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JediMasterCheryl
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Prom Night (2008)
Let's Laugh About Prom Night, Shall We?
The 2008 version of Prom Night sucked wind. I just don't think that the killer is 'creepy' enough - let's face it, Rob Zombie did a better job with his re-make of Halloween; a MUCH better job.
Kudos to Rob Zombie. Rob's take on Halloween was brilliant in really depicting what happened to Michael Myers. He seemed possessed by a demon or even suffering from a particular psychosis that gives him the compulsion to murder, much in the vein of say Dahmer but... not really. Zombie paid homage to Carpenter's original character by incorporating the back story as believable and not a complete retelling marketed with a name that many of us remember as a rather creepy movie from 1980. Despite having what one might consider "Cormanesque" qualities, Carpenter's direction and moody music and shots make for a much more suspenseful thrill-err...where was I?
Oh yes, that stink burger Prom Night:
Also, the acting is rather wooden. While it is commendable to have a racially diverse group of teens acting pretty much the way the rest of the country interprets the quintessential "Valley Girl" persona, the pretty people are just so *blah* that we don't really care if they get stabbed by a stupid little hunting knife. Speaking of which, why hasn't this escaped insane freak stuck on a mask to at least make an attempt to disguise himself? Is he nuts? YES he is. He thinks a shave and haircut will disfigure him enough that none of the people anywhere near this girl in this really weird hotel/disco setting with no group sex scenes that are all the rage (or so I have heard - Jedi do not form romantic attachments - to engage in physical sexual intimacy can create a new Luke Skywalker and there is NO WAY JediMasterCheryl is going there with those crazy kids... uh uh) ...
What does all this have to do with Prom Night? Nothing.
Anyway, so many of these stupid people are killed by this retractable Bowie knife (do they really MAKE those things? Are they hard to acquire when one has just escaped from the prison for the mentally insane? Did this insane freak walk into a town and hit up the local feed store for a large pocket knife with his savings from his prison drawings selling on e-bay or what?) Don't they realise the escaped mental patient needs to have a place to stalk the kids that is set in like THE WOODS ? Isn't sort of important that he can work in secret with big weapons like huge butcher knives, axes, pitchforks and even chainsaws. Friday the 13th would not have worked as well or been nearly as spooky to us if it had been set in a day spa.
Let's face it, those of us old enough to remember seeing Friday the 13th in 3-D at a drive in when it first played know what cheese-ball effects are, and yet even that element of fright (which was cheesy back then, we admit it) can't be equalled by a turkey like "Prom Night."
What effects are in "Prom Night" you might ask? I have seen some pretty good throat slashing in films before "PN" and this kind of killing reminds me a lot more of a deranged deer hunter. Why is he fixated on this girl? It isn't as if she is being played by Courtney Love or Lindsay Lohan (skanks for sure) whom many of us would pay to watch get stalked and killed. Nope this is just some so-so valley girl who does absolutely nothing remarkable except turn down cheer-leading squad for some reason we have no knowledge of. I mean we get absolutely no real clues as to why he fixated on her and killed her whole family. So then we don't care. And we don't care in a, "well this is around the 586th time I have popped "Holy Grail" in the player, and hey presto after watching it so many times because it's funny I can do other stuff while listening to it in the background. So when it catches my attention I remember the exact look on John Cleese face when he rescues Terry Jones.
I was expecting a lady, too.
You see our innate physical human being intuition tells us when things are funny so we watch them to see the great acting and expressions that are part of the overall performance. Yet with "PN" even though it is the first time I was watching this cow-plop of a film when I was distracted by something else I already knew happened based on the tense score and heavy breathing alone. None of the actual deaths were scary or elicited any response other than 'so what' from me. Been there, done that and by much better uses of celluloid than this one.
So to conclude....
This film was frightful; the title should have been "Prom Sh..eye..te." I highly recommend to you that have not yet sat through this piece of drivel to avoid it like the plague. Review old shows like "I Love the 80's" or "Survivor"'s first season where the gay tax evasion fraud guy won instead of watching this movie - honestly, that is how bad it really is. Watching Hayden Christensen act is better than this. (I can't believe I actually just said those words in that order and meant them. Oh goodness, that is yet another sign of the approaching apocalypse my friends,...)
Losers of the Year (2005)
Where is MST3K when you need them?
The movie seriously reminds me of a not well-received film school attempt and probably not even one at the college level. The sound and video quality are a bit too raw and the leading characters don't seem at all believable. Bad acting, bad direction, bad film. I wish I could say something more positive but there is only so much a person can tolerate. It's too bad Mystery Science Theater 3000 is still not in production as this is the type of film designed for the type of teasing, titillating, sarcastic levity for which they are known.
The lead guy and the lead girl have basically zero chemistry and as for the 'loser kid makes good' plot line, how many times can this be done without knowing how the end already ...well... ends. It wasted a great chunk of my time on a recent Saturday but luckily I had other work to do so I focused on that and looked at it for a bit when it seemed that something interesting *might* happen. It didn't.
Don't waste your time unless you want to parody this one yourself.
Last Days (2005)
Boring
I was so stoked to watch this when I saw it on the shelf...what a let down! If this was what his last day was like no wonder he shot himself. The guy in the film, I mean - no way was this anything like Cobain no way! The music (if it can be called that) isn't very good. I loved Nirvana - and this is NOT Nirvana's music or much like it at all.
This had to be the most boring movie I have ever seen - and I have seen lots of documentary films.
Truly awful as little to nothing happens for two hours and when something does happen it is so repetitious or inane it is just dumb.
Don't waste time - re-rent the Flintstones, or better yet that horrible exposition - Westender. Or even better take a walk...it is better than sitting around watching this tripe. More than anyone ever wants to know about the ill effects of drug-fueled stupidity.
Imperium: Nerone (2004)
Hog wash
For a good take on the Roman Empire watch the excellent BBC produced miniseries "I, Claudius". This just sucked. The acting was pathetic and you could almost see the actors looking at the camera. Hans Matheson was irritating. Cheese factor was so high that it promotes constipation with repeated viewings. Even Caligula was tame. I think this film was silently supported by "religious" groups who shall remain nameless ;). The overt tones of Christian favoritism and persecution were blatant if that gives any hint. Stay away what ever you do - the running time is so long that I was able to read Harry Potter's first book faster than the time it took to view this tripe.
Italy has done better - don't let Hans cute face fool you. He is not a great actor...he is a great bore.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Professor Tolkien would be proud!
This movie is wonderful and emotionally stunning! I can hardly wait to see the Extended Edition DVD as the only parts that were glaringly absent to us book readers were the scenes in the Houses of Healing. I would like to see how Eowyn and Faramir finally wind up together. If I have any criticism at all for the series it is the creative liberty that was taken at times. I will never agree with the elves arrival at Helm's Deep or the way in which Faramir was portrayed (although the EE of TTT did go a long way toward redeeming the character's decision). I understand the needs of a movie v. a book, but for those of us who have wanted to see a live action version of this sweeping saga for many years (face it - the Bashki film was incomplete and visual yuck!) - there were a few (but only a few!) disappointments.
ROTK does a great job finalizing the story - the scene in the Paths of the Dead was fantastic! The only real regret of the film for me is that Saruman is not given his due and the scouring of the Shire doesn't take place. This leaves the Hobbits with no idea of what Frodo, Sam, Merry ,and Pippin have accomplished for them and gives them no real reason to hold these special fellows in the awe that they deserve...in the books they are given the kudos they deserve because of the way in which they drive back "Sharkey's" forces and reclaim the Shire. The Shire Hobbits have no idea how close they came to losing their beloved homes. A bit disappointing - but the only remedy would have been a 4 hour movie with an intermission (which went out with "Fiddler on the Roof, I think).
Anyway, the film itself is beautiful - both visually and emotionally. I am thrilled that the series has reached its end and am glad that so many new people have been exposed to life in Middle Earth - I have been living there in my heart for the last 25 years since I first read "The Hobbit" and "The Lord of the Rings". I even created my own character and history years ago when we played Dungeons and Dragons in high school...I am Anadorn of Gondor - the hidden sister of a hero in the books! Silly, I know, but we had so much fun back then! I believe that Professor Tolkien would have enjoyed Mr. Jackson's rendition and would have cried, along with the rest of us, at the final parting of Sam and Frodo.
I thank God that JRR Tolkien and Peter Jackson were put on earth in my lifetime and that my fondest wish - to see "The Lord of Rings" become a live-action film in my lifetime - has been realized. My life will never be the same...
Anadorn of Gondor
Zoolander (2001)
I don't think a lot of people really understand how funny Ben Stiller really is...
I laughed my rear off at this movie in the theater and absolutely had to own it on video (and now DVD!). Aw, c'mon people, where is your sense of irreverence? Ben is a comic genius (it's in his blood) and too many folks try to pick apart his movies because he is "quirky" and operates on a different mental level than most others in his comedic writing/directing style. I hope that Ben continues to make, star in and direct movies HIS way - because the talent is obvious to those who see beyond traditional "comedic acting" and understand his zany sense of humor. Duchovny's part was genius! Owen Wilson - hilarious! And as for slamming Will Farrel - get a life ! How silly and funny is he in this movie? Look at his hairdo! The whole movie is supposed to PARODY the world of fashion modeling - I am just sorry for those of you who "Don't quite get it".