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Horror Noire (2021)
Not great but...
I wanna start by saying that I would moderately recommend this anthology. It didn't make me mad enough to stop watching and I thought there were a few good stories there.
The actors deserve better for sure, which is one I the major complaints. The scripts are so bad and they really had nothing to work with...
That said, I did like quite a few of the stories. My favorite was definitely Sundown which was the finale. And rightfully so. It had the best storyline, the best acting, it was funny and well shot. My second favorite was definitely Brand of Evil. Again it had a full storyline, some humor. Not perfect but much better than some stories. I also liked Fugue State but I really wished the script was better!! I loved the ending.
Spoilers!
My least favorite was The Lake, hands down the worse story. I hated the undertones of abuse with the teacher and I wasn't sure how that had anything to do with the lake. The connections were tenuous at best. Two people died but who killed them? Then the main character killed the boy she was trying to flirt with? I don't know why it had to be a student. The plot would have been MUCH better with a sexy adult co-star that she could seduce into the lake but they went with the COMPLETELY uncomfortable idea of her preying on a young boy. I noticed that the woman "bought the house for the lake". Did she know the connection? If she did, she sure acted like she didn't when people tried to warn her. Either way, that one was the bottom of the barrel, trying to be controversial.
I also thought the one called Daddy had some legs under it until they went with the doppelgänger angle. How the heck did that kid see his dad in the window and associate him with a stranger?? The doppelgänger angle could have worked had the boy only heard a voice or something more subtle but he SAW his dads doppelgänger. When they asked who was at the window, he should have said "you, daddy".
Lastly, I wanted to give an honorable mention to the Bride Before You. It was the only one where I thought the ending was better than the whole story. I won't spoil it because this is the kinda thing I would tell people to sit through, just to see what they think of that ending. Love that ending. Actually felt very touched by that.
This movie suffers from one more thing: terrible monsters. All the practical monster effects were just terrible...
Overall, I'd recommend it because it would be interesting to talk about and I think that we have to understand terrible film and stories to make better ones. So, cheers.
American Horror Stories: Lake (2022)
Nobody ever wants to blame Manny Coto
Even though the worst episode of the season was not written by him (Milkmaid), I'm always so mad at Manny Coto when I see these lazy, stinker episodes like Lake.
Someone whose written for the series, has executive producer producer credits and has been stuck like glue to the creators for so long should REALLY know how to deliver an episode worth the shows name.
Lake started out good for me. Honestly. I enjoyed Alicia Silverstone as a mom, crows feet and all. The daughter was a little flat emotionally but I think that's what they were going for, traumatized survivor, sent to a mental health facility, however, that LAZY explanation for the issues at the Lake was just pathetic. Manny should be ashamed of himself.
This series deserves more.
American Horror Stories: Bloody Mary (2022)
Plot holes even a toddler could fill
I agree with basically everyone. I don't like when stories have no diversity. That's the same for Black stories. I'm Black and I don't wanna only see Black people in my media. There is natural diversity in the world and it sucks that film and tv people can't find neutrality. Now I will say, this episode blatantly took place in Missouri which has some large, mostly Black communities, however, that community wasn't the main feature of this episode, even with the poverty coming into play with the older sisters wish, that doesn't mean the cast can't be diverse. Anyway! That's really a secondary issue with this episode. Anyone of any color can summon Bloody Mary so I wish that would have been considered...
Anyway, I thought this was one of the better episodes but that ending... it was just terrible and stupid to me. Let's go ahead and punish the good girls. That's fun. The ones who don't do the terrible things are killed... by their friend??? Cool.
Also, why did that child think she needed to kill someone to get like two tablespoons of their blood? Her lack of common sense was out of character for someone who was basically the bread winner and provider for her family. I get feeling like you want more but uh... that's one extreme to the other. And stabbing someone in the eye doesn't always kill them...
Also, at the end, only one jar was offered to Bloody Mary so why kill the other girls?
Someone else said also, at this point, why hadn't Bloody Mary already escaped? There were a million and one people she could have tricked into doing this...
That ending was one big plot hole which easily could have been filled by saying she had to stay in the mirror for this many years before being released, but it might have been a little harder to deal with all that unnecessary death among the friend group...
American Horror Stories: Milkmaids (2022)
Gross does not equal horror
Oh yes, gross things are a big part of horror, and I love gross things, however, this episode was desperately trying to make gross scary.
Or were they trying to make American History scary?
Either way, another reviewer said it best. All the subplots were not developed well, thus we got a bunch of twists that meant absolutely nothing. When this guy realizes his babies momma is a lesbian (which I actually think shes bi-sexual?), he flips out and KILLS the other woman?? More than half the episode he didn't even believe in what the pastor was doing and now he's just like "oh no, sinners". Also, the son turning on his mother at the end was 1000% predictable. The kid was a sociopath and the dad all but confirmed that in his last monologue. There was no way that kid would accept this strange woman AT ALL. Even if he wasn't deranged.
The improbability of the "smart" milk maid was too much for me to accept, and the pus girl was too stupid. The balance wasn't there and I found both characters too unbelievable. The men on the other hand, we're much closer to real, terrifying puritans.
This episode is so far my least favorite by a long shot. I hated it from the start. I didn't like drive much either but it was way better than this nonsense.
One star since I can't give zero...
There's Someone Inside Your House (2021)
What happened?
The start was solid. A few actual murders in a house were cool. But around the halfway point I started to get disgusted with the themes.
Blatant racism and typecasting against Ollie by the black friend. I'm an African American woman and even I was super uncomfortable with how she was treating him. She was a total villain but yet they killed the pain killer kid. Why? Being addicted to pain killers wasn't even a secret. The main character saw him popping pills.
There was a pattern of people being killed for invalid reasons. The girl with the hate speech podcast? Yeah, that sucks that she had that but does she deserve to die? Freedom of speech certainly ain't no reason to die. I'm not for hate speech by any means but I'm also not for this kind of plot point which picks sides and then kills people on the other side.
The main character whose name I can't even remember: she burned her friend while getting HAZED at a bonfire. She was forcibly made drunk and pushed her friend, so is this a reason for her to feel guilt? "They we're trying to make us turn on each other" but was that what happened? The main character wasn't just plain evil (maybe like the first guy who died) she was HAZED. All those girls should have been the ones getting picked off. They are directly responsible for the circumstances that lead to that girls accident. This plot point was weak, she had no reason to feel so responsible, and this showed that the writers were just picking things they didn't like and making it a crime.
Then we have the predictable tropes of the boyfriend getting arrested for the crime, the dumb jocks, the creepy driver, the parents who can't save their children, ineffective cops and school officials. Yeah, it's all there in glaring color.
I was REALLY hoping for a good slasher with a good connect for all the murders but it turns out that the film makers just wanted to villainize spoiled kids. Which was also, highly predictable. I knew it was Zach from the start.
Overall, had the potential to be a great story twisted by too many predictable moves and inappropriate call outs. It was like the writers said "hm, which kind of people annoy us most, let's kill them" and boy did they...
Two stars for a solid start.
American Horror Stories: Drive (2022)
Where to start... ah, at the end.
I was disappointed by the obvious twist in this episode. I didn't predict it but when it came up I was like "really?". This wasn't one where I wanted the bad guy to win. Let me explain why:
So, when it's revealed that Marci is the killer (why did she keep whispering her own name like that?) I immediately wanted her not to succeed because she'd tricked this poor guy into believing she was a victim. All the prior kidnapping was par for the course, but this guy was trying to save her life and she repays him by murdering him? All she had to do was leave the guy in his home and move on. He didn't know she was the killer or suspect anything at all. Instead she decided to kidnap and murdered him... I'll pass on that.
The other reason I didn't want the bad guy to win was that, although the twist with her husband knowing what was going on was kinda interesting (open relationship = being open to her being a murderer), their chemistry was zero, he was a total loser and I don't care about their relationship mending. Thus them coming together over a nice little murder, didn't bring me joy. Knowing they are now murdering together as a happy married couple wasn't enough to make the ending satisfying. And for me, that's important. The ending has to be satisfying. I think that's the same reason I didn't care for Aura that much either.
Seeing a bunch of truly nice and caring people murdered just for being kind isn't a trope I totally hate but in this case it just didn't land for me.
The scary thing about this episode was that serial killers exist. Hurray. But that's been done before and better.
It Follows (2014)
I'm sorry. This movie is terrible.
Read all the other 1-4 star reviews and you'll hear my complaints but what I want to point out that I haven't seen in a lot of reviews is that, this movie CLEARLY ISN'T about sex and STDs. I think one bloggers theory that it's about the inevitability of death is more likely but my biggest issue is:
This is never explained. This movie is left to interpretation FROM THE FIFTH MINUTE and not just the ending. There are about 100 different ways to see the theme of this movie but it is SO heavily shrouded in long pauses, teen sex and sad looks that I don't know what the directors and writers want me to think. What's the goal?
Also, nobody wants to bring up how it's PARENTS as the main ghosts. A sex ghost... is Greg's mom? A sex ghost of his mom, humps him to death... is one of the themes of this film sexual abuse, because I don't get how a sexy mom ghost is okay... The final boss battle was Jay's DAD. Was he going to hump her to death if he got the chance?
Seeing older people first gave me the idea that they were killing these teens as part of a cautionary tale to refrain from sex but you don't do that by humping your son to death. And I don't think that's the theme of this movie...
It's off putting and baffling to me to use parents and old people (grandparents?) as ghosts in this very sexual film, unless the theme is the inevitability of death and all these people... are dead. But, why the sex? Why not just plain old ghostly murder?
Overall, this film wasn't confusing in theme, plot, character motivation. I was more confused at the real decisions made for the film. Why so much brooding? Why so much actual sex presented (implied sex is just as sexy)? Why the mom dad and grandparent ghosts? Why a huge cast of characters? Why the music? It sucked. Also, why did fear cause Jay to be an absolute moron, impulsive and cause her to abandon her friends multiple times without apology? Apparently the ghost can hurt them too. Paul took a hit in the beach. Her flight response was HIGH and obnoxious.
I do not recommend this film at all. It's unfocused (accept ok sex). I had no connection to the characters. The movie had way too many plot holes for me to find it acceptable.
The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
Sigh...
I really wanted to like this because it's a cult classic or whatever but I think I'm a few decades too late to enjoy it.
I can't stand the constant, coincidental kills. That was really frustrating. Like how one character comes to the house to check on them, but leaves WITHIN SECONDS and doesn't even give them a chance to open the door, then at the last minute they open the door and the killer is there. The girl tries to bring a table saw but the extension cord yanks her back (wtf). The girl runs in to stab the killer but someone stops her and then she's killed. They standby and watch people get murdered, hid behind their hands. These kinds of things happen for literally 60 minutes.
Its not because they are kids or young adults. It's not from their stupidity. It's sheer bad luck constantly. It was just a second too late constantly. It's terrible timing constantly and this drove me insane.
Again, I think it's more a matter of me having seen 1001 spectacular modern horror films (or comedy for that matter) and just wishing this was a little smarter.
The fact that it was written as a parody but not filmed as one has a lot to do with that too I think... it really should have leaned into the comedy, the absurdity more.
American Horror Story: Winter Kills (2021)
I predicted this...
Because everyone thought the first 5 episodes were so good but I absolutely hated the first episodes. The plot was too stupid from the start. I knew that the daughter would eventually over take all the parents because they were so weak to start. And btw, I skipped episode 5 because I already knew that they were going to do something messed up to the mom. Didn't even have to watch it in order to know. Every single innocent person was destroyed and I don't know why the writers though that would leave us warm and fuzzy.
We're the writers trying to get a reaction out of us by letting the bad guyS win? Yeah capital S on bad guys because ALL of them won. What they don't get is that the daughter and those other women were those who needed to be defeated. There were other light versions of the bad guy who could be spared but they picked the people who will soon collapse the world and kept them alive. We got NO vengeance for the wrong doing.
Also, can we talk about how disjointed the whole episode was??? They bounced from scene to scene so fast, their was no real closure...
Yuck. Not a fan of this first part of the season at all.
American Horror Story: Thirst (2021)
Skipping through scenes on this one...
So far, my rating for the new season stands at a six. This is definitely not a 10 season so far. I think this is way better than AH Stories but not better than other seasons. It does return to its roots in comparison to some seasons but unfortunately its nowhere near believable enough, even for this universe. Certain holes in the plot are... confusing and... unnecessary? Obviously I can't 100% predict that because the whole season hasn't played out.
Aliens or vampires or whatever are just walking around in the middle of the day and no one is taking notice, including the sherif who is supposedly from a big city... the pills have become a family affair now... and what was that super random kidnapping of the main character?? Snuff film? What was the point in that??
I think the biggest issue I had (I turned off the episode at this point) was when the now 4 days clean off meth writer simply confesses the biggest secret of the town to a woman who has only insulted him every single moment since they met. The prospect of this woman helping him become famous is CLEARLY low, and yet without even buying him a drink, he spills his guts.
I guess it's in the nature of the show to force out information in this way. One person says, tell me what's going on, and the other person tells them without much of a fight... however, it left a nasty taste in my mouth and felt very rushed.
I will keep watching, starting again with episode 4 but I can't finish episode 3 and I'm looking forward to the second part (?) of the season.
Karma (2018)
Bad writing = bad movie
The thing is... this movie actually could have been good. The acting wasn't terrible. But when the actors are given a script like this... what the heck can they even do with it?
The dialogue was unnatural and the movements of the characters were unnatural. Even the way time worked seemed insane. One minute the main character is at a house during the day then it's pitch black out... the spirits were only strong and smart enough to push things around.
So many stupid questions, so much wasted movement on camera, so many unexplained situations... I don't even know what the spirit wanted. Just to make mischief? To right wrongs? I don't know... terrible terrible writing.
And that ending... this guy talking about losing his wife when the main characters dad just got his head cut up ON THIS MANS PROPERTY. He knows the man is dead so what's the point?? He was never a threat to the family then all of a sudden he just has a blood lust for them. AFTER the person who wronged him was killed? On his own property? The thing about movie villains is, they have to have purpose. Between the ghosts and the humans, I don't understand what their motives were... Wasted moments of my life...
With a more simple and more realistic script, I think the actors could have done a lot more. They certainly aren't A listers but I give them credit for trying...
American Horror Stories: Feral (2021)
Endings are important...
This episode was really a bummer for me because the ending did absolutely nothing for the story. Endings really are important. We get invested in characters and situations and then we're just pushed onto our butts at the end like a cruel prank.
I think they wanted to shock us but I found it a predictable and unreasonable ending...
As for the whole of it, I was really invested with the story overall. I liked the characters, felt their pain and was rooting for them. Maybe that's why I hated the ending so much...
Sigh... I really wanted more from this series.
Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021)
Ugh, where do I begin...
Lot's of spoilers here. I am a huge fan of Saw and I shelled out $20 to see this at home... I knew what I was getting into but I HAD to see this, just to know what it's like and if it was even possible to pull off a comedian led Saw film.
The answer is no... Unfortunately, I have many complaints.
This film is full of false drama. They give the lead on this case to a detective who wasn't first on scene just to create false drama, also, "this could be a bomb". Really? Cause that's just how jigsaw rolls right?
This film is full of tropes starting with the loner detective and ending with the corrupt chief of police.
This movie had highly predictable order of deaths. The first idiot to wonder off... dead. No one escapes.
In the midst of my complaints, I will say I liked the traps. I loved the glass slinging one, simple yet effective. I think some people complained about the traps because they were so simple this time. Getting hung by your tongue and hit by a train, simple. Electrocuted, simple. Hot wax burns, simple. Drained of blood, simple and was kinda done before in another Saw film... but, they were still cool to me. I was wondering if the traps were actually being set up to kill the cops no matter what, which we've seen before, but I don't care to understand...
Man, I have never seen more stupid cops. Cops doing things alone is a trope that I can't tolerate. As much of a brotherhood as cops run in, why do they pretend they like to do stuff alone in movies? I'm not a cop so I don't know for sure but I feel like back up is a high priority. Also, at the end... This man is tied to the ceiling, hanging from his limbs and SWAT pulls their weapons on him?? I must admit that rig was pretty smart with the guns, this knock off Jigsaw did a good job predicting the cops movements, but those SWAT officers literally just filled Sam Jackson's character full of lead without taking any assessment of the scene. They literally could have stepped to the side and been safe.
I'm all for women being in charge but the lady in charge was not believable. She had no command over those men and she made dumb decisions left and right which then created more false drama. Like why even make that choice, knowing it's going to irritate people, just to be like never mind, change of plans. Also, when she's down in the basement with the killer, she pulls her gun when she sees the killer but doesn't shoot him?? And random thought... why the hell was the cold case room literally in a safe? Of all the rooms to be THAT secure...
I was bothered from the beginning because so many cops could have been saved but everyone was so bumbling and moronic. The second spiral shows up in the morning and no one is curious about the missing detective? He's been missing since the night before so where was his partner who knew where he was going and knew the risk? They could have found him in the trap had she been a real partner and had this guys back.
OMG, there was a HEAVY reliance on sound effects. I could barely hear the dialogue but when that pig person came out... ear splitting sounds for jump scares. So annoying.
I predicted the killer pretty early on. What gave it away was Schenk's apartment. To me, it didn't look like a family home, much more like a bachelor pad. AND unfortunately the guy playing him didn't make me feel the same terror as the other copy cats in the series... he wasn't intimidating at all, he has an impressive resume as an actor but he just didn't have the swagger that a Jigsaw copy cat always seemed to have. He was just begging through the whole end of the movie for Zeke to be his friend. Are you gonna trust me??? Are you gonna work with me? Yuck, shut up.
On the other hand, his reasoning for the murders align with the series. Avenging his fathers death and being a fan boy for Zeke, who did the right thing by turning in his partner, held true to the standard of the movie, but at the end I wasn't sure if he was really a fan of Zeke or not. Seemed like he was trying to punish him or didn't trust him? It was cute that he shushed him at the end though, like Zeke did to him as a child. Tied that up with a neat little bow...
And man, that ending... longest 4 minutes ever, SWAT moving so slow. I am so glad it was only an hour and a half long movie.
Now, all and all, I didn't hate it, but it was clumsy in every way. I don't think casting was great. It seemed more like good friends got the parts as opposed to the right person for the job. Even Chris Rock was not ideal. His dramatic skills are just too steeped in his goofy gestures and jokey nature. Then the lady chief was terrible. She would have only made it in that office if she was sleeping with the old chief, which she may have been... then the Jigsaw copy cat, he was just a pansy, not tough enough to fill the shoes and not convincing at all.
I am going to watch this film again because I want to really take in the details, my family was interrupting, but I think that will only bolster my points.
I would recommend this to anyone who's seen Saw so they can know what this was about, but anyone new to the franchise.... no. This movie is not a good representation of Saw or the Book of Saw, whatever that may come to be...
Black Box (2020)
Excellent film about love and loss
I have to say, this is the best film I've seen related to the topic of losing a loved one, in a long time. I love how they explore loss from so many angles. We've got grieving husbands, wives, friends, mothers, and children. Then we even get to see how the dead feel about being dead which is fun.
I did like the twist, a lot actually, and I really enjoyed how nothing felt forced. For a movie with so many momentum changes, plot twists and emotional elements, it still seemed to flow smoothly. I thought the acting was good. There were only a few moments that I thought were out of place.
Oh and uh, no, it wasn't very scary. It was a little sci-fi but definitely not horrific. Kind of a thriller...
*Spolier here*
My favorite part of this film was the end, when the two fathers were together. When Thomas realized Nolan was the ghoul he'd been running from, I was so happy. I already knew of course, but I loved Thomas's reaction. I have to say I enjoyed this movie because it did reflect on two types of families, two types of fathers and how their families manage grieving. I loved it when Thomas really realized that he was the problem in his family and that Nolan's family loved and needed him. Not to make this a race thing, but seeing an awesome and loving African American father is fantastic in film, additionally seeing another African American father who now realizes the error of his ways is great. Of course, all families have these issues but it felt good for me to see the representation.
Overall, this film was very good. I would recommend it.
Monsterland: Port Fourchon, Louisiana (2020)
Labels do mean a lot
I get what everyone is saying. Basically, this story is scary for so many reasons besides monsters but in a show called monsterland and a man who takes his skin off, I'm expecting to be scared. This show is billed as horror but I don't think this type of "scariness" is branded that way...
Like others have said, the show is visually pleasing and is directed well. The actors are great! But I was disappointed by the lack of scares and the underdevelopment of the character with the skin suits.
Not sure how skin suits lead to giving up your kid, and I think she could have and would have given up the kid, even without the skin suit man showing up...
Unfortunately I can't recommend this episode but I am continuing to watch the series before passing a whole judgement.
Evil (2019)
Cliffhangers a plenty
I just wanna say upfront that this show has a ton of cliffhangers, even some small ones in the episodes. Personally, I don't like this because in the off chance a series gets cancelled, I'm missing out on satisfying endings.
This show literally ended in the middle of what will possibly be an all out demon war... and that sucked for me. Overall however I did like this show.
There were some tropes I hated like "lying to move the plot along", "withholding truth until JUST long enough", "letting evil people do stuff to you so you can seem helpless", also the "doing stuff I asked you not to and then wondering why I'm mad" trope. This happened with Kristen and her mother a lot.
Overall, I thought the show was well written, especially the first half and even though I found some episodes out of place and silly (Justice x2 was my least favorite episode) I was very engaged in the show, enjoyed a few scares and liked the characters.
I liked the direction and I liked how they didn't use sound for all the scares. I enjoyed all the characters even though Ben's gruffness was getting old and those four girls caterwauling all at the same time did get TERRIBLY ear splitting over time.
I would recommend this show.
Into the Dark: Good Boy (2020)
Fun, yet tragic movie
I wanted to like this, it was better than Delivered, but I wasn't entirely happy with it.
Spoilers!!
The good:
I thought this movie was well acted by everyone involved, including Rueben! He was so cute! I liked all the characters and felt invested in their lives so that was a big plus. I thought the settings were fun and interesting and the story line was unique. The direction was good but I felt it was general and not tailored to the feel of the movie as much as it could be.
The bad and ugly:
I didn't like the ending. I noticed a trend with the Into The Dark episodes. They are often written with the most tragic ending in mind. I understand why that is good for certain movie types but in this case, I didn't think it was appropriate. This movie was part comedy and I would have liked to see some characters survive as opposed to them going with the fully tragic ending. I mean technically, even Maggie was punished for her interaction with the dog. I thought that was tough.
Specifically, Annie and Nate really deserved a crack at life after dealing with the dog. They were really good characters and cared a lot for Maggie but still as she came to the end of her mental journey with the dog, her "anxiety" got them killed. I didn't think that was fair, and yeah, life isn't fair but this was beyond the realm of characteristic tropes for this type of film, in my opinion. Sparing one or two characters is normal in a horror comedy.
All and all, I would recommend this movie with some precautions. lol.
Into the Dark: Delivered (2020)
Tropes and what in the world?
This was promising, as many Into The Dark episodes are...
Spoilers ahead!
I'll start with the good:
I absolutely loved Tina Majorino. 3 stars for her! I found her convincing and her character was well acted. The direction was nice, not perfect. There were so many places that could have used wide shots, but nowadays everyone loves extreme close ups on random objects and body parts. The idea was interesting, but being a true crime lover, I've seen the "woman/nurse steals babies" storyline plenty. I found all the male actors convincing as well.
The bad and the ugly:
Typical tropes: stopping to talk and hug instead of escaping, monologging in order to share info, predictability (I'll speak more on one specific event later), attacking the killer but not killing them to ensure your escape...
Tropes aside, I wanna address the men in the movie. Loved 'em both and this woman, Val, was not worthy of either of them, honestly. She was cheating on her husband and Riley was clearly so in love with her and wanted their baby. Val was a mess and her actions basically brought them both to their deaths. I literally hated her the whole time which made this movie hard to stomach. The mens blind love for her literally caused them to die. Her husband was too caught up "checking on her" to see an ax getting slammed into his head. Then Riley is too busy professing his love for her and the baby to notice Jenny coming in behind them...
I understand this is a movie about mothers, and the idea is that women are strong, but I find it appalling that two perfectly capable men had to die in this film. Fathers, husbands and boyfriends play important roles in a women's experience through motherhood, so destroying them wasn't necessary. Sure, maybe she'll save him to show how strong she is, but all the daddies are dead now. Pointless.
Lastly on the men, I knew that Riley was the dad. It was very obvious and predictable. And why did Jenny say she was going to "take care" of him when she only took care of Val's cell phone by throwing it into the lake?
The ending didn't suck, so to speak... the mommy got away, had her baby... yeah yeah yeah, but I don't like how the weird visions weren't addressed. I'm not sure how I wanted them to be dealt with but I had an empty feeling with them...
I had a funny moment: at the end Val told Jenny to die and I involuntarily screamed, "kill her if you want her to die!" lol.
The only thing that bugged me about the end was what Val said. Why did they think it was important for her to hold the baby and say it's name? How does that conclude and tie everything together??
I would not recommend this movie.
We Summon the Darkness (2019)
Cliche and unsurprising
First off, I try to avoid movies with casts of all one ethnicity - all white, all black, all whatever. Sometimes movies like that can be cliche and stereotypical but I love Johnny Knoxville and I had a few hours to kill.
Unfortunately this was disappointing beyond my expectations.
I liked the "final girl" and the guy who was crushing on her but everyone was so easy to pick out of the horror movie grab bag of characters. The drunk friend, the leader, the party girl, the cool guy, three hot girls, three dudes, evil step mom, corrupt religious figure... been there done that. No one was unique or had layers to their characters at all. A character started out as sneaky and deceptive, that's how they ended.
It was easy to see what would happen immediately. I knew one of the groups was going to do something bad to the other, I knew it was related to the religious fanatic, knew the final girl would turn on the group and that only one from each group would survive. So so many things were predictable. Even down to how and when people were killed.
This movie hid nothing. It would have been fun to see the girls actually carry out a ritual so we could at least THINK they worshipped demons but they immediately gave away the plot and didn't even try to conceal their affiliation. We even found out right away that someone in the girl group was related to the main villain, another tid bit that would have added to the suspense...
The thing that infuriated me the most was all the missed opportunities to attack the killers. Too much talking, using weapons wrong letting people take advantage of them. Here is an example.
SPOILERS.
The final girl bangs the bad guy in the head twice with a boat motor. Then she lets the girl talk to her about being a victim and all this crap. The final girl has the boat motor, which has a rotor attached, and instead of slicing this girls freaking neck, she shoves the pole of the motor across her stomach and the girl is then able to choke her. Why waste the opportunity?? For the hundredth time...
A similar situation occurred when the final girl was stepping on a gun. They are all just talking and talking while she lugs around this motor and of course they get the better of her.
I understand that if every person reacted perfectly, had perfect timing and avoided monologues we wouldn't have much of a movie, but this was an overwhelming amount of "oh my god!" And "what are you waiting for?!"
Lastly, that ending was painful. I won't spoil that but just know although it follows a similar trope to one we've all seen, it is not satisfying.
Christine (1983)
No, just no.
Maybe all the people who reviewed this movie never read the book. Maybe also they were being nice because it's John Carpenter. I'm not sure what went on but this is not a good movie.
I'll start with that was good: acting on the part of male characters, the car rebuilding itself and the set on fire scene. That is all.
Now the bad, from the perspective of someone who has only seen the movie. Leigh's character was as useful as a bag of bricks and although it was acted well, there isn't much to be done with such a vacuous role. The setting meant nothing for the whole film. Darnell's garage was cool, thank goodness but everyone's house, the school and whatnot was a shell of every other teen movie of its time. The Timeline was a joke. Why offer a time line if everything is going to literally feel like it happened weeks apart. Characters appearance didn't seem to change, even Arnie who was supposed to be severely different only looks a week older... Arnie's interactions with his parents are incredibly off beat. His dad was roughing him up on the stairs just to let Arnie "choke" him ever so slightly then he backs down? They did nothing to show the strength or force that Arnie possessed was enough to scare his father... last, the actors are too old for these roles. I found Arnie and Dennis believable as teens, but everyone else was clearly too old.
Now, bad from the perspective of someone who read the book... the screenplay writer took out EVERYTHING that meant ANYTHING to the book. Why in gods name did they take out Roland LeBay?? He is the reason Christine is even after Arnie the way he is. Although I assume Christine was already ghostly, (LeBay may have sacrificed his dead child to the car which gave he and the car a greater connection... and Christine is the one who killed the kid, just like she tried to kill Leigh). Roland LeBay IS EVERYTHING. Christine is not a whole lot and that's okay. The film would have been just fine if Christine wasn't the star because guess what, even in the book, with LeBay as the puppet master, she was the star. ghosts are like cool, that's scary, but a big bodied all metal car coming at you, that's scary.
Next, Arnie's change was slower than this in the book. In the film, the sloppy and almost unnoticed time lapses failed to make Arnie's change seem gradual. He went from 0 to 100. The film didn't even do the most basic element from the book that would indicate these changes - makeup. This character went from pimples to smooth skin, from a teen to seeming more adult and then eventually looking as old as the man who'd possessed him. This could EASILY be accomplished with makeup. Instead, Arnie and all the other characters look just a week older every time we see them.
I'll end my rant with the deaths. In the book the deaths were indeed elaborate and challenging for a film. Christine kills Darnell by driving into his house. Hard but not impossible for a film... I understand them changing a little bit but I have to tell you that EVERY SINGLE DEATH was different. NOT ONE DEATH FROM THE BOOK WAS IN THE MOVIE. The only one remotely close was the first when the guy got run over but in the book this kid was turned to mush. Christine ran him over 3-4 times. In the film he was merely cut in half. And someone tell me why they didn't include some gore??? They were going for an R rating but decided that no blood would be used??? They just added bad words to get the R rating? There were a lot of bad words in the book, they got that part right, but the murder scenes from the book could have easily gotten them that R rating and yes some needed to be changed a bit but they didn't have to be completely changed or omitted.
All and all, I could only recommend this movie to people who hadn't read the book and even then... I just don't know. I was disappointed.
Spectral (2016)
Cliche but cool!
I highly enjoyed this movie. I loved the characters and the plot was something I'd never seen before.
It was about 55% cliche for a war/action film and every character fit their stereotype but nothing was over done and too out there. I found all characters likable and even the ones who were jerks had very valid reasons for being tough or disgruntled. No one was out there being overly dramatic or aggressive stereotypes. Just basic stereotypes I could manage. Lol.
SPOILER COMING
The twist at the end was a little mind blowing for me and I'm surprised that not more people are talking about how they layered the ending. It started with thinking the spectral was just 3D printed spirits but turns out they were full nervous system situations being "kept alive" to act as soldiers??!!! Mind blown. No one can tell me they could predict that especially after the scientist had basically stopped the threat by pulling the plug in the one room, they still found more. Good one, Netflix.
Over all highly recommended by me.
Child's Play (2019)
Omg bad
I'm a big fan of the original. My boyfriend is about to cry on how bad the writing is. He called it Sharknado bad. Lol. I love Sharknado tho...
1. Why does a low level crap head have access to safety protocols in the doll? This was bad from the start because one worker in a factory was able to control all this???
2. Why didn't anyone help the mom in the car? They were all there when her car went out of control.
3. Wasted such a good voice actor by not making Chucky's voice maniacal, at all. He sounded nice the whole time... in the original they played with the voice as a tool to scare.
4. How does the janitor have cameras in everyone's house?
5. Why does the face skin from the boyfriend have teeth and eyes??
6. Why was Andy deaf? Just so Chucky could talk in his ear at the end??
7. If Chucky was learning from things around him in order to get his evil ways, how did he know to do all the psychotic things he did?
8. They kept basically nothing from the original.
The only good thing about this: Andy, mom, the Detective and all the kids lived.
I really wanted this film to be an important AI cautionary tale but it just went south fast.
This movie was a total waste. I'm super disappointed. The writer didn't understand the basics of antagonist and protagonist relationships. Chucky and Andy's relationship was just weird.
Not recommended.
Into the Dark: Flesh & Blood (2018)
A twist? Oh, of course not.
So, yeah. I'm a big true crime TV fan. With those shows, it's always cut and dry. They show three or four suspects and one of them did it.
This movie is just like that. We have a choice of just two killers... can you guess which one it is based on the trailer, images and any other single thing related to this movie??
So now that you know the dad did it, let's name all the hundreds of ways this could have been better.
Father daughter death team
Dad protecting murderous daughter
Completely different killer is discovered
Therapist did it???
So many possibilities. The writer/director chose none. This movie is linear and straight as an arrow. Not a single twist.
Acting was moderate at best. No explanations for anything. Super awkward daddy-daughter moments and they did not even seem like they were related at all. Super clunky.
The only thing I did like about this movie were the two cops who came. I appreciate them for actually doing their job, sensing something was wrong and being available. Good on them.
I would not recommend this movie. I've watched almost all the other Into the Dark episodes and this was my least favorite so far...
Little Monsters (2019)
Smh at these SERIOUS reviewers
I knew from the trailer this would be an off beat comedy. Movie goers need to do some research before seeing a movie if they plan to be so critical.
1. This is a Hulu original so take your expectations down a notch - all you too serious critics.
2. ITS A COMEDY. What are you really expecting?
This movie has all the cliches of a typical zombie film but spun in a world of differences. Come on! A class full of kindergarteners trapped at a farm with zombies. Yes please! Josh Gad was amazing. I was shocked with his characters twist and he was very funny as the polar opposite of a kids tv actor. lol. Lupita outperforms every time and my favorite by far was little Felix! The kids were awesome actors and I like the comical way they portrayed the military officials. Come on! Such a fun movie.
This movie doesn't take itself seriously and you shouldn't either! It's fun and cute! Relax, guys!
I'm a little biased as a Preschool teacher but man... what would you do if you were in that situation? Save those kids!
I totally recommend this movie. Not too much gore, just creepy enough and so fun!
Into the Dark: The Body (2018)
Better than most, but I see your point!
This movie did have some weak points for sure, but I actually liked it much more than the other movies in this series, Pooka being my favorite so far.
My issue did lie with the ending. When it came to past who was ending the movie, I was a bit turned off by that... it's like come on. Not because it was her but because of how she did it. It was almost like she just wanted to do the same thing to him that he did to her but there was nothing that alluded to that about left her looking like an idiot...
All and all I did enjoy it, even the dummies were comical and okay to deal with.