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kerrydunn
Reviews
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (2022)
It's getting lamer each episode
If the rest of the season is as lame as the first 4 episodes, I doubt it will last long.
I cringe every time I watch the bridge crew interactions. I mean c.rap - the "helmsman" deciding on her own that she's going to "prepare to engage the enemy" after the captain told her to stay the course.
And calling him "skipper" ?
That is, when they even acknowledge him as the captain at all.
The writing is just crap, the "drama" is lame (you already know nothing really bad is going to happen and none of the "main" crew are going to die).
And of course, the usual "I just thought of a way to save the ship and defeat the enemy at the last possible moment" storylines.
Yawn.
Fantasy Island (2021)
No Fantasy Island would be a better title.
Every single episode is a boring "lets explore our real feelings" or "relive some childhood drama" or "group therapy" session instead of fantasies.
The show completely misses it's mark. It's supposed to be about FANTASIES - not facing some personal issues.
Not one episode so far has even come close to being a fantasy.
I won't be sad when this is cancelled. It's not scoring well on the critic sites.
Tomb Hunters (2021)
Fairly well done documentary.
It is a 4 part (?) series on the discovery of some "mega-tombs" discovered in Saqqara.
While they apparently found mummies dating back to the "Old Kingdom", most were from the later stages of ancient Egypt, the centuries around when the Greeks ruled until the end of "Ancient Egypt" when the Romans conquered the country.
Excellent camera work, doesn't try to "sensationalize" everything though many of the Egyptologist are (understandably) excited by the finds.
And yes, the Egyptian experts are actually experts despite what one reviewer thinks.
And yes, that is how the Egyptians conduct digs, unlike what one sees in movies where archeologists have everything divided into grids and clear areas using just a small brush.
As for the show, it is a bit annoying when they start each episode like it's a crime thriller though and they never seem to actually explain some of the things they say they are going to.
It's like the episodes should have (or were) longer and someone who hasn't actually watched the show (and knows little about Egyptology) edited it more to keep the time in check rather than to keep the story consistent.
Still, way better than that "Opening the Lost Tomb" show that aired on Fox back in 1999.
I actually walked around some of the areas shown in this series when I visited the Step Pyramid back in 2005.
I was able to look through my photos and recognized some of the sites, though I never went to the area where all the tombs in this series were found.
(Probably wasn't being excavated when I was there.)
Black Widow (2021)
Too much "soapy rom com" not enough "WOW" !
Yet another action movie that can't decide if it's supposed to be a tear-jerking, heart warming movie about "family" or an action packed superhero extravaganza.
This needed a different director. One who could tell the difference between an "action" movie and a "lets get in touch with our feelings" movie and not try to combine the two into a watered down version of either.
Cosmic Sin (2021)
Amateurish straight to DVD production
Whoever wrote this and whoever directed it should never be allowed near a movie again except as a paying customer.
500 years in the future it is highly unlikely that anyone will smoke. Nor will "specialists" talk back to their leaders and disobey their orders or talk back to 4 star generals in public (even if they are related).
It's also highly unlikely that religion will still be a thing either. Or that soldiers would still be using the same kinds of weapons and ammo being used now.
And when I saw that "captain" wearing his beret like it was a knit pull over cap, I wanted to reach throw the screen and slap it off his head.
I started playing solitaire on my computer about half way through the movie so that I could stay awake.
This ranks down in the basement beside "Escape Plan 2" (the sequel you didn't see because it was so bad they never even tried to promote it as a "straight to DVD" movie) !
I'm sure this is one that Willis and Grillo will regret making for a long, long time.
The Beginning: Feel the Dead (2019)
This is also listed as "Feel the Dead" - a 2017 TV series.
This is the exact same series except they added "The Beginning" to the front of the title and labelled it "2019".
Not sure what they were trying to accomplish in this show as they (the writers/directors) seem to be even more clueless than the ones working on TWD.
When you have an outbreak that apparently spontaneously turns people to flesh-craving zombies and within a couple hours all radio stations go silent and all cell phones stop working and the military is running around in small groups murdering everyone they encounter, you've got to think whoever wrote this is totally clueless.
Not to mention that all those zombies, despite being hours (or minutes) old look like they've been dead for weeks (or longer).
I'm expecting more dumb stuff like how in TWD you can slather zombie blood and guts all over yourself (even your face) but apparently only get infected if you get bit (despite everyone already being infected as they discovered in season 1).
They started early in this show where even people that know how to use firearms kill armed soldiers but don't pick up their weapons.
And people, safe in their vehicles, see a zombie and leave their vehicle to go blindly running through the woods for some idiot reason.
And dumb sub-plots where the star gets out of his car with his wife and young daughter and the 3 of them start running into the woods together.......except that within a minute they lose the wife somehow (because the subplot called for them to be separated and they couldn't figure out how to do it so she just "disappears" and never calls out to the hubby to slow down or anything. You know, like people would actually do in such a situation).
Little wonder this show hasn't had any other reviews. It's like no one has ever seen it !
It's too bad. If they'd just try to be a little more realistic and THINK about what it would really be like, they could make a great show.
But they won't.
Feel the Dead (2017)
Terrible attempt at copying the Walking Dead
Another zombie series written by people that don't have a clue and directed by the same.
I mean seriously. "Day 1" of the contagion and people are spontaneously turning into zombies that look like they've been zombified for weeks or months already.
The military running around in small groups of 2-3 (or alone if it's needed for the plot), dressed in "hazmat" suits that look more like a house painters disposable overalls and murdering all survivors they come across within the first few hours of the outbreak.
Cellphones and the radio go out within the first few hours.
Drive down a deserted road for miles with no traffic, come upon a bunch of cars stopped for no reason but can't back up because suddenly there are more vehicles behind you.
Perfectly good, running vehicles that everyone abandons the instant a zombie shows up.
Naturally, the star gets out of his car with his wife and child, run into the woods and within a minute loses track of where the wife went. (I'm sure she'll turn up, alive, in another episode.)
And of course, despite their lack of weapons and/or ammo, they don't pick up any weapons (or anything else) from the soldiers they manage to kill.
Oh and of course, a zombie standing idle in the woods, with noise all around, hears a branch snap and suddenly becomes active.
Because it magically can tell the difference between all the other noises and one caused by a human (same idiotic thinking that the writers/directors on TWD use).
The somewhat bland performances can be excused somewhat because of the writing and directing I suppose. Some of the lines just didn't sound like something people would say in those situations and were delivered in a plain, emotionless voice.
It looks and feels somewhat low budget (sets, props, cast) and what money they had was spent on making newly dead people look like months old zombies.
The lighting and sound were decent and while it looks OK (cinematically) the editing could use some work.
Hopefully it improves in future episodes but I'm not holding my breath.
Battle at Big Rock (2019)
Expect it to be bad. Very bad
No "big" names in the cast (so far) and apparently going to be filled with the usual cliched scenes, huge errors and probably plot holes that you could sail an aircraft carrier through.
Like how - just at the exact wrong moment, the baby starts crying (of course).
Like how they can't undo the baby's seat harness until just in the nick of time.
And how, just in the nick of time (again), the little girl manages to fire not one but 2 arrows (not crossbow bolts) - from a crossbow - with deadly accuracy. (a crossbow belonging to a fellow camper and presumably not left out in the open, cocked and loaded).
I expect the rest of the movie will be filled with more of the same.
And let me guess, despite there only being one velociraptor (Blue)left at the end of the last movie, it will still be alive, have lots of other velociraptors with it, will be the main star/hero of the plot and of course, just when everything seems doomed and all the "heroes" have been killed or beaten into submission......
A huge T-Rex will suddenly appear to save the day and let loose a mighty roar at the end.
One hopes that the film will have the same high quality of production (sound, lighting, CGI, sets, etc) as the previous movies, which may offset some of the cliches and plot holes. The post-credit snips look good so one can hope that the most of the movie won't be shot "at night" (the cheap way to hide poor sets and CGI) and that the prerequisite "bad guy" won't be a cartoonish clown (again).
If you are going to make it - make it good or don't make it at all.
3022 (2019)
Not worth watching
Right from the beginning. Plagued with bad writing throughout a lame story, it is (probably) supposed to be a "study of the effects of long term deep space exposure on the human psyche" or some such nonsense.
The long, silent opening sequence was meant to fast-forward the viewers through the first 5 years.
In 2190, a 4 person crew start a 10 year mission on a space station in deep space near a colony that is on one of Jupiter's moons (Europa). The station is supposed to be some kind of "refuelling" stop for people travelling between Earth and the colony (though they don't explain that or show anyone coming anywhere near them in the first 5 years).
5 years later the captain is losing his marbles and the crew doctor is ready to scrub the mission and have them all sent home for psychological reasons.
Then the "event" happens (conveniently of course).
The station is (mysteriously) damaged and a crew member dies. Then the doctor decides to take a one way space walk. The remaining (2) crew try to save him by extending a mechanical arm towards him. Naturally, just as its within reach the Doc decides he wants to live - and as he reaches to grab the mechanical arm, the last section of it - just - falls - off, drifting off into space along with the Doc.
Then, just as the last 2 crew members are about to take some kind of suicide pill - literally about to put them in their mouths - miraculously they spot a shuttle drifting outside the station.
Inside they find 3 crew who had been on the International Space Station orbiting Earth and find out that the "event" was actually the Earth exploding for some unknown reason.
Despite being right next to it, apparently they weren't as damaged as the space station that was hundreds of millions of miles away from the explosion. Their shuttle was damaged but still somehow made it to the station.
(More plot holes. The shuttle crew are revived and told that there was enough life support to keep them all alive until the shuttle can be repaired and they can fly to Europa. So what do they do ?
Have a party. Smoking and drinking.
Without explaining what had happened until the next day (because of course, why would you bother mentioning some trivial detail like how you watched the Earth explode from 400(ish) kms away).
Then they find out that the station, which had enough life support to keep 4(+) people going for 10(+) years, will only support 2 people for 3 years.
Or 5 people for 1 month.
(But apparently there's enough cigarettes to keep everyone going forever !)
And supposedly the shuttle (now) can't be fixed at all !
One thing leads to another and the damaged station ends up broken into 2 parts and apparently each half has enough life support to last 1 person indefinitely. Good thing too as each of the last 2 from the original station crew are in different parts of the station and the 3 from the shuttle are dead.
And somehow, despite the "unfixable" shuttle being damaged even further in the explosion that broke the station apart, the captain is able to repair it and - roughly 22 years after the station broke apart - in the year 3022 he is able to pilot it and literally fly straight to the other half of the station (despite not having any communication with it the entire time and no way to calculate where it may have drifted to in the preceding 22+ years).
And, naturally, his partner is still alive.
The movie ends with the 2 crew members reunited on the one half of the station, drifting off into space. The same 2 who, 27 years earlier, were going to kill themselves back when things seemed hopeless.
Somehow I don't think there'll be a sequel where some intrepid explorer finds them still drifting through space - and still alive.
(Did I mention that during this whole time - they had NO communication with the colony on Europa who apparently couldn't be bothered to check on them or try to figure out why they couldn't communicate with Earth either.)
The entire movie was poorly lit (perhaps to disguise cheap sets).
The plot holes were big enough to fly planets through.
The story line was lame.
The acting was OK. I only watched it to the end to see what they'd do with the last 2 (you knew he'd find her, somehow, and that she'd still be alive, somehow, but I wanted to see what happened after that).
Nothing.
And literally everyone smokes ! On space ships/stations in deep space 180+ years in the future !
I mean WTF ! Why is it that half the space movies I see these days have crews smoking like chimneys ?
NOBODY SMOKES IN SPACE morons !
Not now and sure as **** not 170 years from now (let alone even further in the future for some movies).
Blame that on the poor scripting and directing as well..
I would not recommend this to anyone unless you are on a very long flight where you can't sleep and there are no other choices. Even then I'd suggest watching something else. Or reading the in-flight magazine. Or the Emergency card. Or count the hairs on the back of the head of the person sitting in front of you.
Singularity (2017)
Just terrible !
I started watching it mainly because John Cusack was in it and, while I hadn't heard of the movie, I didn't think it could be as bad as this.
Concept - straight rip-off of Terminator. Artificial Intelligence decides that humans are a virus and wipes most of them out.
Fast forward 97 years (if you read the movie synopsis - or 60 years if you follow the dialogue in the movie.)
More rip-offs. Hunger Games rip-off as "Katniss" makes an appearance in her brand new and perfectly clean leather jacket and Walking Dead crossbow.
Supposedly most of humanity has been wiped out but when she encounters another "survivor" she saves him (using a really cheesy "explosive device") and then immediately ditches him. Little does she know that he is an "evolved" Terminator that "thinks it is human".
Meanwhile - "Katniss" is trying to get to "Aurora" - the last human stronghold (yeah, just like Resident Evil - Afterlife).
Amazingly, Polaroid cameras found in abandoned houses still work perfectly fine (60 or 97 years later) as do Coleman lanterns which magically light up a whole room with no shadows.
Not to mention - advanced combat robots that can't detect thermal signatures, sleeping outdoors on the ground every night (I guess the robots wiped out tents, sleeping bags and all other camping gear), nobody apparently ever needs to go to the bathroom or wash or change clothes.
Cross country trip through hostile territory with nothing but the clothes on you back.
Oh and electronic devices that apparently never need charging.
And John Cusack looks like he just came off a year long cocaine bender only to find out that he has incurable lung, liver, testicle and brain cancer.
I couldn't make it through the whole movie. I could add that the direction sucked, the music score sucked, costuming and make up sucked, lighting sucked and the other actors also sucked (but some of that could be attributed to the script and the directing - some of it).
Seriously disappointed in John Cusack and seriously glad I didn't pay to watch it
Outcast (2014)
Horrible movie !
How did this even get made ?!?! It is a sloppy attempt to retell a story that has been told dozens of times, only this time they throw a couple of white "Crusaders" into Imperial China, where of course everyone speaks perfect English (except the "English" actors) !
Christensen literally delivers every single line in the exact same deadpan voice (and expression). Cage's accent is so bad it'd almost be funny if it wasn't so bad.
I guess they blew most of their budget on the salaries of Cage and Christensen and forgot to save some for things like extras and CGI. When I saw the mighty army of "Black Guards" (yeah, it's that lame) there must have been like, 20 of them ! Not sure if they stole Gene Simmons "Kiss" wig for Cage to wear or maybe it was "Sho'nuff's" wig from The Last Dragon.
It's one of those movies that you are really, really glad you didn't pay money to see !
Spectre (2015)
Worst Bond Film EVER ! (Spoilers
Absolute CRAP. That is perhaps the politest term I can use. This was perhaps the worst Bond film of all time and that includes the Moore and Dalton eras. NONE of Craig's Bond films have been that great as their prime objective seems to have been to go out of their way to torch all the old Bond hallmarks. Like how Bond NEVER slept with Moneypenny. Until Craig. Or M never being killed off. Until Craig. Sheesh - Twice I tuned in the movie and watched it for nearly 10 minutes, at 2 different parts of the movie, before realizing it was the latest Bond film !
The other objective seems to have been to try and "out-Bourne" Jason Borne, relying more on raw athleticism than the sophistication and gadgets than have been Bond trademarks ever since the beginning.
This Bond is not "suave and sophisticated" in the least. Change the name and put Statham, or Damon, or Cruise in place of Craig and you'd never notice the difference.
I won't even bother with whole lame plot line. I tuned in once at the start of the train scene. After they were off the train and standing at the "station" (before their ride appeared magically appeared) I actually had to search IMDb to try and figure out what Craig movie I was watching. I was surprised to find out this was the latest Bond flick.
The ending was so incredibly lousy it should be viewed as an embarrassment to the franchise. I mean seriously - you strap a guy into a chair and then, for no reason at all, have the arms move so that his hands are close enough that he can reach his watch and set up the "miraculous" escape. You could see that coming from bluddy Jupiter ! Love how those super evil needles to the brain had absolutely no effect either. Goldfinger's laser was scarier (and so was the villain). Then again, so was the laser scene (and villain) in Die Another Day.This was perhaps the least scary Bond villain of all time and that includes Jonathan Pryce's "Elliot Carver - Media Mogul" character in Tomorrow Never Dies.
And then, basically, one bullet into a fuel storage tank wipes out the entire evil network while Bond casually strolls away.
Of course, despite being at the center of the exploding watch and despite the entire complex going up in a fire ball the bad guy escapes and what does he do ? Captures Bond (again) and (again) puts him in a situation where he can get away instead of just putting 2 into the back of his head and being done with it. Like they stole the plot line straight out of Austin Powers II. Meanwhile the bad guys escapes in what has to be the slowest helicopter every invented as he should have been miles away (and hundreds of feet above the river) by the time Bond escaped but no, Bond is able to catch up to him in speed boat and take him out with a pistol from 200+ meters away. (But the bad guys could barely hit the plane Bond was in, using much larger handguns from a much closer distance.) Yawn.
Just another never ending cliché but without the charm, wit or class that most of the other Bond's brought to the screen.
Little wonder Craig would rather slit his wrists than do another Bond.
Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders (2016)
Lame and full of errors (Spoilers, spoilers and more spoilers).
1) If you are doing an episode about Thailand, try getting info from someone who has actually been there. I have never seen so many Vietnamese "coolie" hats anywhere in Thailand as shown in this episode and I've NEVER seen a Thai "wai" with their hands held at stomach height. (I've only been visiting/living here for 22+ years though.) 2) NO US law enforcement agency hops onto their private C-17 Globemaster loaded with their personal favourite vehicles and flies to a foreign country to investigate the disappearance of 2 citizens. Lame plot right from the beginning. 3) There is no way they'd land in a foreign country, hop into their vehicles and just start driving around the country. 4) Scenes where Garret and La Garza appear to be driving in Thailand are obviously faked (poor green-screening at best). 5) There is NO way the Thai police would stick a decaying body into a storeroom of their police station.
This whole thing is a lame attempt to coat tail on the success of Criminal Minds but it fails on so many levels I'm surprised it made it past 1 episode.
The Walking Dead: The Distance (2015)
Clichés and plot holes (and spoilers)
I love this series but ever since it started there have been too many little problems with it. The tired old cliché of every single walker making grunting, growling, slobbering noise, except for the one that sneaks up on a regular member of the gang and manages to bite him (because he's so absorbed at looking at a picture on the wall that has absolutely no meaning for him).
And the usual tired old cliché of driving down a deserted road and the very instant the driver takes his eyes off the road suddenly there's a horde of walkers and despite the second vehicle being 10 feet behind them, they get separated.
And the tired old cliché that happens in far too many movies, where the car the was running fine gets shut off for NO reason at all, and of course won't start when they need it to.
And the huge plot hole in this episode where Aaron tells them he is with 1 other person, but despite the fact they don't see him at the vehicles, they all load up and drive off without anyone (including) Aaron mentioning it !
And of course, despite their previous experiences at Woodbury and Terminus, they drive straight up to the entrance of this latest safe haven without any hesitation or checking the place out first from a safe distance. Doesn't even seem the least bit odd to any of them that when they get to the gate, there's no one there to greet (or challenge) them so they all get out and just stand in front of the gates like they're waiting to be gunned down. Seriously, the writers are starting to get lazy. I was kind of surprised this episode wasn't mostly comprised of useless "flashbacks" as well.
There are numerous other plot holes as well, like the fact they seem to be able to find gas powered vehicles that run perfectly (except when you need them the most) despite the fact that gas degrades overtime and would be pretty much unusable by now.
And wow -seriously ? The US has major military bases scattered all over the country, complete with some heavy duty, diesel powered, armoured vehicles that would plow through entire herds of walkers without even slowing down. MRAPs, LAV IIIs, even just HumVees would be considerably better than "whatever piece of crap we find on the side of the road" BS that they keep trying to survive in.
I won't even bother with the whole "skull turns to squishy melon consistency seconds after someone becomes a walker" crap. Odd how the rest of them seems pretty strong though (like teeth, nails and other bones). At least they don't turn into the superhuman vampire zombies like in some movies.
And what's with Michonne suddenly being the "lets throw all caution to the wind and just trust this guy for no real reason at all" person ? Or are the writers getting that pathetic that they expect the viewers to believe that the group automatically thinks the next "safe" place won't be filled with murderous cannibals and psychos like the last 2 were ? If anything, the entire group should be paranoid as can be about anything that crosses their path. This series has potential to keep going strong for quite awhile, unless they start going down the dumbass road where everyone starts having weird psychotic flashbacks and suddenly some stupid jar jar binks type character is introduced and they all turn into cross- thumping true believers.