bibleboyiam Reviews

Rurouni Kenshin: Trust and Betrayal (1999)

Touching Anime

[16 October 2004]

Samurai X: Trust and Betrayal is one of the better anime features that I have seen. The storyline is cold and harsh as no mercy is shown to the characters involved, good or bad, even though the viewer wishes differently.

I found the music and voiceovers to be quite interesting seeing that they were completely western in nature, yet the film's setting, characters, and plot were all eastern. The violence was plentiful but had emotional consequences attached throughout. The majority of the violence and emotional baggage belonged to the lead character Kenshin who was an utter badass and goes down as one of the greatest swordsman in movie history.

Taken alone this film is very good, but the sequels do nothing but degrade the original's reputation with cheaply drawn characters, ridiculous story lines, and anime-slaughtering humor. For any anime fan Samurai X is a must see, but avoid the sequels at all costs.

Versus (II) (2000)

Live Action Anime; Original Idea but Horrible Execution

[3/10 · 20 September 2004]

Versus is basically a live action film that has all of the qualities of an anime: extreme unprejudiced violence, ungodly quantities of blood and gore, and martial arts that defy the laws of physics. I love anime, so the idea of such a movie immediately sparked my interest, but unfortunately this falls in the same category as 96% of real anime films, total crap. This movie is so bad that going into great detail about why would only waste even more of my time than I already have by watching it in the first place. The plot although ridiculous could have been used in an interesting way, but ended up being entirely irrelevant; by the time the viewer figures out why the hell the characters are involved in the situation they are in, he no longer cares. The movie is TWO HOURS LONG, an eternity for a low budget action flick that was made only for the sake of extreme violence (I found myself hitting fast forward after the counter hit 90 minutes). The violence itself is interesting for the first twenty minutes or so but wears thin very quickly. The dubbing is terrible, the dialogue is cheesy, and the acting is equivalent to that of a video game. There is not much else to be said about this garbage except that I find it interesting and ironic that the target audience for this film is far too young to view it legally.

3/10

Battle Royale (2000)

Incredible..........Disappointment (**Warning** This Film is Not for Fans of the Manga) ***SPOILERS***

[4/10 · 10 September 2004]

Let me start by stating that I absolutely love Battle Royale, not the movie, but the characters, universe, and events that occur therein. Let me also note that I had very high expectations going into the film due to the fact that I had read the novel and the manga (both of which are excellent; the manga more so) prior to viewing the film. These unrealistically high expectations have lead me to label the film a disaster, yet if a potential viewer has no prior knowledge of the manga or novel, the movie will seem much better solely for the uniqueness of the plot. Yet if a viewer were to look at the details concerning the quality of the movie overall, he would likely agree with me in that the film in fact IS a disaster. The casting, acting, intentional melodrama, editing, and even the gory effects (which consist of nothing more than spurting, splatting, and spraying blood: no frayed flesh, intestines, or brain matter, all of which would realistically be visible in the event of such violent deaths(the manga does not disappoint in this area)) are all low grade compared to that of the typical modern Hollywood film. In addition, considering that there were 42 kids to kill off in a 90 minute time frame, no time was spared for character development or background; in fact, the film merely IMPLIED several of the most interesting death sequences!!! The manga portrays every death in grim detail as well as leaving no back story uncovered (there is no way that a fan of the manga or novel could enjoy this version!).

Furthermore, the most interesting factors included in the manga and novel e.g. Kiriyama's terminator-like determination and godlike physical abilities (in the movie he was clumsy at best and resembled a petty 15 year old playing a video game), Mitsuko's succubus-like sex appeal (here she was played by a rather average looking no-name teen actress), Shogo's mature buff/chiseled look and uncanny knack for survival (here played by a scrawny nobody with the ability to roll around on the ground like a lobotomized puppy yet somehow avoided being shot to pieces at point blank with an Uzi), Hiroki's inhuman agility and mastery of Kung Fu (in the movie he fell over and died like a three legged dog), and finally Shinji's amazing athletic abilities (here he does a somersault....... into...... a blaze......... of bullets.....and dies). I do realize that the movie was created before the manga, but like I said before, this is what I was thinking after familiarizing myself with the manga.

Now I have read several reviews that note the inability of Americans to understand the essence of Japanese culture; this in regards to the seemingly ridiculously unrealistic plot, and I find it interesting that many non-Americans underestimate the intelligence of many Americans in assuming that we cannot see past our own noses. The idea that the Japanese idolize youth is apparent in all manga and anime, this is not a difficult concept to grasp, yet even with the knowledge and understanding of this cultural norm in Japan, this movie sucks. Understanding does not always yield acceptance. Hell, as stated before, I love the plot, the execution was just far below par.

4/10

(If you liked the movie GO GET THE MANGA)

Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)

The 2nd Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen (-10/10)

[1/10 · 21 August 2004]

I really wanted to like this movie. It has been so long that a movie has scared me that I can't remember a single movie which actually has. Knowing that the original was a bit creepy I put some hope into this film increasing the intensity of the first and adding an up to date quality a film buff like myself could appreciate. Sadly, given the pathetically unrealistic CGI, boring dialogue, unoriginal scares, stupid characters, cheesy music, unintentionally hilarious possessed woman, and worn to death storyline, Beginnings is the worst movie of the year...of the decade.....aw hell, in history (ok not that bad; that honorable title goes to Rob Zombie's sh*tfest House of 1000 Corpses). What makes it so terribly bad is the fact that the film actually takes itself seriously and expects the audience to do the same (at least 1000 Corpses had an intentional humorous quality to it). Frankly, I found it to be insulting that the film assumed that it's cheap scares would affect me, or anyone else for that matter, in anyway other than to make us roll our eyes and chuckle at the ridiculousness of it. I saw the movie 24 hours ago and I'm still angry over its futility. It's crap like this that give contemporary horror movies a bad name.

Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)

Perfect Way to End His Masterpiece

[10/10 · 26 April 2004]

Kill Bill Volume 1 blew me away. It had such an impact on me that I saw it twice within 12 hours when it first came out. I had to see it twice to believe it. The music, costumes, visuals, anime, and bloodletting were too much for me; I instantly fell in love. I didn't think that it was possible to fall in love with a movie, but Tarantino proved me wrong.

I very anxiously awaited the release of Volume 2. I had never been so excited about the release of a movie in all of my life. Then it happened, April 16th 2004; Kill Bill Volume 2 was opened to the public. Opening night I went to see it with such hope of a continuation of the first half, an adrenaline rush of hip music and intense action. Then the movie started. The first hour or so I sat in the theater waiting for a repeat of Volume 1. It never came, and I was o so disappointed. I left the theater in utter disbelief wondering how the film, or half film, of my lifetime (Volume 1) could possibly be concluded (Volume 2) in such a way as to disappoint me. It wasn't until the next morning, after a night of mental processing, that I realized Volume 2 was PERFECT. Volume 2 was everything that Volume 1 wasn't; an ideal compliment. I had to see it again. Upon second viewing, my post-movie-going euphoria rivaled that of Volume 1. (For those of you who disliked this film after seeing it one time, I strongly recommend a second run through)

Tarantino knew exactly what he was doing with this project. He hooked audiences with the delicious sinful superficial pleasures of Volume 1, then smothered the same audiences in the rich textural storyline of Volume 2. Like a parent-child relationship, he knew what I needed, and gave it to me against my ignorant wishes. It was only upon the subsequent epiphany of maturity that I realized that he had my best interest in mind. God bless you Quentin!

In Volume 1, the characters and the fates that they suffered affected me very little (this includes The Bride). The film left little room for emotional attachments, as viewers were filled with adrenaline and utter disbelief from the visual gluttony that they had just experienced. Tarantino knew this, purposely squeezing out every morsel of storyline and character development in order to please the audience's lusty desires. Yet in Volume 2, my empathy for every character was overflowing, as once again Tarantino had fulfilled his goal of over stimulation, only this time in the opposite direction.

Tarantino took a great risk in creating this project and releasing it to the world. To make such a film work takes an ultimate amount of skill and passion. Luckily for us all Tarantino has both. Now that all is said and done and the entire world of Kill Bill has been revealed to us, there is nothing left to do but marvel in the brilliance of it all. We have to put it all away and move on with the memory of it in the back of our minds. But we will always remember that this is what cinema is all about. We will never forget Kill Bill.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Touching Film *Possible Spoilers*

[9/10 · 1 April 2004]

I wasn't exactly sure of what to expect before seeing this movie so I simply dove in head first on a whim. I must say that this movie isn't for everyone, but to those of us who can appreciate the nuances and complexities of a serious relationship, it is an instant classic.

For those of you with short attention spans, steer clear of this one as there are a seemingly endless stream of scenes involving Joel's (Jim Carrey) memories in the middle section of the film. Even I, a strong advocate of the film, began to grow weary with these scenes, and only after the film had resolved realized their vast importance to the whole of the film. I can't promise that every viewer will see this in the same way that I did.

Kate Winslet was absolutely fantastic as Clementine. I nearly fell in love with her while watching the movie, despite the fact that her character had serious issues. Her character craved love and all I wanted to do was give it to her (you can take that any way you want). Jim Carrey was great for the part, yet interestingly it wasn't the same Jim Carrey that we all know from Ace Ventura, and The Mask. He was massively toned down in this movie, showing no traces of his trademark acting style (believe me, this is a good thing). This made his character all the more believable. The two of them worked surprisingly well as passionate lovers who descend into the relationship hell of resentment and jealousy.

The film shows how time truly destroys all things as even the most passionate of relationships can and will erode eventually. Yet the most striking message that the movie portrays is the power of memory and the incredible effect that it has on the human psyche, because although we grow old and all things come to an end, it is the memories in life that define us, who we were, and who we loved.

The Boondock Saints (1999)

Immaturity at it's Best

[3/10 · 23 February 2004]

I hadn't heard a word about this film before some of my friends mentioned how great it was and advised me to see it. So I took their advice and rented it soon after. Currently, the day after seeing it, I can think of very few qualities that made this film worth watching. It was obvious to whom this film tried to appeal, young men, ages 15-22 who think that nothing would be better than to roam the streets killing `bad guys'. Unfortunately, many of my friends fit this description. In general the film was overdone. It simply tried to shock the viewer with profound amounts of outlandish violence, extended periods of extreme language, and by making one of the main characters gay, in a disturbing sort of way. The inclusion of Ron Jeremy destroyed any slight credibility that the film may have strived to achieve as the mere sight of him makes me want to shoot myself in the head. It was no surprise that he was the only character in the film to engage in sexual activity (in front of the camera, as there is other sexual activity implied in the movie, e.g. Willem Dafoe's character, agent Smecker, sleeping with his flamboyant male lover) Other moments were downright embarrassing, such as when Smecker first makes an appears as the super cool FBI Agent who's intellect is, of course, far superior than that of the individuals in the Boston Homicide Unit initially investigating the murder scene. The most ridiculous part of the scene is when Smecker investigates the scene while swaying to opera music, and closes the crime within seconds. Madness. The next most ridiculous scene is the shootout between the old man who is released from prison to kill the Saints and the Saints themselves. The scene consists of the Saints, their friend Rocco, and the old man shooting at each other at point blank range for several painfully unrealistic minutes and the four men walking away from the skirmish with mere scratches. Ridiculous. Not only did the outlandish scenes get on my nerves, but so did the entire religious message that the movie painted. It's interesting how the Saints, being the cold blooded killers that they were, were so religious as to pray over the bodies of the men that they brutally killed. O and the prayers that they recited over and over and over were nothing but an annoyance while they were intended to be poetic and beautiful. Overall, this film is a waste of time for anyone who has realized that there is more to life than Metal Gear Solid and Grand Theft Auto 3.

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Amazingly Stylish Film

[10/10 · 12 October 2003]

*****Possible Spoiler, but Probably Not*****

Wow! What a sexy movie! I greatly enjoyed Kill Bill Volume 1 the first night that I saw it, and I enjoyed it even more upon second viewing. Quentin Tarantino has a real knack for making films of amazing precision and jazz, and this one is no exception.

After reading some negative reviews on this film I can feel nothing but disgust for those that insult this movie. I have seen many movies in my day and I can honestly say that this one ranks among the top, possibly the best as far as the style, choreography, and musical score go. DAMN this movie had great music. The scene in Tokyo with Lucy Lui and the Japanese Yakuza was nothing short of amazing. All of O Ren's (Lui's) crew were very hip and sexy, especially Go Go, her top body guard in the school girl uniform. Lucy Lui's character, O Ren, was beautiful and brutal, its just too bad that she died in the film. I'm actually considering renting Charlie's Angels after seeing her performance in this film, and Im not the least bit interested in the Charlie's Angels franchise, but if her performance is anywhere near what it was in Kill Bill, it would be worth watching. The acting was very believable and enjoyable, which brings me to wonder what the critics of it are basing their standards on, apparently they had forgotten to take their Prozac that day. Lastly, the choreography of the fight scenes put The Matrix Reloaded to shame, in other words it was fantastic.

The endless gushing, squirting, and gurgling of blood may offend some viewers (as it was likely one of the bloodiest films of all time), but the gore wasnt to be taken seriously, it was a semi parody of old Kung Fu movies. Other critics were angry over the slow pace of the film, and the fact that it is cut in half. They feel that the producers are trying to rip off the public by making them pay for two tickets to see the whole story. Well, as far as that argument goes, if you want to see a movie that is the length of two typical movies, paying twice only makes sense. Besides who the hell cares that you have to pay an extra $8.50, I would have paid double the price just to see each half. We arent Somalians (most of us anyway), were Americans (the vast majority) and we have disposable income, I dont care who the hell you are, or where the hell you work. So stop bitching like 6 year old girls who didnt get their favorite Barbie doll for Christmas and keep your idiotic opinions inside of your seratonin deficient brains!!! So if you work for 30 cents a month, as so many other U.S. citizens do, then DONT GO SEE PART 2 AND SAVE YOUR ANNUAL SALARY FOR A BIGMACK AND FRIES!!! Its that damn simple. (I feel better now).....Ok, where was I?? O yeah this movie was bloody, but it really had to be in order to be all that it could be.

I could go on all day about how great this film was but I have better things to do. So go see it, love it, when its over drool over what you have just seen, go home, turn on the computer, type imdb.com into your web browser, click Kill Bill Volume 1, vote on it, give it a 10, write a comment about how wonderful it was, then go see it again!!!

10/10

House of the Dead (2003)

Waste of Money, Time, Effort, Energy, Brain Cells (I Could Keep Going)

[1/10 · 11 October 2003]

There are two types of trash when it comes to movies, low quality and high quality. An example of high quality trash would be Natural Born Killers. Such movies have a high budget with big name actors, yet still end up in the dumpster. There are a lot of low quality trash movies to speak of, but the worst one in recent memory would have to be The House of the Dead. This movie was ludicrous in every way imaginable. Which brings me to ask, was this movie meant to be a joke?? I CANT BELIEVE IT MADE IT TO THEATERS!!!! Whoever was responsible for releasing this movie should be imprisoned, seriously. And I love zombie movies, I really do, but I could have made a better film on a monthly welfare check after buying groceries, some CDs, and a bottle of 12 year old scotch. As for the acting of the all no-name cast, let me put it this way, the acting was better in the video game. The characters were unbelievably stupid, yet somehow became experts at weaponry and warfare once guns were placed in their hands. Somehow, magically I presume, the humans managed to fight off hundreds of zombies with just a few clips of ammo. The zombies werent scary as most of them had better complexions than the average 15 year old boy. The plot had no substantiation or development, things just kind of happened randomly, the battle sequences were boring, and the end was unexciting and anticlimactic. Hell, the nudity could have even been better. This movie will be out on video very very soon. And God help us if they make any sequels. In Summary: Smelly pile of steaming vomit. A must see for those of you who still pour salt of slugs just to watch them die. All others stay away far away.

Dreamcatcher (2003)

Total Horror=Paying $3.79 to Watch Dreamcatcher

[9 October 2003]

*Spoilers* Good God Almighty this movie sucked!! This movie EASILY makes it to my list of the 10 s****iest films of all time, no doubt.

Now that you know my opinion Ill explain why I feel this way.

-0 character development-Idiotic characters-Even more idiotic monster (giant gastro-intestinal leech, scary stuff)-Toilet humor-Bad special effects-Morgan Freeman's eyebrows-Prophetic retarded kid-Altruistic pre-adolescent boys-Stupid terms of endearment("Dudis" ring any bells?)-Terrible transition between possessed main character and non-possessed main character-Alien with a British accent-WTF is that?-The ESP between the friends was pointless as well as ridiculous-The fact that the retarded kid was an alien was waaaaay too predictable and stupid.-Several respectable actors e.g. Morgan Freeman, destroyed their credibility with this trash. Ill never forgive them, EVER!!! -I could go on but unfortunately this site's database is much too small to hold such a mass of information.

I think I've sufficiently expressed my opinion, but to solidify my feelings Ill sum it up in four short characters: 0/10

Requiem for a Dream (2000)

Do I Smell Propaganda???

[9 October 2003]

*Possible Spoilers* This film was so hyped up that I (stupidly) bought it without renting it first. I figured that any film about the horrors of addiction had to be worth buying, especially considering the amazing reviews that this "movie" had received. Boy did I make a mistake. After sitting through the first hour of this "movie", I couldnt wait for it to be over. Don't get me wrong, the film displayed a genuine moral message, that addictions, no matter what form, are destructive. Yet I found the overtone of the film to be far more hellish than the reality that we live in. For instance, the doctor who gave the speed to Sarah (the old woman) was totally indifferent to the fact that the pills he gave her were causing psychotic reactions and were highly addictive. And when Harry went to the hospital after his arm had become severely infected, the doctor didn't give a s**t that Harry was near death, he called the police without treating him first. The doctor acted like he'd never seen dying smack addict before. It was entirely unbelievable and frustrating. The scene in which Marion was performing for all of those businessmen was absurd. She f*cked another woman in front of dozens of cheering perverted businessmen just for a fix. This scene contained just one of many generalizations that the movie established, such as: all businessmen are greedy testosterone driven rapists, all doctors are out to get your money, and don't give two s***s about you, and all drug addicts will either end up in prison, resort to prostitution, or spend the rest of their lives in a psych ward after failed shock therapy, which by the way is rarely ,if ever used any more. The movie offered no alternate endings or situations that suggest positive solutions to overcoming addictions. This movie screamed "IF YOU DO DRUGS YOU WILL DIE!!!" at the viewer. Now I'm no drug advocate, but give me a break. The movie might as well have consisted of God coming down from the heavens and pitching all drug users into the fires of hell. Its propaganda either way.

In summary, highly overrated, and way too far fetched to be taken seriously.

4/10, just for trying.

Berserk (1997–1998)

Definition of Entertainment

[10/10 · 22 September 2003]

Berserk is by far the best anime that I have ever seen. Nothing even comes close to capturing the interest of the viewer and holding it tightly throughout the ten hour duration of this masterpiece. Firstly, I must admit that it has its flaws, such as a few points of lazy animation, as in some of the battle scenes, as well as the somewhat disappointing ending, which leaves the viewer thirsting for more without the promise of any follow-up. Yet the fact of the matter is, and I speak for myself, that the positive aspects of Berserk outweigh the bad so drastically one cant help but overlook them in terms of the entire film. The frequent sub-par visuals mean nothing in comparison to the amazing plot depth and beautiful character development marbled throughout the film.

In summary, Berserk is a ten hour mini-series that consists of 25 20+ minute episodes detailing the life of a rogue swordsman named Guts. Guts, in short, is simply the most intriguing fictional character ever constructed. Guts, first of all, is one of the finest examples of an individual driven entirely by self preservation and improvement. Throughout the series Guts grows stronger and more deadly before our eyes, with each thrust of his massive sword. The personal relationships that he develops over time, especially with Griffith and Caska, are totally believable and honest. In particular, the love/hate relationship that Guts has with Caska sucks the viewer into their world and with each episode end leaves you literally thirsting for more. I can honestly say that I had never so anxiously awaited a release as I did with each progressing volume.

The score, other than being entirely redundant, creates an additional emotional appeal that quite literally leaves a mark in your mind. The opening theme song, although an acquired taste, becomes somewhat of a necessity to mark the beginning of each additional episode that will bring you deeper into the world of Guts and the Band of the Hawk. In no time at all you find yourself singing along with it as if it were a top forty tune. The climactic theme played every 3 episodes or so, is absolutely haunting, leading one to wonder how it came to be included in an anime.

Berserk is a definite must-see for all fans of anime. For those who dislike anime or are indifferent to it, the mediocre visuals may tarnish your opinion of it, yet the rock solid plot and character depth with leave you amazed.

Rating: Animation Quality: 7/10 Character Development: 10/10 Plot Line: 10/10 Overall Enjoyment: 12/10 (If that's at all possible)

Cabin Fever (2002)

Warning: This movie is not to be taken literally.

[6/10 · 17 September 2003]

*Possible Spoilers* Sure the acting wasnt fantastic, the plot was ridiculous, and the characters were brainless, but what the hell do you expect from a movie of this type?? This movie wasnt meant to be scary. It goes along with many of the horror flicks of the 80's, such as the Friday the 13th series and the later sequels of A Nightmare on Elm Street. Nobody in their right mind is scared by these movies, if they are a trip to a psychiatrist couldnt hurt. They are meant to be a funny, sex/nudity filled adrenaline rush.

For those of you who thought that this movie wasnt gory, it makes me wonder if you shouldnt be checking into your local psych ward. This film was full of splattering, spewing, squirting blood. There was flesh rotting off of bodies, severed limbs, heads, and feet. There were beatings, bodies shot to death, skin torn off a leg with a razor, and one character was torn to pieces by a dog. What else do you want from a film, exploding bodies? Chopped up organs? Maybe the graphic systematic slaughter of children?? I swear there are some true psychos among us!!!

I would say that nearly 200 F-bombs are dropped in this film, a bit excessive, but actually pretty close to reality when considering the source, a group of 5 college students. The nudity, all of which is credited to Cerina Vincent is a nice addition for the young male viewers. The end of the movie is rather satisfying as nearly every character in the film either dies horribly or will die horribly shortly after the film comes to a close.

Sure some absurd content was added, such as the kung fu by the little boy/girl, the murderous rampage of the lead character at the end, and the whole inclusion of the party animal cop who weakened the already frail credibility of the film, but overall it was a mission accomplished.

Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003)

Give Me a F***in' Break

[4/10 · 16 September 2003]

*Possible Spoilers* This movie failed to live up to the mediocrity of the original. Its hard to believe that any time was spent on the making of this film at all. Dont get me wrong, the idea of a football team thats stuck on a bus in the middle of nowhere being killed of by a nasty monster is interesting, to say the least, but it was badly done. The acting was terrible, the characters were moronic, and the fact that half of the football team was gay didnt exactly add to the story either. I have nothing against gays, but what was with the homoeroticism? It was totally out of place and added nothing to the story.

After a while I found this film to be slowpaced and boring. There were over a dozen potential victims but only a few people actually died, only one of which was killed on screen, and even then his death looked cheesy and fake(the rest were carried away by the creeper, leaving their methods of demise to our imagination.) Sadly the end left it open for another sequel, blah. Overall, see it if you liked the first one, otherwise skip this one. 4/10

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

Ridiculous Yet Fun to Watch

[6/10 · 16 September 2003]

*Possible Spoilers* Although this film is rather absurd, it is still worth watching. It was good enough to go back and rent two years after viewing in the theater.

The highs of the movie are the old supertruck that the Creeper drives in the beginning of the movie, the semi suspenseful scene in the police station, and the bodies in the basement of the church.

The lows are the old psychic bitch, the maddening song she sings over and over, and the idiotic main characters who would have never gotten into such a mess if they had just kept driving.

Overall, a fun 90 minutes to spend on a lazy Friday night. 6/10

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

H...H....HELP...... M...M....ME..........

[1/10 · 14 August 2003]

I am just now recovering from several self inflicted .357 Magnum gunshot wounds to the head. Even though the hollow point magnum rounds pierced my cerebrum and took most of my brain matter out the exit holes with them, I am still able to write this message to tell you, the beautiful, happy, youth of the world, of the Godless abomination that led me to try to end my previously joyous existence with such a violent display of crude power. One phrase, one set of seemingly meaningless words, sums up the entirety of my newly acquired misery, and it is _THE HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES_!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! The simple utterance of it makes me wish I had chosen a more lethal method of suicide. God, what a cruel world this is!!!!!!!!! This """""movie""""" was a poor poor poor poor poor poor poor, did I mention poor attempt at creating a revolutionary horror flick that would add a new dimension to the horror genre. I love horror movies, even some of the sh*tty ones, but FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS this movie was a train wreck! I've never seen such a failure in all my life! Rob Zombie has not only committed career suicide but has lost a fan, ME!! If I could get out of this hospital bed I'd go rip him a new A**HOLE!! The first thing that I'm guna do when I get home is not to hug my family, not to call my worried friends, but to burn all of the Rob/White Zombie albums that I have collected over the years. GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! What else can I say......?

RATING: What the hell do you think!?!

(P.S. For those of you that are so gullible that it took you 15 years to realize that Santa Claus doesn't exist, I did not shoot myself last night, and I am not in the hospital, but admitting myself into the psych ward might not be a bad idea after viewing this film.)

Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000)

Best Anime Visuals Ever Created

[9/10 · 5 August 2003]

This film contained some of the greatest animation I have ever seen. The characters and settings were highly colorful and masterfully drawn. The musical score was very original and fit the film almost perfectly. Not only were the visuals great but so were the characters. Bloodlust's Meyer Link, and D created one of the most fascinating good vs evil duos that I have ever witnessed, and lady Charlotte was truly dramatic and beautiful.

My only complaints about the movie were a few unrealistic points, which I will not get into, and the anticlimactic ending that did not contain enough of a battle between D and Link. Yet overall the visuals, music, characters, and plot were all groundbreaking.

Old School (2003)

So So Bad

[3/10 · 31 July 2003]

Since everyone reading this comment obviously knows exactly what this movie is about, Ill spare you the summary that most of the other tards on this site feel compelled to add to their comments and get right to the point. I went to see this movie in the theater with my fraternity "brothers", who all thought that it would be a good film to watch, because no one loves stereotypical frat movies more than frat boys themselves. Ill admit that I wanted to see this movie because it looked funny initially, and I really wanted to like it, but the jokes were just not funny. The writers tried so hard to make the audience laugh, but they failed miserably. Will Farrel showed an utter lack of talent by embarrassing himself in front of national audiences. I really feel bad for the guy, Ill never look at him in the same way again. Overall, there were good intentions, but the film makers failed to deliver resulting in a huge disappointment. I give it 3 /10.

Final Destination 2 (2003)

Somewhat Enjoyable but Totally Ridiculous

[2/10 · 28 July 2003]

I eagerly awaited the arrival of this film on video so that I could see it for a low price( judging from the stupidity of the original, this installment could not be worth $8.75). Before the film came out on video I read through quite a few of the reviews written on this web site for Final Destination 2, and judging from the general consensus, one would be led to believe that this film is actually a worthwhile movie. When July 22nd came around, and the video stores were stocked full, I actually felt a sense of excitement while driving to get it. So I rented the DVD version, took it home, and 15 minutes into the film I could have SWORN that I was watching the original movie, except for the fact that the characters were dying on the freeway, and not in the sky. I mean give me a Goddamn break, absolutely no originality or variation from the original. The only, and I mean ONLY reason why I didnt go back to the store and demand my 4 dollars back was because of the interesting/gory yet highly unrealistic deaths that the characters are led to.

Anyone who took this movie seriously, or that felt any emotion other than simultaneous amusement and disgust should be hung naked by their eyelids with a laughing audience throwing rotten fruit at their backsides. I vaguely remember one reviewer's comment that any of these things could happen to any of us at anytime. This individual should be banned from this website for the rest of their life!! How could anyone in their right mind think that this movie is credible!?! The idea that some invisible force kills people and that death has a plan for all of us is absolutely moronic...... but I do realize that it was simply made for our entertainment.

My overall recommendation: Rent it once, but try to convince somebody else to pay for it, i.e. a friend, parent, or significant other. Under no circumstances should anyone purchase this movie, and anyone who has the desire to watch this movie more than once had better have a good excuse, such as to simply watch the death sequences again, because if you watch this movie twice for enjoyment you will have to live the rest of your life knowing that your a complete idiot. I give it a .5 out of 10.

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)

This Movie Insults the Intelligence of 1st Graders

[1/10 · 24 July 2003]

This movie was a complete pile of soggy sh*t! After sitting through the first 15 minutes of it I felt like I was back in the 1st grade when fart jokes and toilet humor ruled the day, but sadly this movie didn't even live up to the standards that I held when I was 6 years old. When I left the theater, there was a unanimous vibe coming from the audience that screamed "I can't believe I just wasted 90 f***ing minutes and $8.75 on such a loathsome trash heap of a movie!!!!!!!!" There is absolutely nothing worthy of praise here. I give it a 0/10, which means to avoid it even if a raving lunatic holds a gun to your head and proclaims that the only way to live is to watch this movie.

Natural Born Killers (1994)

-10/10

[1/10 · 24 July 2003]

I had originally heard of Natural Born Killers on a tabloid show when it instantly caught my attention. They described it as one of the most controversial films of all time. Once hearing this I just HAD to rent it to see what the hype was all about. To this day I wish I hadn't made that mistake. This movie was a ridiculous attempt at controversy and acclaim. Oliver Stone's methods of throwing extreme gratuitous violence in the face of viewers was utterly shameful and pathetic, and I'm usually not one to complain about pointless violence in movies. In particular, near the ending of the movie when the prison riot ensues and everyone involved decides to take up arms and slaughter one another, I could feel my brain welling up with hatred for every individual involved in the making of this movie. I began to wish that whoever was responsible for releasing such complete sewage into the general public should be crucified and burned simultaneously, namely Oliver Stone himself. This movie accomplished nothing, except to release a wave of nihilistic bullsh*t into the minds of those who were unfortunate enough to be living during the time that it was created. I never thought that I could feel such contempt for a film, but this one opened my mind up to a whole new world of pure disgust. If anyone ever wondered how it feels to be suicidal, then they should watch this movie, afterwards they will be banging their head against the wall in hope of losing all memory of what they had just seen. This movie should be sent straight back to hell where it came from. The worst movie I have ever or will ever see. I give it a negative 10 on the 0-10 scale.

btw: although my username may lead one to think it, I am by no means some religious fanatic trying to rid the world of evil.