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Reviews
The Blackwell Ghost 6 (2022)
Departure from franchise in many ways
I've been a loyal fan of this franchise since part 1 and I tolerated when he deviated from part 2 into the FL house and though the "evidence" into the mystery of the missing muffies was redundant of a ID CHANNEL show and this film appears to be a complete rehash of other films circling around widowers and noisy electronics after midnight (Michael Keaton anybody?)
Also seems bizarre wife's past participation in previous films was limited at best to have her shoved into the spotlight for a final bow now seems desperate and using the children in the film reeks of exploitation mainly because it depends heavily on them. The film felt like a big karmic goodbye.
Halloween Kills (2021)
NOT for the aficionados I warn you
The film quality almost captured the dark, shadowy feel of the first and the special effects to resurrect an old friend were beautiful (won't say who but you'll know). However after the first hour it wasn't like ANYTHING John Carpenter or the subsequent directors gave us in terms of FEAR, & typical Michael violence, this film turned into a watered down, cotton candied made for tv "blood bubble bath" complete with a "the real monsters were we" narration over the ending scenes by Jamie Lee Curtis who was barely in the film let alone ACTUALLY confronted Michael herself AT ALL.
It's obvious this an attempt to reinvent the franchise for the new generation but everything that makes the old franchise great, the underlying dread & inherent fear of just the legend in which Laurie was the target because she was his sister have been reduced to just random killing of whoever gets in his way and the supernatural connection to Samhain eliminated.
Sorry but Malak Akkad is the real murderer of the pearl of John Carpenters masterpiece and his own family's legacy. PASS THIS FILM HARD FOLKS.
Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021)
I'm left wondering
Two things: Which of "Book of Saw" did this come from, the garbage edition? And how much was Darren Bousman paid to flush his own franchise down the toilet? (hence the spiral?
Poorly written, Poorly directed (camera work so shaky in places it's like watching a rerun of Cops on FX) Even the original comic had better dialogue than this version which doesn't even seem like it's connected to the Saw franchise at all except for a quick flash of Tobin Bells face. If you're expecting any traps on John Kramer caliber you will be very disappointed. In fact you're left wondering why they wasted talent like Samuel Jackson and Max Mighlia but decided to give the auto warranty robocaller the role of killers tape recorder voice?
Add it to your Saw movie collection when you see it in the .99 cent aisle in Dollar General.
Jigsaw (2017)
Why Darren Why?
Why can't Darren Bousman decide if the Saw franchise is over or not because THIS movie doesn't belong in the franchise at all. Watch this movie and you'll wonder if Michael Myers decided to dress up as Jigsaw that year and see if he could re-do the movie franchise himself and failed. In fact he probably sent Rob Zombie a thank you basket. Now I know why Butterball was named in the credits because this film is a real turkey. Whatever you do, don't pay to see it.
Bad Ben: Pandemic (2020)
Not sleet, or snow nor pandemic
Will keep Tom Riley from luring naive college students to spend a weekend at this house in exchange for doing all the editing and production work for another "Bad Ben" film. I think they forgot to add "The Kickstarter that GoFunded it all" subtitle due to the amount of high donors that because actors, Actresses and extras in the film and yet again the film sank into the same miasma as the third film to present leading the viewer to conclude there IS NO paranormal energy TOM IS THE EVIL coming through your screen! RUN!
Good thing it's on Amazon Prime free for its initial release because i'm pretty sure very few are actually going to pay to rent this. Want to see a film in this vein with good acting and shocking ending? TRY "CREEP" (and the sequel) on NETFLIX.
The Stand (2020)
What a hatchet job
I understand that actual novel is a lot to adapt but even the GRAPHIC NOVEL is better than this movie. In fact the only improvement was the Nadine/Flagg love scenes.
Joker (2019)
DONT LISTEN TO THE BAD REVIEWS
If the topic of mental illness is disturbing to you DONT WATCH. If you plan to watch with your small children DONT DO IT (Show them "LEGO Batman"). That being said, this is an incredible depiction of the making of an archvillain and his descent into insanity offered with an utterly HUMAN explanation so if you're expecting some nonsensical tale about a man falling into a vat of chemicals that transforms him into a demon with a permanent smile using acid spraying lapel flowers and gassing men in tights while the word "POW" and BOFFO flash across the screen during the first fights THIS FILM IS NOT FOR YOU. Joaquins performance will haunt you and may even repel you but you definitely won't forget it. Despite the complaints of some regarding the action, remember this: Joker ISNT a superhero and never was.
Watch this and then make up your own minds. Nobody's laughing at DC now because this film just outdid every crappy film MARVEL put out.
A Return to Salem's Lot (1987)
Too much
Spoilers are probably what Stephen King calls the creators of this film piggybacking off the success of the original 1979 film. It's also loaded with regurgitated re-enactments of other films such as the obvious similarities between the dinner scene here and in Texas Chainsaw or the stuck in time feel of the town and the need to keep out the interlopers like Children of the Corn to name a few.
Wonderland (2003)
More like Biopic than Factual
Another version of the infamous Wonderland murders and the porn king at the center of it all, John Holmes with a higher caliber cast and a few creative liberties to fill in some gaps.
As of this writing (6/2019) this movie is also available to HULU SUBSCRIBERS commercial free (no live tv plan needed)
Bad Ben: The Way In (2019)
In three letters...uhm
Please give Tom Riley a copy of the book he plugged in the movie so he can stop playing with the creepy toys in front of the video camera in the basement.
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015)
Semi-redeeming features are
1) The sharknado doesn't waste any time with a plot or coherent storyline. 2) golden chainsaws are real 3) Among the oodles of more celebrity cameos watching Ann Coulter dodging flying sharks may produce and overwhelming urge to stab your sushi a little harder while Mark Cuban disappears into the carnage. (considering who their film characters are good thing it didn't get named MAGA edition)
Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014)
Should be re-Titled
To "Sharknado 2: Celebrity Deathsnack"
I mean could they have possibly crammed in ENOUGH celebrity cameos into this thing? Uh yeah or nobody would watch another heaping helping of this complete fallacy of a film. Although that little homage to "Airplane" was as adorable as Kelly Osbourne tottering through the cabin amidst the chaos. Just remember to indulge in huge helpings of Discovery Channels Shark Week AFTER watching to dislodge all the complete misinformation and impossible weather/shark scenarios throughout this franchise so you don't get a call from your child's science teacher about their biology project.
Sharknado (2013)
Proof positive
That YOU too can make a TV movie yourself at home using random weather channel/cnn storm footage for scenery, lining your garage with visqueen (cut slits for ventilation) a spraying water source while positioning bright lights underneath your car and you too can create those thrilling driving scenes while a friend kicks the door to create some suspense! Film it on a public beach with a few drunk friends, add a lot of CGI sharks and other cheesy effects, bad makeup and VOÍLA your shark masterpiece you is ready to go!
Bad Ben: The Mandela Effect (2018)
Maybe it's time to quit whilst ahead
Nigel Bach shouldn't have watched the Blair Witch, Annabelle, Butterfly Effect and the Paranormal Activity franchises whilst medicated and then documented himself on film playing with the same dolls from his shed (Steelmanville Rd: Shed scene right top shelf)
I really wanted to like it but Bad Ben just jumped the shark on this one.
Bad Ben: Steelmanville Road (2017)
Anyone else noticed?
That the Steelmanville Rd House has become a one strange man cave over every inch of the house outside and in progressively over each film? We already get the explanation for the cameras throughout in this film BUT anyone else catch these fun things in all the films?
1) who installs indoor landline model handset at eye level front door of a residential home in an isolated area? (Updates the phone too?)
2)Most rooms and outdoor spaces (including deck/basement have):
A couple chairs/recliners (director chair also)
A couch
Table (inc hospital one @ front dr & tiny ones)
A Large Screen TV/PC items
A Mini fridge
A Torchier lamp or 2 lamps on nightstands
A desk or small work table, 2-drawer cabinet
Randomly placed ladders, stuffed animals, TV trays
(* always in a square around the area?)
3) addition of the fondue set to the bar bottles next to the family photos behind the gravy boats lined up on the buffet and the table setup dining rm point to demons who entertain a lot? (Don't want to think what that pirate ship steering wheel on the master brm on the floor's for >_< )
4) Anyone see the dogs or what sleeps in those beds?
The Handmaid's Tale (1990)
Concept ahead of its time in the time BEFORE HULU
For a made-for-tv movie it's obviously still intriguing enough to have captured the Millennial generations attention and spawned an updated remake. This is ORIGINAL movie based on Margaret Atwood's novel that pretty much follows her book as originally written.
The questionable ensemble of actors chosen seem to give this film a disjointed feel possibly due to the lack of chemistry between them. Faye Dunaway as Serena Joy and Ed Harris as the Commander seem more like abusive grandparents to Natasha Richardson's Offred, (Elizabeth McGoverns' Moira only stands out because of her age and garters at Jezebels)
STILL a good movie (for network tv) and enjoyable if you want the original tale as written.
The Handmaid's Tale (2017)
Best Reason to Watch HULU
And proof as to why including the original author as consultant/cameo when remaking a film/concept is becoming a MUST.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)
If you love WINE
Then you'll REALLY love it with this cheese of a movie. No way clean air came up with this gem, so enjoy responsibly.
Creep (2014)
Proof IMDb Ratings aren't always a good guide
While the premise must have sounded great when this concept was being hashed out, it clearly lost its way while being filmed. Definitely not surprising the factoids state it was completely improvised because the viewing feels like these two had a great story in their head but no clue how to create a cohesive film plot. The storyline is extremely convoluted and highly IMPLAUSIBLE. Most folks would have ducked out (especially after $$ in hand) after the tense lunch in the restaurant or at the apartment steps afterward—at the very least contacted authorities if he felt he was in danger and was still being contacted by the stalker. Definitely would NOT be surprised if the film maker really DID take out an ad and made this film by scaring the first man who showed up at his house with a camera. Let's just say there's a reason this film wasn't at your local AMC theater etc