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Reviews
The Theory of Everything (2014)
A love story that transcends the traditional genre
Although it's not a true genre, Memoir/True Story is a methodology for writing a biography. Mixed with Drama, which shows the intimacy of characters in a web and a strong moral dilemma that "blows" in the Climax Sequence, the Memoir/True Story is like a detective story. Uncovering clues to a person's psyche is the detective aspect of this genre. And when one uncovers enough clues and is able to arrive at "the truth," what oftentimes happens is that "the truth" can be problematic.
In the case of The Theory of Everything, the wife of Stephen Hawking made the conscious, if not romantic decision to "stand by her man." A religious woman by nature, this entered into her decision as well. After 25 years of devotion, with literally life-threatening decisions she had to make while a parent of three of their children, they end in divorce.
The flip or transcendence of the usual beats of a deteriorating marriage are as follows: Stephen is not a disabled man in his heart or brain. His wife helped him to rise above that depression, which would have killed him had she not been by his side. His wife is not just a "caregiver" bleeding heart, but rather, a deeply spiritual woman who rose above what most young women look for in a marriage partner. This giving nature caused her to grow with an enormous character arc. She walked away from a long adulterous relationship when Stephen's life hung in the balance and she knew where her duties lay. Stephen knew where her heart really was though after many years of marriage. He was saddened by it, but he had an enormous respect for his wife's courage and strong moral values. The third transcendence occurred when Stephen finds himself falling in love with his new caregiver. He is a man falling in love - not a disabled, helpless victim. This is new to him and it empowers him. The caregiver replaces his wife in emotional importance. It's an evolution that is both poignant and painful at the same time. Both characters grow in wisdom and respect for one another. The concept of "time" is woven into this script as a type of symbol. Whether time goes forward or backward is not of the essence. Time is a chronological measure of growth and happiness. The real measure is ephemeral and everlasting. The two characters go through a moral epiphany that is called a Double Reversal at the end of the story. Stephen pushed away the possibility to survive in the beginning. In the end, he believes that his horizons are endless. Jane was committed to a moral and ethical way of behavior with a man at any cost in the beginning. In the end, she allows herself to follow her heart.
American Assassin (2017)
American Assassin
As a Vince Flynn fan, I put that aside and just enjoyed the film version. I think that with some fixes, this script could have gone from just good to memorable, over the top: The first few minutes deal with the Hero and the love of his life at a beach resort in the water, sun sparkling, etc. We know that there will soon be a blood bath of some sort and it is almost certain that the girl will be killed so as to give the Hero a motive for revenge to find the murderers and kill them.
So, to transcend this predictability, the Hero should have been released from prison after doing petty theft, having been in and out of institutions all of his life ever since his parents were killed in an automobile accident when he was 14. The aforementioned Back Story is revealed to the audience when the C.I.A. goes through his file and just mentions these facts offhandedly. This Hero is a flawed Hero if he is introduced in the above manner. He is finally cleaning up his act; he's taking the big step and asking the girl for her hand in marriage. He has buffed up in prison already. This will be the set up for the pay off of seeing him transform into an action Hero bent on revenge.
As it stands, the Hero grieves the sudden loss of a loved one and by the end of Act 1, he determines revenge on the Islamic group that murdered her. However, revenge as a goal/desire for a Hero is short-lived and difficult to play out for a 120 minute story line. After a Hero puts the bad guy out of his misery, where does the story have to go?
Here, the story line got off track. Michael Keaton, brilliant actor as usual, starts out as the Point of View character, the mentor. But as the plot unravels, the new opponent comes into the story line. This new "bad guy" is not out for the Hero. He is gunning for the point of view character. This is problematic for the Narrative Drive and slows down what could have been an even better Action/Thriller story. Michael Keaton is given more play with the lowest point in the script, which should have gone to the Hero. There's a punch-counter-punch between the new opponent and the point-of-view character that should have occurred between the opponent and the Hero.
The result is a reactive Hero who is motivated by revenge - This should have been written as a proactive Hero who is motivated not only by revenge, but by getting involved for the first time in his life with bringing down people who want to murder other people because of radical Islamic ideology. To honor the beautiful woman who was killed so senselessly, he decides to step up and go after the cell even though he has a self-revelation at the end that it's simply impossible for one man to "get all the bad guys" in the world - but at least one has to try. The power of this story would have been much greater had the character been written this way.
In addition to the aforementioned script problems, the lead Hero was good, but not believable. Yes, he did buff up, but this actor should have been the demented Ghost and the demented Ghost or new opponent should have been the Hero. This is a casting decision, and I'm sure there will be many who disagree with what I'm saying.
Ramping up the stakes with the possibility of a nuclear explosion killing thousands of humans was okay, but the main point of any great story is the character arc of the hero. The plot is a mirror of the Hero's character arc. That is why revenge as a motive is not forceful enough. The Hero and the new opponent going head to head would have strengthened his character arc and the nuclear aspect would not have seemed as if it was tacked onto the story line as a contrivance.
Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)
Kingsman: The Golden Circle
It is ironic that when a writer concocts so many sub-plots which take the audience off the Hero's main goal/desire, the main story line gets lost in the shuffle. This was what was happening in the first 10 minutes, until we got to the change of venue at Poppy's hang-out. We are introduced to the psychopathic opponent, Poppy, who does not flinch when one of her "soldiers" is committed into a meat grinder. She calmly makes a "humanburger" out of the hapless sub- opponent; dares her next "soldier" to eat the thing, while the audience tries to avoid vomiting. Not necessarily because of the disgusting concept of grinding a human being and then filming the "humanburger" for all to see, but because of just plain grossly overplayed attempts at humor with a classless script.
Billed as action/comedy, this script continued to exacerbate the patience of an audience that actually was relieved by the special effects/blood/carnage/ destruction/body parts flying - I noticed the audience turning on their hand-held devices and catching up on e-mails, which was even more obnoxious than this script.
The Hero, a young recent recruit into the secret service, simply did not have a believable story line. As with the genre of Mythology, this Hero set out to smite the dragons, one after another, using tools, weapons, impromptu devices, sci-fi gadgets, etc. This type of writing is predictable because after slaying one dragon, the rest are ho-hum going to be slain. There are no surprises in this script, other than a vast array of curious characters who enter and then depart.
The Opponent, Poppy, is not particularly opposed to the Hero for any particular reason. She is not blocking what the Hero attempts to do because so many other unrelated characters march in and out of the script, as if they were tacked on to increase the Narrative Drive. This technique did not work. The audience attention was not on the Hero's character arc because the vast character displays with no significant web to speak of kept taking the audience OFF of the Narrative Drive - the exact opposite desired effect.
The dialogue was in your face, with very little subtext. Predictable character development, to the point where except for the British crew and the British accents vs. the southern characters and the whiskey drinkers and down home brawls - The characters could have been interchangeable they were drawn in such a surface manner. Colin Firth, with temporary memory loss, did a superb job as usual because he is a fine actor. Jeff Bridges also did what he could with his whiskey saturated good old' boy routine leading a crew of men who all want to fight on the side for good vs. the evil "out there."
Poppy, the opponent, was so ridiculous, the attempt at parody was lost. A good opponent works punch-counter-punch with a good Hero - back and forth, constantly giving the audience Reveals. This was not the case with this script. The result - Very boring, predictable, and clichéd.
Europa Europa (1990)
Europa, Europa
I see films from the perspective of a screenwriter and writing teacher. This is a brilliant script for many reasons, not the least of which was the epic story of war inherent in the designing principle. More specifically, this was the epic story of war from the perspective of the Hero, a Jewish 14- year-old teenager caught up in WWII, a Jew living in Germany. The Hero's story of survival in a world gone mad with the backdrop of the Holocaust is but one of the themes running through this story line. We also get to see the horrors of the war through the eyes of the Germans, the Nazis, the Hitler youth, the Russians, the Poles, the German Jews, the Polish Jews, German army foot soldiers, German society through the eyes of the mother whose daughter gets pregnant to donate the baby to the Fuhrer and make their family roots more Aryan...
To pull off the Character Web so brilliantly, the script goes beneath the "skin" of all the players. Each character has a weakness/need and moral choices to make that deal with the central problem of WWII and ideologies that they had to "buy into" in order to survive. The use of subtext in the dialogue, whereby the character never really says what he means leads to an avoidance of conflict, but then an implosion of conflict as the plot moves forward.
The Story World was one of the most authentic ever put on the screen: Land, tools, technology, man-made buildings, structures either showing extreme poverty, or suffering, or extreme power, as with the Third Reich symbols and the institutionalization of the human psyche; the dumbing down while ostensibly seeming to educate - The Lodz ghetto, with the dying Jewish populace amidst a Nazi bureaucracy; train protocol; trolly protocol; army protocol, etc., all displayed with an accuracy down to the tableware and the machinery; the clothing; the murders in plain sight.
All of the structural beats were spot on: The Inciting Incident; the 12 sequences; the mid-point, all leading to the Climax/Battle scene in Sequence 11, right on the mark.
In case you missed it, the opening scene is a "Brit Mila," the Jewish ritual circumcision that every male child is to have, according to the Torah and Avraham's covenant with the Jewish people. The Hero has to then hide his Jewishness/circumcised dead give-away self throughout the story. The last scene goes straight back to the first scene and deals with the theme of the covenant of circumcision leading to freedom and redemption. I'm avoiding "spoilers" for anyone who has not seen this film, but the story line self-revelation moment, both to the Hero and the audience is epic and powerful.
For those who missed the "authenticity" of detail of this story, as if to say that the story line has to be a documentary of the Holocaust - This is the dilemma of writing a script that is 120 pages/minutes long as opposed to telling the story in novel format of 350 - 400 pages. What is crucial in screen writing is Narrative Drive done visually, with no dialogue in scene writing. And there are strict structural sequencing rules that have to be adhered to. This film captures all of the necessary elements to great film making, both structurally and thematically.
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
The outstanding screenplay element of this story is the Story World. Unlike real life, the Story World is a reflection of the Hero's flaws. His pride gets the better of his good judgment, as he pursues the "phantom ship" that is bent on destroying his ship - The phantom ship is a French ship- We are told in the very beginning that England vs. France is the historical epic story element of Master and Commander. The phantom ship is the "Opponent," which should be a human, with flaws and abilities to obstruct or block the Hero's Desire Line. It is the Opponent or lack thereof in this story that weakens the Drive. The compensation of weak Drive is the never ending weather as part of the Story World that acts in opposition to the Hero. But again, the weather is not a human opponent. The problems inherent with the ship and the weather and the "phantom opponent" are that there is a Narrative Drive problem in the script. Even with the incredible Story World, which includes detailed land, material made structures, and tools that describe for the audience a time that is unique to 21st century audiences - even with the rich Story World as compensation, the story still lags and lacks the punch-counter-punch of an action genre. Adventure is a sub-genre of Action - This better describes the genre for this story. Drama, whereby opponents are intimate, does not fit believably here. Again, with no strong human opponent, the Drama genre is therefore weakened. A strong moral argument is part of the Drama genre - And the Captain/Hero's decision to honor his friend/ally/point of view character- provides a twist to the otherwise difficult to swallow Drama genre elements in this story. Had these elements been dealt with, a good script could have been a superb script. I still would highly recommend seeing this film. The arena of the ship provides a type of pressure cooker Story World with very colorful, unique character web. And this is a detailed Story World that most of us are not familiar with and therefore, is quite compelling.
The Zookeeper's Wife (2017)
Flawed Script, but worthwhile film
I review films from the point of view of the script writer. The Zookeeper's Wife story line employs the genres of: Drama/Historical Epic/Memoir-True Story. As a writer, it is important to know your genres because each genre embodies special story beats. Biography or Memoir-True Story are not really genres, but for the screenplay writer, they are a methodology of how to write a story that is "based on true events."
Unfortunately, the scriptwriter for this story did not employ the format of Memoir-True Story, which therefore resulted in loss of Narrative Drive, a.k.a. Ho-Hum story line. A fix would have been the following: Start with the Story World of 1944 Poland and show the city bombarded by relentless explosions and chaos; shrieks of despair; buildings in rubble; Nazis in the city on tanks and long lines of Jews dying in the infamous Ghetto. Also, show the serial heinous murder of some 20,000 Polish Intelligentsia by the Nazis. Go to the beginning of the Climax/Battle scene whereby the ruthless Nazi (former distinguished zookeeper) comes to the Warsaw Zoo and pulls the Hero's (Antonina's) son away and we hear a gun shot. Then do a Screen Overlay that says: Five years earlier.
Then, move forward from 1939, with Antonina's Story World of wild animals, some living in her house; Rhyz' pet pig; the orderliness and compassion of the zoo staff; the husband and wife synchronicity. This is broken by the Inciting Incident, which is the bombing and execution of their prized animals. Instead, the script writer shows the Jews being rounded up as the Inciting Incident. This is not the Inciting Incident and for audiences who came to see this story, it's predictable, to say the least.
To understand the mistake inherent in this script, we must look at the Designing Principle of the story: Human compassion for the greater good can override the immediate desire to flee when one's life is in danger. Here we have "righteous Gentiles" who were ready to risk their lives to save Jews. Why? If we think the answer is because the Hero was compassionate, we miss the point of this story entirely. What Antonina and Jan saw was the crumbling of Polish society that they knew intimately and lovingly- They were not only zookeepers, but zoologists; research intellectuals; artists; lovers of animals, true, but they knew the value of their Jewish friend's insect collection: thousands of rare species; they knew the value of their Jewish friend's famous sculptures. In a horrifically short period of time, all of this was destroyed.
Furthermore, the fascist Nazi regime's ultimate goal was to murder all the Poles and/or turn them into slaves, for their racial ideology stated that Poles/Slavs/Jews/Catholics were inferior to the Aryan ideal. This is symbolically shown to us by the obsession of the Nazi Opponent to cross breed animals so that he could create a modern "Aryan" hunting animal. All of the aforementioned Story World was overlooked by this script writer, but it was key to the motivation of the Hero and her devoted husband to hide as many Jews as they could; fight in the Partisan Movement; devise extremely dangerous methods to get the Jews out of the Ghetto.
The script writer chose an Opening called the Community Opening, which plays in about 1% of all script writing. It's a slow opener; it shows a group of people laughing, socializing, life is beautiful and enchanted. And then, boom! Everything falls apart with the brutal realities of war. The problem of using this Community Opening with this particular story was that it was boring and predictable because this is 2017 and worldwide audiences know what happened in Warsaw, Poland in 1939. It was a poor choice of opening this Story World; made the audience feel that they were being preached to and/or manipulated.
The Hero, Antonina never had the Nazi zoologist with his hands all over her, almost raping her. This was not in Antonina's journals. There never was a young Ghetto girl who was raped by the Nazi soldiers in Antonina's journal. So we have to ask, why did this script writer put these irritating and non-believable add-ons to the plot, which was rich with so many other important elements that could have been included. This script writer took the Drama genre and made it the focal point of the story line. Intimate Opponents and Character Web; intense Moral Argument that blows in the Climax. But not for this story – Wrong decision and audience irritation bears it out.
For, the Nazi Opponent is executing prized zoo animals; he feels empowered; his Jew-hatred is on the table. If he wanted Antonina, he would have taken her and raped her. Okay, he was fascinated by her beauty, but that was all. It took the audience off the Narrative Drive and was not believable. The young girl raped and bloody: The Nazis would have murdered her. Her "recuperation" took the audience off the Narrative Drive.
In sum, Story World of Historical Epic was overlooked here. Drama genre and branching off and unbelievable character webs
The opportunity to show Polish "beautiful and artistic" society destroyed forever juxtaposed with the destruction of Polish Jewry; Polish Intelligentsia
Oh! What opportunities were lost with this script! Righteous Gentiles who were willing to die in order to "do the right thing," yes, this was a redeeming factor about the script and the movie. Still worthwhile for that fact alone. Antonina, Jan, their workers, their children: True unsung heroes.
Cast Away (2000)
Tragic Romance/Drama/Adventure
The sheer genius of this script has unfortunately been overlooked by many. First of all, this is indeed, a Romance genre, but it is more of Drama genre, with Adventure as the spine for the Desire Line. And further, this is Tragic Romance: Oh! What could have been! The Hero's Desire in the beginning of the story is to be a workaholic, and by the way, he's also getting married to a great girl. The script does not dwell on the Romance genre from the first few pages – Therefore, the audience doesn't have a vested interest in the Hero and his love interest despite the fact that their very meet-up is the Inciting Incident of the story. We also see, from the very first scene, the symbolic importance of "time," which is ironic, as the Opening Story World is barren, empty, almost as if time has no beginning or end here – Very symbolic use of Story World for the writer. This "time" element portends for what lies ahead in Act 2, on a desert island where "time" no longer has any significance. The genius of writing this Story World is that man must find beauty no matter where he is: Noticing the stars, the flashing lights of the moon, the red/brown of the Tennessee clay, the clapboard houses set off in the setting sun, the isolation on an island that is barren, yet lush with vegetation. How difficult it is when man must survive and bleed and make mistakes as the Hero of this story does – All to survive, which is the new Desire Line beginning in Act 2. To write a Hero in an adventure/drama/romance story, the decision must be made as to which genre should be primary. In the case of Cast Away, the writer decided on Drama and Romance as the Designing Principle, and Adventure for the spine of the plot. The Hero's Desire is to find a way to survive and get rescued. The island is both his savior and his prison. He understands this, as time goes by. The photo of his great love is also his savior and his prison, as he knows he will probably never see her again. Adventure is a sub-plot of Action. However, this is not an Action story by any means. In Action genre, the Hero must think "on his feet" and engage in action at every turn. Honor is the driving force behind an action Hero. The elements of Drama override the Action genre here though – There is a very strong moral dilemma in Drama genre. The characters are intimate and the Opponent is also a known entity, as opposed to Myth, whereby the Hero encounters dragons and slays them, one after another. In Cast Away, the Hero says that he even tried to hang himself at one point, but true to form, after he tested the bough, it broke and even his attempt to kill himself was not in his power. The Premise of a story for film should include three elements: The Hero; the Inciting Incident; and the Hero's Desire line. So the Inciting Incident should have been the plane crash, if Adventure (sub-plot of Action) were the genre that took precedence. But the Inciting Incident is when the Hero and the love of his life meet up during the Christmas holiday, thus taking from the Hero a break in the concept of time that means so much to him in the beginning of his Character Arc. So the screenwriter made a very important decision: The Romance genre, key to the Designing Principle, is really the key to the plot of this story, as opposed to the Adventure/Action genre. But the Hero's Desire Line is in sync with the Adventure/Action genre. The fact that his Desire is also to be reunited with the love of his life is the moral dilemma that he has always faced for the better part of his life. So herein lies the genius of this story: Sometimes a love that keeps us alive might have to be given up due to life's circumstances. There is a story element called a Double Reversal in Romance genre: Both the Hero and his great love do a reversal from where they were emotionally in the beginning of the story. We see this in a very powerful way in Cast Away. Both characters have a moral epiphany and then a Self-Revelation that has most of us in tears because this is a cathartic experience for anyone who has ever loved and then lost
The genius of the writer was to have the FedEx employee whose wife was dying of cancer as the Hero's audience, while the Hero is telling in exposition before the Moral Epiphany and Climax scene what the Designing Principle of this story was really all about. About the use of Wilson, the volleyball, as a character: Obviously, to craft a story with a Hero on a desert island would be a challenge. Because in film, as opposed to novel, the audience needs to know what's in the character's mind- what his feelings are- his emotions, etc. So the Point of View Character, also called an Ally serves this purpose. The writer came up with the idea of Wilson, the volleyball, so the Hero would have someone to emote to and thereby express his feelings to the audience in a believable way. Again, the cathartic emotions we feel are that if we were stranded on a desert island and we had the ingenuity to craft a "volleyball friend," we would absolutely do it!
Unforgiven (1992)
American Myth: The Western
I'm approaching this critique through the eyes of a script writer, since that is what I teach: The craft of screen writing. Although marketed as Drama/Western, this is really a story about a Hero that the writer has imbued with elements of Mythology. For the Western is really the American Myth story.
The Hero in Myth starts out reluctantly on a physical journey, only to return home a man changed forever. The physical journey represents the internal emotional journey of the Hero in the genre of Drama.
Story World here represents the emotional, flawed inner world of the Hero. The West is changing- It is an irrevocable change. Many writers have glorified The Old West and simplified the moral dilemmas that people were faced with- a romanticism of sorts, where the white man was evil and the Indian and nature were pure - The evil vs. the pristine.
Not so with Unforgiven. The elements of Drama are the intimate moral dilemmas of each of the characters. The stereotypical romanticized old West does not play in this story. Each character has a decision to make: Shall I honor the law of the land/society or shall I allow my basic human instincts to dictate my behavior.
The sheriff decides to use his badge to unleash his basic instincts for brutality- But he uses this same badge to proclaim that this here town won't tolerate vigilante justice. This here town follows the law.
The scriptwriter has given a great deal of thought to the moral dilemmas and choices of each opponent in the story. That is a huge reason this story works so brilliantly. Each opponent has made a choice: The pimp treats his girls like baggage and makes money off his chattel in the bargain. A defaced whore loses dollar value to the pimp. The Main Opponent, accurately named Little Bill (he is big and brutal), is building a house that leaks and that has as many flaws as he does. He builds a house to simulate the future, but his brutality and desire to manipulate through fear override civility.
Also, each opponent works to block the Desire Line of the Hero. This becomes a punch-counter punch between Hero and Opponents. By crafting opponents who are strong and who constantly, if not obsessively punch at the Hero, the story line builds, tension builds, and that Narrative Drive, so important to any genre, builds. And then in the Climax/Battle...Boom! With exposition and a changed character arc in the Hero, everything blows between Hero and multiple opponents. It's totally believable because the writer has crafted Opponents who each have made a moral decision regarding the crime committed in the first few pages of the story.
The defacing of a prostitute: What does this represent? Loss of income to her pimp. For the prostitute, a woman who sells her body, she now feels that her soul has been crushed. To the Hero, who has just buried his wife, the crime represents a time of reckoning: He is a deeply flawed, unlikeable character, albeit Mr. Clint Eastwood. He not only wants to bring the bad guys to justice. He struggles with his own inner demons. He states the Tagline over and over (paraphrased): I used to be this way (evil), but my dear wife, she kept me on a straight path. I used to drink. But not anymore. I used to steal. But not anymore. I was a bad person. But not anymore. Shakespeare said it best of Lady Macbeth (paraphrased): Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
So the writer has crafted a deeply flawed, unlikeable Hero with Myth elements to his journey, and his Desire Line of going for the bounty because his family needs the money becomes a much more profound Desire Line, along the lines of the Drama genre: To reckon with his soul. For the Hero understands that this bounty is not being offered by the lawmakers- This bounty is being offered by the victims of the crime, the prostitutes. The law, in other words, is lawless. Values are upside down. All Opponents have made their moral choices.
The Morality Play, a popular allegorical Drama genre in the 15th century, was an anomaly. For Europe was plagued by a time of lawlessness, disease, abject poverty. Kings reigned over peasants; bestiality was commonplace. The Story World of Unforgiven is much like a Morality Play: Dark interiors; characters in the shadows; characters who have decided to live and accept leadership by a barbaric sheriff. It is the Designing Principle of this story that so powerfully moves the characters in the Climax/Battle Sequence: Shall I honor the law of the land/society or shall I allow my basic human instincts to dictate my behavior.
Morality in a world of barbarism is the theme of Unforgiven. Blending Myth/Drama/Western is an embodiment of this theme. The Western, therefore, is a misunderstood Genre, if it could be called a genre at all: It's really a sub genre of Action with elements of Mythology. Myth has been around for thousands of years. It is a universal art form, received by worldwide audiences with archetypical characters. Unforgiven is a brilliant blend of the aforementioned genres, and it is also Mr. Clint Eastwood at his quintessential best.
La rafle (2010)
La Raflé - The Roundup
I review storytelling for film from the perspective of a screen writing teacher, which is not usually the norm for most reviewers. The script for this film was superb for so many reasons: First of all, the audience comes to this film already knowing the ending of the tragic serial murder/genocide of the Jews in all of Europe during the rise of Adolf Hitler and his henchmen. So, to call this film a Holocaust story set in France does not do it justice. The genres are Drama/Historical Epic. What the writer added was elements of Thriller by transcending the usual story beats found in this genre. Hitler as the Main Opponent remains a hidden Main Opponent by letting his henchmen and Nazi army of puppets and evil barbarians do his dirty work. His flawed and pathetic character are portrayed by showing him a slave of the drug needle; a music connoisseur, particularly Wagner - music to play in the background while plotting the destruction of European Jewry and or millions of Russians, Poles, Gypsies, mentally disabled, priests, political adversaries; his family is so very loving and he is a kind and devoted uncle and so reserved and elegant. His story world is juxtaposed to the story world of the French Jews, poor, patriotic (many had served France in WWI), acculturated, etc. Then there is the Hero of the story - a young, Christian nurse, the daughter of a pastor, who is swept up in the barbarity of this epic story. Her character arc is brilliantly laid out for us: She begins as a novice and ends as a war weary, emotionally scarred righteous Gentile, whose love and caring were a paradigm for all the non-Jews who risked their lives to save Jews. The doctor is the point of view character, a Jewish man who certainly knows his own fate, yet a brave man who stayed with his children to protect them as much as humanly possible. The Narrative Drive of the story was ramped up by the use of cross-cutting between the Hero and the Jews being rounded up and the Main Opponents - the Nazis, the head of the Vichy French government, their henchmen who brutally beat the Jewish civilians once they felt their anti-Semitic power had full backing by the regime that was now in power. The Reveal to the Audience is in play in this script in a very powerful way - We all know the horror that awaits the characters in the story - This knowledge puts the audience in the driver's seat throughout - The surprises are historical and epic in nature: The firemen who acted like righteous humans when most of the world had gone mad; the actual plight of the French citizenry during the Roundup, never told with such accuracy before; the behavior of the French Gendarmes, who in many cases were as evil as the German Nazis they colluded with. The historical revelations were honest and the dialogue was honest - No glossing over truth in this story. Another great sign of a good story writer is that the message was not preachy. The characters in the travesty did NOT KNOW their end - The Final Solution is known to the audience - not to the characters. The Designing Principle, so important to storytelling, is that no matter what happens to human beings, they can somehow prevail, but there must always be those who are not afraid to come forward and "do the right thing." To be different, with a moral compass, in a sea of indifference - That's the theme of this story. The writer stuck to that theme and imbued the Hero and supporting characters with this Desire Line throughout the story. All the way to the end, the Self-Revelation moment, this Designing Principle remained steady and purposeful. And so, another story has been told about one of the darkest periods in human history - But the story was told by using transcending elements to Drama and Historical Epic. I might also add that the use of children as part of the Designing Principle was another beautiful decision on the part of the writer. The audience knows how this story ends before the movie begins, but the children carry the message even further because they are the future. So, the structure of this story was superb; the plot was written with depth and powerful Narrative Drive, the acting was stellar.
The International (2009)
The International
The genres for the International are: Thriller/Crime/Drama. From the get go, this is not a Drama, which emphasizes the internal, intimate moral decisions of the Hero. Yes, the story contained Drama elements, but it was not the genre of Drama. The designing principle that is the key to the heart of the story is defined in the Tag Line: "Sometimes a man can meet his destiny on the road he took to find it." Revenge is not sweet, nor does it make a problem go away, as the Opponent so rightly states to the Hero. The Hero must deal with his Desire/Goal for revenge throughout the story. But the true spine of the story is encased in the genres of Thriller/Crime. We see the crime committed in the first 10 minutes of the story, and as an Inciting Incident, it serves to suck the Hero into action that will change his life forever. What could have been a story with intense Narrative Drive was lost because the screenplay writer decided to give this story a branching form, which took the audience off the Drive/Goal of the Hero. The blond, attractive D.A. was an add-on because as it was written, the Opponent did not try to block her from achieving the Goal. The bank/Main Opponent went after other players instead of going after the Hero and the D.A. By branching out this way and having the bank knock off obstacles INSTEAD of having the bank focus on knocking off the Hero and the D.A., her role was a waste AND the Narrative Drive slowed down. For the Thriller/Crime genre, the spine of the story must have intense Narrative Drive. When there are these two genres, the writer must make the decision as to which genre takes precedence for the spine. In the case of this story, the bank is knocking off opponents left and right - The bank should have been after the Hero and the D.A. This would have provided that punch-counter-punch that was lacking in the story. Also, the Hero and the D.A. would have been on the run while being pursued - which ups the Narrative Drive in this genre. The character of one of the Opponents is used as a mouthpiece for the writer's ideology - This is a no-no in story telling. The character loses his believability in the story and the message in his dialogue comes off as preachy. He's a Communist and goes on about the good and bad points of this ideology. The Hero also mouths very predictable ideology on Communism, which takes the story completely off the Narrative Drive because it really has nothing to do with the Hero's Desire/Goal. The Desire/Goal must be clear; must be one main Desire/Goal; the Hero must be passionate about achieving it. So this speech could have been edited out. The assassin was also a contrivance and part of the branching story line that detracted from the main story line of Thriller genre, which should have had a linear shape to it. The assassin could have been written into the story with a connection to the Hero in some way, which would have upped the ante for the Narrative Drive. The international locations were awesome, but again, the story went off the Narrative Drive by getting into the African nations issues and the Israeli/Arab issues, which should have been a montage or edited out because it slowed the Drive down. Cross-cut between various players associated with the bank would have increased the Narrative Drive in this genre - This would have given the blond D.A. a more intensive role instead of her having a car accident in the middle of the action to get her out of the action for a while, a contrivance again. In summary, the story premise was high-concept, the acting and directing were stellar, but the script was highly lacking key ingredients - Had these flaws been dealt with, the film could have been as high energy as the Bourne series, yet with a decidedly sophisticated high finance angle that could have also capitalized on the exotic settings and cultures of the the story world where the Hero is fighting to come to grips with his main Desire/Goal. The film could have been a 10 had the script flaws been corrected.
Marauders (2016)
Marauders
The Hero of the story is a man whose wife was murdered while doing a "bust" (she was a cop). His Goal in the story is to find the people who are doing bank jobs, where people have been "executed" - It appears, therefore, that the heists are "personal." The first pages of the script get off to a rip-roaring start with the genre that audiences have come to see: Thriller/Action/Crime. The Story World is film noir/dark/intense/ sophisticated/tense. What happens after the first 10 pages is a mess of a script for the following reasons: First, the form of the story is branching, as opposed to linear. IE. We are taken to at least 3 or 4 scenes of a cop with a wife who is dying of cancer. For a t.v. serial, we could delve into this sub-plot, but for a thriller, it slows the pace down and takes the audience totally off-track; one scene would have been enough. The F.B.I. Hero goes to visit a man in prison - This is connected to how his wife was murdered. Again, we are taken on another branch that deviates from the Hero's Goal. This scene should have been edited out. The use of flashback to actually "tell" the story is a no-no in script writing. We are AGAIN taken off track by going back instead of forward. For this genre, it was a big mistake to show many scenes of military actions to sum up a character's back story. Big problem is also this: The Main Opponent needs to block obsessively whatever the Hero is attempting to achieve. There should be a punch-counter-punch between Hero and Opponent: There is none. As a result, the Opponent seems lethargic; his lines are ridiculous; he is basically in one or two locations just standing around with "filler dialogue," totally unbelievable. WHY is he the Opponent of the Hero?? What is the motivation of this Opponent? What is HIS Goal? Why? None of these questions are answered because of the following reason: The PLOT was heavy with disconnected, disjointed turns and branches. The Opponent was "inserted" into the Plot as if he were a toy doll that needed to fulfill a script requirement. The writer did not take the time to give this character a 3D persona. It's a shame that the script didn't deliver for this exciting story idea or High Concept Premise. It got muddled and caught in a web of plot branches that should never have been there. The audience was confused by all the machinations. For a t.v. series, this plot heavy story would have satisfied 24 separate episodes. But for a feature film of Thriller/Action/Crime, the Plot turns took the audience off the Narrative Drive of the story and was confusing as well. Christopher Meloni was superb as the Hero. He's been so typecast for so long - He could be another Robert DE Niro if he'd get the parts with the depth he's capable of playing. Bruce Willis in this story was how it got produced. But unfortunately, his role was weak; dialogue ridiculous; character development written with no real character arc. The actor miscast was the F.B.I. agent, who was a special forces guy- The actor was skinny; kind of runt-like; so not like a guy who has to be in top shape. He did the best he could with the dialogue, but the part was just not for him. The Hero's sidekick "wrestler" played his part with some sense of humor - More humor in this type of genre would have been great, had it been written into the script. The Hero could have had a dry sense of cynicism and world-weary, wise-cracking type of personality. It would have made for a much more tense Narrative Drive. Again, the actors did the best they could with a script that lacked key ingredients. Really a shame.
Central Intelligence (2016)
Central Intelligence
I was highly disappointed by an absolutely awful script for this concept. For the genre of comedy, action there was the addition of dramatic elements of the Hero's character. This was actually a sub-genre of comedy: The buddy picture. Both characters had back stories to their high school days. There's the irony of the overachiever "little guy" and the buffoonery and cruelty toward the "fat guy." Then we have the "most likely to succeed" wallowing in his career as opposed to the "fat guy" who worked out 6 hours/day for 20 years and now is a superman in strength and who now is a CIA operative with superhuman combat skills. But how the above was related to the audience is where this script really fell down. The opening 10 minutes was pure talk. No action, just talk, talk, talk in one location. And then we have the incident we've been waiting for: the meeting of the two buddies. Then for the next 10 minutes, we have more talk, talk, talk at a bar...one location. So for 20 minutes, it's slow moving and going nowhere. In the action genre the audience comes prepared to see action. There is none. In the last 10 minutes of Act 1, we finally get a reveal as to the covert work that Dwayne has been doing these past 20 years, but it's more talk, talk, talk. Then we have the C.I.A. breaking in and we have the spoof of the Bourne series. Okay. I love the acting of the two buddies, but the script was so predictable, and yet so abysmally boring with talk, talk, talk, the audience was shifting in their seats from sheer frustration. No spoilers here, but this was an idiotic plot with predictable turns. Even the decent chemistry between the stars could not save it for me.