Tiekozulu Reviews

Starship Troopers (1997)

Sci-fi B movie awesomeness

[7/10 · 10 June 2013]

Bugs! Bugs! Is usually what your internet dweeb Brandon shouts every time he sees a spider. Hola that's right I am back again for another review. If you get that quote then you love this cheesy sci-fi action, war movie as much as I do. This is a cult classic if I have ever seen one and too my surprise that this movie is in fact based off a book. This I never knew because apparently the book promotes fascism and a military style of world. Where the movie doesn't promote it but shows sort of what the world would be like if we did do such a thing. I just have to say one thing if you haven't seen the sequels and you thought this movie was fun, just forget about them because those sequels are terrible, I watched the third one and wow was that bad on so many levels they did not progress well.

In case you don't know this movie is about a bunch of dudes that look like they walked right off the set from Aliens in a intergalactic war with a bug race known as Arachnids. These things very from the generic drones to big a** fire breathing monsters of beetles. The movie follows two character Jonny Rico who is this marine who kills the ever loving s*** out of some bugs and Carmen Ibanez who was Rico's ex who is a pilot and that's all she does. There are a couple of things that bug me, yeah I just made that pun. The first thing is in the beginning the aliens are hard to kill it takes almost three of them to take the bastard out. Towards the end of the movie they are dying from a bullet or two. It was very inconsistent in the terms of the plot and such. I also have to point out they "nuke" the bug holes and I have to say call it something else guys. I know I am looking for logic in a Sci-fi movie but if that is a nuke you aren't going to be only 50 yards away from the hole and be OK. It is Sci-fi make up a name for it then I won't question it. Honestly I've just seen this movie too many times I am reading way too into this film. It has a generic plot but I have to say damn they are not afraid to kill anybody off in this film. I won't say who but they cut there cast almost down to a hand full of people so be prepared.

This movie for being a B Sci-fi film has some pretty damn good special effects. The Arachnids look pretty well done they don't look as CG as you'd expect. Unlike in the third movie where they look like someone did them on a lap top these are very professional looking. I also have to say the practical gore is just the best and this movie has gore. They aren't afraid to rip a guys face off right in front of the camera there is no shaky cam or cut away to hide what is happening.

This movie was directed by Paul Verhoeven who directed two of my favorite 80's movies Total Recall and Robocop. What drives me nuts is most directors if the movie is based off a book will read the book. Not this guy he didn't like the book and made a movie anyways which I think he lucked out that this became a cult classic. I am curious what movie we would've seen if he read the book entirely. Normally I mention the screen writer because they are a lot of what happens in this movie but damn I don't know the lines in this film were bad. When I said it was cheesy this is cheesy, it also doesn't help the only good actor in the movie is everyone's favorite Michael Ironside. This guy is awesome in the movie; while the main character Jonny Rico ( Casper Van Dien) was way over acting. This guy is a big, big straight to DVD, or straight to cable actor and it shows. He over acted the s*** out of his role but I'll hand it to him being it was a B movie the guy was perfectly cast for this film.

Overall in the end of the day if you are a film snob and you hate campy fun films then stay the hell away from this. If you are that guy or girl who loves Sci-fi and loves gore and that's all you need in a movie then pick this s*** up it is so worth watching. I have a weird love for this film I am one of its supporters I have to give it a B-. I give it such a high righting for a B movie because you have to see it and if you do and like it you'll want to own it as well.

go to bloodyscreen.weebly.com for more reviews sucka.

The Purge (I) (2013)

A good thriller for a fun time

[7/10 · 9 June 2013]

If you had one day where no there were no laws what would you do? Would you go crazy and murder or steal? Me, personally I would loiter my a** off and there would be nothing they could do. If you are wondering what the hell I am talking about, I am talking about The Purge you moron didn't you read the title and that is the exact premise of this movie and believe me it pretty awesome of a premise. It is your pal Brandon with his review of The Purge. I just have to say this we shall be seeing less audio reviews and more written only because it is such a pain to get the guys together to record so I hope you like reading boys and girls.

Everyone and there mother loved this premise of one day a year for 12 hours there are no laws. Except the fact you cant go after any five star general and above. Isn't that typical government crap, like oh you can kill anyone but us so go nuts. The movie surprised me on one fact how many douche-bag bros and people who tend to love the worst movies. I was in a theater with these people and it was the worst I used to think old people were the worst movie goers. I was dead wrong the Bros are without a doubt the worst movie goers they should never be allowed in the theater unless they are alone. The movie isn't about the no laws the movie is truly about the rich vs. the poor. It makes sense because the rich can afford the big old security systems, but the homeless don't even have homes so no wonder they are targeted. I will have to say if you think this movie is a horror film it really isn't this is a survival film. For those of you who don't know the movie is about this kid lets a hunted homeless man into the home and the people trying to kill him are breaking in to kill everyone. The family must survive the night to live to see another day.

The biggest name in this movie is Ethan Hawke who plays the father of the family and he does a great job. He is the most rational member of the family for the most part even more important he has one scene in this movie where he is just a complete bad mother f*****. I do have to say his daughter in this movie is drop dead gorgeous, Adelaide Kane is so freaking hot in the movie it made me a happy camper sitting in that theater. No need for me to say what is truly going on in my head during those scenes with her. I will have to say the James Sandin and Mary Sandin (the parents) would have been much better off if they never had kids. There son may have rational views but he is too damn compassionate with the fact he lets a man being hunted into the house and when the family is looking for the man he hides him. His daughter as fine as she may be is a moron to say the least I won't say what happens but damn is she a dumb son of a b****. The performance I thought was very well done was Henry (Tony Oller) he was the leader of the group trying to kill the homeless man. The guy was clearly nuts but he was so polite you almost could have been like well let him kill the homeless man he said please.

This movie was directed and written by James DeMonaco he is a big TV writer, he wrote The Killing Point and Crash. I liked the Killing Point a lot as a show and I think he did a great job with the dialog and the overall pace of the movie. It is paced perfectly once it gets going it's bat s*** crazy. I hope to see more movies from him because I believe James did a great job with this movie and how everything plays out.

Overall this isn't a deep movie as it might at times try and be but it is a fun movie and if you are a jumpy person this is the movie for you. This is just a really goo thriller, survival horror whatever you want to call it, it is well worth the price of admissions. I'm going to give this a high C+ see this on the big screen it's well worth it.

go to bloodyscreen.weebly.com

Transformers: War for Cybertron (2010 Video Game)

Wooo Cybertron

[7/10 · 5 June 2013]

Transformers robots on Cybertron say what? That's right boys and girls Brandon's back and I finally got around to playing Transformers War for Cybertron. For those of you who know me you know that last year I put Fall of Cybertron on my top 5 games of the year. Well this game sadly is no where near that caliber of a game. The story in this one wasn't nearly as good it felt like the cartoon with how the plot was, but I'll get into that later.

The plot is simple and easy if you play it in chronological order that is. See you can start out playing as the Decepticons; which why wouldn't you or you can start out on level six and play as the Autobots. If say you are a huge Autobot fan and can't wait to play them then you will end up missing what is basically the beginning of the game. It isn't crucial that you play it but it does help. If you start out right playing as the villains you can play as Megatron or two other a**holes that I honestly never heard of. The basic plot for the Decepticons is to harvest dark energon and use it to corrupt the planet of Cybertron and rule it. Or evil villainous plot number 845 seriously is it just me or are you sick and tired of seeing the same generic take over the world thing happening over and over. My biggest problem with the Decepticon's campaign is the fact I can only play as two know Decepticons Megatron and Soundwave. They don't have Shockwave or Starscream as playable characters. That got a bit annoying if I do say sir, the lack of characters was sad to me but I guess they couldn't blow their load on the first game. The Autobot campaign was much better but still lacking in anything truly interesting. I was happy to see I recognized the characters but lets be honest we all would just play Optimus Prime the whole time because he is a bad mother f*****. They're campaign consist of stopping the corruption of Cybertron and saving their allies. The thing I noticed was both campaigns play out exactly the same. They have fights with Starscream in the beginning, they both have to fight a boss that has weaker enemies do their fighting, and at the end they have to fight a giant robot for whatever reason. Essentially you replay the game just with a different background. Overall the story doesn't compare to what Fall of Cybertron has.

The voice acting is good but I just believe that they were given s***** lines. Some of the crap they say is just so d*** cheesy it amazes me that they were told to even say it. The characters are very one dimensional just like they are in the cartoons and movies each has their one quark that they stay with the entire game. Examples, Starscream is constantly trying to take over the Decepticons, Megatron is always saying I will destroy you, and Optimus is a real goodie goodie. The sound effects are amazing I was truly impressed by all the woo wah sounds. Those were robot sounds people just cut me some slack.

The game looks average it did come out three years ago but I wasn't anything I was impressed with. I also have to say I enjoyed the character models a lot and I mean a lot but Cybertron got old quick. I understand their home world is one giant robot but Jesus I got tired at look at brown metal s***.

The game plays fairly well and I enjoyed the game for what it is worth. This is where the game loses me though because once you play the first three levels that is the entire frigging game. Eight hours was the perfect amount of time for this game if it was any longer it would've p****** me off. They have about seven enemy types and no cinematic experiences worth a s***, this was truly lack luster. The game could be challenging and they do that Halo thing where you never have enough ammo to finish a level so you are constantly switching guns which would be OK if some of the guns weren't total garbage d***. Vehicle mode is only useful in one level of the game that is in space otherwise it is only there when they make you do it. Even better is the fact I had some glitches that hurt the game for me.

Overall even with the complaints this game isn't bad. I played a little online and that seemed sort of shoehorned in. If you do find this game for eight dollars like I did then you won't be disappointed. If you are a huge Transformers fan boy you will nitpick more then I did, if you happen to just like robots kicking the s*** out of each other this is worth checking out. I say this is a bargain bin purchase it. I give this a plain ole C.

After Earth (2013)

Least Favorite Sci-fi movie of the year so far

[2 June 2013]

Hello everyone it is the year of Sci-fi and I am loving it for the most part. Yup if you're reading this then that means your fellow critic Brandon has yet another review for your reading eyes. Sadly I have to say it out of the Sci-fi movies to come out this year, basically the other two; this has to be my least favorite of the three. Star Trek being the best and even Oblivion being second yes that's right I liked Oblivion more than I liked this movie. Which is sad because with Will Smith being in this movie I had such high hopes and they were just shattered in that theater.

Now the movie has a great premise that is mixed in with a used up one. Humans had to leave Earth because well we used the old girl up and it was becoming unlivable. We find another planet that to my knowledge has some killer alien species on it that hunts us by smelling our fear. Instead of looking for another planet to live on we just settle in and learn this technique call ghosting. Ghosting is where you are like a robot not showing any fear or any emotion of any kind to remain blind to these creatures. Will Smith and Jaden Smith are going on a take your child to work day thing and crash land on Earth. In a 1000 year Earth has become this Jungle with UN-breathable air and every creature trying to kill you. Jaden Smith's character has to try and retrieve what is essentially a black box so the other humans can find them. Whew that is the basic of the plot in a nut shell there. In case you were wondering why I was calling Will Smith and Jaden Smith by there actual names instead of character names is because there character names are a pain in the ass to pronounce and to spell so well f*** it.

Now I actually like this plot quite a bit it sound like a great story. A young boy alone in the wild fighting dangerous creatures and elements to save both him and his father. For the most part the movie prevails with that it was interesting and had some heart to it. My biggest problem was with Jaden and Will Smith, I know it is shocking. I was curious how this would turn out being an actual father and son picture. The character that were written for these two are just f***** lame, these two didn't personally do anything wrong it was the characters they were given to play. Will Smith plays this serious general and he invented the ghosting thing in the movie. I hate to say it but Jesus Will Smith can not be serious he just isn't good as it. I think he was miss cast in the role in this film, they should have gotten someone who can play a serious role if they wanted an emotionless character. Someone like Djimon Hounsou would have been perfect in this role. He can do serious and make you actually feel for his character. Jaden Smith did a better job in this film this is my favorite movie I'vie seen him in but I hate to say it but it is still Jaden Smith. I am still not his biggest fan he still comes off as a brat in this movie as well and I just don't like seeing kids act like assholes. That is a small complaint because he still makes you feel for his character by the third act of this film.

What I find hilarious about this movie is the first trailer I saw had M. Night Shyamalan's name on it, but after that the rest of them didn't say directed by or anything it was all about Will Smith. What was truly strange is that this didn't feel like one of his movies. Honestly Oblivion felt more like a M. Night movie then this did. Honestly the only thing I can gripe on M. Night for in this movie is a couple of lame ass plot choices, miss casting, and the biggest one is a predictable story. With out a doubt the moment they crash on Earth you can guess beat by beat on what is going to happen in the movie. I applause M. Night for not putting his brand on this movie but for Christ sakes at least keep me in suspense. I will say the movie is beautiful to look at and that would be the only reason to see it on the big screen is because this movie looks so damn good.

Overall this movie isn't terrible it is just very UN-climatic and for a summer blockbuster to be that way is not a good thing. I don't hate this movie it probably would make a fairly good rental if nothing else. Honestly if I wasn't beaten over the head by all the damn trailers from this movie it might have kept me guessing. I give this a high, high D+ I recommend you see it just not in theaters.