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IF (2024)
A movie that's confused about what it should be
I was really excited for IF from previews. Good cast and a ton of potential to be a legendary kids movie. I think where this movie struggles is that it can't figure out if it's supposed to be a kids movie or an after school special about dealing with trauma and grief.
Another area that was annoying was in casting. Ryan Reynolds and Steve Carell are just really unable to be anything else in a movie. The same snark (no swearing) from Reynolds. Dude really just needs to stay in the Deadpool lane. Carell essentially was a big, purple, fluffy Gru.
The first 45 minutes were really rough. I'm not sure I heard a kid in my theater laugh until about 35 minutes in. Then it found a kids movie footing and I thought it might end strong. It almost stuck the landing, but then it just wanted to dive back into after school special territory.
I didn't hate it. It just isn't really the kind of movie that it's billed as.
007: Road to a Million (2023)
It's possible this is the worst show on TV
Seriously, this is a rough one. Getting out of the way - yes, I knew it was a reality show in Amazing Race style. At the same time, I thought it would have SOMETHING to do with the Bond franchise in some way. Outside of an Aston Martin showing up somewhere, or them going to the same countries here and there, there's literally no tie. This is quite literally just a bunch of teams going to different countries to open a briefcase and answer questions. That's it. The mystery or getting to their locations isn't hard for them to figure out, though there may be some physical stress in a few situations. But by and large it's just people opening suitcases, listening to Brian Cox's voice take entirely too long to ask the question in it, and then answering the questions.
Some standard drone shots and a bunch of Brian Cox smirking at at the camera are mixed in inexplicably.
If you're into these sorts of shows, just watch The Amazing Race. Or Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Anything. But this is just not worth the watch.
The Mother (2023)
If Kill Bill and Commando aborted a baby...
... it would be this movie.
The movie literally steals a moment from Kill Bill part 2 near the end with Lopez dropping a very unconvincing "you got me" to her daughter.
Jennifer Lopez is a bad actress. Whoever is her acting coach is either bad at their job or stealing money... or both. People in entertainment really need to stop acting like she can carry a movie. She can't.
The writing is not good. The action scenes are lazy. The villain will make you laugh more than anything. The story genuinely doesn't make a lot of sense. How they pulled nearly two hours out of this is the only interesting thing about this movie. What a waste of my night.
Missing (2023)
If you've ever seen a Lifetime movie, you've seen Missing
I wasn't going to see this because the entire genre of doing a movie through instant messengers and apps is already a little played out... but then I saw the ratings across the board and thought I might be wrong.
This movie has been made 1,000 times over. Lifetime created a network out of this exact story, multiple times over. There's really nothing new or unique in it, and the acting gets pretty rough at times. The plot goes pretty much where you expect it to go, even if the writers think they're dropping some twists in.
It's fine to watch in a theater for a matinee price, but if you're paying more than that you're just burning money.
Kaleidoscope (2023)
Easy watch and an enjoyable binge overall
I saw some doing chronological, but I decided to skip around. Basically Netflix started me with Yellow anyway, and by the time I figured out what was happening I decided to stick with that haha. So my order ended up being: Yellow, Violet, Green, Orange, Blue, Red, White. This order gave me a result and then a backtrack of how I got to those points a couple times over.
I thought it was fun. It's not the greatest heist show you're ever going to watch. The acting can be a little rough at times, especially from Jai Courtney (who along with Rob Riggle must have the greatest agent in Hollywood at this point) and the female FBI agent. But otherwise it was fine and a perfectly good binge to end the holiday break on.
The School for Good and Evil (2022)
It's fine for what it is
Some of these reviews apparently expected this to be a mix of The Godfather and Avengers: Infinity War. Look, it's fine. If you're walking into this looking for some Oscar-worthy performances, you should just turn around. It's a YA interpretation on film. That's it.
There's some cute stuff. Some fun stuff. Some cringe stuff. Which pretty much is everything YA anyway. The biggest fault is the run time. Two and a half hours is a lot to commit to this. But to its credit, it doesn't really drag.
I do agree with one reviewer that it may have been better off as a show than a lengthy movie. But let's just take this for what it is - a studio filler movie for some actors and producers to honor their contracts. Once you get that in your mind, it's easy to enjoy this movie.
I'd give this a 6.5 if it was an option, but it's not, and I'm not going to round up.
The Watcher (2022)
A new low bar for Ryan Murphy
Made it through three episodes. I've binged some junk, including a few past AHS seasons, but I can't go any further on this one. Some of you are being very generous on the acting simply based on who the actors are. The acting is bad. The writing is worse. The story is horrendously dumb. Yes, I'm very familiar with the real story. This is basically AHS Cult dumb. In one month Ryan Murphy hit a homerun with Dahmer, and struck out with this.
I don't want to give anything away, though there really isn't much to give away in the first place. But if you're REALLY struggling to find something to watch and you absolutely abhor reading, writing, talking, video games, exercise, eating, breathing, staring at walls or pretty much anything else, then this might be worth your time.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022)
Solid first two episodes
I write this as someone not familiar with Tolkien lore, etc... I've watched all the LOTR and Hobbit movies, and enjoyed them. But past that I've never really dove into that world.
Two episodes in and I've mostly enjoyed it. A couple scenes have had a corny feel, like they were deleted scenes from Willow. But it's a beautifully-shot show. By and large I enjoyed the acting, and I'm enjoying what they seem to be setting up for future episodes.
My one true issue is with the kids that are central characters for a portion. Those scenes just completely remove you from the element of the show. The acting is not good, and I don't know how many times a drama has to have an annoying, mischievous kid or two come in and bring a show to a screeching halt in the middle for writers and show runners to stop doing this.
But once those scenes are off, I genuinely enjoy the show.
A League of Their Own (2022)
A solid show but could definitely use some improvements
First, a lot of the reviews state that there's no baseball. That's just not true. There could probably be more, but there's enough in here and by and large those scenes do well. Nick Offerman isn't very believable as the manager, though.
The story works but could shave a few things here and there and present a sharper story.
My biggest issue, and this is tough because it's her show, is that Abbi Jacobson is just not good in this role. She plays the same exact character from Broad City... and that's great for Broad City, but horrible here. The chemistry is all off, and they really try to force a chemistry with Carden. The acting in general is rough around the edges but that's often a case with a new show. The whole quirky, shy, but snarky and then magically independent Jacobson thing just doesn't work within this story or the time period at all.
The story with Maxine is good, and they seem to mostly capture the racism of that era in a way that matches with personal accounts we've heard.
It's worth a watch, but if this was a weekly show it wouldn't be appointment viewing by any stretch. And yes, it's very queer forward, so if that bothers you then you're gonna hate this.