Change Your Image
poisontheewell
Reviews
Playhouse (2003)
Brilliance
Funny, Scary, Moving. all are words that describe this film's brilliance. Nikitas Menotiades is the next George Clooney. I mean this guy just oozes with talent. A talent rarely seen these days even among the greatest actors. There were times when this movie could have picked up the pace a little better, but when the blood came it was a lot of blood, and when the laughs came they were jubilant. A must see if this is ever released on video. This very much a throwback to Evil Dead 2. It incorporates the horror and the comedy perfectly. The end of this movie, too, brought me to tears. Honestly, it was so beautiful. Very remeniscient of a combo of Gordy and Angus.
Secret Window (2004)
About the most predictable movie ever.
Secret Window, for me, was just about as dissapointing a film as I have ever seen. It's not like a movie like Hulk, where I expected it to be bad. I expected Secret Window to be really good, and it really wasn't. Without giving too much away, I want to say I knew the ending of this movie about 10 minutes into. About five minutes after Shooter was introduced I knew. If you pay any amount of attention to the film every twist and turn in this film is anything but a twist and turn. It is everything you expect. A minor spoiler here: Notice that everything occurance happens while Mort is sleeping.
I have to give it to Johnny Depp ad John Torturo for very solid performances. I cannot fault them for that. Without them, this movie would not be worth the hour and a half of my time. In the end this movie is nothing but a silly, predictable waste of my time. To top everything off, the last shot in the movie is about the stupidest thing I have ever seen.
The Cat in the Hat (2003)
This really isn't as bad as they make it out to be
Granted, this isn't the best movie of the year, but it isn't the worst of the year either. It probably will win an academy award for its sets though. Those were amazing. The critics are being way to hard with this movie. When, I first saw the trailer for this movie I was ultra-excited. I thought it looked really really good. However, when I heard the critics reviews of this movie, my expectations dropped tremendously. At times Mike Meyers is a little annoying as the Cat in the Hat, but I think he is meaning to be. There were a couple of times when his jokes fell flat, but by the reactions of the kids you knew they were supposed to. This movie does have a lot of sexual and adult innuendos, kind of like Shrek. This kids won't understand it though, so I didn't mind it. This was a cute movie, and was ultimately pretty good natured. The only REALLY big problem were Thing 1 and Thing 2. They weren't cute, but were just creepy. They gave me an awkward feeling. They needed some serious work. I do recommend this movie though. You aren't going to get any greatness from it, but it's really not that bad. If you're looking for a fun, good time, this movie can give it to you.
The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
Great Finale for a Superb Trilogy
Ok, let me start off by saying that this is th least impressive of the three movies in the trilogy. Putting that aside, it is still a great movie, and I'm happy with the outcome. This movie didn't have all of the psychology that the first two movies had, but you have to remember that this really is the same movie as the second one. So, where Reloaded had a lot of the build up to the action, this one has all of the action. Many people might find this movie to be a bummer, because of the end. However, if you are intelligent enough to realize that the Matrix draws a lot of comparisons to Christian theology, and that Neo parrallels Jesus, then the end isn't that much of a suprise.
The huge Zion battle scene was one of the most awe inspiring things I have ever witnessed in a movie. When all the sentinels finally break into Zion I just sat there with my mouth wide open saying "Wow." It was an awesome thing to look at. Also, the fight scene with Neo and Agent Smith was absolutely incredible.
There were only a couple of problems that I had with the movie. First, I did wish there was a little more of the story that actually took place inside the Matrix. It was very little in this movie. Also, at times, I felt the Zion set looked a little cheap or cheasy. It didnt' bother me that much.
In the long run while this is the weakest in the trilogy, it was still great. I feel it finished the story the only way that it really could. A must see. 8 stars out of 10.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
About As Bad As It Gets
Halloween III: Season of the Witch is about as bad as a horror film can ever be. Few films in this genre can get any worse. There are so many problems with this film that it's hard for me to figure out where to begin.
One of the biggest problems with this film is that the storyline is about as absurd as it can get. This reminded me of something R.L. Stine would have written in his "Goosebumps" series. This may be scary to a seven year old, but nobody else.
Another problem is that this has nothing to do at all with any of the other "Halloween" movies. It is an insult to the "Halloween" series that this picture is part of it. However, it is only fair to judge this film by itself, and not compare it to the other films in the series. Doing that, it is still an absolutely terrible waste of anybody's 90 minutes.
And now my complaint about the main character. If anyone has ever seen "Tootsie" with Dustin Hoffman, just imagine the old actor in the television show. Dr. Daniel Challis from Halloween III and the old bad actor from "Tootsie" act almost completely the same. The only difference is that in "Tootsie" it was on purpose.
"Halloween III: Season of the Witch" is a horrendous piece of crap, whether you are judging it on its own or with the other Halloween movies. Don't waste your time with this one.
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
If I wanted to see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I would have just rented that.
If "House of 1000 Corpses" was the first of its kind to come along, then it would have been a very good horror flick. However, this film was already made 29 years ago, and it was called the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre". I was apalled at watching this and seeing how much Rob Zombie ripped off from that movie. Rob Zombie even casted the character Chop Top from the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2," which makes it even easier to draw the comparisons from the movies. The premise for 1000 corpses and TCM are the same. Cannibalistic families who end up torutring their guests. In "House of 1000 Corpses", when the hostess asks the Leatherface of the movie to go get Grandpa, I about sh*t my pants, because I knew it was going to happen, because it had already been done in TCM.
This movie did have a couple of things going for it, though. The character of Captain Spaulding was terrific. This movie also had a good amount of gore. However, I think many people overhyped that as well, because it wasn't as gory as people made it out to be.
Overall this movie didn't do it for me. Like, I said, if this were the first of its kind it would have been good. But it wasn't. I have seen this movie already, and it is called the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
A Horror Classic?
The Hills Have Eyes is one of the earlier movies directed by the creator of the Nightmare on Elm Street series, Wes Craven. How this film was ever given the title as a "horror classic" is beyond me. It's really not that good of a film. Psycho, the Exorcist, Halloween, A Nightmare on Elm Street; those are horror classics. This film just isn't scary. When the "monsters" in a film are borderline retards, it is a little hard to get scared.
Don't get me wrong, this film has some good scenes. When the "cannibal family" goes to take over the camper I was into it. However, the stuff before and after that was very mediocre. The latter part of the film was almost like a cat and mouse chase between the "good" family and the "bad" family.
Bottom Line: It's not a classic. It's not scary. Don't waste your time
Down with Love (2003)
A Terrible, Terrible Film
I have to start off by saying that my opinion of this film may be a bit tainted, because I am a man, and this movie was definitely made for the humans with chromosomes, xx. This movie was bad, even for a chick flick. I got suckered into this movie, because it was my friend's birthday, and this is what she wanted to see.
This movie plays off every stereotype imaginable, both within the genre of romantic comedy and in the era it is set in. As in true romantic comedy fashion the characters both work at a magazine. Who could believe it? Renee actually doesn't really start at one, but she does at the end. Also, both of the main characters are tricking the other one. How many times has this been done before? Then at the end after the girl gets mad at the guy she comes to her senses and ends up with him at the end. Truly original (sense the sarcasm.
This movie also plays off every stereotype that you can imagine from the 1960s. The sets are awful. The acting is awful. This is awful. Truly, truly awful.
Not only is this movie unoriginal and the story has been done a thousand times before, I have to point out a specific scene in the movie. This is when Zellwiger is telling off Ewan. Her speech is about 4 minutes long, containing run on sentences and you are only left getting lost in what she is talking about. You lose her after about 30 seconds.
In Conclusion, this movie is terrible, even for a "chick flick." Many times during the film I was hanging my head in shame and just anticipating the end. I found myself truly laughing once in the entire movie and it delt with a MAD Magazine. Don't waste your time on this rubbish.
Parenthood (1989)
This is a very good film
I went into this film with very different expectations than what I got. I rented this film because I am a very huge Steve Martin fan, and I expected one of his "wild and crazy" characters that everyone has come to know and love. However, after seeing the film that isn't what I got at all. Although Martin is very funny in this film it is in more of a subtle way. Nonetheless, there are the "wild and crazy" Martin moments such as when he is Cowboy Gill T., even playing off of an old stand-up gag of his, with the balloon animals.
This film mixes comedy and drama into a perfect blend, if you will. While I was expecting a Martin, slapstick kind of thing, and didn't get it I was still very pleased with the film and recommend is highly. Steve Martin is terrific in his role, as is Diane Weist. Keanu Reeves, in this film, is nearly the same character as his role in Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure. Rick Moranis is terrific. This movie is really good. With all the funny moments come the sad moments, and with the sad moments come the heart warming moments. Usually I'm not a big fan of heart warming films this one stands above the rest and was entertaining to watch. A Must See.
9/10
Anger Management (2003)
Very Funny Movie
As one would expect from an Adam Sandler movie the ending is very predictable and you are able to figure it out from about 10 minutes into the film. Aside from this, I found this film to be very humorous. Adam Sandler had his usual cast of the few people he puts in many of his films (ex: John Torturro, Kevin Neiland). However I was upset with the absence of Steve Buscemi in this film. I was looking forward to him.
This film is about a young man, with a small penis, who is sentenced to a month of Anger Management (or was he?) for "assaulting" a flight attendant and then breaking a waitresses nose with the cane of a blind man. He then comes across Jack Nicholson, who becomes his Anger Management counselor. The rest of the film takes us on a wild ride with their experiences, including a hilarious scene at a Buddhist Monestary.
Adam Sandler is his usual funny self and John Torturro is absolutely fabulous as usual. However, Jack Nicholson steals the show as usual. I will venture to say that Jack Nicholson is the absolute best actor of all time. Althoug this film isn't one of those oscar contending films that he usually does he's still terrific in his part. He was just super funny. This film is worth seeing for Jack Nicholson alone. Go see it.
My rating 8/10
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen!
I went into this film with good intentions. Although the first Texas Chainsaw Massacre was hokey and low budget it was a fine horror film and had good characters. The family was terrific. However, this movie was downright awful. I am still in awe of the badness of this film.
First off, what happened to their house? Somehow they went from a little home in the middle of nowhere in Texas to some sort of underground death theme park. It didn't make any sense and it was stupid. Leatherface falls in love with the DJ or some small radio station and one of the family members has a METAL PLATE in his head. There were too many unintentional laughs in this movie to make it worth your while. At times it was downright awkward watching this movie.
I think the script for this movie must have been about 3 pages long, because everything anyone said was just repeated a hundred times over and over again until I wanted to shoot the TV. In this movie the family isn't even exciting. They are annoying and pathetic and the one guy with the metal plate just laughs throughout the entire movie. It's awful. Everything about this movie it awful.
The real kicker for me though was that in the first movie Leatherface was never reffered to as Leatherface, because his real name is Bubba, but his family in TCM 2 actually called him Leatherface. I couldn't handle it.
Whatever you do, don't see this movie. It was just horrible. Worst thing I have ever seen.
Dreamcatcher (2003)
Dreamcatcher...it's good
Over this past Summer I had read Dreamcatcher and I was amazed by the book. WhatI find rather humorous is that when I was reading it I often thought to myself how the movie would look, because obviously, since Stephen King wrote it, it would probably end up being a movie by some point. Obviously, I wasn't wrong. I felt that the director of this film did a very good job adapting this story and for the most part staying with the true story line. However, I was dissapointed with the ending. The ending as a whole wasn't bad but it differed much from that of the movie so it came as quite a shock to see what they did with it. What I really liked about this film was the casting; it was superb, plain and simple. I have been a fan of Thomas Jane since I saw *61 because I am a huge Mickey Mantle fan and I've been a great fan of Jason Lee, well, since forever. Not to mention Morgan Freeman who is cool in everything he does. However, at times I felt the acting slipped quite a bit, especially in the beginning. There is a woman in the beginning of the movie who is just horrible and in many of the flashback scenes the child actors were anything but terrific. Putting that aside it was a good movie. The visuals on the aliens was very good and being that it was a horror/science fiction movie it had the ability to scare and for me that counts a lot to a horror movie's credit. I would definitely reccommend seeing this movie. The acting is good and the story, thanks to Stephen King, is just as good.