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lordburn591
Reviews
Windtalkers (2002)
Too much of a good thing.
Windtalkers isn't a bad film, but even though I love war movies and explosions, John Woo's latest action movie perhaps crosses the line from cool explosions and amazing death sequences to having a fetish for explosions and death. I know it's intregal to the story to show the brutality of war, but with sequences lasting upwards of 30 minutes apiece it's a bit tiring. In Saving Private Ryan, Spielberg spaced out the encounters so that the story would be given ample time to develop and so that viewers wouldn't be overwhelmed. Mr. Woo does no such thing, and when the killing starts, it doesn't stop until the credits. Not that there was much of a story to begin with, but I do admire the director's choice to at least base this film in historical events. There really is so much more that could have been done, but even with solid acting and cgi, nothing can really save this orgy of gratuitous violence. Take my score of 4 out of 10 to heart before viewing.
Cobra vs. Ninja (1987)
This movie is great!
Now keep in mind that I only gave this movie a 2 (out of possible 10), but Cobra vs Ninja is an experience, not a film. There are few better conversation pieces than the opening sequence of this movie, with two obvious white guys in neon pajamas (one looks like classic Hulk Hogan) screaming and running at each other, tiny swords drawn. The truth is that nothing says ninja like a yellow and red headband with NINJA stylishly written across it. (Little picture of a ninja action pose and all.) This movie probably kicked off realultimatepower.com with ninjas flipping out and slicing people to ribbons. Do yourself a favor and watch the first fifteen minutes of this movie with friends. You'll talk about it for years.
Sat sat yan, tiu tiu mo (1998)
Can't outdo the Woo.
Sorry Donnie, but this is a rather feeble attempt to one up John Woo in the action/shooter genre. While not a terrible film, I have to say that Ballistic Kiss fails to live up to the promise of great gun or hand to hand fight scenes. With a villain that would make Dirty Harry envious (Seven bullets in a six shooter? Ha, Try thirty seven!), and a camera so kinetic that it renders the 1 1/2 fight scenes nearly unwatchable, it's hard to find a lot to like about this. It's so sad, since I watched both The New Fist of Fury and this after seeing Iron Monkey. Go back to Yuen Woo Ping, Donnie. For the sake of all of us.
No Retreat No Surrender (1985)
Van Damme's best! (Sad, but true.)
Oh lord, this movie was bad. But it's odd, because I still enjoyed it thoroughly. It's pure 80's goodness, so stay away if the stereotypical "bullying jock", "mean fat kid", "heroic wimp", or of course "the token black kid" (with mega greasy gerrycurl and bad rap intact) scare you. The sad truth is that this is probably Jean Claudde's best performance yet. No Retreat, No Surrender demanded nothing more from him than one good fight scene. None of that nasty "acting" this go-round. I also love the accent he tried to pull off. He was already Austrian, and he played a Russian character. The end result sounded somewhere in the range of Christopher Lambert's indecipherable accent (he comes from Lambert-land). The story is really of no consequence, though it is quite funny looking back. All things said and done, don't let my rating of 4 out of 10 scare you away from seeing a true landmark: a Jean Claudde Van Damme film where he didn't land twenty of those ultra cheesy slow motion split kicks.
Siu Tai Gik (1984)
Donnie Yen and Yuen Woo Ping? A match made in heaven.
I have to start off by saying that after seeing Iron Monkey, I went out and looked for every Donnie Yen movie I could find. And after all of that hard work, I realized that they all sucked! From his John Woo-like flop Ballistic Kiss to his numerous appearances (and subsequent deaths) in films like Highlander, Blade 2, and Shanghai Knights, on thing is apparent: Mr. Yen has got to get a new agent. His ability in martial arts is virtually unsurpassed, but the only other movie I've seen that challenges his abilities like in Iron Monkey was Drunken Tai Chi. With a goofy storyline of revenge (surprise!) and training to become stronger than the bad guy, Yuen Woo Ping has expertly melded comedy and action to create a fantastic party movie, something that anyone with a sense of humor can appriceate. Donnie is in top form, which is surprising given that this was his first starring role. He shows fantastic flexibility and a certain charisma that's hard to explain. I seriously hope that Donnie gets together with Yuen Woo Ping and creates another masterpiece soon, because getting killed in every film you're in is no way to make a legacy. (Ask Sean Bean.)
Du bi quan wang da po xue di zi (1976)
Only in Hong Kong.
I gave this film an eight, and I admit that half of the score was based solely on this film's creativity. Explaining this movie's plot it like trying to tell someone what No Retreat, No Surrender was about. (Um, Bruce Lee's ghost comes back to train a kid that's been bullied so he can kick Jean Claude Van Damme's ass?) In this case, a blind government assassin (who uses the most kick ass weapon since Shogun's Assassin) hunts down a one armed boxer who killed his students. Some great fights follow, along with several head choppings. Trust me, you really have to see it to believe it.
Clerks (1994)
A movie that shouldn't be reviewed by those who haven't worked retail.
Clerks is an amazingly funny and relevant movie for me because I work at a retail store, but those who haven't worked retail will miss the true essence of this Kevin Smith gem. It's unfortunate really, since Clerks deserves to be higher on the 250 list. For a film without a real plot, Clerks is relentlessly entertaining.
Equilibrium (2002)
A great action movie that attempts to challenge your mind.
I have to say that I'm still surprised at the quality of this
production
after reading the scathing reviews from Entertainment Weekly and other
film
"critics". This is quite simply one of the coolest action movies I've ever
seen. Equilibrium has a fantastic balance of action and
story.
The storyline itself is, while not totally original, well told and eerily
real. Christian Bale plays his role perfectly as a man slowly coming to
his
senses after being doped up for years. His fear of experiencing all of
these
new feelings is very tangible, as is his realization of what the world
around him is really like. Taye Diggs also impresses, with a arrogance
that
makes you wonder just a bit. After the thrill from the simply fantastic
action sequences wore off, (it took a while), the story started to sink
in.
The truth is, both sides are right to a point. Many conversations about
human nature and the danger of our emotions will arise out of this, and
that's a good thing. Overall, Equilibrium was perhaps a bit too heady for
the mainstream audience, but if you're reading this review, it's most
certainly worth a look.
Xun cheng ma (1982)
Best ninja EVER.
The one line summary really sums this film up. The story was bland, characters boring, and fights only decent, but Postman Strikes Back had THE coolest ninja I've ever seen. He didn't use ninja magic or fly, but he had the biggest arsenal of ninja tricks ever. You've gotta see it just for that. Who doesn't love ninjas?
Siu Lam juk kau (2001)
An unfortunately misunderstood film.
Nothing I can tell you will make you want to see Shaolin Soccer, but believe me, it's something you have to experience at least one time. If you didn't think Crouching Tiger was stupid because it was unrealistic, then I have a feeling you'll enjoy the insanity of Shaolin Soccer. People's reviews have been pretty harsh because this film is outlandish and almost completely implausible, but these people have lost touch with the fact that this is a MOVIE. What happened to the days when you went to the theater to be taken away from your everyday life? I applaud Shaolin Soccer for not being afraid of having imagination. This is a fantastic movie to watch with others and enjoy the craziness, because not many films will make you want to press play again as soon as the dvd finishes.
Equilibrium (2002)
A great action movie that attempts to challenge your mind.
I have to say that I'm still surprised at the quality of this
production
after reading the scathing reviews from Entertainment Weekly and other
film
"critics". This is quite simply one of the coolest action movies I've ever
seen. Equilibrium has a fantastic balance of action and
story.
The storyline itself is, while not totally original, well told and eerily
real. Christian Bale plays his role perfectly as a man slowly coming to
his
senses after being doped up for years. His fear of experiencing all of
these
new feelings is very tangible, as is his realization of what the world
around him is really like. Taye Diggs also impresses, with a arrogance
that
makes you wonder just a bit. After the thrill from the simply fantastic
action sequences wore off, (it took a while), the story started to sink
in.
The truth is, both sides are right to a point. Many conversations about
human nature and the danger of our emotions will arise out of this, and
that's a good thing. Overall, Equilibrium was perhaps a bit too heady for
the mainstream audience, but if you're reading this review, it's most
certainly worth a look.
Zoolander (2001)
Quite simply, one of the crappiest movies ever made.
After spending today reviewing all of my favorite movies, I had to pump out a review for the heinously bad Ben Stiller vehicle, Zoolander. Previously liking the principal cast of this film, (including Owen Wilson and Will Ferrel), I was more than a little dissapointed after seeing what a clumsy mess Zoolander turned into. The concept wasn't great to begin with, but such terrible execution on the tried and true Dumb and Dumber formula turned this film into an example of what not to do in a comedy. There are a few moments that may cause tiny giggles, but these moments are also mind numbingly dumb. Proceed with caution... this movie sucks.