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Goliath: Diablo Verde (2018)
This was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unnecessary (you know, just like the use of that many Os)
This show is great. The acting is great. The writing is, but for one exception so far, great. This season has been great.
Someone already posted a review which averted to the fact that nothing in this episode advanced a character arc or the plot, so I won't repeat that. Instead, as I watch the final few minutes and queue up the next episode, let me imagine the things that I could have instead done with the last hour of my life which would have been more useful:
- waited for mould to appear in my toilet, then cleaned it;
- watched people walking their dogs in front of my house, then waited for a squirrel to scamper by, just so that I could wait for the classic dog trope: 'squirrel'!
- contemplated the lack of food options in my fridge and cupboard, then contemplated making some sort of lunch, then instead ordering from UberEats, just like breakfast;
- ironed a shirt for work tomorrow, so that I don't have to wake up in a drunken stupor and then scramble to do it at the last minute;
- gone out and bought a new, pressed shirt, so that I could ignore the entire 'ironing' thing;
- had at least 6 shots of tequila, then drunk-texted an ex, who I still remember fondly yet know I should never contact again;
- re-evaluated my lifelong overuse of commas;
- stared at the leaves falling off of trees and contemplated the randomness of how they never fall from the same part of the tree in any sort of predictable pattern;
- written a rambling post on the subject of how, if one is going to hire some sort of lawyer as a 'technical advisor', one might want to hire someone who has the capacity to get at least 50% of the legal stuff correct;
- turned on the music keyboard I bought about a year ago, in the hope that having it so conveniently close would inspire me to actual practise on the damned thing;
- bought a bunch of stamps with the expectation that I might become interested in becoming a philatelist, only to put them in a drawer, never to be seen again;
- gone on a Tinder date, only to be abandoned within minutes, by a girl who was never to be seen again;
- gone to a bar, drank a bunch of alcohol for which I paid $100, where neither the alcohol or $100 would ever be seen again;
- read at least two chapters of an old, favourite book, which book didn't hurt my brain as much as this episode of the series.
Look at that, the next episode has started. Onward and upward; hope springs eternal.
Inheritance (2020)
awwwww, c'mon
Listen, I love, ... LOVE Simon Pegg. Hot Fuzz is one of my favourite movies ever. He is an amazing writer. If I ever met him, I would tell him so. I would complement him on that movie, Shawn of the Dead, his contributions to Star Trek. So much more.
As an actor, he is also good. His acting is fine in this movie. Lily Collins is also fine. That is why it pains me to say that this movie is terrible.
Acting aside, there is not an alternate universe ever to be able to conceive of where Collins is THE district attorney for NYC. I don't care how much money daddy poured into her campaign or how much corruption was involved.
More importantly, this script is simply terrible. IF, ... IF Collins was smart enough to actually run the DA's office, her choices throughout the movie are idiotic, and not just idiotic in a Friday the 13th - don't do that - sort of way. Leave aside that no lawyer ever called to the bar would run a major trial in the manner that she does (bring me up to speed on the important stuff, 2 seconds before the judge walks into the room).
If one can suspend disbelief long enough to accept that she would delay immediately freeing a man for whom she would otherwise spend the rest of her life in jail, in order to make inquiries into who he was and why he was there, then no rational person could possibly accept that she would free him without obtaining the results of her inquiries.
So, if I ever was sitting down and having a beer with Simon Pegg, I would still be in awe of his many unbelievable accomplishments. I would ask him about those. I would never have the balls to discuss this movie with him. Maybe, even as an amazing writer, across so many genres, it is still difficult to assess how a script will play out as an actual movie. I wouldn't know, no one will ever offer me a role in a movie.
On the other hand, oh. my. god. This script is awful.
They're Inside (2019)
I hate phony reviews
This movie was so boring that I started looking at the profiles of the 9 and 10-star reviewers. With maybe one or two exceptions, each of those reviewers had only ever reviewed one movie, ... this one. Obviously, friends, family and those involved with this movie, trying to boost the ratings of what is a terrible waste of time. To be fair, there was an 8 star review whose author had reviewed three whole movies, all of which were written by Schuyler Brumley. Hey Schuyler, any chance that you're horrorfan2019?
I don't have a lot of fun criticizing creative people for having put effort into a movie but, just because there are so many fake positive reviews of this film, just some of the things that bothered me:
- a tired, cliched premise, executed poorly: cabin in the woods; no cell phone reception; car won't start; nameless, faceless, psychopathic killers who have no motivation.
- a horribly paced move, which drags throughout, resulting in me surfing IMDB and writing this review.
- stupid characters, acting in irrational ways, making suicidal decisions.
- fricken' found footage, which is the laziest and most annoying form of movie-making ever invented. Just an excuse for people who have no idea how to properly use a camera. I hate you 'Blair Witch Project' for popularizing this horrible, evil genre.
The smash cuts to wildlife, which I can only assume were meant to be foreshadowing or metaphors of some type, were also annoying but at least not an exhausted trope.
Tack on an ending that may supposed to be a shocking plot twist but is, in fact, completely incomprehensible and you have maybe threes stars.
Soul to Keep (2018)
I hate fake reviews
This is your average D-grade 'horror movie' with all of the usual tropes and all of the usual terrible actors delivering horrible lines from a terrible script. I would have given it a 4 for being a run of the mill terrible movie except for all of the fake reviews, so 3 it is. Simply not worth watching.
Aquaman (2018)
Meh
This is not an awful movie. If you completely turn your brain off, it is not hard to enjoy.
That having been said, the story is weak and the dialogue is absolutely abysmal. Mamoa is great in this role, but the character was so much better written in Justice League. Both Kidman and Dafoe were just wasted.
I suppose that it is completely subjective, but so many of the directorial choices took me out of the movie.
What the DC people don't seem to realize is that simply because a movie is based upon a comic doesn't mean that it has to be written to appeal solely to 10 year old boys. Characters are allowed to speak as though they are real people, with real emotions, and who have actually passed high school English. Hard as it may be to imagine, the story doesn't have to be stupid just because it's based upon a comic book.
Nazi Overlord (2018)
i actually made it through
One reviewer of this movie said that this isn't one of those movies where it is so bad that it's good. i'm not sure that i agree. sure, it's god awful movie, but i watched the whole thing.
the acting is bad, but not unwatchable. i am pretty sure that everyone in it was camping it up deliberately. same with the dialogue and plot. i'm not a pot guy, but i would imagine that, if you were hungover on the couch on a sunday afternoon, stoned out of your tree, you might actually smile when you watched this.
Anon (2018)
A solid, entertaining movie
I don't know why I keep reading reviews on here. I certainly don't understand the hate for this movie.
Spoiler alert: Neither Clive Owen or Amanda Seyfried play international super spies, nor assassins. There are no set piece runs, car chases, nor space fighter clashes. If that is your measure of entertainment, you will have to look elsewhere.
Apparently, the movie shares ideas with a black window, or mirror, or some other such TV show. It also has echoes of Minority Report. There are elements of the story evoking a 1984-ish concern with loss of privacy. I fail to understand this as a criticism. They say that there are seven basic stories in English literature. Accepting this, one might think that a movie may revisit an element of a previous movie or two.
As far as I'm concerned, the movie had a solid premise, a decent script, and great actors (by the way, Colm Feore has always been criminally underrated). I enjoyed it.
Sure, it is slow. Sometimes, ideas evolve that way. As with almost every movie, one could criticize this scene, or that dialogue, or maybe a choice here and there by a director or editor. This movie will not win the Oscar for best picture. It will not go down on your list of all time classics.
That said, it is well done & entertaining. I didn't rate it an 8 or 9, because it's not a classic. It was however, a movie that I would recommend to anyone. I think that I have watched Casablanca over 40 times. By comparison, over the years, I will likely watch this one around 5 or 6.
As an aside, what is with this hatred on here for naked people? I have not yet gone through male menopause, so seeing beautiful naked people does not really ruin the better part of my month.
Lighten up, Francis.
A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)
I love this movie
So, it should go without saying that comedy is subjective. I can understand that there are all kinds of people who would say that this movie is not for them. To each his own.
That having been said said, if you like Family Guy even a little bit, I would be surprised if you didn't really like this movie.
The story was probably just meant to be a bare framework for a million jokes to be told in the west. That said, it's a pretty good story, especially for a comedy. There is nothing more annoying at this point than: boy meets girl; boy throws away a perfectly good thing over something silly; boy 'Harvey Weinsteins' his way back into her life, because stalking makes everything better. As romance goes in movies, comedies or otherwise, this story is completely not in any way annoying.
Far more importantly, this movie has the hallmark of the classics. When I first saw it, the obvious jokes were funny, ... really funny. The key though is that on a second, third, fifth, seventh viewing, you notice the more subtle jokes, which are equally, if not more, hilarious.
There was not an actor in this movie whose characterizations and lines were disappointing, exactly the opposite. I love this movie even more every time I see it. How on god's green earth could someone not like a movie with Liam Neeson, Charlize Theron , Amanda Seyfried, NPH, Giovanni Ribisi, Sarah Silverman, and on and on, all at the top of their game? On top of which, one written by Seth MacFarlane, who is really good as a non-animated actor.
If you dislike the Family Guy, I don't think it should come as a complete shock to you that this movie might not instantly rank on your list of top 10 all-time classics (although stranger things have happened). Otherwise, watch it. Watch it once and, if you aren't completely blown away, watch it again. Give it a little more time, then watch it again. I have a feeling that you won't be disappointed.