Jdylan-1 Reviews

Easter Sunday (2022)

Just a bad film; story is ridiculous. Could have been so much better.

[2/10 · 13 February 2023]

Sorry, I love Jo Koy and his standup, but this movie was just horrible. It seemed hurried, and there are so many plot holes. I couldn't keep count. It's Easter Sunday, but the mall is open. The boy's girlfriend was at a park playing ping-pong earlier, but later in the day, she's at the mall working at a jewelry store. Again, on Easter Sunday. It could've been so much better; I saw the spark, but it just seems like they hurried the movie and didn't work on the script.

Now that I watched it, you can basically get the entire movie watching the trailer. Every funny joke in the movie is in the trailer. But the story itself is just so stupid if he had really worked on the script for another year, maybe talk with Seth Rogen or somebody? I don't know. This movie could've been so much better than it was. I'm a white guy living with a Filipino family, and even they were looking at their phones about halfway through the movie, not even paying attention anymore.

Jo, I love ya brother, but this movie was horrible. Again, you had a good foundation, but the story was sooo dumb. I assume you worked on this whole thing yourself, I didn't want to share the credit with anyone, but in the future, I would recommend working with professional screenwriters.

Last Christmas (2019)

FYI: It ISN'T a Christmas movie

[5/10 · 8 September 2020]

The story itself isn't so bad, especially just about a girl with a dysfunctional family life and some emotional problems she needs to work through. But I was disappointed because they market it as a Christmas movie. Other than the lead character dressing like an elf in order to work at a Christmas decoration store, there is really nothing about Christmas in the film. But that's it, that's basically the entire plot of the whole film. A girl who lives in London, has a dysfunctional family and has some personal emotional problems she needs to work through. It's basically a Hallmark channel film. I mean, the acting is good, the cinematography is OK, but it isn't a Christmas film. There's also some weird questions, like why does the lead character and her family have to come from Hungary? That doesn't really add anything to the film.

Miss Granny (2018)

One of the most idiotic, stupid films I've ever seen.

[1/10 · 29 September 2018]

I'm only going to write a true, honest review here, because there are so many obviously fake, BS, or paid reviews. I feel myself a very honest person and write honest reviews. There are a lot of Filipino fans of Sarah Geronimo who seem to be posting totally false reviews here, saying it is a "masterpiece", etc.

So I can honestly say, even for Filipino films, which are usually horrible to begin with, this one was even worse. I am a white male, my wife is Filipina, so I have to go to a lot of Filipino films. I can usually sit through them, even though I find them childish or overly melodramatic, but this film was unwatchable.

First off, let me say that my issue isn't with Sarah Geronimo; she was pretty good in the film. She really acted like an older, nagging granny in a young girls body. She should, however, try and act in better films. She should definitely fire her manager for allowing her to be in this piece of crap film.

So this is the story (it was kind of hard to follow, but I'll try): An older lady lives with her son and his wife, and two kids. She is a nag and gives the wife a breakdown. The son is a "professor", although it appears he works at an old folks home. The movie is a rip-off of "BIG!" with Tom Hanks, but there was an actual story and plot and meaning to that film. In this one....

The granny works in a cafeteria, which appears to be in the same facility. Why she works there and wears old shoes is unclear, as she likes to brag about how rich and smart her son is. It was very confusing. Anyway, things in her life get hard: the son wants to put her in the old folks home because the wife hates her. Then, a young woman comes into the cafeteria and assaults her, accusing her of stealing her mothers fish soup recipe long ago. (Forget that the girl is only around 30 years old, and this happened about 40-50 years ago...as the granny is now around 70, and this was supposed to have happened when she was young....so how the young girl could have been around then is unclear...).

Anyway, in a funk, the granny goes on a walk and finds a photo studio "forever young" where she has an idea to get a photo taken for her funeral someday. After the guy takes the photo, the granny is now transformed into Sarah Geronimo, who seems to take awhile to realize that she is no longer 75. This is also odd, as I am only 50 and would know right away if I was young and strong again, and can run after a bus, as Ms. Geronimo does. Also, the granny was fat, and Sarah is skinny....but whatever.

So the granny eventually figures out she is around 30 now, and goes clothes shopping and moves into a room in a building owned by her suitor. At first she hangs out in the cafeteria watching other old ladies perform karaoke (who wouldn't, if this happened to them?) but then she decides to get up and sing, and just like a miracle, the granny now sees she can sing like Sarah Geronimo! And wouldn't you know, that a famous music producer just happened to be walking by the cafeteria and hears her singing! And also, he grandson, who is in a punk-rock band, is also walking by! What are the chances?!

So, the grandson asks her to sing in his band, and the record producer is following her around, trying to find out who she is. The granny shows up to the mansion where the band is rehearsing (really?) and tells them not to play that kind of rock music, and instead she only wants to sing happy, corny, pop stuff "kiss me kiss me kiss me". Well, of course, the band agrees! Why wouldn't they? I mean, three punk rock teenagers meet a girl who can sing and all decide to instantly change their entire sound for her? From punk rock to cheesy lola tunes? But it gets better! The band is only a lead guitar, a drummer and a bass player, but when they play, it sounds like a Korg synthesizer! Later on, they play at a club, and you can hear the horn section and orchestra in the background, even though all you see are the three guys faux-playing.

Ever wondered what would happen to a 75 year old lady who becomes young again? You might want to fix the problems in your life, make things good with your family, etc. Nope! All the granny wants to do is become a famous singer!

Anyway, this is how the film goes, on and on. Things happen that seem interesting, but then nothing happens. Like, the granny is accused of stealing a recipe to help support her son, and there's a lot of drama and crying, but then it disappears and no one mentions it anymore! I thought there would be more to the story, but...

There is one scene where the grandson calls the granny to take him and the band out to eat, but this was right after she became young, and all she does is sneak by, looking at them, and it's a great set-up for something to happen, but the camera suddenly cuts to her going back and looking for the photo studio (just like Tom Hanks looking for the wishing machine in BIG).

The story, editing, and plot-line are just horrible. I know it's a comedy, I know it's "not real", but neither was BIG, and the stories were basically the same. Why are Filipino movies so bad? The talent wasn't so bad, the acting was ok, but it was hard to follow what was happening.

Even my wife, who gives a lot of these films a pass, admits it was a pretty stupid film and hard to follow.

Miss Granny (2018)

Filipino Reviews

[1/10 · 23 September 2018]

Just curious how many of the reviews here are paid for, or are simply written by rabid fans of Ms. Geronimo. Most of the reviews are simple and gushing, without going into any detail, so it smells like BS.

Then She Found Me (2007)

Pretty unbelievable

[3/10 · 11 July 2017]

This film is directed by Helen Hunt, which makes sense, as she plays the 39 year-old "love interest" of Matthew Broderick and Colin Firth. Sadly, and no offense to Ms. Hunt, but viewers would have to be on drugs to see her as 39 years-old. In the film she looks much closer to 55. I would have enjoyed the film much more if the actor had been somewhat younger looking, and a bit more attractive. It's just a bit hard to imagine Matthew Broderick and Colin Firth fighting over Helen Hunt. Also, the woman she plays isn't the most delightful person, and I applauded Broderick's character dumping her in the first few minutes of the film. Much like I was happy Tom Hank's character was stuck on an island for years in Cast Away and avoided marriage to Helen Hunt's character. Lucky bastard.

Anyway...the film is a chick-flick, and I watched it with a chick, who agreed that both the leading men would not be fighting over someone who looks like Helen Hunt, and especially not with her sour-puss, cheerless, sad-sack, basset hound attitude. Actually it's a bit of a boring film.

World's Worst Tenants (2012– )

So obviously fake, it's an insult to the viewer's intelligence.

[1/10 · 8 November 2016]

In fact, I feel stupider having even watched it. I happened across it while channel surfing, and it took me about 10 minutes to realize it's all fake. There was one "incident" where the two goatee-wearing morons had to go evict a property filled with bikers. No two guys like that would never go wander into a camp filled with bikers without backup. The biggest giveaway was, some idiot put a sheet of plywood up against a tree and had the "bikers" actors throwing a hatchet at it. Any real person playing that game would know you throw a hatchet at the tree, not a sheet of plywood. All the faces of the bikers were not blurred, and no one had any words on the backs of their jackets. Then, the idiot with the stupid haircut threw a punch and knocked down one of the bikers, and no one jumped in. No dude like that is going to punch a biker, and then all 8 other bikers are just going to stand around and watch. Bullshit. Horrible show.

OK, I'll give it a 5 rating for being mildly entertaining, when there is nothing else on...but it's just so fake.

Hidden Colors (2011)

Is this movie a joke? I thought it was a mockumentary!

[2/10 · 2 August 2013]

I am interested in black history, so rented this "documentary" because I thought I might learn something. What happened was, it turned into a comedy! To sum up the entire film; Africans invented everything from the wheel to space travel, and white people (and the Catholic Church) have buried and suppressed all this to "keep the black people down".

I had it on when some friends were over, and some of the statements are so absurd and ludicrous, we were laughing out loud.

According to some of the "historians" in this film: The Buddha was African (because they interpret the statues with the thick lips and "nappy hair" as being so. Now THAT'S proof! Even though he is known to have been an Indian man named Siddhārtha Gautama, they don't talk about this.

The Japanese are actually Africans who had sex with Korean people (because in ancient paintings, the figures are painted in dark pigments).

The Africans are the basis for all Asian people and culture.

On and on and on. We were all laughing out loud at this point.

Basically, the film is nonsense and it's purpose seems to be to simply make people of African descent feel good about themselves as a race. This movie is so ridiculous that is seems like something produced by Saturday Night Live. Something from the movie "Undercover Brother", that Conspiracy Brother would watch.

Anything European people have done is history was stolen from Africans, or Africans did it first. Greece, Rome, England, all that culture and discoveries.....stolen from the African.

Forget that "myth" that Arabians invented Algebra. Nope. It was an African. (Algebra was invented by the Muslim mathematician Al-Khwarizmi in the book he wrote in 820. Algebra is the Arabic word (aljabr) for "equation". Some people say Babylonians invented it, too.) The production value is crap, some of the interviews are horribly recorded, you can hear the echo in the room they are in. Most of the people are smug and act like "How can you not know this? Are you stupid?" This page seems to be filled with paid reviews, or reviews written by friends or family members, and all of them should be reported to IMDb.

The Tommy Chong Roast (1986 TV Movie)

Lame

[3/10 · 6 June 2009]

A roast is where you make fun of the person being roasted. This is a bunch of comics getting up and doing their comedy club routine. Sure, there are a few jabs at Chong, but they aren't even funny. He should have gone on Howard Stern and got a proper roast.

The little act by Bill Saluga is terrible, the guy comes out and does his ancient "you can call me Cheech, you can call me Chong..." blah blah blah which goes on too long and slowly dies and is pushed offstage.

I think the reason this sucks so much is Hugh Hefner "produced" it. Leave the roasts to the professionals, Mr. Hefner. Let the Friar's do it next time. I mean, it is more of a Playboy thing, with a giant bunny logo right behind the podium (instead of a picture or caricature of Chong, for example).

You can usually download this from a Peer-2-Peer site, don't bother buying it. I saw it on VHS, don't think they would bother releasing it on DVD.

Unang tikim (2006)

One of the worst movies I've ever seen

[1/10 · 25 March 2008]

This isn't even a real movie, it is more "soft-porn". The story is, a girl lives alone in the Philippines and works as a prostitute. Many of the male villagers in the area want to have sex with her or have crushes on her, and most of them barge their way into her house and assault her, where, after 30 seconds of terrible acting, she gives in and has sex. The sex scenes, which rarely show anything other than her breasts, are painful to watch, as the scenes are long and the camera rarely moves! Also, both actors barely move much, perhaps to get by the censors. The movie doesn't really have a story, it is just the girl screwing different guys! I recommend this movie to be a future "cult-classic" film!

The Tunnel (2001)

Great Movie, much better than I thought it would be!

[8/10 · 30 May 2007]

This turned out to be a great movie, much better than I thought it would be. I am a fan of the spy movies of the 1960's, and this movie fits into that genre (but not quite). I am a fan of the cold war era, too, with Berlin and the wall and all that, so this movie was great to watch. There are a few things I didn't like, but they were minor, which is why I gave it an 8 out of 10.

I was watching this with a buddy, and we both got caught up in it and were on the edge of our seats wondering if they would get away with it, and was much more thrilling that I thought it would be.

There are several very touching scenes where people get shot, and people are looking over the wall, reaching down, trying to grab their hand and pull them up, while the shot man is gasping, whispering how he had to get over the wall before he lost his girlfriend...it was very freaking' sad and moving, especially the way the filmed it, very cool.

It gets slow a few times, dabbling in the romance between two characters, but I am used to that in movies now. The version I saw was in German with English subtitles, but luckily I speak German. I thought the main character was very like Bruce Willis.

Idiocracy (2006)

You have have to be an "idiot" to enjoy "Idiocracy"

[1/10 · 10 February 2007]

As much as I want to love this movie, as long as I have waited for it's release since I heard about it, and as much as I loved "Office Space" and "King of the Hill" and all things Judge, I couldn't. I overlooked many stupid things in the movie, but finally have to admit that this movie is a piece of crap. I thought maybe Fox wouldn't release it because it makes fun of them and many other corporations, but now I see how it really is: The movie simply sucked.

They want us to believe that the future society of the USA is so dumb that they don't know how to water their crops with water and not sports drink, YET we see airplanes, monster trucks (500 years in the future and we still have monster trucks with combustion engines?), television, guns, cars, subways, video cameras, etc. Yet they don't know plants need water?

Sorry, but the basic premise of the movie is that humans are so dumb we are starving, yet many of the other basic things in life are still around and working, so that ruins it right there. There was way too much for me to overlook, as in: The main characters are in two hibernation units that are unplugged and thrown in a dump for 500 years, yet...with no power, no food, nothing...they both survive and walk away as if from a nice sleep. Money is still somehow being printed, television is still being broadcast, movie are still being filmed....all 500 years in the future...

The acting was terrible and overblown, and despite several funny gags, I couldn't wait for the movie to be over. I am glad I only rented it on Netflix and not in the theater, as it was cheaper. This is probably the disappointment of the year for me. Maybe Judge is being ironic; the kind of people who enjoyed this film probably didn't realize it was about them.

Honkytonk Man (1982)

Decent story, but not very authentic in details

[6/10 · 9 January 2007]

This movie has an okay story, a bit in the road-trip theme, and Eastwood's son, Kyle, is an okay actor, but the other actors don't impress me much. Eastwood didn't seem to care much about making the movie an authentic "period piece", and you will often see details in the background from modern times, as well as the haircuts, which are obviously from the early 80's. Several times he shows musicians and they seemed to put the least amount of effort into looking authentic. At the Grand 'Ol Opry, the female singer who is on after Eastwood is singing in a modern style, and anyone who listens to music from the 1930's knows that doesn't fit. Even the music the bands are playing has a 70's/80's sound to it. Maybe they should have got T-Bone Burnett as musical director! They could have had a band on in the vein of the Carter Family, instead. I guess they had a limited budget and it shows, but it could have been a much better movie than it turned out to be. Other things I noticed were, the cement curbs in the really luxurious looking cemetery in the film with all the green grass and trees...excuse me, this is in the 1930's, and as far as I can tell, most graveyards didn't look that maintained, as there was little money. Little things like that that kind of ruin the illusion of a rough period in the US. Even the cars sitting outside the Ryman Theater are highly polished and obviously collector pieces rented for the film and the owners didn't want to get any dust on them. With all the detail Eastwood put into his later masterpiece films, I am a little disappointed, but it is still a decent movie, I gave it a 6 out of 10.

Grizzly Man (2005)

Treadwell was obviously disturbed

[7/10 · 4 December 2006]

I feel that this film doesn't look very deep into the theory that Treadwell is obviously mentally disturbed, and I don't mean "mad at the world". Seeing a 40+ year old man prance about in the woods crying about the death of a baby box, and almost weeping at the sight of a dead bumblebee on a flower is embarrassing. Treadwell talks to the camera as if his audience is a group of 5 year-olds; "Wow, that was a big bear, a big bear, such a very big bear!" It is almost like watching a Saturday Night Live "daily affirmation" sketch with Stewart Smalley, the sappy, weepy, touchey-feely guy. Never in my life have I seen a grown man weeping over the corpse of a baby fox or a dead bug. In my opinion the guy was a fruitcake. And this is coming from a liberal.

Yes, I am a liberal naturalist, but I had to cringe seeing Treadwell cuddle-up in his tent with a teddy-bear, talking to bears as if they were 5-year olds "Oh Hellwo there Mr. Chocowate, how are you today?" I can just hear all the Conservative red-neck types turning Treadwell into a poster child for the whole ecology movement, them envisioning us liberal's as a bunch of weepy crybabies who want to run around naked with bears and foxes and everybody living in harmony.

And the film also didn't look very much into Treawell being a homosexual, which anyone with any sense could see. He even states he wishes he were gay. Maybe he liked living in the wild with the bears because he would not be judged? The footage was great, and I could see Treadwell had good intentions, but he was obviously mentally disturbed, and his friends in the film also seem to be a bit loony. And I lived in San Francisco for 10 years and have seen it all, but these people are even crazy by SF standards. Like I said, several times it seemed as if I was watching a Mocumentary like "Best in Show". Some of the characters were so strange, especially the coroner.

Downfall (2004)

One of the Best Movies I've Ever Watched

[10/10 · 19 May 2006]

Seriously, I wasn't expecting much, but this was one of the best movies period. The actors and acting was terrific, the sets were incredible (St. Petersburg, Russia), the emotions... I felt like I was in Berlin during the last few days, I felt like I was in the bunker with Hitler. It is the most realistic depiction of the situation I had ever seen, and I almost felt a tear in my eye. And that is something, coming from a 40 year old Army veteran. The last 5 minutes, I was on the edge of my seat, when the Russians showed up. Anyway, this movie is totally recommended by me, but brush up on your Nazi history first, or you won't know who is who.

I also liked it because it showed Hitler as a real human, and not the usual Anthony Hopkins/Alec Guiness "nutbag" Hitler, or the stereotypical "demon" Hitler. It showed him as he was, a broken down egomaniac. I will totally buy this movie and add it to my collection, which is rare for me to do these days.