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Reviews
Prometheus (2012)
What?!
Prometheus is one the most annoying things I've ever seen period. Not as annoying as my ex wife though. At least I got rid of her using a tree, my caddie, and several drugs. This movie had a lot hype to it and I was behind it, but like another crappy prequel I was sorely disappointed. The film feels like a jigsaw puzzle of different plots that don't go any where and you have to put them together in less than an hour before you feed your hookers alive to the flesh eating cockroaches in your old moldy freezer. The movie feels like they wanted to focus on visual effect before story telling, that's dumber than my new wife Bambi! James Cameron said that visuals are something you use to tell a story that is great and you see in movies like Star Wars and television series like Avatar The Last Airbender. I should expected something so stupid and so many unanswered questions since Matt Damion Lindelof wrote this. Remember the Lost series finale? IT SUCKED!!!!!! If you want some great visual effects then Prometheus is for you, but so is Transformers!
Sharknado (2013)
Truly an experience
Sharknado tells the tale of people who are truly the dumbest people imaginable, so dumb it leaves me to believe that our main character named Fin is all imagining this in his head watching the hurricane on the news. But I doubt the film is that deep. This movie is so dumb they show stock footage of Miami, Florida even though they say it's in LA. Characters so stupid they don't even board up their windows when their is a hurricane approaching. So stupid they in fact don't move to higher ground to avoid the Sharknado. When watching the film I notice now much science was raped in this, seriously when the technology of Krypton in Man of Steel is more believable than the science of waves and Sharknados something is wrong with human society. I highly recommend Sharknado to people who enjoy something so awesomely stupid. If you loved The Room, Yor Hunter from The Future, and Birdemic, this truly is the film you have been waiting for years. I can't wait for the sequel Sharkcano
Il mondo di Yor (1983)
An epic
Yor, Hunter From The Future is perhaps the greatest fantasy epic ever made by the human race. The film has no faults. Perfect acting, dinosaur puppets, dead bats, and a theme song that makes you pumped up and wanna punch something. It's that good of a theme. Yor is perhaps the most well written character in a fantasy novel since Frodo Baggins. He is in this epic quest to find who he really is, but then in one adventure he goes too far and meets his love and her father. Yor must do the unthinkable when they are kidnapped by the hairier men with light purple skin and risks his life to save them. Shortly after the greatest twist in film history occurs. I will end it here but with this note; Yor is the man
Highlander: The Source (2007)
There should have been only one.
Remember when everyone freaked out over the Mass Effect 3 ending. Well, I have got a movie that destroys any sense of worth to the Highlander name. Hell, even Highlander 2 is a better movie than this. That is not a stand to take lightly because that is the archetypal bad movie and yet it is not the worst in the series. It did more damage to the franchise than Zeist. Let's begin the list of problems. One, the setting. Why in the Highlander franchise did they think the post- apocalyptic future? It's a fantasy idea. It is never explained what happened between the end of TV-show and this. Second, the plot. The Immortals need to look for The Source, which is like The Prize in the first film but makes no sense at all. For some reason they slowly loose their immortality has they move closer to it with explanation at all to it. There are so many problems with this movie. I don't want to list them because well this film is so bad I feel dirty talking about it. If you want to have punishment go and watch Spoony's review. Please do not watch. 0/10. The worst sequel ever made.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)
Not good
Star Wars: The Clone Wars is the most disappointing thing since my my son. I mean, how much can you screw up the back story to Star Wars worse than the prequels. Even though my son eventually hanged him self in a bathroom of a gas station that unfortunately the sad truth is that this movie will always be here, it will ever go away, it's created characters and expanded on others poorly. So this is what's wrong with it. Number One: Everything. When I heard we might get another Star Wars film I was more excited than the day I killed my ex-wife. However, it's nothing more than a poorly animated movie meant to make a TV show. Hell, it's worse than the crappy Ewoks movies from the 80's. Not as that other TV movie. But Lucas should have shown this on Cartoon Network and say "Here's a movie to spin off a television show and here's some pizza rolls" Mmmm, I like pizza rolls. 2. Sexy teenagers. A teenager wearing half of her clothing shouldn't be in this movie. There are other teenage Jedis in the movies that wear full clothing so why not? Why are you sexualizing Star Wars, George?! You're worse than my ex-wife. At least I was able to throw my through the windshield of my Caddie through the power physics.
Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)
What the hell was happening in this movie?
The first Highlander is the only good movie in the franchise. This completely raped the franchise's respect in only a matter of around ten minutes! It's so incoherent with the previous film and on it's own. Highlander was not opened to a sequel, a prequel maybe but a full on sequel is not possible. The film takes place in a dystopia future. Yeah, pretty far off from the film original setting of Scotland. Connor McCloud used his knowledge from the prize to save the world from the sun's harmful rays, however by doing so the world fell into chaos because the scientists never realized we need the sun to survive! Also, people have to pay to this company in order to have this shield thing on. During this McCloud has a flashback to when he was on the planet Zeist 500 years ago with Ramirez. Automatically the film falls in the most incoherent film ever made, so much it makes you laugh out loud but for Highlander fans it will enrage them to their very soul. Any way you see it is one of the worst films ever made by the human race.
Ratatoing (2007)
F*ck this movie
Flat out the worst thing I have ever seen in my entire life. What the hell to start with. Animation: The worst animation ever produced by life forms. There is no sense of weight to it. And at most points it makes no sense how characters walk. Everyone is walking like they're strutting only with no sense of style and walking slower than Waluigi. Also there are many big animation and design flaws. Here's one for ya. A cat, who looks like an even more mutated Dragon from Secret of NIMH, who in some cases walks upright like the main characters and then walks on all fours. That makes sense with rats and mice who can do that, but cats cannot do that in nature. Now on to the writing, oh God. The writing in this makes Birdemic look like The Dark Knight. Clearly it is a blatant rip off of Ratatouille so it rip offs the main premise; A rat cooks amazing food with stolen human food. The writing is so poor mainly because of the translation. A lot of things are poorly translated, things like Chinese rip offs and fan translation of anime, and rarely affects the writing but in this case it does. Here is the main example a character says precisely instead of any other word meaning yes. Do not at all watch this except to make Youtube Poops.
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (2010)
A pretty damn good show.
This show takes the awful animation of a something called "entertainment" for young girls and turns it around and makes it something for an older audience and even adults. First off, the animation is great. I may not be a fan of flash animation for television shows but in cases it works mainly with most of the shows Lauren Faust has worked on, Power Puff Girls, Teenage Robot, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, etc. Also the voice acting is surprisingly fantastic. I think that's mainly because of Tara Strong's and Ashleigh Ball's fantastic voice work. Some of the characters that appear once are a bit shallow in the acting department. That's mainly the praises you can say from what's right in front of you. But if you look in the background many different characters or ponies have many details. I think two of them stand out. One pony is derpified, called Derpy. Bronies, like my self, pointed this out in the first episode and the character say become very popular, so much there is fan service. And the other is a pony the looks like-YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE UNTIL YOU WATCH IT-the 10th Doctor from Doctor Who, looking very much like the actor David Tennant. He has a "cutie mark" of a hourglass, has spiky like hair, and a literal brown coat. Check it out, you will not regret it. Nostalgic hate won't hold you back.
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
A completely awful piece of "entertainment"
WHY WHY WHY WHY?? Awful sound. Acting that makes Manos look like Citizen Kane. A story with more plot holes than The Room, in a bad way unlike in The Room when it was funny as all hell. Remaking a Hitchcock film has always failed in more ways than one. The plot is like if you watch An Inconvenient Truth while drinking as much you can while watching The Birds. They force this stupid moral of the save the environment in to your head that you just wanna mash your television. The sound makes an Atari 2600 game sound like HD surround sound for Crysis 2. You can barely hear what people are saying mainly because of background some effects. Music as well is pure crap, it's all free down loadable music from the internet. Only watch this for RiffTrax. STAY AWAY FROM IT!