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Kool Quotes from The Simpsons!
~Marge, a gun isn't a weapon. It's a tool. Like a butcher knife, or a harpoon, or an alligator. -Homer
~Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids, eat them!-Homer
~Bart, with $10,000 we'd me millionars! We could buy all kinds of useful things, like love!-Homer
~Kids, you tried your best and you failed misrebly. The lesson here is never try.-Homer
~It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.-Homer
~I bet Einstien turned himself all kinds of colours before inventing the light bulb!-Homer
~English? What do I need that for? I'm never going to England!-Homer
~Remember Alf, Bart? He's back! In pog form!-Milhouse
~Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, then sold off piece by piece.-Lisa
~Now my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say dickety cause the Kaiser had stolen our word twenty. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles.-Grampa
~Im sorry I cost you your fourtune Grampa(Bart) Ah, the fortune doesn't matter boy. All that matters is that you're safe. Now let's go get that fortune!(Grampa)
~Well, whenever I�m confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answers to all the important questions.-Grampa
~Dear Mr. President,
There are too many states nowadays.
Please eliminate three.
P.S. I am not a crackpot. -Grampa
~I used to be with 'it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it' anymore and what's 'it' seems weird and scary. -Grampa
~I always get the blame around here! Who threw a cane at the TV? Who fell into the china hutch? Who got their dentures stuck in the toilet?-Grampa
~Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!(Homer) Homer!(Marge) Oh sorry I gotta go my damn weiner kids are listening.(Homer
~Aren't you missing a piece?(Ned) Aren't you missing a wife? (Homer)
~Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman, and I have no interest in that, besides wearing the underwear, which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.-Homer
~Marge's dates get homlier all the time. (Selma) Mmm-hmm, that's what you get when you don't put out. (Patty)
~Homer, where are you? (Marge) Uh, I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am. (Homer) Do you see towels? If you see towels, you're probably in the linen closet again! (Marge) Just a second, no it's a place I've never seen before. (Homer) Ah, the shower! (Selma)
~Come on Milhouse, there�s no such thing as a soul! It�s just something they made up to scare kids, like the Boogie Man or Michael Jackson.-Bart
~Well Moe yesterday we asked you the $500 000 question and you stalled for 15 minutes!(Game Show Host) Yes I was told to.(Moe)
~Donuts, is there anything they can't do?-Homer
~Mmmmm (insert food here) -Homer
~Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:
You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done. -Homer
~Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind! -Homer
~Better stake out a good spot at the starin' window. -Grampa
~Don't let Krusty's death get you down boy. People die all the time just like that! Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night. -Homer
~My name is Otto. I love to get blotto.-Otto
~I'm going to the backseat of my car. With the woman I love. And I won't be back for 10 minutes! -Homer
~Hello Mrs. Bart!-Apu
~I can't believe you don't shut up!-Apu
~Hi Principal Skinner. Hi Lisa. Hi Super-Nintendo-Chalmers.-Ralph
~Now Bart, since you broke Grampa's teeth he gets to break yours.-Homer
~To alcohol: The cause of and solution to all of life's problems.-Homer
~Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.-Homer
~No matter how good you are at something there's about a million people better than you.-Homer
~I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing why I'm going to Hell?-Homer
~There you go again always taking someone else's side. Flanders, the water department, God.-Homer
~We are not crying, we are vomiting through our eyes!-Kang or Kodos
~Do we want to do a commercial for something called Old Navy? -Kang or Kodos
~Kids, kids. I'm not gonna die. That only happens to bad people.-Homer
~Look at how many people want to be Bart's People, Bart!-Marge
~Everyone's stupid except me.-Homer
~To Start Press Any Key. Where's the any key?-Homer
~Can I have a beer?(Bart) Okay, but not the imported.(Homer) Homer!(Marge) You've got to set limits Marge!(Homer)
~Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.-Homer
~No beer and TV makes Homer something something.(Homer) Go crazy?(Marge) Don't mind if I do! *various crazy noises*(Homer)
~I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?-Bart
~All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale.-Bart
~Aren't we forgetting what Christmas is all about? The birth of Santa!-Bart
~It's just hard not to listen to TV. It's spent so much more time raising us then you have.-Bart
~Cross you heart, hope to die. Stick a needle in your eye. Jam a dagger in your thigh. Eat a horse manure pie!-Bart
~Mother has a june bug cornered in the basement and she needs me to finish it off!-Skinner
~Moon pies. What a future we live in.-Jasper
~It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.-Lisa
~Dad, is it all right to take things from people you don't like?-Lisa
~And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?-Homer
~I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm gonna go downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping bag--ah goodnight.-Homer
~Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle.-Homer
~Ned, you so craza.-Homer
~No! No no no no no no! Well, yes.-Homer
~Oh, they have the internet on computers now!-Homer
~The great thing about kids today is that they can raise themselves. With the internet and all.-Homer
~When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces,,...I just know they're about to jab me with something.-Homer
~Homer the plant called. They said if you don't come in tomorrow don't bother coming in Monday.(Marge) Woo-hoo! 4 day weekend!(Homer)
~Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."-Lionel Hutz
~My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.-Grampa
~This is the worst thing you've ever done!(Marge) You say that so much it's lost all meaning.(Homer)
~Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.-Homer
~ Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!(Homer)
Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!(Homer's Brin)
Explain how!(Homer)
Money can be exchanged for goods and services!(Homer's Brain)
Woo-hoo!(Homer
~Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple questions. Do you understand?(Scully) Yes. *lie detector blows up*(Homer)
~That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.(Ralph) Right, the lephrechaun.(Bart) He told me to burn things.(Ralph)
~Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow got a chance he would eat you and everyone you cared about.-Troy McClure
~Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had a goldfish? Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?-Milhouse
~So then I said to the cop "No you're driving under the influence. Of being a jerk."-Lenny
~Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?(Lisa) Well, I think the veal died of lonlieness.(Homer)
~I want everyone to know that Ned Flanders is my friend!(Homer) What did he say?(Lenny) I dunno, something about being gay.(Carl)
~Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.-Homer
~Lisa, would you like a donut?(Homer) No thanks. Do you have any fruit?(Lisa)
This has purple in it purple is a fruit.(Homer)
~I suggest you leave immediately.(Mr. Burns) Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?(Homer)
~Scientists say they're also less attractive physically and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use low-brow expressions like 'oh yeah?' and 'com'ere a minute.'(Kent Brockman) Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart! Com'ere a minute.(Homer)You com'ere a minute.(Bart)
Oh yeah?(Homer)
~My cat's name is Mittens.-Ralph
~I'm not normally a praying man but if you're up there save me Superman!-Homer
~Me fail english? That's unpossible.-Ralph
~Now where's my card. Ok, I'm an elk, a communist, the president of the gay and lesbian comittee for some reason, oh here it is. The Stone cutters.(Grampa)
Yes thank you dad. Lets go!.... I'll take this communist one too!(Homer)
~I was saying Boo-urns.-Hans
~Dad, what's a muppet?(Bart) Well, it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a puppet, but man *laughs-then pauses* So, to answer your question, I don't know.(Homer)
~My cat's breath smells like cat food.-Ralph
~We win again. But the real winners here are Marge's Hors D'Oeuvres.(Kent Brockman)
How do you come up with such witty remarks?(Homer)
*focuses in on ear plug/mic*
I guess you could say its my racket.(Guy in van) I guess you could say I'm Iraqi. (Kent Brockman)
Get off my property.(Homer)
~Grampa this flag only has 49 stars on it.(Marge) I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah.(Grampa)
~Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.-Homer
~Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end in digging up a corpse?-Mayor Quimby
~Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?-Cheif Wiggum
~For Privacy's sake, lets call her Lisa S...Wait thats to ovious. How about L Simpson.-Skinner
~Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.-Homer
~From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.(Homer)
Isn't that just the wrong way?(Bart)
Yeah, but faster!(Homer)
~Max Power, I like it!(Trent) Thanks, I got it off a hair dryer.(Homer)
~Now Cletus, why did ya haf to park next to my parents?(Brandine) Now, now hun, they're my parents too.(Cletus)
~Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes!'-Moe
~Grampa, are you sitting on the pie?(Marge) I sure hope so.(Grampa)
~I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush.(Homer) There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.(Homer's Brain)
D'oh.(Homer)
~... and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.-Kent Brockman
~He's gone to stinking rich to just plain stinking!(Marge) *Bart, Marge, Homer laughing* You don't understand Mr. Burns has changed now.(Lisa) Yeah, he's poor!(Marge) *laughing again* Two in a row!(Homer)
~I made Bart in my pants.-Ralph
~Homer no function beer well without.-Homer
~I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow. (Homer) We need names.(Mrs. Krabappel) Well, er, let's just call them, uh, "Mr. X" and "Mrs. Y." So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson."(Homer)
~Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No.-Leonard Nimoy
~Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!-Homer
~Don't blame me! It's the percadan. If you ask me, that stuff rots your brain ... And now a word from our new sponsor ... Percadan, oh crap!-Krusty
~I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt. I can't compete with that stuff.-Moe
~Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore.-Homer
~Do you want to come over sometime?(Gretta) Sure if it's okay with your dad.(Bart) Come, we play chess, I chase you with hose. No biggie.(Rainier)
~*On phone* Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.(Chief Wiggum) Oh my god! He's dead?(Marge) Oh, I'm sorry. He was DUI. I get those two confused. (Chief Wiggum) *hangs up phone* *Woman walks in* My name is Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DUI?(Mrs. Phillips)
Uh... talk to one of those officers over there. I'm going to lunch.(Chief Wiggum)
~When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.-Homer
~Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.-Homer
~I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.-Mr. Burns
~Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me Chief Piggum. *laugh* Oh wait, I get it, he's all right.-Chief Wiggum)
~I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down."-Homer
~Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a cheasnut tree! Ahhh!!!-Homer
~HI. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as 'Smoke yourself thin' and 'Get some confidence, Stupid!-Troy McClure
~Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.-Mr. Burns
~New feelings brewing inside of Duffman. What would Jesus do?-Duffman
~Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.-Homer
~I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.-Homer
~I'm a rageaholic. I can't live with rageahol!-Homer
~Really, you think I�m gorgeous?(Renee)
Yeah, well the parts that are showing. I guess you could have a lot of weird scars or a fake ass or something.(Moe)
You don�t talk to a lot of women do you?(Renee)
~*Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay* Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.'-Homer
~Well crying isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog.(Homer) You're right.(Bart) *Gets up and leaves* Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.(Homer)
~Hey, we didn't have a message on our answering machine when we left. How very odd.-Homer
~Duffman can't breathe! Oh No!-Duffman
~You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.-Homer
~Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.-Bart
~When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power ... like God must feel when he's holding a gun.-Homer
~Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?(Homer) Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.(Apu) Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.(Homer)
~You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.(Frink) How much time do we have professor?(Scientist) Well according to my calculations, the robots won't go berserk for at least 24 hours(Frink) *The robots go berserk*
Oh, I forgot to er, carry the one.(Frink)
~Then, the doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy! And that's why it was the best summer ever.-Ralph
~A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice.-Homer
~I bent my wookie.-Ralph
~They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.-Chief Wiggum
~I've had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children.-Superintendant Chalmers
~Billy Corgan, 'Smashing Pumpkins'(Billy Corgan)Homer Simpson, smiling politely.(Homer)
~Go orange!(Bart) Go grapefruit!(Nelson)
Go Banana!(Ralph)
~I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.-Chief Wiggum
~If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.-Homer
~Sure you did, and I went apple picking with Scooby Doo. Toy toy toy toy toy.-Farmer
~I ate the blue ones...they taste like burning.-Ralph
~Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!-Homer
~Attempted murder, now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?-Sideshow Bob
~*On radio* Husband on murderous rampage. Send help. Over.(Marge) Whew, thank God that's over. I was worried for a little bit.(Chief Wiggum)
~Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.(Homer)
~Homer, you don't have to pray outloud.(Marge) But he's way the hell up there!(Homer)
~The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten.-Homer
~When i grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar.-Ralph
~All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.-Homer
~So, have a merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a kwaazy Kwanza, a tip-top Tet, and a solemn, dignified, Ramadan. And now a word from MY god, our sponsors!-Krusty
~I won't lie to you. On this job, you will be shot at.-Apu
~You ugly hate-filled man.(Ned) Hey. I may be ugly and I may be hate-filled but ... uh ... what was that last thing you said?(Moe)
~Ah, my eye! My doctor said I wasn't supposed to get pudding in it.-Lenny
~Homer, I don't want you driving around in a car you built yourself.(Marge)
You can sit there complaining, or you can knit me some seat belts.(Homer)
~Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2.-Chief Wiggum
~I don't like being outdoors Smithers, for one thing, there's too many fat children.-Mr. Burns
~Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.(Homer) Since when?(Bart) Since your mother yelled at me.(Homer)
~I've done everything the Bible says - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!-Ned
~Wow! Homer must have got one of those robot cars!(Lenny) *Car crashes in background* Yeah, one of those AMERICAN robot cars.(Carl)
~I thought you were dead(Homer)I thought you were dead(Mother Simpson)
Dang Blasted! Isn't anybody in this dad-gummed cemetery dead?(Gravedigger)
*popping out of coffin* I didn't want to make a fuss, but now that you mention it...(Hans)
~According to the map, the cabin should be right here.(Carl) Hey, maybe there is no cabin. Maybe it's one of them metaphorical things.(Lenny) Oh yeah, yeah... Like maybe the cabin is the place inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.(Carl)Oh! ...Nah, they said there would be sandwiches.(Lenny)
~Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?(Marge) Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"(Homer)
~Last night's 'Itchy and Scratchy Show' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.-Comic Book Guy
~Woah, slow down there maestro. There's a *New* Mexico?-Mr. Burns
~What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.-Homer
~Dad, don't you think you're overreacting?(Lisa)Don't you think you're *under*reacting?(Homer) This conversation is over.(Lisa)This conversation is *under*.(Homer)Goodbye.(Lisa) *bad*bye(Homer)
~No offense Apu, but when they're handing out religions you must be out taking a whizz.(Homer) Mr. Simpson, pay for your purchases and get out...and come again.(Apu)
~Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middleman who jacked up the price, and let's not forget the humane but determined boys at the slaughterhouse.(Ned)
~The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more 'n a few.(Grampa)
~Look everyone! Now that I'm a teacher I've sewn patches on my elbows.(Homer)
Homer that's supposed to be leather patches on a tweed jacket, not the other way around. You've ruined a perfectly good jacket.(Marge) Incorrect, Marge. Two perfectly good jackets!(Homer)
~Can you open my milk, Mommy?(Ralph) I'm not mommy, Ralph. I'm Ms. Hoover(Ms. Hoover)
~You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!-Homer
~Please do not offer my god a peanut.-Apu
~Do it for this adorable little puppy. Look at the puppy, Marge.(Chief Wiggum)
That's your hat.(Marge) She's good, chief.(Lou)
~He didn't give you gay, did he? Did he?!?-Homer
~Operator! Give me the number for 911!-Homer
~40 dollars!? This better be the best damn beer ever.. *drinks beer* You got lucky.-Barney
~Are you crazy or just senile?(Cop) A little from column A, a little from column B(Grampa)
~Thirty-five years in show business and already nobody remembers me. Just like what's his name, and whos-its, and you know, that guy, who always wore a shirt.-Krusty
~Oh, man, what a day. It's no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls ... two, I suppose.-Chief Wiggum
~The results are in: for Sideshow Bob, one hundred percent; and for Joe Quimby, one percent. And we remind you there is a one percent margin of error.-Kent Brockman
~Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. Um Can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about uuhhh, things. Uhh... the things.-Homer
~I like the cut of your jib.(Cpt. McNeil) What's a jib?(Homer) Promote this man.(Cpt. McNeil)
~Slow down Bart! My legs don't know how to be as long as yours.-Ralph
~Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.-Homer
~When will you people learn? In America we stopped using corporal punishment and things have never been better. The streets are safe, old people strut confidently trough the darkest alleys and the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities. So, like us, let your children run wild and free, for as the Bible tells us, "Let your children run wild and free."-Homer
~I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.-Homer
~What kind of pet shop is filled with rambuncious yahoos and hot jazz music at 1AM?(Rex Banner) The best damn pet shop in town.(Moe)
~Hi. I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such driver's ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot."-Troy McClure
~Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.-Homer
~There's nothing like revenge for getting back at people.-Lenny
~Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants.(Ralph) Just relax and it'll come, son.(Chief Wiggum)
~Now, over the years, a newsman learns a number of things that for one reason or another, he just cannot report. It doesn't seem to matter now, so...the following people are gay...-Kent Brockman
~This candy is subpar. Any religion that embraces carob is not for Carl Carlson.-Carl
~And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.-Ralph
~Mr.Simpson--A Twizzler is not a sprinkle...A Mounds is not a sprinkle...A Jolly Rancher is NOT a sprinkle!!!!-Apu
~Okay, I'm never going to win Father Of The Year. In fact, I'm probably the last guy in the world to have kids... wait, let me rephrase that. I love my kids. I'd do anything for Bart and Lisa.(Homer) And Margaret?(Judge) Who? Lady, you must have the wrong file.(Homer)
She's talking about Maggie.(Marge) Oh, Maggie. I've got nothing against Maggie.(Homer)
~Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised and I turned out TV.-Homer
~Leave me a message after the beep..BUT DON'T BE A MESSAGE HOG USING UP ALL MY TAPE!-McBain
~Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible.(Homer) Really? Where?(Lisa) Eh, somewhere in the back.(Homer)
~A poem, by Hans Moleman. I think that I shall never see, my cataracts are blinding me.-Hans
~Oh boy! Sleep! That's when I'm a Viking!-Ralph
~What are you doing man, that's Carl!-Mr. Burns
~Why is it when I heard the word 'school' and the word 'exploded,' I immediately thought of the word 'SKINNER'?-Superintendant Chalmers
~Mr. Mayor, I have a question for you.....what if YOU came home one night to find your family tid up and gagged, with SOCKS in their mouths.They're screaming.Your trying to get in but there's too much BLOOD on the knob!!!!!(B.T. Barlow) What is your question about?(Mayor Quimby) It's about the budget sir.(B.T. Barlow)
~Look at the "wonders" of the computer age now.(Lisa) Wonders Lisa? Or blunders?(Homer) I think that was implied by what I said.(Lisa)Implied... Or implode?(Homer)
~You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.-Homer
~Do you like children?(Manager) What do you mean, all the time? Even when they're nuts?(Homer)
~Geez Homer, you sure do suck tonight.(Bart) Yeah, suck like a fox!(Homer)
~Bad bees. Get away from my sugar. Ow. OW. Oh, they're defending themselves somehow.-Homer
~ How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.-Homer
~Yes there is a comet and yes it is heading for our town. *Scattered clapping* You uh, don't need to applaud that.-Mayor Quimby
~Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.-Homer
~All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.-Chief Wiggum
~The problem in the world today is communication. Too much communication.-Homer
~Uh, how do I say this without being offensive? Marge there ain't enough booze in this place to make you look good.-Moe
~Homer, a man who called himself "you-know-who" just invited you to a secret "wink-wink" at the "you-know-what". You are certainly are popular now that you've become a Stonecutter.(Marge) Oh, yeah. Beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, stein hoists, AA meetings, beer night. It's wonderful, Marge. I've never felt so accepted in all my life. These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined.(Homer)
~Sorry, Mr. Burns. I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!-Homer
~Milhouse, she got you too!(Lisa) Yeah but its ok im standing on Ralph...(Milhouse) We're a totum pole HIYA HIYA HIYA HIYA(Ralph)
~Smithers there's a rocket in my pocket.-Mr. Burns
~Lesbian?! This isn't my army reunion.(Hans) You're coming home with me.(Gay man in army clothes) Yes, Colonel.(Hans)
~I'm telling you the light would work better if it pointed out to sea.(Man)
Arr, shut up. I know what I'm doin'.(Sea Captain) *a boat crashes in the distance* Arr, I hate the sea and everything in it.(Sea Captain)
~My ears are burning.(Homer) I wasn't talking about you, Dad.(Lisa) No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip.(Homer)
~If he's so smart, how come he's dead?-Homer
Reviews
Smart Guy (1997)
A Very Good TV Show
Smart Guy is an awesome TV show with good acting and actors. It is very funny ,especially Mo. Mo is the best character on the show. TJ is pretty good too except in episodes where he is supposed to be 12 he looks 8. I think Essence Atkins is pretty good at playing Yvette too. I think putting Destiny's Child on one of the episodes really gave Smart Guy a boost. All in all Smart Guy is an excellent TV show and I recommend it to everyone, young or old. My rating: 9.5/10