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John Carter (2012)
John Carter, the truth behind the movie.
Hello Dear Reader, Let me first address me voting a solid 1, it's not truly a 1 I would give it a solid 4,5, but due to it having a really messed up rating 6,7 I'll keep my vote up.
Lets proceed to the movie, the movie is made over the content of a book which was very much ahead of it's time, and is in fact a good book, but stick to the book, cause the movie is bad.
The movie feels overly paced, you get pushed through things like the makers was thinking "oh we need to have this too, put it in, and shorten the dialog", you don't get bonded to any of the characters partly due to bad acting, but mainly because of a really bad script.
You get told we are on Mars, which means the main character can jump really high, but it also gives him grotesque strenght, which means he can one hit things, combat several thousand things charging him, and jump a solid 40 km, even in sci-fi this borders on raping physics.
Then we get parts of a language they presumably speak on Mars, but these are only fragmented words which means you end up thinking "why even put it in?", it doesn't add anything to the story, it just makes you wonder why, because other movies has done this far far better.
An the heroine of the movie, now she is supposedly a Marsian archaeologist or some stuff, and they set out to find a relic place which hasn't been found in thousand of years, approximately 2 minutes after this is told, they just luck upon the building... I mean talk about bad pacing? And inside this relic story stuff, suddenly everything flashes blue, and John Carter of EAAARTH, needs to wear his heart as an armor? When they enter this, concentrate really closely on the lines, and the acting, it's so cliché that we ended up laughing during the movie.
All in all, if you want a movie that is unwittingly VERY funny because of bad acting, and sticky bad writing, then watch it... then it's quite fun, if you want an epic story of intergalactic war, then watch the old Star Wars trilogy again.
/Simon
Kielgasten (1989)
Kielgasten
Kielgasten is a musical with Kim Larsen as lead vocal, he performs some excellent numbers which i feel is a strong contribute to his already amazing number of tracks. I especially like the number "Piano man", and i know that number has have a great effect on people who lose a loved one.
Giving this a 4,7 is outrageous considering how great a musician Kim Larsen is, sure the acting is terrible, but this is a musical focused around singing, and the singing is great, nothing short of.
I'll give it a 10, as a musical it should have 8 in my opinion, but seeing people giving it an outrageous 4,7 is not fair, so i keep my 10 until people wake up.
4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)
Painful 4: The death of a series
I was reading through the other comments for this movie, and was very surprised when I actually found some positive remarks on this movie, so I decided to write a comment myself.
First of all, I'm not a Fantastic 4 fan at all, so this is not a die hard review from a comic book fan, however this does not save the movie at all.
There are actually more problems in this movie then can be explained in writing if you seek to understand what makes this movie hell on earth, I suggest you sit down and watch it, if you take this reviewers opinion on how bad it is I would however stay far far away from it.
Problems: Jessica Alba's acting is worse then ever, its heart breaking to see such a nice piece of ass be so insanely bad at acting.
Special effects where bad, and I mean REALLY bad, I know people have been saying that "uhh the silver surfer was sooo shiny", well pal of mine that doesn't mean squad. IF you want to base an entire movie on special effects they better be up to the challenge, but they aren't special effects in most computer games are way better.
Flame on looks like a yellow retard with goofy lights shining.
The Thing still looks like a jelly man, not at all convincing that he is made of stone.
Mr. Fantastic, has a horrifying dancing scene that will make you puke bad effects for a week.
But if the special effects, and the acting weren't bad enough, the plot tops them all delivering a mindblowingly bad story. Alba's char. is so badly developed that she is plain annoying, she worries more about her marriage then the end of the earth, Goodjob for a superhero woman. And to be honest I really can't remember the ending except the good guys winning, don't know how, I saw this movie once when it came out, and I actually forgot ever seeing it, so when i saw it again today, I felt like when big bad dejavu ala. Matrix changing my death from a car accident, to drowning.
I must say, if they manage to scoop up another billion dollar for another painful film, I would be very surprised, and I really hope it doesn't happen, cause damn we deserve to be rid of painful big budget movies like this piece of crap. This is worse then when Joel Schumacher destroyed (atleast for a time) the Batman series, until our savior Nolan came along.
There is a small chance for saving this shitty series, hire Nolan, fire A lot, and kill of some actors... All of them.
The Wood (1999)
A gem about life in the Wood
The movie is about friendship, three guys Slim, Mike and Roland, and how this friendship evolves from being a friendship consisting of three boys, to a friendship consisting of three men. In the movie you follow Roland who is about to get married, and he is getting cold feet, his two friends Mike and Slim are there to try and get him out of the trouble he has caused for himself.
The movie works in 2 different time tables, one where they are boys and one where they are men, you see them meet and evolve their friendship, and see how they became so close friends. A brilliant way to make you feel the passion between these three friends, a very touching movie, as I write this I'm still touched by the ending.
The acting is ranging from average to strong, I especially like Omar Epps acting, a very good actor indeed.
In my opinion definitely worth a watch, do however not expect Oscar performance, since the actors are not Oscar material in my opinion.
rated 7,5/10 (would give it 7, but added 0,5 because it touched me so much)
Embrace of the Vampire (1995)
Hot vampire sex brings you only so far
I've seen this movie in bits and pieces because i frankly find it a tad dull, overplayed and well bad but however in this movie there is a lot of HOT vampire sex which i think all boys will be kinda interested in at least seeing once. I'm on the stage where i keep embrace of the vampire when i'm in the mood for vampire sex... beats the crap out of any softcore vampire flick i've seen so far... perhaps it is a softcore vampire flick? Nevertheless it is as with all movies worth watching one time to at least give you you'r own opinion but i must admit i've never been hardcore enough to see the movie to its full lenght in one stretch it is simply not good enough for that.