yarik83 Reviews

Richard Hammond's Big! (2020)

Much needed breath of fresh air

[10/10 · 5 March 2020]

Richard is a perfect host for this show. He lights up like a kid for Christmas. Decades of presenting made him comfortable on camera. Show features huge things in which he conquers fears and braves the uncomfortable zone. Very informative and passionate

Cold Pursuit (2019)

What a waste of potential

[3/10 · 2 June 2019]

You cant really accuse a director of plagiarism when they remake their own movie so despite this being a remake let's look at the other aspects of it. Casting was atrocious for crime boss. Dialogue was cheesy and not acting of the big bad boss was truly a sight to forget. You would think that for a second stab at the movie, they would do due diligence. Instead I felt that despite movies being almost identical to each other scene for scene... a lot was lacking in this one.

I felt that lead role was lacking determination that was found in the original film. Heck, even how initial several disappeared... it was no longer raw, no longer revenge but some cheap parlor twice distilled feeble attempt. Whatever happened to the sole of the movie?

In later half it began redeeming itself but only by means of substitution of the original theme for something true to continental united states. It added a certain touch that was probably the only redeemable thing about the movie.

Bad casting to a greater extent, felt rushed. VERY cheaply done cgi.... It just felt like a bad photocopy of the original.

I Say skip the movie and watch the original, you will thank me for it.

The Bad Batch (2016)

One of the few films that truly deserves a 10/10

[10/10 · 27 March 2018]

If you look through my extensive history of rating movies over the many years of being an imdb member, you would know that I only reserve good grades for most special of films. I grade things with brutal honesty and it takes A LOT to get me to grade something a 7, let along 8 or 9 but this, I strongly feel, deserves a 10. Yes a ten.

Camera work is spectacular. Scene composition is absolutely amazing. Most of the scenes do not even require dialogue. Every gesture, every facial expression, every little detail was not missed. Watching silent clips was like watching entire conversation because it was about the scene.... not some lazy rehashed instant gratification copy paste algorithm that is applied to movies.

This movie literally had a story line and that story line was of a post apocalyptic no hope at all, no light at the end of the tunnel... just surviving sort of thing.

From the first few minutes to brutality of what came after to wandering about the universe that was created by the writer/director... it was hitting all the right buttons.

Watching this on my home projector on a 10 foot wide screen just blew entire movie out of the water. I felt that it was a breath of fresh air. I felt that this movie was exactly what I was looking for.

Granted to the most impatient one, this movie is certainly a no go. This is not about gore, this is not about action... this is not some mad max 2 with Charlize theron driving about the desert. This was about anything but that.

I felt drawn to the story line for a change and helped by amazing scenery and stunning videography it just made a 5 and then a 6 and then an 8 and then a 10.

Whether it was something as simple as sun blistered character or random bizzare group of people who clearly did not fit in.... this movie just kept getting better and better for me.

I am so thankful that I ordered it on Netflix. I can see how this little gem can be clearly overlooked.

Skiptrace (2016)

Heavily underrated and only because audience won't retire a 62 year old fighter

[6/10 · 7 December 2016]

Jackie has announced long ago that he would stop filming kung fu style movies. After all he is already 62 as of writing of this message. The man has given us 4 long decades of high flying, high profile, death defying self stunt magnificence. But audience just can't let go... let the man be... he is old... injured many times over. Let him enjoy the other genres.

This movie was not about fighting, most certainly not. This movie was about showing magnificence of mongolia and china alike through cinematic and cultural traditions. This movie literally gave everything it had to give. Sure sure... this could have been a remake of rush hour... but that time has passed and Johnny is the new kid on the block. Their on screen chemistry is pretty good and while premise of the movie was silly some of the times... well most of the time... and while acting was cheesy and characters were unbelievable... it was not about that. It was about 2 men going on a cross country trip by plane, train, automobile, on foot on a raft, in a weird looking car, on top of a donkey, by mule, clinging to a pig float and generally giving us sides of mongolia and china that we normally do not see.

I give this movie a well deserving 6. It could have gotten a 10, have they stripped all the irrelevant mumbo jumbo from beginning and the end. This movie would have been a success just showing a road trip.

Warcraft (2016)

Great waste of potential

[4/10 · 5 December 2016]

I vividly remember standing in 2004 in freezing cold of new jersey gamestop parking lot with 500 nerds huddling like penguins. We all participated in beta release of the game...and now with great reluctance of employees who were forced to stay through the night selling copies, trying to keep us from freezing to the pavement, all of us walked out frostbitten and sleep deprived.

I consumed myself in the game, played 60-80 hours while working full time, going to college full time and sleeping on a school bus between classes. I explored the world, the game, the lore (much akin to JR Talkien creating history behind a story). Years later I was still hooked. I had to walk away from the game with a heavy heart in 2009 but it was a choice that I had to make. At that time we heard feint rumors of blizzard considering putting together a movie. General consensus was that it was not warranted but if it did happen, movie would have to live up to expectation of millions upon millions of fans. As of 2 years ago it was 100 million people in 244 countries. You heard that right, 100 million people. 1.4% of entire planet and if you consider that 3 billion people do not have access to civilized technology that comes out to 2.5% of population. That is huge.

And so you would think that after spending years and years making arguably one of the best video games in the world with one of the best stories ever told with one of the most developed story lines and plot lines and interesting characters and folklore and music and ambiance and islands and mountains and forests and races and just about everything... this had every single making of becoming Lord of the rings 2.0.... except it did not.

Casting for the movie was absolutely atrocious, except for maybe Garona character. Storyline was so condeluted that I felt like I was watching a made for TV pax program. Graphics were amazing but hey what do you expect.... blizzard has all the tools at their disposal.

But the movie just plain sucked. It felt like watching a horrible concoction of monty python mixed with power ranges and one of those cheesy dragon movies. It felt like story was not told, it was rushed through. It felt like people who were in charge of entire thing literally had no idea. Main cast were borderline cringe worthy. Mage looked like the world's biggest dungeons and dragons nerd. All other characters were just cheesy. And yes with all the marvels of technology unfolding before our eyes in spectacular cinematic.... but none of that compensated for a very dull, very pointless and very unremarkable story that did not need to be told.

I genuinely felt violated in more ways than one. They literally had the story line and the script from the game. They literally had characters. They had the world and designs and animations and models and every little single thing.... and they still failed.

Director has produced 2 remarkable movies prior but you can't put a man in charge of a game when the man does not play said game. He had no comprehension of what the game was really about. Producer is known for butchering great concepts and then making a mockery out of them. I can go name by name and explain why each and every producer and executive producer was a wrong person for the job.

The biggest fear in 2009 was that if blizzard was to ever produce a movie, they would not do it justice. I can't believe I am saying this but after doing it justice in graphics department, blizzard blew it... movie flopped... barely recovered enough to cover the costs. Last I heard they needed 20 more million dollars to even break even. Sweet lord... this could have been a beginning of something beautiful... maybe 6 or 9 movies... I just hope in next version they learn from their mistakes.

I hate for them to have made a mockery of the incredible tale that is world of warcraft but honestly I am not surprised.... their qualifications are producing batman movies, wrath of the titan movies and that is about it. In other words they are wrong people for the job.

This job should have been given to James Cameron or something of the sort with a team of people who are capable of delivering.

Gone Girl (2014)

I gave this a 6 but it really deserves a 4

[6/10 · 10 January 2016]

To quote Abraham from the walking dead... "loose ends make my a.. itch." and this movie is no exception. To execute a perfect double jeopardy (flashback to the movie from yesterdecade) one would have to make sure that story and all the nuances are tied together. First there has to be a way to collaborate the plot line, then producers have to cross the t's and dot the i's.

If you look at a movie such as Predestination you will be met with inevitability of major plot holes that could not be left alone and so producers of that movie watched the cuts to and from until they got it right.

Gone girl... well there is a lot of gone and a lot of girl but girl is surely not gone. Gone is my patience when movie came to a screeching halt.

Beginning of the movie seemed slightly out of place. Here comes a scruffy looking guy standing over by the trash cans. Problem is that trashcans were not at the end of his driveway where they normally would be. No... they were up a 45 degree slope, over the 3ft stone wall conveniently placed in such a way to make a sweeping shot of the actor moving from starting position to his house. I should have known it then... that producers were not being careful.

And so they have this nearly perfectly executed story line until about 1 hour and 20 minutes into the movie, at which point it all turns sideways. They should have stopped then but no siree bob... they wanted to tell the other side of the story. And so they had this intelligent woman with a certain attention to detail befriend some questionable characters and her entire master plan falls through like a house of cards. And then we boomerang back to some filthy rich guy that comes back into her life and she turns from a mastermind into a murderer. Rest of the story just does not make sense.

And bear with me folks. It does not make sense because producers looked at the length of the movie and figured that they were already 2 hours into it... and figured they could wing it. Entire story of her return and supposed loose ends just did not tie into cleverness of the movie at all and the FBI and police just stood back like a bunch of buffoons acting like a clueless bobblehead even if story appeared even more ridiculous than the story of her murder.

To start off there were no injuries on her that would rectify the whole being hit with a blunt object to bleed profusely all over the kitchen. Then... who err... has a credit line of 117,000 smackaroos, especially if they are both unemployed and out of money? All the gifts were conveniently stacked in one place in a barn and knowing of the gifts neither husband nor the sister did anything to remove them from said barn even with ample amount of time. And then there is an issue of money. Completely broke... husband "hired" the lawyer who chargers ridiculous fees. And then there is a wife who is estranged and got what she wanted... a whole bloody mansion all to herself and a man that would worship her at her feet... but no she manufactures this thing about being continuously assaulted, even though it would appear in footage only once and I mean I can be at it all day... you know like saying that there was no evidence of hot stud muffing driving his car to her house or anything tying house murder scene to him but well.. the guy is dead... killed by a box cutter by a woman who was supposedly starved and tied up entire time.

If they had an alternative ending... that is to say they scrubbed a whole half an hour from the tail of the movie and gave it some good Agatha christy twist... this movie would have been a very respectable 8/10... instead I am giving it a 6 but really wanting to give it a 4 for sloppy writing.

Jurassic World (2015)

Insult to legacy of the franchise. Mediocre at best

[4/10 · 19 June 2015]

I can't believe Spielberg would sign off on this movie. I honestly can't. Just for sake of transparency let's go back to year 1993. Computer animation was just taking off, animatronics was about the only viable option and naturally on location shoots and heart and soul that went into creating what we now know as classic. Skip ahead a few years and we got a sequel. On the heels of the original, this one failed to impress with same grandeur but it has done well enough for an honorable mention. And then they tried to fix all of their mistakes in movie #3. If it was not for Sam Neil dragging movie by the scruff, I think it would have been a flop. So we went from 1993, 1997 and 2001. You would have thought that after so many years (22 to be exact), they would have had the decency to produce something more than a mediocre flick.

OK so animation was there... tell us something new... these days computer animation and green screen is not only the norm but people are too lazy to travel around the world making some movies entirely in the hangar of Hollywood. It would work for something like an Avatar with its Pocahontas storyline but Cameron spared no expense and crossed all t's and dotted the i's.

With prevalence of CGI we were expecting a story line, which never came. Acting was absolutely atrocious and when I say that, I am actually being generous. Control room staff was beyond belief... as if they literally picked them off a starbucks line and said... "just sit there and say this really stupid line".

Naturally the muscle of the movie with military inclination was completely unbelievable. It was not a typical macho super muscular played by some former US marine... no we got stuck with Vincent D'onforio... as if while scraping bottom of the barrel they found him sitting there with a puppy eye look just begging for a role. I don't know who's back he had to scratch but his contribution to the movie or lack of there of was evident in both his dialogue and character development.

And then we have the boys... especially the older one. I honestly got tired of rolling my eyes in the movie theater.

Lady Bryce was absolutely and totally out of place. Poor casting choice there. At the very least poor character story line in every single sense of the way.

This movie has failed to deliver. It is an insult to the franchise. In this day and age you would expect that movie #4 that was built upon legacy of a cult classic would have given an honest effort. In reality this was barely watchable. Yeah I heard a few chuckles in the audience but those were in regards to little boy saying something funny every now and then. Audience never so much let out a peep.

I think Spielberg has lost his focus. Ever since he went into being a mr fancy pants, his movies have been atrocious. Without his directing and without his vision... these directors and producers really behave like three blind mice just running around the box flinging stuff at walls hoping it would stick.

Spielberg... you have lost your credibility by signing off on this movie.

If you read other reviews, they will go in depth as to why this movie failed to deliver. I honestly can't find the words in me to say anything more... I am so livid.

Falcon Rising (2014)

I honestly don't know what the fuss is about

[4/10 · 16 June 2015]

I am not going to label myself as a fan of anybody because I honestly don't know anyone in the movie except for Neal McDonough and one look at him and you know he is going to play some sort of CIA guy or ambassador guy or one of those office pencil pushers who is secretly a super agent.

Movie starts off on a dark note and I can understand how and why they chose to begin that way but the rest of the movie was so twice removed from the intro that you begin to wonder why even include it in the first place?!

Story was highly predictable. Some corrupt cops, some bad guys, some other bad guys who are just thugs and then some super bad guys.

One of the biggest issues I had with this movie is that fights looked very believable but the rest of the movie did not. You could practically recite every single line for every single person in the movie if you had it on mute. I thought it was a poor choice of decision to make this movie anglo-latino bilingual. Make Latin culture communicate in their native tongue, none of this cross bridging nonsense. Naturally they did not film in Brazil so it was very obvious by location shoot, accents, languages used and more.

If you can generally survive predictable dialogue and somewhat of a predictable story line and poor acting and highly predictable characters... this movie is a decent watch while waiting for something more substantial to arrive in a netflix queue.

One of the biggest problems with this movie is that it could have been ohh so much more. Instead we have an unstoppable machine that was a little too powerful for the movie itself. If you remember a movie like Elite Squad and Elite Squad Enemy Within... that gets you a general ballpark of quality of movies that could have come out of this whole thing. Even on a low budget it is possible to produce such an amazing movie like Juan of the dead or Una Noche (granted I felt this movie had a lot of flaws but at the very least quality of film stood out).

One of the biggest issues of shoving a big brute into a movie and not giving him appropriate competition is that he or she will inevitably turn into Steven Segal that pretty much plows through anything and anyone and you quickly lose interest. You need to have right opponents and this movie, honestly, did not deliver that. Even in closing scenes there was no sitting on the edge of your seat.

The story of a veteran is a story that was re-told about a zillion times. The face of a Neal is telling enough to let you know that there will be politics and corruption involved. The cheesy detectives let you know what the movie is about as soon as camera pans to them.

I gave this movie a 4 and I honestly think it could get a 6 if it tried a little harder.

Vehicle 19 (2013)

Diamond in the very rough

[5/10 · 5 November 2014]

One of the worst things about watching foreign cinema is that many people domestically do so through a Hollywood lens. Hollywood has had well over 70 years to polish and refine its act so when we see an emergent market producing movies we do not embrace it from their standpoint.

Give this movie a chance and you will see that before a diamond is made a jewel... it was once a carbon stone that required cutting and chiseling and polishing. Think Phone Booth with Collin Farrel only done by someone less popular, less time was spent thinking about it but you know what... it is a start. Maybe in the next 20 or so years we will see emergence of really good movies from the African continent and for that to happen local to there cinema must go through its paces.

This movie has an OK plot... nothing to boast about but in a matter of speaking it was not a let down because plot was wonky or because camera work was deplorable... no... the movie parked itself a solid 5/10 and only because it was not polished. I want you to imagine watching this movie again, only this time Paul "Car Guy" Walker is driving that van like he stole it. Only this time director of photography and screen writers make it into something beautiful and boom you have a Hollywood blockbuster.

If you can generally overlook all the flaws in this movie, this is actually a pleasure to watch, certainly more so if you are not hung up on movies only made domestically.

South African cinema is trucking along.

Seal Team Eight: Behind Enemy Lines (2014 Video)

This is a good movie wrapped up in bad cocoon but bear with me

[5/10 · 28 October 2014]

I think as a viewer you can't honestly expect a blockbuster from a low end production studio. Given that frame of reference I find it amazing that director of photography went above and beyond. It was as if he or she poured their heart and soul into it and it shows. Yes the plot line is overused and yes there are elements in which you roll your eyes and yes dialogue is silly but behind all of that there is some good fun to be had in this movie.

Camera work (minus the usual hand-held) was spot on. We got to see elements of Africa in all of its beauty zebras and all.

I gave this movie a 5, even though I think it really deserves a 3 but it honestly tried. Was it not for silly dialogue and over the board trivialized gunfights and 9 gazillion bullets that never hit anything and the pointless explosions and yes even nudity... outside of all of that we have a flick that you can rent on a rainy day to enjoy.

We have become so spoiled by high production films that I actually do genuinely enjoy these college graduate movies and it felt like a college graduate's first movie. It was unpolished but it is a start.

The Liquidator (2011)

This movie is fantastic in context of its own genre.

[8/10 · 31 July 2013]

If you know anything about cinema then you will know that Hollywood is not the only entity to produce movies. As such every country has their own actors and producers and directors and filming crew. Every country does it their own way using whatever budget they have.

Having lived in Kazakhstan for a year this movie is very dear to me because I actually went to Alma-Ty a few times during my stay. That being said let's look at what this movie has to offer.

As one might guess this movie was filmed in Kazakhstan and in Russian language. Before collapse of USSR a lot of Russians were stationed there so naturally that is why you see Asian people intermixed with Caucasian people. Movie is obviously in Russian so all documents and text and screens and news and whatever else are all in Russian. This has not been filmed for American audience and why should it? Americans do not watch foreign cinema so for those of you getting all bent out of shape over how much time so and so had on the screen, rest assured that any man getting paid to do his job will not refuse it, even if it is a bad movie he is starring in. Money is money.

In this case movie is actually very good. Make no mistake this is not a masterpiece but in the context of the genre and in the context of audience it was targeted for this is a film noir, law and order/Bourne flavored movie. We have the guy who seeks justice and dialog is actually very relevant to the movie. I have not watched dubbed version so I watched this in its native tongue and in Russian dialog was right on point. It was not fake, it was not contrived... it was very real and right to the point.

Some notable things about the movie. You saw an obvious clash of cultures. You have the traditionalist Kazakh society and then western influence so that comes with night clubs and fancy cars as one might expect. Another thing to point out is that this movie was not blown out of proportions. This was about a guy trying to do what he thinks is the right thing. I actually miss that. In Hollywood storyline is always side tracked by love interests and other irrelevant topics.

If you can live with the fact that this movie is in Russian and was filmed for Russians and appreciate it in that context then you will enjoy this movie quite a bit.

Prince (2010)

Just give it 20 more years and you will understand why this movie is important to progress of Indian cinema

[7/10 · 1 June 2013]

I will not beat around the bush and come out and say that I gave this movie, with all its flaws, a very respectable 7/10 and let me explain you why.

First and foremost anybody who knows me or have read my comments or reviews through the years knows that I am against high production Hollywood films. In that regard this film proves exactly my point. You can have a lower budget film and still get the stunts, still get the (however goofy) CGI, still get the girls and the guns and the helicopters and the car chases and the unrealistic fight scenes and jumps etc etc.

I honestly do not know whether this movie is a success because wikipedia shows conflicting information at time of me writing this. I think it cost 35 million Indian denominations to make the film and after week 1, even after being declared a flop? it earned 135 million? And then several million dollars abroad. Keeping that in mind I honestly gave this movie a standing chance.

At face value this movie could not be called an action film. If anything this is Johnny English comedy type matrix copycat, mission impossible and bourne trilogy and err let's throw in an iron man while we are at it, mixed into one flavor.

Watching this film was rather unbearable because it was not really dubbed as it was spoken in Indian-English (which I guess is spanglish in that region) so I very quickly turned subtitles. I love watching subtitle movies so they really did not have to multi-language this one. It was awkward watching it that way. That aside let's look at the movie as a whole.

Main character looks almost a carbon copy of Firefly's Nathan Fillion only with darker skin. And then there is the story line. As goofy as it was, I was actually surprisingly pleased that through most of the movie plot line was completely unpredictable. It's this girl, no it's that girl, no it's that guy... wait he did what? wait a minute... where did that... ohhh... but what about.... this movie kept me guessing all the way to the end.

It was rather funny watching shoot out scenes because in 99% of the cases nobody got shot even after thousands of bullets flying around.

I really hope that proposed sequel does not turn into Ong-Bak 2 which lost all of it's steam after about first 5 minutes because story was identical to the first movie.

As India emerges as an economic stronghold it is really interesting to see how it's cinema grows with it. Bollywood was always known for singing and dancing and some sort of silly love rectangle but it is definitely a pleasant sight to find that it is just as capable producing other things too. If Indian cinema stays on track, I honestly thing that it can follow in the foot steps of South Korea with it's amazing movies that came out in last 10 or so years.

Keep up the good job folks... but err... next time let's try and put a little more thought into this?! It would be better that way. Trust me.

Firefly 10th Anniversary: Browncoats Unite (2012 TV Special)

Add salt to the wound?!

[4/10 · 27 January 2013]

I wanted to write this review because program is fresh on my mind and there is a lot to talk about.

Upon first glance it was fairly apparent that theme of the show was a bitter sentiment that still lingers among cast and crew that participated in the show about a decade ago that met its untimely demise due to FOX network's poor judgment. Those of you that are familiar with the show know that FOX pretty much axed the show during pilot episode. Every episode since had a dark cloud looming on top of show and along and behold show barely survived past half season. What was done by FOX was a travesty and fan base reacted very strongly. 10 years after the fact fan base is still strong and advocating for show to be brought back to life.

So question is... why was it necessary for Science Channel to orchestrate this "reunion"? Sci-Fi and Science channel have long been running re-runs of the series (well all 13 or so episodes known to exist). It felt like I was watching a bunch of drunks reminiscing about their bitter divorce. My question to producers of the show is why did they have to subject audience to such misery? After advertising the special for weeks they delivered this round table talk session where almost every topic that was discussed had to do with show cancellation. Cast members were content and like high school sweethearts reunited 65 years later, all married and grown up and retired and full of grandchildren they were talking about the bad old times. Science channel did a poor execution if you ask me. It would nice to have seen comi-con highlights that had to do with the fan base. If there is any chance... any.... whatsoever... producers need to see that in the voices and hearts of loyal fans who still buy merchandise, still maintain thousands strong fan base forums, produce comics and even their own web based episodes. Why are producers not listening?

I think it would be absolutely fantastic if discovery network picks up Firefly. It would be silly of them not to. Granted I do not know how many more episodes show actually needs because what made Firefly popular in the first place was quality and not quantity. I know typical successful sci fi programs run for 4-5 seasons so this show could have achieved that, had it not been on FOX in the first place.

So 10 years later actors are all grown up, many bitter experiences shared among them. Many took part in other shows that kept getting axed by networks. I think it might be somewhat unlikely for original cast to come back full time if show was to be salvaged. How do you pick up where you left off.... a whole 10 years ago? How do you write a script for a story that has already been axed?

It is with a heavy heart that I have to tell you guys that this special did not deliver. It was less informative and more bitter than it should have been.

Chung chong ging chaat (2001)

This could have been a better movie but not too shabby as is.

[5/10 · 8 October 2012]

I am not a newcomer to Asian films. If anything I enjoy them a lot more than most Hollywood flicks because they still adhere to same principle which is telling the story... a believable story. We do not see your typical unlimited budget showing throughout the movie but spirit of the movie is not about that.

In not so many words as synopsis says it is a story about cops trying to do the right thing while walking ethical boundaries.

What made it confusing is somewhat jumpidy jump approach by movie directors. Unless you really pay attention it is hard to figure out what just happened. We have the bad guys... OK those are easy to recognize but then there are three groups of good guys and there is little distinction between who is who.

From what I can gather I think there were 2 swat teams one of whom quit police force and tried to help their injured friend.

I was a little disappointed in the fact that there was less swat tactics than you would expect. It was as if a bunch of guys who only went through 1 year of police academy tried to take matters into their own hands. I just did not feel the experience that should have come with well trained swat team and when there was a well trained swat team it was just a glimpse in entire movie.

All in all I am giving this film a 5 because it is probably well worth watching on a nice rainy day but this does not have the polished film like some of its other genre counterparts with similar budgets.

The Three Musketeers (2011)

A proper guide to defile an ageless story.

[4/10 · 9 May 2012]

I have watched probably 6 or 7 different adaptations of 3 musketeers in several different languages. I also grew up reading the book by Dumas and I actually shed a tear as I forced myself to watch 2 hours of this stuff. 2011 adaptation is a despicable but mildly funny remake of the original adaptation. It is an abomination, a hanna montana and icarly omage gone wrong and a definite spit in the face to anyone who have enjoyed the book or previous adaptations. I honestly do not know where to even begin with this movie. What happens when you cross solid actors and a solid story and attempt to convert them to year 2012? A vial, deplorable concucsion is born from tears of everyone around the world weeping bloody tears from their eyes as they watched this. How could they have screwed up this bad? The story has been told many times and each adaptation so far has always been true to the book more or less. This movie, however takes on a different journey that let to nowhere. For starters it looks like produces dumped millions of dollars into CGI. Why? When and why did someone decide that it was not good enough to use good old wooden ships and actual locations or movie props to film a movie that takes place a few centuries ago? When and why did they decide that a cross breed between adolescent humor junk being shown on cartoon network and Disney channels could mix with what could be considered a masterpiece? How could they do that to Dumas? As I am writing this my blood is boiling and I just do not get why someone would defile a book in such a way. So to get things started let's talk about the movie. It starts off with our beloved musketeers getting into all kinds of trouble. Something about scuba diving (ehh say what?) a ninja, a funky folding cross bow and a dame played by Mila. Mila is known for her skinny buddy so I do not know what they had to do to get her A-cup bust appear so voluptuous throughout the movie. Skip ahead to D'Artanian and we have found him to be a boy. Since when he was a boy? Outside of all that he manages to get into trouble, a scuffle happens and next thing you know our musketeers are embarking on a journey from perhaps the cheesiest romance request in recent cinema history. Some airships follow as well as a good old honest to goodness aircraft fight which eventually leads us to the conclusion of the movie where nothing really made sense. In all honesty the only thing good about the movie were young king and his wife, both of whom played minor roles but memorable ones. All other actors could have made this movie into a musketeer version of pirates of the Caribbean. Instead we got a older version of Justin Bieber playing main cast. Something he is not particularly good ad but you do not tend to notice his performance because all through the movie you notice dry humor, very cheesy story line, completely disassociated from the book adventures for all 2 hours of the movie. I think where it all went wrong was when someone signed on a dotted line and accepted the script. A script that called for a complete redesign of the story line, perhaps to cater to younger crowd?! At the very least they could have stuck to the time period without dragging bits and pieces from various time lines into one script. Da'Vinchi for example had really nothing to do with the book and yet his creations were featured in the opening. Airships had absolutely no relevance in the story line and yet they were THE main attraction in the movie getting much of the screen time. On top of that good old fashioned sword fights barely had time to sink in and we were practically consumed by gun fight, explosions, more explosions, some ninja weaponry, some more ninja weaponry and the list goes on. I wish people stopped making movies for sake of just making movies. When you deviate from the story you need to have a tale so solid that even die hard fanatics could associate with. Just think of some of the interesting medieval and renaissance adaptations as of late. A knight's Tale comes to mind. In the end I hope that bitter taste of this movie fades from my mind as I sleep off the sorrow overnight. I hope that when I wake up tomorrow this movie will be in its red Netflix envelope and heading back to the vault where it belongs locked up under lock and key.

2012 (I) (2009)

Yet another one of those ones

[5/10 · 1 November 2011]

Film, the final frontier. Movie makers boldly go where no other movie makes have gone before... or do they? It is not a secret that apocalyptic movies draw crowds and that they sell because they cover "what if" questions that public raises but cant quite visualize. MOvie 2012 has a lot of potential with respect to material it can cover. In the end, however it delivered just like "day after tomorrow" did. Its a movie that when you are done watching it you quite literally say... "yeah OK I guess it had an entertaining value to it but I will never watch it again". Movie covered the obvious.. end of the world as we know it in 2012. They went into what could be classified as a preseason that established facts of early occurrence detections. It also went into talking about how rich are the only ones to go and of course it associated probable with some scientific observations. It is interesting that they chose to feature yellowstone but they did not give it enough place and time to sink in. It is interesting that they chose to use tsunamis that came in the end of the movie but again they almost did not make sense because significant portion of this earth (well inland portion) is located higher than even 1 mile high elevation. It would imply that even with tectonic shifts you would expect to see a lot more land available especially a month after tsunami hit. I like how they used earthquakes to kind of bring it all together but a few things were flawed with the movie... err take that back.. just about everything was flawed with the movie except the beginning.

#1 choice of actors... OK fine but did they really need to make 90% of cast cheezy? #2 CGI. It was so bad that they made entire movie look like it was done on a home computer. Yes it was detailed and yes animators had some fun but we barely get to see any of it because director thought it was more appropriate to concentrate on filming cast faces 90% of the time. Most of the elements of what was happening were very unrealistic such as flying airplane while all kinds of debree is falling all around it but not on the plane itself. Then we have world's largest airplane maneuvre like its a cesna while flying over the city. #3 the arcs... really? In the alternative ending they were shown to be about 100 times bigger than a huge cruise ship which takes 3-5 years to build. Logistically speaking it would be impossible to build 1 such ship in 3-5 years.. let alone 10 ships or however many there were. More importantly if it was possible to build such ship then it would have to be next to where water, factories, mills, work force et cetera. Delivering bazillion tons of construction materials to top of tibet mountains is physically impossible in 3 years time. #4 the arcs. Umm.. why wern't they built to be submarines or submarine like? Would it not be easier to wait out tsunami and surface unscaved? #5 Transportation of animals to the compound. It is unbelievably cold at that altitude and no giraffes or elephants or any animal for that matter would survive the wind chill while dangling on a piece of rope. #6 aftermath. OK if crust has shifted.. what happened to spewing lava? I thought that because of crust shift land would be deformed since it is destablized. If land was deformed then water would get to where magma is and either evaporate or seep down and not randomly rise for eternity. #7 Satellites should have been knocked out. Supervolcanoes should have showered entire globe with ash and fallout. As such temperature would drop dramatically and water would ether be really really cold or frozen.

This is one of the movies that tried to do too much too soon too fast. Maybe today's teenagers do have a short attention span but there are people older than that who would like to have seen creativity put to use the right way.

Farscape (1999–2003)

Ohh farscape where art thou?!

[9/10 · 1 November 2011]

This week will mark completion of my journey with FSKP. It has been an exciting journey that I think have ended too early. It is hard to compare any sci-fi show with something like stargate franchize, which collectively featured 18 years worth of material between main series and spin offs. Farscape was created roughly at the same time when stargate was and while neither was filmed in USA, both have arguably collected most of their audience there. I think in many ways what made FSKP so special is that it used innovation as their main driving force. Animatronics studio have set out to show the world what they could do outside of filming industry and they have delivered in full and then some. Both animated creatures named Pilot and Rigel have become such a integral part of the story line that I almost perceived them as human actors in costume. Unfortunately costumes themselves have in part contributed to departure of the only character that really belonged in the story line. It is argued that Virginia Hay who played a role of Zhaan, a blue skinned plant creature have started developing health issues from body paint and also wanted to grow her hair back as well as her eyebrows. Unfortunately outside of hair (which by the way could have been allowed in the series because her species had hair) her health issues could have been compensated for in other ways other than complete departure from the show. Without revealing too much she sacrificed herself in the series to save another character and thus written out permanently. I feel that she should have stayed in the show as same old Zhaan but without body paint. They could have written it in such a way that would have allowed her to stay (ie loss of special powers and skin color). Her replacements have barely fit into the show. First attempt was by introducing Stark who in my opinion got the short end of the stick after just 3 episodes. Stark got replaced by a red haired crybaby who definitely did not fit in. In order to introduce a brainiac into the show one would want to make such character a problem solver and a balance focal point. Her out of place role was later replaced by another red haired actress who in my opinion should have been cast to play a villain as her revealing face did not match her character all too well. Unfortunately she was also brought back in the follow up miniseries and made and instead of being a silent sidekick she was given dialogue that again did not match her looks nor attire nor character.

Two main leads had excellent screen chemistry so no complaint there. Through the series they have been the driving force for the show. In the miniseries I guess they used a different voice editing studio so Claudia's voice seemed overly unusual. Unfortunately other couple have had issues that propagated since season 1. Chiana played her part well but Ka'Dargo is a failed character in my opinion. He is a warrior and yet he cant fight, he is a trained soldier and yet he lacks any discipline. In all honesty the only place where he fit in was when he played his alter ego on a "fantasy" episode in which he did not swing the right way if you catch my drift. His quest for reuniting with his child was rather poorly played out. In miniseries his son comes back as some sort of commando and you can actually see what Luxons are all about... military combat, swiftness, precision.. enough to awake a Luxon in Ka'Dargo, albeit 4 seasons too late.

Villains in the series have been contrived in a very awkward fascion. It was almost as if every single episode they looked at Stargate and Startrek episodes and tried their hardest to not make them look like copycats. Unfortunately in doing so every villain but Scorpius appeared very copy cat-ish. Even Crais looked like a goon. In his interviews actor who portrayed him appeared very sarcastic about his role in the series. It was almost as if he did not like his character and it certainly showed on the screen. Over all I do not see how or why FSKP got cancelled after their 4th season. It was a blow below the belt quite frankly. I was not there to whitness it but kudos to fanbase for getting their voice heard on the matter. All and all I think that this show was almost perfect, and that is a rare thing nowadays.

Stargate: Atlantis (2004–2009)

There could be some room for improvement

[7/10 · 1 November 2011]

I tried my best not to comment on the series but now that I am almost done watching entire thing I would like to call shenanigans.

Warning this post may contain spoilers so read at your own discretion.

I got a pleasure of watching this show through netflix so naturally I spend some time watching special featurettes in which directors and writers shed light on some of their ideas. Upon watching last 4 episodes and every such featurette my blood is boiling.

First and foremost I am appalled with how SGA (from here on SGA refers specifically to cast of writers, directors, producers) handled themselves in terms of pitching ideas. One such poor idea was removal of our beloved Carson but I am not here to write about that. Another such idea was removal of Weir but I am not here to talk about that either. I am here to discuss silly ideas they have implemented such as love. Love comes out really goofy on a show like this. That is why SG-1 pitched the idea, kicked the idea and thorough multiple episodes showed us that it was not viable unless hinted upon (ie Carter/O'Neill). Here we have a whole circus going on. Ronin and Teyla? Teyla and John? Teyla and Kanaan? Rodney and Botanist? Rodney and Keller? Ronin and Keller? Keller and that female team captain. I am sorry wha? Yep you heard me.. it is in the deleted scenes. Their entire love pitch is just as awkward as pilot episode of SG-1 when they showed a female in full nude for not particular reason with a rather nasty garden situation down under. OK I can see how Teyla's thing was justified. After all she was pregnant in real life. But why Kanaan? Who is Kanaan? Why not someone like Michael? It would have made more sense... they already stole half the stuff from SG-1 they might as well steal Vala's baby idea and the Ori impregnation thing.

Secondly I think that absent clear focus this show can not deliver as intended. Let me elaborate. When you start to run out of ideas (and trust me after 200 some episodes of sg-1 you would too) it is crucial to have a proper story line in place. The story needs a beginning, a middle and an end. Characters need to have an introduction, a development and a exit if need be. Unfortunately in this series they tried to intertwine SG-1 with SGA. SG-1 was made believable because it operated in the present. SGA progressively leaped forward about 10,000 years and every character somehow knew what to do all the time time after time. In a matter of speaking when cast of SGA has progressed to being self aware by end of season 1 much of the rest of the show has become rather predictable. Neverless with enough persistence from the writers the show plowed on but it felt rather constipated at times. Trust me I loved it but it felt like I was eating a reecess peanut butter icecream by breyers on a nice hot summer day and icecream melted and was refrozen and while it still tasted good it felt slightly stale.

The Guardian (I) (2006)

To Ashton or not to Ashton, that is the question

[4/10 · 1 November 2011]

So last night I got around to watching guardian. Mixed feelings. For starters it was not necessary to make that movie. There has been at least 20 like it and another 100 or so similar to it. The story itself was played out so many times that it was not interesting to watch at all. So lets start at the beginning. We have Kevin Costner.. OK I can live with that. He passes for a USCG swimmer. Then we have Ashton "Flamboyant" Kutcher in the same movie playing an overachiever. What? I mean seriously what? We can not take him serious, it would be like watching Jim Carey do a Kung Fu movie. You can not put Ashton in shoes of a serious role and expect us to believe and more importantly him to perform. That 70's show pretty much set his career of a goofball. Much like Daniel Radcliffe is forever Harry Potter, he is very much the same a Kelso. So that aside lets have a look at the story. Blah blah some guy having family problems, a sailor, big waves, people drowning, saving, his team dies, he needs time to recover, teaches some greenhorns, one of his students is weak, one is an overachiever, blah blah test of character, both together, one retires, dies and other guy continues then drops everything for "love". Have we not seen it before? Have we not seen it before many many times? Then of course the "green screen"... seriously? Why ohh why do people constantly resort to really cheezy computer animation. Watching this movie was like eating glass while sitting on glass and other people throwing glass at you. Painful to eyes, painful to ears because of dialogue and overall I think this movie deserves no more than a 4/10 even with Costner in it. This movie could have been a 10 or at least a 8 by my book if following criteria was met: Graphics equal to or better than what is shown on Discovery channel Alaska Crab Fishing shows. Actual props were used rather than green screen or at least less green screen. Different story that we have not yet heard. No Ashton.

I bet you what really happened was Ashton got all upset about people not taking him seriously so he had a movie made just for him to fulfill his boy fantasy of being a tough guy and since nobody else wanted to be in the movie with him he had to beg fading movie stars to at least give his movie some credibility. Good thing that its only a rental and is on its way back to Netflix.

Battlestar Galactica (2004–2009)

Could be better have they stuck to their plan.

[7/10 · 1 November 2011]

I am 1 season away from finishing the show and this review will be posted when I get through season 4.

I think that as a standalone show BSG has very quickly matured into a seasoned good show. Unfortunately from a sci-fi perspective show has developed certain cancers that became malignant as seasons went by.

First such thing is development of Baltar's role. I can see how they may need such a character but show in many aspects became about him and not so much about the battleship. In some episodes he gets so much screen time that you often forget what the episode was about. To me his attitude made sense and his relationship with his demons have been self explanatory in seasons 1 and 2. Unfortunately starting season 3 there was no more reason to keep milking the cow and trying to shove him or his virtual girlfriend down our throats. Couple that with constant wild fantasies that he had and it makes you want to vomit. There is nothing more ugly to watch than a crying, long haired, skinny, hairy chested, ruffled up, unshaved individual practically naked episode after episode. I cant bare the sight of him and I am only in season 3.

Another major flaw in the show is personal relationships between certain characters. Starbuck being a resident who is open for business if you catch my drift. All her pursuits and agonies over a guy she has only met for a day or so do not make sense. Then she marries him and pursues another but cant let go. It got old after season 1. It got really old in season 2 and it got unbearable in season 3. And who can forget our chief guy. I can see how he was compatible with his love in season 1 but he and his current wife in season 3 has absolutely no screen chemistry. In season 4 his wife looks like his daughter. They should either casted an older female or younger male for chief's role.

Final nail in the coffin at least for me was poor story development in season 3. I am not going to say that there were plot holes but I will say that a sci-fi show became a soap opera. Enough of that. I am sure that main reason why show has never made it past season 4 is because other people recognized it too. While show was not officially canceled, it has come to an end because writers ran out of things to write. It is hard to watch a show that does not have a dynamic. It is hard to tell a story but it is not that hard. Likewise it is hard to provide a dynamic but it is not that hard. Recognizing and capitalizing on that balance separates long lasting shows from failed franchizes.

Season 4 is a perfect example of what happens when balance tips over to the wrong side. I am now done with season 4.0 and moving to season 4.5 which should have come before season 4.0's end. 4.0 ended on a good note. It ended beautifully: reached earth, story ends and bam. Much like Star Trek Voyager ended abruptly, this show should have too. No further explanation was necessary. Instead there are 10 more episodes that will milk the story and character development turns really ugly really fast.

Let's just get a quick recap of what was wrong with season 4. #1 There is nothing wrong with cylons being in fleet but they SHOULD NOT have made a whole thing about it. Why make them any more special than other guys? #2 I thought that idea of farms was such that humans were harvested for organs. There were not that many humans left after the attack so by that account how is it that freshly spawned cylons that have never been to earth are capable of reproducing? #3 What was the point of Zarek? Why introduce him as a freedom fighter and then use his persona only in one episode and make him a complete sissy in the seasons to come? #4 Why introduce RAZOR after season 3? It should NOT have been a flashback. It would have made more sense if they put half of it before season 3 and half of it towards the end of the season.

When I was done watching the very last episode I actually had a warm feeling of completness. It was like saying goodbye for the last time after standing in the doorway for half an hour trying to say goodbye. I give show 6/10 but only because it went south on me in seasons 3 and 4. Otherwise it would have been a definite 8.5

Battle Los Angeles (2011)

So much promise and so little to show for it.

[5/10 · 30 October 2011]

Battle Los Angeles is one of those movies that makes you all excited after seeing commercials but does not quite deliver. Most of people here have hit the nail on the head.

This movie has every feel of that honor roll student who earns nothing but A's and just so happens to be your kid. Knowing that your child can deliver you give him or her money to go to home depot and buy high quality expensive paint and paint brushes and paint rollers and paint supplies. You then ask that child to paint your house while you are on vacation. On the phone your kid tells you that he or she is finished and while kiddo gave their best try it looks iffy. There is paint on the ceiling even though masking tape was applied. There is paint on the floor even though plastic lining was used. There are droplets of overspray on carpet and kitchen appliances but it was done by an honor roll student earning straight A's who gave their best try using best materials possible and it still look bad.

And if you are wondering how this all applies to this movie at hand lets look at the facts. Up and coming movie guy pitches an idea to producers and not just an idea but a holly grail of ideas. He produces movie shorts, computer animations, story boards... the whole shibang. His story line is not really that fresh but he made it real. He made it believable. Outcome was not up to par to his own vision, however.

For starters camera work is by far one of the worst "shake cam" masterprices I have ever seen. Even in the "how it was made" disc featurettes they had a shake cam guy video tape and another guy shake his cam in another axis. The final result was a twirly twirl make you dizzy in a heartbeat kind of experience.

Another aspect of this movie is that vision was lost half way through the movie. I do not believe that it was movie's intent to make alien race look like complete panzies and drop like flies. It is not so much the fact that aliens were weak as it is about how strong human kind are in comparison to a race of creatures capable of traveling across vast distances in space and landing and have technological superiority with all kinds of drones, bases, ground units etc. If you look at a movie like "War of the Worlds" aliens die off by themselves with little help from humans. That is what I was expecting from Battle Los Angeles and instead I got the usual:

Aliens attack then some out of shape almost at a point of retirement soldier brings down entire enemy force with 1 puny rocket. You would expect that aliens would barely be scratched with a surface to air missle but noooo... a thing that is the size of manhattan drops like a fly and then all the drones die and then aliens run back to mommy.

Sigh what a disappointment.

Outside of this major plot hole camera work just about puts a nail in the coffin.

Takers (2010)

Witch that kind of cast... what can you be but cool?! Seriously?

[5/10 · 8 August 2011]

I am a big fan of clever heist movies. It takes ingenuity to show something that has not been done before. Takers takes a cast of really unsympathetic actors and tries to make a thing out of it. You cant look at Chris Brown acting without thinking about his scandal. You just cant. Hayden never could act to save his life. Matt Dillon is painful to look at because almost every single role he ever played.. he played same character. Paul Walker and Idris Elba has been centerpoint of this movie and yet they have not gotten enough screen time to make this movie more tolerable. And then there is .... TI... does TI stand for Totally Intolerable?

Every review here covers why this movie turned out to be so painful to watch. I think it could have been so much better have they spent less time pushing "cool" and more time making movie "cooler".

Take the shootout scene for example. Its like they filmed it in slow motion and played it really really fast. You could not even see what has happened. Things blowing up, shrapnel flying, feathers in the air and a closeup of Chris Brown. I mean seriously? There are 10 some people shooting the hell out of each other... shotguns, glocks, assault rifles... and that was less important than entire film?

Then there is the parkour scene. Yep it would have been absolutely fantastic, have we gotten a preview of it. Let me explain. If you look at a movie like "District B13"... movie starts off with free running. We know that such and such can do this and that. Not in this movie. It was like waaaaaaaaa? After doing all that he goes out towards the end... well I will not spoil that one for you. I want you to feel utter disappointment from what could have been a huge scene in the movie.

In the end this movie could have been as cool as "Smoking Aces" and as cool as Italian Job or Heat but instead this is like watching all 3 of those movies at the same time while watching non stop marathon of some less than popular sitcom. Actors who cant act, action that was too short, dialogue that was too long, monologues by all the wrong people... This movie has no means of being anything higher than a 5/10 on a good day.

Sex in '69: The Sexual Revolution in America (2009)

This program deserves more than 4.9 score

[7/10 · 12 February 2011]

I rarely get to write comments nowadays but I thought I would make an exception for this one. I find this program not just education but also a good flashback of where we came from, where we are and where we are headed in the future. I think I missed the first few minutes of the program but I like how it takes off at a specific point in time and provides completely different series of events taking place at the same time in different places and program itself concentrates on 1969 and no other year. Program talks about feminist movement, sexual revolution, the hippies, music, video and entertainment industry contributions. It also covers gender divides and provides unbiased review of what took place from both sides of the fence.

I think this program deserves a 7/10 and not because it covers a topic of sex but because it is very well built and edited especially in today's version of history channel where profanity and lots of arm swinging from shows like ax men to dangerous truckers or whatever its called nowadays.

In the end it does help to have an open mind in order to appreciate this program. It covers promiscuity and sexual innuendo is woven into the program but that is what it is about... all 2 hours of it.

Two Tigers (2007)

An ode to money well lost.

[2/10 · 5 April 2009]

I would like to know what in the world compels so many movie producing companies to keep producing very low budget and more importantly very cheesy early 1980's like movies in 21st century that failed to deliver even when 1980's movies were as good as you could get back in 1980?! Skip what this movie is about and think of all the ways you should not watch it. Yes yes you fell for the cover of the DVD while walking through blockbuster... you saw this pretty female and a katana.. on the back it said blah blah female assassins and behold there you were trying to watch first 20 minutes of the movie and finally turning it off because you could not watch it anymore. So what made this movie cheesy? Perhaps its really poor dialogue or perhaps its really cheasy setting that practically gives it away. I mean common for a movie that was released in 2007 her method of communication with her employer is done through contact means that were the "buzz" in late seventies back when computers were still a mystery and watching text on a primitive screen was considered high tech. Perhaps its the fact that when you do watch a movie its like watching thousands of same type movies though the years only this time around you would rather swallow razor blades than try to understand why a movie like this vs another movie with similar type budget is boring to watch. Is it because they probably spent 90 percent of their budget on pay checks? Is it because other countries (cough china, Korea etc)simply know how to make a really good low budget movie? Sigh.. good thing that I always rent 2 movies at a time.

Chris Rock: Kill the Messenger - London, New York, Johannesburg (2008 TV Special)

Chris Rock hitting a new low

[4/10 · 30 September 2008]

I would like my personal time back. I have very much enjoyed his first specials but this is just... sigh.

The adventure begins somewhere in the world where he performed. In between 3 filming locations and constant editing and cutting in and out I feel dizzy. He wore 3 different costumes and by time his special was over I had bloodshot eyes not because I was tired but because there was 0 consideration for viewers when they filmed this thing.

Jokes themselves. Well of course he is commenting on race, that was his "thing" in all specials. Except that this time I feel he ran out of content. His jokes got racial"er" and dry"er" than ever before. His reputation of progressive black person/men will probably be stripped because of his foul language. To me it almost looked like he was dropping f bombs not because they were relevant but because he had nothing else to say.

I gave this a 4 out of 10 with reference of watching it today again just to make sure that this special was bad. This time I am going to watch this and try to understand any of his jokes for 2nd time. Last night while watching I do not recall myself even smirking once while I was dying laughing listening to his other comedy specials.