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oldmotherchaos
Reviews
Van Helsing (2004)
Wonderful nonsense!
Stephen Sommers is a pretty tongue-in-cheek guy. In case you hadn't noticed. Van Helsing is high-camp, high-action, high-effects, and utterly, utterly fabulous.
If you want to see a cunning, suspenseful horror, then go watch Ringu. This isn't it. This is a way fun, high-octane monster romp with delightfully god-awful accents -- don't take it too seriously, because none of the cast or crew have. They're all way too busy having fun.
I'm not going to go over the plot -- there isn't all that much of it to go around anyway, and you already know as much as you need to just from the title and the main image.
Oh, and look out for the guy who played Beni from The Mummy... :)
The Dark Side of the Moon (1990)
Come on folks, the film was laughable
I'm not going to give away any spoilers, but this film is a real three-pint wonder. The premise is laughable, the acting non-existent, the action straight out of a dozen better films (particularly Alien) and the technical expertise... well... Where to begin? The 'computer' is a hot chick in red leather on lying on a couch. Uh-huh... One vital 'plot' clue is unfolded by the heroes taking a set of numbers, and removing every digit that is not one particular number. It's about as conclusive as grabbing a dollar bill from your wallet and announcing that the eye on the back means you are being watched. The deaths are, well, random at best. And by God, I want to meet the programmer who thought to include the particular user definition that triggers the computer's last words...
Believe it or not, I enjoyed watching it. But only because I sometimes like to watch some utter drivel. (Hints: if you actually _like_ this movie, you might find yourself enjoying "Saigon Commandos", "The Church", "Vlad", "FearDotCom", or "Manos, The Hands of Fate".)