitely what comes to mind is a Brodway musical, rock indeed

Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (2016)

Good enough for cable

[4/10 · 13 July 2019]

I didn't see this movie when it was in theaters but back then it got some rap; I thought it was prejudice as I was one of those who had ideas about it even before seeing it, but it turns out it was a well deserved rap. The first ones are cult movies because people liked them, and part of it was because of the characters; we felt empathy with them. Funny enough, it was not Melissa McCarthy the one that pissed me off as I thought it was gonna happen; instead it was Kate McKinnon whose character turned to be irritating every time she appeared. As it happens in Hollywood you can not recognize the personality of a character if it is not based on clichés, and how can you tell she is a genius if she does not act weird and be a jerk all the time (normal people would not understand). Kate McKinnon is the most obvious case, but all characters are supposed to be the equivalent of a character of previous movies; yet it feels forced and formulaic, and does not feel like something a real person would do. In general is overacted and all cameos feel like filling a quota. The effects, though not bad, neither are something out of the ordinary as any movie that uses CGI today. As a good point the characters that appear most on the screen are also tolerable (Wiig and McCarthy). Not a piece of art, but good enough to pass the time in a weekend when you are too lazy to check what else is on.

Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

Just .. wow!

[10/10 · 3 March 2019]

The joy after coming out of the theater was turned into bitterness just a few minutes after. How is is possible that a piece of crap like Star Wars 8 (or 7) still keeps a high score yet a movie like this does not? Are they so low that those cretins do not only keep inflated the scores of garbage but do they also pay to trash the scores of other movies? I see no other reason; after all , the 'profesional' reviewers that score this one low are the exactly same that score those other ones high. But not all those cretins' fault. I just went to watch this movie because a friend of mine invited me, but not for the posters, neither the trailers, neither the publicity (or lack of it) lead me to have the slightest idea how was it gonna be; also, at first it didn't help to know this was directed by Robert Rodriguez (the content is what matters, so why spend money or effort in decent effects or more than basic CGI), but the hand of Cameron Diaz also shows; it turned out to be a mix of the best of each one, with more than impressive scenarios and effects, good acting and a plot that will grab you till the end (not really end, there is a cliffhanger). Absolutely worth watching and hoping that it will be released in 3d when it comes as home video

Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)

spoiled franchise

[3/10 · 18 February 2019]

Spoiler alert: episode 7 is the same as episode 4

another spoiler alert: episode 8 is the same as episode 5

another spoiler alert, even though by the time of writing this it has not been released, but if you don't see it you are quite short of sight: episode 9 (hopefully the final one, though since is Disney we should only hope, since they are willing to milk this cow as long as it gives them money): episode 9 is gonna be the same as episode 6

you see, Disney cashed a s*load of money for this franchise, and not because they love the story or because they are Star Wars fans; is because Disney is a business and this franchise made a lot of money back in its time. But that is the problem; back in its time; past time. The money fans were willing to spend, they have already spent it, years (decades) ago. But Disney cashed that money expecting something in return. So how do you sell something old, made more than 30 years ago, to people today? don't those films appear all the time in reruns? how do we show them to new people who just keep hearing old timers about how good it was, but with new CGI and whatever is it that new people are willing to pay to go see? well, we can't do a remake, or old timers and hardcore fans are gonna tear into pieces, and we can not change the story for the exact same reason, mostly since stories today are not made by people who care about the story but by people who review charts and market studies and follow templates. So how about a remake but we don't call it a remake, put whoever as escape goat but call him 'director', and throw in a lot of budget in marketing? so, let's just sit and wait for the last chapter, the revenge of CGI and the return of a lame story with no plot basis (I want to be the baddest because grandpa was bad, and I want to be even worst just because, nobody can be more bad than me.. but that is not the most idiotic basis for a plot, because Disney says so)

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

an abstract picture: looks nice, but what the heck is it

[8/10 · 22 April 2018]

Is true what the critics say, is humorless; I find it way better than what 'the other brand' does, use a template that says 'insert bad pun here', and 'who gives a damn about depth, just look cool' (because that's your priority when they are shooting at you). The visuals, the acting and the energy are all there, but rarely will the viewer know what are they talking about or what is going on. Is kinda a mashup of 'cool scenes' threaded togheter, but instead of making a story, the add up to that; a mashup of random order

Land of the Lost (2009)

cheesy, silly, perfect!

[9/10 · 26 January 2018]

The movie is based loosely on some technobabble things about time travel, which is an insult to the intelligence of those of us who have read about it in a newspaper or heard about it somewhere, because the theory as treated in the movie does not coincide with physical facts, and the plot is represented by subjects that have no idea about what they are talking about.

Of course! what did you expect; that they represented time travel as it happens in real life? that the parallel universes looked like the parallel universes we already know? what kind of bloody idiotic moron would go to a kids movie then starts criticizing it because the characters were childish, or because the plot was so simple that kids could understand it even though it was advertised that way? No, this is not a kids movie, but it follows the same situation where somebody spoofs a zombie movie and mocks the hero because zombies walk slowly, and everybody criticizes the movie because now they don't feel like their heroes are so super after running away from slow walking zombies.

It said 'Will Ferrell' in the cover, what did you expected. It is a comedy; it was never presented any other way. There are lots of bad reviews because the series made you feel intellectual when you watched it as a kid but now you feel ridiculed. Yes, that's what normally happens when you see something that is a spoof of something else. Also, if you feel ridiculed when you took your kids to see how awesome was the series you watched as a kid, and instead you show them potty humor, you may have thought about it before taking your kids to a movie that was rated PG13

Actually, It is a good think they made this movie, as it's been long since a comedy like this was made, from the times of 'Naked Gun', 'Hot Shots' or even 'Top Secret' (and maybe Mystery Men). Nobody knows how to make good comedies anymore.

On the other hand, is incredible that thru the movie all actors do their part with a straight face; is like they were born to play these characters.. and all wrapped in a beautiful photography. All desert scenes are just picture perfect, and could perfectly be taken as a still and be framed. The CGI, despite some comments, was really nice and convincing; and puppet effects were also adequate in a cheesy way that makes the movie be aware of itself. Is like they were breaking the fourth wall all the time, without actually doing it once.

Is a great movie for what it is, and sorry it did not made you feel like you wanted to be the main character. Suck it up.

Godzilla (2014)

the parts of the screen that were not black looked nice (probably)

[6/10 · 22 January 2018]

Anything you place on the screen, if not by Michael Bay, will be a piece of art compared to that one of 1998; and this one holds it true. Better acting, better plot and better characterization of Godzilla as we expected to see it. There is a problem though; as you see the movie you may see similarities to another movie, 'Cloverfield', and the reason, besides watching big monsters leveling a city, may be because of gimmicks that instead of 'giving personality' to the film, actually end up screwing it. In Cloverfield you get some guy unable to hold steady a camcorder with no image stabilization, and apparently the guy also has seizures and films the whole thing while trying to keep the equilibrium while juggling chainsaws with the other hand; there is no other explanation as to why they moved the camera so much that makes the spectator want kick both the director and the camera men in the teeth, as 'trying to give the impression of an amateur camera man' would not justify it. There is no problem with shaky images here; instead, somebody though that it would be a good idea to show a black screen and every once in a while show a silhouette or a border of something that you may recognize or not; sometimes you may even think that you are watching a shadow puppet show with some radio-drama on the background. But the parts that could be probably recognized, still were better than the unmentionable

Teen Titans Go!: The Cape (2013) Season 3, Episode 53

cool for being real

[8/10 · 26 July 2017]

this show is really cool in a way: it is its own show and lets itself try its own things, and doesn't try to prove anything to anybody. If the producers feel like it would be cool to make an episode where all the sounds are made by people saying 'pew pew' and making fart noises with their mouths, then they do it. If they feel like doing an episode with stop motion or puppets, they do it, and it comes out as something awesome. If they don't feel like making hero things in a hero series, and showing the characters silly and foolish, they do it, and it also comes out like something great.

In this way, they felt like it would be cool to dub an old episode and mock things like the heroic pose (with the cape that moves when there is no wind), or the evil pose (that pretends to hold something in his hand), or the blob that got wrinkled because he was too long taking a bath, or the 'wall formation for no reason'.. and it was hilarious. Then again, if you pretend to watch this series because if you watch a hero animated series you are a bad ass.. get a life. And grow up.

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)

if this board accepted negative values, the value would not fit anyway

[1/10 · 21 July 2017]

This movie does not make the viewer think about 'Transformers'; it may instead make him think about 'The Simpsons'. Why? because there is an episode in 'The Simpsons' where they send some people to the sun in a rocket. It may be a better world if we get Trump (the orange puppet) and Bay and a few others in a rocket and ship them away. Or at least, if they were not around, some people may not feel that they wasted their money and 140 minutes of their lives.

Spectre (I) (2015)

uninspired and disappointing

[4/10 · 24 May 2017]

This work includes all fan-service expected from the franchise: babes that will fall madly in love with the character after two minutes of knowing him and after the guy tells them he killed their loved ones, playing with cool gadgets so everybody sees he is a spy, bad dudes that instead of shooting him in the head when he is standing in front of them first they have to tell him their convoluted plan and leave him for a convoluted death after they leave the room, being so awesome that bullets fired from a close distance don't touch him yet he kills all the bad guys with his eyes closed while keeping the balance over the nose of a shark while he juggles chainsaws over the top of a volcano (because he is that awesome).. OK, I am making things up, but he is awesome, all babes love him after just seeing him the first time (I wonder if that also happens in real life to the actors that characterize the guy).. and all that stuff. That's not the disappointing part, since that is actually the reason everybody would go see a movie of the franchise; though is getting old rather quickly.

But concerning inspiration.. this movie comes from a plot arc where we wanted to know who killed his loved one, then who kept killing the loved ones from the following movies (and so on).. and we wanted to know what was with that; which one was the sinister organization that was making him miserable and was hinted in all movies (except previous one) where the character was represented by current actor.

How about uninspired: it turns out all terrorism around the world, all evil was orchestrated by an unknown step brother, who organized all world terrorism expecting that specifically him, who would become a spy, would deal with the most cliché villains (including the one from the previous movie that was not related with this arc), and also expecting to kill his loved ones.. and it was all because of brother jealousy. And only he could save the world, while some other guy tries to stop a world wide system that will doom everybody but it starts after a countdown (instead of just some guy pressing 'enter') and that apparently can not be stopped after it starts (it's not as if after discovering the system was bugged they could just say 'stop the system' or something like that). Boo hoo. I mean.. how pathetic can you get when creating a story to justify the supposedly evil organization..

Need for Speed (2014)

facepalm

[3/10 · 1 August 2016]

* Oh, so this is a car? Which one is the steering wheel? Tee hee. Yes, you obviously don't know because you are a girl

* OK, I'll lend you this two and a half million car that even though is a stock car can run faster than anything else and costs twice as much than a 320 km/h supercar, just because you ask me to lend it to you (and this whole movie is not just a two hour commercial)

* OK, you lend me this car and is yours, but I don't wanna be with you in the car and for some reason I believe that if I act like a douche you will get off and let me do with the car as I please, because anybody would let go a two and a half million car just because, instead of just walking away with their car

* OK, I'll be flying and will tell you which route to take to get there with the least trouble and in the safest way so you can get there in the short time you have to travel that long distance, are you ready? OK then, go in the wrong way as you have done so far every time during the movie every time you want to go faster, as avoiding the incoming traffic will make you move faster.

* Hmm.. so we want to know which problems has the car that we built ourselves in a garage? OK then, the best way is to watch it through the window of a tall building, from way up hardly noticing what we could see by just being close to it, with a cop behind, and risk the car even though we need it for the race that is supposed to happen in less than 48 hours at the other side of the country

(Change channel)

.. And wasn't it supposed to be based on the Need for speed games? besides of driving cars, where is the slightest remote connection?

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)

great!.. just as it was the first time

[5/10 · 7 January 2016]

just a little background: the franchise is now owned by Disney. That means, everything 'Star wars' from now on, is intended to make money trough emotional manipulation, and will be expected to be milked till somebody is willing to spend a dime in something Star Wars related.

But since the movie is not intended for kiddies, even though is announced in network channels intended for kids way below the age rating of this, they could not just say 'time to make money, let's review the target audience marketing research and let's make a movie about it, even tough is just stuffing, but with characters that can be licensed and converted to toys'.. wait.. OK, maybe big boys like spaceships that can be converted into toys, but the point is, instead of making a movie about cars or planes or ninjas because the study says kiddies like cars and planes and ninjas.. (probably the next Disney movie: the car ninja that did not know she was a princess, and even though it was a ninja needed a charming prince to rescue her).. OK, I am digressing.. where was I? ahh yes, Disney, big kids. So instead of making a research about what big boys like, they just purchase a franchise that big boys like. But they have to give a product, and maybe big kids are more critical than little kids, so its not enough to just place a character that acts stupid and then pretend that's funny. So how not to kill a franchise so lucrative? well, how about give exactly the same thing that made the franchise so lucrative. People are not gonna criticize the big bad satellite that can destroy planets, because, after all, that's why they liked it before no? or people are not gonna criticize that the guy that did not know he (she) had superpowers has to meet her master in a distant planet because, after all, Yoda is one of the most loved characters is he not? or how about starting the movie with a robot that has a stolen map. If people loved it before, they would not criticize it now would they? How about the renegade pilot, how could they criticize it when he was the bone of the previous movies. Every single plot point was copy pasted from a previous movie, so instead of a market research interview, is just watching which moments generate more emotion from previous movies, so what a better way to stuff a plot without risking a lot of nerdy fans ranting how they killed the franchise. But now we have better CGI and bigger weapons (hey, the light saber from the bad guy now has THREE spikes!); that should make all nerdy fans happy