hankbrns Reviews

Fingernails (2023)

Slow, boring and painful to watch

[4/10 · 4 November 2023]

Fingernails started out with a pretty good premise--check your love for each other by testing an entire (painfully-removed) fingernail.

Jeremy Allen White (Lip from SHAMELESS) sleep-walks through his part in this story (not his fault, however) playing the sad, but happy, spouse.

Jessie Buckley appears to have gone to a blind chimpanzee to have her hair glued up sideways, and it never got better. The bed-head surely distracted from her appearance and acting ability.

As the story painfully progressed to the predictable conclusion, you are left asking yourself "Why didn't I stay home and floss the cat?" or "If they'd just turn down the air conditioning I could take a 90-minute nap in this building".

You Hurt My Feelings (2023)

Nothing Funny About this Dog...

[2/10 · 29 June 2023]

The "Cluelessness" is so thick you can slice it up like whale blubber. Julia Louis Dreyfus had a good run with her "Seinfeld Whine" but it's way past the "use-by" date on this weary drama.

As a published writer, outlining her memoirs of Daddy's verbal abuse, she is trying to come up with something else. Julia's weak-kneed Psychiatrist husband is in a self-made crisis because he can't keep track of the background on his clients (so why does he take those notes anyway?).

You have here a simple-minded bunch of moaning New Yorkers that consistently gripe about their lot in life as they sip 12-dollar coffees and never seem to actually earn a paycheck.

Beau Is Afraid (2023)

Waste of talent

[2/10 · 18 June 2023]

How could these Hollywood folks be so obtuse?

Beau is Afraid squanders talent and audience goodwill faster than Congress squanders our tax funds.

This mess starts out as a shaky, disjointed narrative and quickly gets worse. The people around me were Using the long pauses to read off their grocery lists or cat-flossing schedules.

The only way this video gets over 4 stars is if all the friends and family of the actors all chime in with 10s.

I asked for a refund on my popcorn and Pepsi because, watching this dull and slovenly man slog through his days, put me in a state of pre-vomit and major upset.

Mama Weed (2020)

Hilarious Huppert Hits the High Notes

[10/10 · 14 February 2023]

What a great comedic flick.

There are unexpected surprises and well-acted scenes that make this a pleasure to view.

Huppert plays it with such a bold demeanor that it's as if she'd done this dirty business plenty of times.

She straddles the line as a police translator and a friend--and does it plausibly and well.

The rest of the cast fills in the complete story, even though you have to be patient to catch on.

Using the dog was such a brilliant idea that it appears to be the standout scene in the whole production.

Mama Weed is my favorite from the current French film industry--which has many other fine works (Petite Maman, The Quiet Girl on so on...)

The Recruit (2022– )

Excellent drama/comedy

[9/10 · 26 December 2022]

This is a top-notch item that should headline the Netflix line-up.

Well-written, well acted, with non-Hollywood love interest(s) plus a harried CIA agent that actually gets smarter as the series progresses--amaaaaazing!

The twists and turns kept me interested up to the final episode, simply because it displayed the logical actions that most people would assume under these conditions. The CIA shows signs of the same "Corporate Bloat" that wrecked many industries and it is celebrated right up the chain-of-command.

Characters are fleshed out to where you care about them (and you are able to forgive minor flaws that pop up now and then).

Great entertainment.

The Reunion (2022)

Waste of talent and time

[3/10 · 4 December 2022]

Scenery and actors should have been a formula for success, unfortunately it didn't gel. From the disjointed beginning this looked like an bad mix--maybe they changed the script and directors every 20 minutes as a "new wave" in episodic drama. It felt like an editor came in with scissors and clipped all the good parts out.

The jumpy narrative only became more complicated as the story unfolded. I wish they'd have had a narrator dubbed in order to make sense of the action.

If you choose to waste your time here, try turning off the sound and guess the timeline of the action--it will be the only way you can justify your hours.

To Leslie (2022)

Tiring, beats you to a pulp

[3/10 · 10 October 2022]

Alcoholic hits the lottery--wow!

We are not given any backstory in this piece of fiction--like "How much did she waste on lottery tickets before winning?" "How much welfare money was she using to booze it up while her child ate dog food?" "Why didn't one of her relatives call child services and side-track some of the winnings for the future?" This happens in real life, you hear about some old bar-hound that hits a big one on the lottery and buys a mansion with the money. But, since they always lived in a trailer, can't figure out why dumping tar of the roof doesn't fix the leaks...and they spent all the rest of their winnings on parties and liquor.

Leslie is a composite of every backwoods hillbilly that blew thousands on the lottery but was unable to balance a checkbook when their number came up.

Blonde (2022)

Confusing and ill-cast

[3/10 · 30 September 2022]

Using a Cuban actress to portray Marilyn probably demonstrates the idea of the "Director's Couch" more than anything in this flick.

Don't get me wrong, the nude scenes were well staged (that set must have been awfully cold though) and the schizoid episodes were semi-entertaining but hard to follow.

Joe DiMaggio was such a respected hero that he could easily have had the entire Yankees bench pound the snot out of miscreants that meant to harm Marilyn (and the cops would happily have ignored it)--so this was a questionable chunk of the story

I think this is a 3-star package that should have gone straight to DVD.

The Resort (2022– )

Great series--minor flaws--good tension

[8/10 · 16 August 2022]

Crazy scenario that works beautifully.

The sets are intriguing while the story has enough twists to keep you interested.

I thought this was how 'good entertainment' should be presented. Cristin Milioti and Skyler Gisondo play it with logic, fear and curiosity...works out well.

The Comey Rule (2020)

History and facts ruined this fluffy fable

[2/10 · 9 August 2022]

Now that we have see the failure and mismanagement of Comey and the FBI, it becomes clear that this is another Hollywood hit-piece by liberals.

Daniels would like you to think Comey was a genius when he dodged all the questions at his Congressional hearing with "I don't remember..."

Earth Emergency (2021)

More opinions from Al Gore believers

[1/10 · 22 July 2022]

The ice caps will melt by 2008 The polar bears will be extinct Miami will be underwater

Just more bad fearmongering from people that have proved to be phony.

Greta Thunderbird?? Gimme a break.

Fish in a Barrel (2020)

Outdated propaganda

[1/10 · 13 July 2022]

This miserable hit piece morphs from gun control to the NRA to hatred (and proven lies) about Trump.

Simply put, bad information from some low-information people that only live in the past and fear the future.

The Bear (2022– )

Unnecessary conflicts over a cheap sandwich

[3/10 · 12 July 2022]

My, my...another Chicago setting with a cheap sandwich shop and a load of family conflicts. This old dirty shop seems to be over-staffed, has its own bakery and successfully served mushy pasta for several years.

Now it's serving the same Cuban sandwiches you can get from a food truck.

Miserable.

The Longest Night (2022)

Too many plot holes

[2/10 · 11 July 2022]

This should have been over in 60 minutes instead of 6 episodes. The ridiculous plot holes were apparent enough for a 3ed-grader to question them.

A completely incoherent ending tops off this jumbled mess.

A Beautiful Curse (2021)

Slow and rewarding

[10/10 · 29 June 2022]

This has a mystery at the start that pulls you into the scenario pretty much from the start...just ride along and you will be rewarded.

Scenery and location are excellent with day and night shots that alternately increase the tension and demonstrate a calm side to the tale.

I was second-guessing the plot and (happily) missed the idea.

Don't YOU miss this one.

Slash/Back (2022)

Surprise delight!

[9/10 · 28 June 2022]

The kids get most of the screen time and dialogue--and it works out well.

Scenery, daily activities and murderous space aliens all combined to make a delightful little movie.

Petite Maman (2021)

Suprising and touching

[10/10 · 2 May 2022]

Be prepared to take your time with this one, enjoy the scenery and the acting, but suspend your questions until the answers are presented...it is a rare treat.

It is a small gem of a production, amazing in simplicity and deeply touching in its story.

The Batman (2022)

Painfully slow and painfully woke

[2/10 · 19 April 2022]

Use the keywords; "slow", "lifeless" and "woke".

Pattinson's monotone narrative at the start should have been the tip-off that this was going to be an over-long sleepfest.

All the white guys are evil and "dropheads" (Druggies?) pretty soon cat woman tells us that all the badness in Gotham City is caused by old white men.

Then the black cop and the black female mayor salvage the remainder of the city.

Even though there was supposed to be a "Riddler" the actor could have mailed-in his performance (well, so could the thin and under-nourished "Batman"). Most of the parts could have been played by a robot or a nice CGI character.

But it's so...WOKE!

Eating Our Way to Extinction (2021)

Multi-millionaires burning jet fuel

[2/10 · 18 April 2022]

This is a nice propaganda piece and, except for using the same schmucks that burn tons and tons of resources to whine about everybody's diet.

The hypocrisy is so thick you that Al Gore could walk across the Mississippi river on it.

Where ARE those rising water levels that were supposed to drown Miami?

At least half the people in this whinge-fest are now finishing off a cheese-burger and fries (grilled by their meat-eating staff) in the kitchen of their massive under-used mansions or on their personal Lear-Jet.

The Hunt for Planet B (2021)

Leftist propaganda

[2/10 · 3 April 2022]

Sad documentary due to the bias from the film makers.

Complaining about: Not enough women working in the field Not enough diversity on the project.

Not enough Greta Thunderberg clones.

Could have been interesting if they'd have stayed with the science--rather than the opinions and speculations of non-professionals and climate protesters.

What/If (2019)

Dull, illogical and copycat

[2/10 · 27 March 2022]

Renee better get her money back for that face-job. She's too old and wrinkled to play this part.

The story has been used before (and wasn't much good even then).

Almost a total waste unless you want to follow the dead-end subplots.

American Underdog (2021)

Brings a tear to your eye

[9/10 · 10 February 2022]

Touching true story.

The NFL can make you or break you as a pro athlete, this is a testament to the control they have over young players. Andy Reid yanked Chad Henne from his job coaching at a community college to fill in for Mahomes-and he did an excellent job.

Cypher (2021– )

Weak as Day-Old Dishwater

[2/10 · 10 April 2021]

Overused idea with a silly plot is the recipe for a standard-model time-waster.

Major holes and unsatisfying (simple) conclusions tend to overload this production. Your time would be better spent flossing cats at the local shelter...

I Care a Lot (2020)

Some of the clumsiest henchmen in history

[2/10 · 9 March 2021]

First there was the baloney about the court and the crooked custodian--well, it's a movie so that gets a pass. Then the major ripoff and 100% crooked rest home staff--well, it's fiction and we'll just overlook that. Soon enough, highly-trained and skilled the evil-doers can't seem to perform the basic snatch-and-grab...but, but, it's just a MOVIE! Later the professionals are unable to complete the most basic function of hardened and deadly assassins....still, getting hard to overlook the flaws when they stack up like Canadian cordwood. The first 15 minutes were fine, however.

Sanctuary (I) (2019)

The stupidity is too thick to tolerate

[4/10 · 6 September 2020]

Professionals change their philosophies at the snap of a finger, easy solutions are presented and ignored. Obvious errors GLARE from this mess. The place was a nice rest home until a couple episodes later when it becomes completely different Suspend your logic and common sense and enjoy the scenery, it's about the only thing worthwhile