wtbe7560 Reviews

Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)

Another zombie movie that almost lives up to the hype

[7/10 · 14 October 2007]

I saw RE:E last night and I have to say that I was almost impressed. The movie plot borrows heavily from other zombie movies (the entire sequence where they attempt to "domesticate" the zombies is ripped directly from "Day of the Dead") but it still develops the series. I was disappointed at how LJ's infection and death were handled, his character had been shown to be a good guy who tried to do the right thing and yet when he's bitten he hides it and ends up infecting his own friend and letting his girlfriend give her life for him even though he was infected. The Olivera/Alice romance angle was unnecessary and poorly depicted, and the romance between LJ and Betty wasn't explored at all. The ending also comes up a bit short, we see the final convoy survivors boarding the helicopter and taking off for Alaska, but it's never revealed whether or not they made it and what happened. The movie was too concerned with an Alice/Tyrant battle scene and some plot points are forsaken for it.

If you liked RE and RE:A then this movie sticks to the plot points and does fit the series well. If you're a zombie movie connoisseur, you'll likely hate this.

Three Wise Guys (2004 TV Movie)

Yikes...another movie with so much potential BUT...

[5/10 · 9 December 2005]

I saw the premiere of Three Wise Guys last night, and I have to say, wow. This movie had so much potential, yet it came up way short. Had this movie been made by HBO, it would've been much better.

The movie stars Nick Turturro, Eddie McClintock, and Judd Nelson as three "wise guys" who work for Tom Arnold's character Murray, a casino owner in Las Vegas. One of Murray's employees is about to turn rat, and the three wise guys are dispatched. These guys are supposed to be hit men, yet no one pulls a gun until the last 20 minutes of the movie. The only one of the three that even acts like a hired killer is Judd Nelson, who portrays brooding George. When they think the guy they were supposed to rough up has had a heart attack and died, all three act like they've never seen a dead body before.

Anyhow, they end up bungling the whole affair, and have to run down the pregnant mistress of the boss to get back a stolen computer disk. The pregnant suit they have the poor girl wearing is not very convincing. She runs (not waddles), and when she rests her hands on her belly you can see creases in the foam padding.

Keeping in mind that this is a B movie, they have the obligatory Roddy Piper cameo. (as a priest!) Katey Sagal plays the mobster's wife who doesn't seem very upset that her husband has been screwing a showgirl and may have gotten her pregnant, and there are tons of vague references to other Christmas stories (the drummer the wise guys are chasing is named Jacob Marley, etc). For some reason, most of Tom Arnold's dialog seems overdubbed.

Not a bad movie, a few chuckles, I guess you can't really ask for much from a made for TV USA B-movie. This could've been SO much better.

Daredevil (2003)

Ugh...why does Ben Affleck suck so bad??

[3/10 · 8 December 2005]

I suffered through Daredevil last night, and I can say...it sucks. BAD. I am told the Director's Cut is better, but let's be frank...it would be hard to do much worse. Affleck is a terrible choice for Matt Murdock. He spends half the time on camera mugging like it's a photo shoot. He can't ever seem to get the eyes right...sometimes one is crossed, sometimes both...he acts like he's taking a driver's license photo.

The plot is razor thin. Michael Clarke Duncan makes a great Kingpin, the only good part about this movie. What plot there is centers around Murdock, who as a kid is blinded by toxic waste and finds his other senses are enhanced. Of course he turns to fighting crime and falls in love with the daughter of a gangster. Ugh. The action scenes are badly CGI'd, the plot is laughable, and the acting is 3rd rate. This movie will make you want to gouge out your eyes to prevent them from ever seeing this crap again.

Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)

Was this supposed to be a comedy?

[1/10 · 25 November 2005]

I finally saw ROTLD5 last night, and I must say...it's AWFUL! Now, I missed ROTLD4, but I should still be able to make out the plot or otherwise comprehend what's happening, but I can't. It starts off stupid - the kids find a canister of the dreaded Army reanimating agent and they...MAKE A PARTY DRUG OUT OF IT?? The movie is poorly acted and shot, the zombies look more like meth addicts than the terrifying undead, and fake accents abound.

The plot, as I could make it out, is that the party drug begins turning people to zombies, some of whom get loose on campus. Two guys in suits who are either Interpol, the Russian Mob, or the Blues Brothers with accents show up, shoot all the zombies in the head, and everyone's cool, right? Oh wait! There's more drugs at the big rave being held in the desert! Watching any zombie movie requires the viewer to suspend some disbelief (the undead walking about and all), but this movie wants you to accept too much: The walking dead show up and no one is scared to death, they just act like "Oh, zombies...cool. We should kill them, or something..." After dispatching the ones on campus, the suit guys give the students guns and send them into the rave crowd to mingle. Are they supposed to gun down zombies? Find the drugs? Save their friends? They don't know or care. Among the other stretches is the zombie in the original canister that gets loose, writes himself a sign that says "Rave or Bust" and attempts to hitch a ride; the amazing ability of the students to shoot perfect head shots whether standing, running, or laying down; and the total apathy that everyone shows to the situation at hand.

The ending is absolutely horrible, too stupid and unbelievable to be mentioned here. If you suffer through the movie to the end, you'll understand. Don't buy this on DVD, and if someone gives it to you as a gift, use it for a coaster instead.

Alien: Resurrection (1997)

It took 200 years to make a clone??

[6/10 · 11 September 2005]

200 years after Ellen Ripley dived into a pool of molten lead clutching an Alien queen, she's back. Apparently, scientists of the distant future (while, of course, attempting to acquire the Aliens as a bioweapon) have managed to finally separate Ripley's DNA from the Alien queen. They soon discover that not only does Ripley have all of her old skills and memories, she also has a few new abilities. Her blood is now made of acid like the Aliens, she has heightened senses and reflexes, and she can understand the Aliens.

Enter the usual Aliens scenario - a bunch of unsuspecting people (this time, a kidnapped spacecraft crew) get violated by facehuggers and the party begins. Of course, even though they've had 200+ years to get this right, they still can't contain the Aliens and all h-e-double-hockeysticks breaks loose.

This movie, while keeping with Alien tradition, breaks no new ground. OK, so Ripley has acid blood. Woo hoo. The new hybrid Alien born at the end is positively creepy, but otherwise anyone who has seen Alien 1 to 3 already knows what's gonna happen. All Alien movies after "Aliens" have lacked that special touch that James Cameron brings to the movie series.

It's decent, but predictable and average.

Alien Apocalypse (2005 TV Movie)

Army of Dorkness

[1/10 · 11 September 2005]

First off, let me say that I *like* Bruce Campbell. AOD is one of the best movies of all time. That said, Alien Apocalypse is AWFUL. Poorly written, even more poorly shot and acted, it's again proof of why SciFi Channel should just stop making "original" movies.

The plot is standard issue science fiction - astronaut crew out in space for 40 years returns to Earth to find it enslaved by alien insects. Apparently no one had a can of Raid when the aliens came. A formulaic plot could be overlooked if the acting and effects were stellar, but that is not the case here. There's one scene where an astronaut is murdered by the insects in what should be a gory moment - yet you are compelled to laugh at the cheesy effects. It looks like they turned the film over to some high school film club kids to have the effects added. Campbell showed more emotion in his role as the theater usher in Spider Man 2 than he does here. I know, I know, he's SUPPOSED to be cheesy. It just doesn't work in this movie. Thankfully, no one had to pay $8 to see it.

Shelve this with Sci Fi's other "original" flops (Darklight, anyone?).

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

So-so movie with standard issue plot and a few laughs

[6/10 · 8 September 2005]

I saw Dodgeball last night, and I have to say - it's not that good. I'm not a big Ben Stiller fan to start with, and he thoroughly overplays his part in this movie.

There's nothing special in the plot either. Vince Vaughn plays the owner of Average Joe's - a slacker hangout/"gym" where a bunch of misfits (of course) hang out. Stiller is White Goodman, owner of Globo Gym, the big corporate gym across the street that wants to tear down Joe's to make it a parking lot. The movie borrows a lot from others in it's genre, most notably Kingpin and UHF. Fate lands them in a dodgeball tournament, with the top prize being enough money to buy Average Joe's out of default.

I could tell you how it ends, but it's not like you can't guess. Most of the performances are mailed in - actors like Stephen Root and Gary Cole are wasted on one liners and stupid facial expressions. This movie is OK, but I won't be buying the DVD any time soon.

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)

Stupid, Funny, but the ending makes you go "Huh?"

[6/10 · 7 September 2005]

I took my five year old to see The Spongebob Squarepants Movie, and it kept her mostly amused. The movie is funny and generally entertaining. It revolves around every kid's favorite yellow sponge, Spongebob Squarepants and his quest to retrieve Neptune's crown.

The adventure begins with one of many disturbing scenes, as a naked Patrick swings from a rope over a ceremony in Bikini Bottom, with a flagpole sandwiched between his butt cheeks. (Yes, you read that right. His butt cheeks). Anyhow, we eventually come to Plankton, who has used up all his plans to obtain a Krabby Patty and is left with Plan Z: Steal Neptune's crown and blame Mr. Krabs. Plankton does so, and the hilarity ensues as SB and Patrick must get the crown back before a frozen Mr. Krabs is destroyed.

In the meantime, Plankton manages to take over Bikini Bottom with mind control Chum Bucket helmets. He even comes to control Neptune. As our heroes make it back with the crown (with help from a disturbingly agile David Hasselhoff) they make it in time to foil Plankton - and here's where it gets weird. See for yourself. I can only assume that they couldn't come up with an ending, and in a fit of LSD-induced stupor threw something together at the last minute.

Funny, somewhat entertaining, but borderline - not all the jokes are for kids.

Transporter 2 (2005)

Awesome action sequences with just a hint of plot

[8/10 · 4 September 2005]

Don't go see the Transporter 2 if: You're one of those people to whom the movie must be 100% realistic, or you demand an action movie with a well written, thought provoking plot. If you can overlook these two problems, the Transporter 2 is an excellent diversion.

The movie opens with Frank Martin, inexplicably in Florida. He's filling in for a "friend" (again, not explained) and driving the son of a US Drug Policy agent to and from school. Of course, evil Columbian drug lords kidnap the kid and infect him with a Russian bioweapon virus, which he passes to his dad and the other high up drug enforcement guys. From here, the movie gets strange.

This movie is chock full of awesome action sequences, most notably the scene were Frank applies a beatdown to several guys with a firehose, and the scene where he beats up a mountain of a man and drops a boat on him.

It's not a thinking man's movie, nor did they claim it was. Good way to kill an hour and a half.

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Ho hum. *Yawn*

[4/10 · 26 August 2005]

As a science fiction fan, I have seen all the Alien and Predator movies, and was interested in both series. For years there were rumors of an AVP movie, and the comic book made the encounter look awesome.

Then they made the movie.

To say I was disappointed is not entirely accurate. I was also irritated, annoyed, and generally unhappy with this movie. It was trumped up to be the ultimate encounter, and it ultimately sucked. We begin with the always clueless humans of pre-Alien, post Predator 2 Earth who discover a "thermal event" in Antartica. The usual mixed team of soon-to-be victims assembles, lead by Charley Bishop Weyland, billionaire adventurer. (One assumes Weyland Utani is named for him, since we know the Bishop androids in the Alien movies are based on him).

The humans arrive, and they begin sniffing around. They wake up one morning to discover that someone has laser drilled a hole directly through the miles thick ice to the core, which happens to be an ancient pyramid. Since no one finds it strange that a hole suddenly has appeared, they of course all go inside and proceed the start the Alien antics.

Predictable, poor effects, and a paper thin plot kill this movie. It could've been SO much better. By the end, you don't care if anyone survives, you just hope YOU survive the two hours of boredom that are AVP.

Ugh.

Starship Troopers (1997)

Would you like to know more?

[5/10 · 21 August 2005]

The special effects in Starship Troopers will amaze you. Unfortunately, the acting will not. If this movie had been cast with a better lot of actors, it would easily merit a 10. Casper Van Dien plays Johnny Rico, a high school football star who joins the army to be close to his girlfriend, a godawful Denise Richards as Carmen Ibanez.

This movie isn't terribly difficult to follow, and in these modern days of post-9/11 USA it's actually more relevant. However, the message it delivers clouded by the painfully bad acting. Denise Richards has no business in film - her timing is terrible, she delivers her lines like she's reading them off of her palm, and she shows all the emotion of a hooker turning a trick. Toss in Van Dien's wooden performance and this movie sinks like a turd. The only bright spot is the special effects, without which this movie would most surely sit on the bottom 100.

See it if you're bored, rent it cheap, but don't expect it to be terrific.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

I just don't get it

[1/10 · 10 August 2005]

I tried to watch Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy. I really did. It was so bad that after 20 minutes of viewing (and me sitting there waiting for something funny to happen), I had to turn it off. It was truly AWFUL.

The opening features Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy, apparently in outtakes between newscasts. The dialog is stupid, the comedy isn't funny, and it gets worse from there. Fortunately, I didn't pay to see this turd, or I would be more upset. For the life of me, I can't understand why people think Will Ferrell is funny. He acts like a retard, and not one of those funny retards like in the Farrelly Brothers movies, but just sad.

Save your time and money, skip this one.

Twister (I) (1996)

Not very realistic but fun to watch

[7/10 · 25 July 2005]

Twister is one of those movies that you have to go to and suspend your disbelief for a little while. It opens with Bill Paxton and his bride-to-be going to visit his former wife and her tornado chasing crew. He is about to be divorced and needs her to sign the papers.

Well it doesn't take long before Paxton's character is swept back up into the world of the tornado chasers. REAL tornado chasing is nothing like what these people do, but no one's gonna want to see a movie where they drive around bored for weeks until they find a live tornado. The movie takes the usual twists (har har) as the love tension between Hunt and Paxton builds back up.

The really disappointing and stupid part of this movie is the ending. Trying to elude an F5 tornado (the strongest type of tornado known), they hide out in a rickety farmhouse and eventually end up tied by a leather belt to some well pipes that go "deep underground". Paxton is correct, the pipes go deep in the ground and probably will not be ripped out. However, the flying debris and winds would've left two bloody belted-down meat sacks where Hunt and Paxton were once strapped in. They would've been shredded, no doubt.

Other than the ridiculous ending (and the completely stupid addition of Cary Elwes as "the bad tornado chaser" - I mean, c'mon. A BAD guy? That's so STUPID) this movie will at least keep your attention. Popcorn fare, to be sure.

Fantastic Four (I) (2005)

Better than War of the Worlds!

[7/10 · 24 July 2005]

I went to Fantastic Four with low expectations. People on here have been complaining about it and the draw is not what was expected at the box office, but I went to a matinée anyway, just to see what all the grousing was about.

The movie was better than expected. Although I dislike Jessica Alba as Sue Storm, the rest of the cast was well put together and acted about as you would expect. Julian McMahon as Dr. Doom was a good call - he seems to delight in being a murderous sociopath. The movie opens with Reed Richards asking Victor Von Doom for money and time on his space station to study a cosmic storm that they believe may have spawned life on Earth. Alba mails in a hey-look-at-my-boobs performance as Von Doom's pseudo love interest and science adviser.

Obviously, they get up to space and get microwaved by the strange radiation that transforms them all. They wake up after a few days in Von Doom's medical building, showing no ill effects. Within a few days their powers begin to manifest. Last to change is Grimm, who spazzes out and attempts to go home to his wife, who of course refuses him. Cast out, he inadvertently creates a huge traffic mess that exposes them all to the media. What follows is your typical comic book movie story.

The plot is not exactly difficult to follow, but that's OK. If you came to this movie expecting an Oscar-winning masterpiece, then you're gonna be disappointed. If you're looking for a fun way to kill a couple hours, then this movie will keep you entertained.

Death to Smoochy (2002)

One of Robin Williams' best comedy movies

[8/10 · 15 July 2005]

The first time I saw Death To Smoochy I was skeptical. After all, it seemed like a B movie to me. Once I watched it, I realized that I had seen one of the best Robin Williams comedy movies ever done. Quite simply - he is brilliant. Williams plays Rainbow Randolph, a kid's show host who is fired for taking bribes. The studio demands he be replaced with someone squeaky clean. Enter Sheldon Mopes (Norton) as Smoochy the Rhino, a character so sugary sweet that diabetics should be careful watching him.

Smoochy immediately becomes a hit, much to the ire of the now defamed Rainbow Randolph. Bitter and angry, he makes it his mission to screw over Smoochy and get himself back on TV. Williams is perfect for this role, and handles it with a quirky glee that makes him a joy to watch. He looks like he's having fun the entire movie, whether being beaten senseless by the Irish mob or dancing in the streets when Smoochy is taken off the air.

Toss in Harvey Fierstein as the head of a crooked charity, DeVito as the scheming manager, and Jon Stewart as all around toad Marion Stokes and this movie is complete. My only complaint, if you can call it that, is that the ice show scenes seem to drag out a little, but otherwise this movie is a comedic masterpiece.

Highly recommended!

Ronin (1998)

Uh, what? Huh? Does anyone GET this?

[5/10 · 13 July 2005]

When I first saw Ronin, I thought to myself...huh? I don't get it. This movie goes to great lengths to add twist after twist, as each of the main characters attempts to screw over the other. The basic plot appears to be this: Deidre (McElhone) hires a gang of mercenaries to retrieve a silver briefcase from some unsavory characters. What's in the case? We don't know - and we never find out. Robert DeNiro plays Sam, a supposedly ex-CIA agent who seems to be the only one of the mercenaries beside Jean Reno's Vincent that has a clue.

The movie then begins to ramble about, as the team isn't told any details...who is guarding the case? What's in it? How do they get it? It's all left to them to improvise. The movie plays out like a bad reality show. Every time they make progress, there's another plot twist. By the end of the movie, you find out that the case isn't even the real target for DeNiro, and does Vincent know he's still CIA or not? By the end, does anyone care? What a waste of talent of money. Borrow the DVD from someone if you want to see it, but don't waste YOUR money on it.

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Romero needs to take some notes

[8/10 · 11 July 2005]

George Romero should rent this movie and take notes, this is how a zombie movie SHOULD BE! All the Romero fanboys decried this movie as horrible and whined about how Dawn '78 was better, but they were WRONG. This movie does it all the right way - fast pacing, good dialog, and it's not weighed down by the "social commentary".

The Romero defenders were quick to point out how running zombies were "not believable". If you're willing to give enough leeway to accept that the dead are coming back to life, then why couldn't they run? Running zombies sure make more sense than the "intelligent" zombies Romero is putting out now.

It takes a lot to make my hair stand on end, and this movie did it. Within the first ten minutes even the most hardened horror fan should be disturbed and entertained. This movie offers a fresher, and in my opinion more realistic, look at the end of times than its predecessor. The scene with the birth of Andre's baby in the mall is perhaps the most disturbing of any film of recent note. Some scenes do drag out - the dinner scene at the mall seems to go on forever - but these lapses are more than covered by the action scenes. Hopefully, Snyder and crew will be making another Dead movie soon.

War of the Worlds (2005)

Bore of the Worlds

[1/10 · 9 July 2005]

Ugh, what an awful movie! War of the Worlds is the "modern adaptation" of the classic tale of murderous aliens come to do us harm. This movie starts, runs, and ends with a serious of contradictions and ridiculous situations that beg the question, "What's the point of this movie?" Tom Cruise plays Ray Farrier, a crane operator who ends up having to babysit his two kids while his now-pregnant-by-another-man ex and her new dude go to Boston for a weekender (can you smell the dramatic tension?). From there, mysterious lightning storms erupt near Cruise's house and everyone runs to see what's happening. Of course, killer robots from Mars or whatever come up from underground and the slaughter begins.

Cruise apparently has several superpowers in this movie. He has the uncanny ability to avoid the alien death beams while people in front, behind, and next to him are vaporized. He has cat-like reflexes, which allow him to run, jump, and hide while holding his 10 year old daughter. He can also bore you to death with his mostly emotionless performance.

Several glaring plot holes exist: First, the EMP from the lightning storm wipes out every car in the city, but the mechanics at the local shop manage to repair a minivan in the few minutes between storm's end and the carnage beginning. Cruise and crew hide out in a basement cellar while an airplane (!) lands on the house, and emerge unscathed. (BTW, why did that house have a boiler when they also clearly show a gas furnace in the next scene). EMP in this movie seems to operate selectively - all the cars are wiped out but the ferry still runs, as do the military vehicles. The diner still has power when nothing else does.

By the end of this magnificent turd, you end up rooting for the aliens and wishing they would squish Cruise already and turn him into fertilizer. There is no plot, it's two hours of watching Cruise run from basement to basement hiding until the aliens just all mysteriously die at the end. The lesson here? When the world ends, all you need to do is run aimlessly around the countryside carrying a 10 year old and if you run long enough, the evil aliens will all just drop dead.

This movie stunk.

Land of the Dead (2005)

Someone shoot this movie in the head

[3/10 · 26 June 2005]

I went to see Land of the Dead expecting to see the so-called "master of the zombie movie" work his craft. All this movie did was make me bored. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't go to zombie movies to see "biting social commentary", I go to see bodies being ripped apart in all manner of gory deaths. This movie hammers you in the skull with "social commentary" (Dennis Hopper might as well wear a sign that says "I'm supposed to be George W).

The movie has few redeeming points. The Dead Reckoning tank was OK, but we never see them stop anywhere for gas. The zombie effects were so-so, a lot of the gory scenes were (badly) CGI'd. All of the die hard Romero fans will attach themselves to this movie and defend it to the death, but get real folks. Dawn of the Dead (2004) was MUCH better. This movie didn't scare me, it didn't creep me out, heck it barely held my attention. There were holes in the plot you could drive their tank through (they put up electrified fences, but none near the river? No alarms or sirens? No one's even WATCHING the river??) The fact that most of the people are doing what they are doing for money is also difficult to accept (if it really WERE the end of the world, paper money would mean squat. I could even see gold or silver motivating people, but paper money?).

The "Big Daddy" zombie was the rotted cherry on top of this festering cake. He's supposed to be evolving, he goes from attempting to pump gas at the beginning to firing a machine gun and training other zombies by the end. Blech. The whole point to zombies is that they are supposed to be mindless corpses, but now we have to believe that they are organizing an army.

George Romero owes me $7.50.

Deadliest Catch (2005– )

So THIS is why Alaskan Crab costs so much!

[21 May 2005]

"Deadliest Catch" is the latest offering from the Discovery Channel, and a welcome diversion from their seemingly non-stop "Monster" car or bike building shows. "Catch" follows the crews of several crab boats as they and the rest of the fleet rush to catch as many crab as possible in the ever-shortening Alaskan crab season. The show gives you an in-depth view of the trouble the crew faces doing everyday tasks, like baiting and dropping crab pots, and how these tasks are made harder by the unforgiving Bering Sea. We see everyone from the "greenhorns" (rookies) to the "old salts" and the danger they face every day. As evidence of this, as Discovery was filming one boat sank and another lost a crewman overboard, totaling six deaths in the first episode of the Opilio season. Next time you sit down at Red Lobster and wonder why Alaskan Crab Legs are so much, tune in to Discovery and see why they are worth every penny.

Boohbah (2003)

What a mind numbing load of crap!

[27 April 2005]

I sat with my two year old son to watch some TV, and was appalled to run across "Boohbah", the LSD-induced offspring of the Teletubbies. Teletubbies was bad enough, but this show is a load of crap! Literally! The Boohbah's look like they are being excreted from someone at the beginning of the show and it gets worse from there. Are they sure this is for kids? It seems like something a bunch of drug addled frat boys would watch for "the colors, man". I forbid my son from ever watching this brain killing useless slop ever again. This shows lacks everything that a kids show should have: a plot, educational value, a lesson or two, and English! They don't speak, they sort of whine or moan depending on what it is they are trying to do (don't ask me - I don't speak Boohbah). If this is what the Brits are exporting to us, then I'd say they're still mad at us for that whole Revolutionary War thing. Ugh! Mr. Rogers, why'd you have to go away??

Motorcycle Mania III (2004 TV Movie)

Another middle of the road offering from Hugh King

[5/10 · 7 April 2005]

Hugh King presents the third installment of his Motorcycle Mania series, which focuses on motorcycle builder Jesse James and the ins and outs of running his business, West Coast Choppers. In this third episode, King chooses to focus more on the personal life of James and the turns his life has taken since he exploded on the scene as an international celebrity.

We follow James on a year+ long journey as he builds what he says will be his last chopper, a bike made mostly from hand shaped copper. In between the bits on the bike build we also follow James as he falls in love with, marries, gets beaten up by, and divorces his girlfriend Janine. We get to see more of James as a person, to see all the pitfalls his fame has brought him, and we get to see how he handles the latest crisis in his life.

If you're a huge motorcycle fan, then the pickings are slim here. It is interesting to see how James handcrafts the gas tank, fenders, and oil tank for his bike out of copper sheets. The finished bike itself is then ridden with friend Kid Rock on a tour of Mexico as both James and Rock attempt to escape, even for a few weeks, the rigors of fame by traveling somewhere where they are hardly recognized.

An interesting view of the inner workings of Jesse James, and fans of the first two Motorcycle Manias will enjoy it, but for those of you just looking for "Biker Buildoff" type action will be disappointed.

Sin City (2005)

What an awful mess of a movie! (Possible spoilers)

[1/10 · 2 April 2005]

I just returned from seeing Sin City, the "highly recommended" movie this week, and it was positively awful. From substandard writing to a choppy mess in the visual department, this movie just plain STINKS.

The movie opens with Bruce Willis trying to stop the son of a senator from raping and killing a little girl. It takes all the usual detours you can expect from crap that Quentin Tarantino has got his hands on. Willis' partner turns on him, he's framed for the rape that never happened, blah blah blah.

Despite a star studded cast (Rutger Hauer!) and a semi nude Jessica Alba (frankly she's shown more skin at awards shows) this movie does not live up to it's billing. It's poorly edited, difficult to follow, and in most cases the actors are saying and doing things that flat out do not make any sense. I understand that the artsy fartsy among you will think this a "stunning visual masterpiece", high society's codewords for a steaming pile. The movie is mostly black and white, with some computer added colorizing to drive home certain points (such as the hooker Goldie's hair being a blazing gold color in a black and white shot). Apparently the audience is considered too stupid to catch these subtle elements without the awful color.

To summarize - save your $8. Not worth it.

Tilt (2005)

An interesting offer from ESPN

[15 January 2005]

May contain spoilers!

ESPN takes another foray into the entertainment portion of the sports arena with "Tilt", a new series focusing on the world of high stakes poker. Michael Madsen plays "The Matador", the world's best poker player, and a hustler.

"The Matador" is in league with seemingly everyone - the owners of the casino, the police, other players, and is using his influence to fleece the unsuspecting opponents he faces. He is opposed on two sides, first by the county sheriff brother of a man who tried to expose the Matador's cheating, and also by a trio of young players whom the Matador had cleaned out in the past by cheating. The young players are being staked by a mysterious older man who also has a grudge against the Matador.

Unlike other poker series out there (Lucky comes to mind), this show seems fluid and well written. Madsen convincingly plays an amoral scumbag and the supporting cast is excellent. Those of you familiar with the poker world will notice the similarities between the character of the Matador and with real life poker icon Doyle Brunson. Most of the script seems to based on real life accusations made against the poker great by people like Russ Georgiev, who claims to have actively cheated at poker with many of the greats of the game. More on this can be seen at Georgiev's website. It is an interesting view into both this series and the seedly underbelly of pro poker.

All in all - an excellent show.

Darklight (2004 TV Movie)

What a horrible mess

[19 September 2004]

Spoilers inside, not that you can't guess what's gonna happen:

Scifi Channel has outdone themselves in the crap department! This movie is horribly low budget and appears so. One could overlook the low budget if the story was original or challenging, but it isn't. Anyone who has seen "Hellboy" has seen the much better version of this story. The movie borrows heavily from Hellboy (the demon who wants to do good), Dark Angel (the dark haired superwoman who can save us all), Witchblade (ditto - add motorcycle), Brimstone (Satanic marks that disappear when a godly deed is done), and various other Scifi movies and series.

The movie features confusing and random editing cuts, a choppy story (people appear in scenes and you must watch 10-15 minutes of schlock to find out who they are), and the antagonist (played as well as possible by DeLancie) goes through all the trouble of betraying his faith, his friends, and God by creating the evil demon and plague in this movie. Why? By the end we find out that even HE doesn't know. He just, you know, felt like it. Crucial parts of the movie (like Lilith's training in her power) are just barely covered. In five minutes she's ready to fight demons. Other parts contradict themselves (she's immortal, but they DO have a way to kill her). She's cursed forever (and has been for thousands of years), but if she rescues a few kittens from trees God will forgive her.

The idea may have been OK, but this movie absolutely kills it. Shiri, while passable as a tough babe, is not enough reason to subject your precious brain cells to such a horrible assault.