lakenstein Reviews

Date Movie (2006)

good lord.

[2/10 · 17 August 2008]

this movie was, quite frankly, a pile of crap. I had heard about how bad it was so I just had to see for myself, and boy oh boy was it bad. Pretty much every joke is horribly unfunny, the acting (from decent actors such as tony cox, Alyson Hannigan, and Fred Willard, who have all starred in actual funny movies) was well not very good, you could tell some of the actors were bored out of their minds reading this utter garbage, and this movie was honestly really boring as hell. I didn't laugh once which made every (unfunny) scene painful to sit through. I hate to wonder how much worse Epic Movie or Meet the Spartans or their new crap fest Disaster Movie could be. I have a feeling it gets much much worse then this. I'm gonna be nice and give this a 2 rating as one joke did make me smirk which is why i'm going to give it a 2, sadly that joke came in during the first five minutes so I had to sit through another 70 minutes of bad comedy..

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008)

Pretty entertaining.

[8/10 · 16 August 2008]

All I must say about Harold and Kumar's second trip is that in my opinion it was just as entertaining as the first. Sure, the plots silly and all but I didn't really care as the movie had hilarious gag after gag, and again Neil Patrick Harris stole the show. And Rob Corddry was great too, which is surprising because the only other thing i've seen him in was that rather terrible television show The Winner, but he was pretty enjoyable as the fbi agent in this movie. As for flaws, again some jokes didn't work but hey it's still pretty good and well worth the time. I recommend this to anyone who enjoyed the first movie. well worth a rental.

Pineapple Express (2008)

pretty funny movie.

[8/10 · 15 August 2008]

This was another hit for the Rogen/Appatow/whoever team, the movie was pretty good. had many laughs. and was honestly enjoyable from beginning to end. A lot of comedies kind of stop and die off near the end if you ask me, but not this one, it's an excellent comedy film. I really honestly cannot say anything negative about this film. It was just a really funny, really well made comedy. An enjoyable film that is quite possibly the best "stoner" comedy ever filmed. Worth the money to go see. In fact the only problem I could say I had with the film was that some of the jokes didn't work, but hey every comedy has jokes that fail, but I would still give it a recommendation and think that it is well worth the money.

Unsolved Mysteries (1987–2010)

An excellent true crime television show.

[9/10 · 15 August 2008]

This was a very well made, incredibly excellent TV show, that while a little cheesy has actually helped solve crimes, which makes it worthwhile anyway.. of course not all cases were solved. However the show was very professional, a great host, good information about the cases, including interviews from the victims families and such. A excellent television show that I am glad is coming back to TV thanks to Spike TV, hopefully they won't ruin this show, and Dennis Faraia (is that how you spell it?) will be at least half as good as Robert Stack was. Here's to hoping the new remake will close the books on a few cases and bring peace to the deceased... and be better then America's Most Wanted. (I mostly dislike that show because there's something about John Walsh I can't stand. I'm glad it helps get criminals off the streets and all but that guy just makes me go crazy) Unsolved Mysteries IS in the top 3 of True-Crime shows and hopefully the new remake will be just as good as it was before. I give this show a 9/10, as it is not perfect, as sometimes some of the re-enactments are just wayy too cheesy.

HauntedWeen (1991)

nothing special, just a good bit of fun.

[7/10 · 19 July 2008]

I don't really like most horror films from the 1990s. I feel that the 1990s was the worst decade for horror films, with tons upon tons of horror films that were just well were not very good, and this movie well, it's not well acted but at least you can tell the people who were making it had a good time doing so. it's silly, yes, but it was also a rather enjoyable romp. It is certainly better then a whole shitload of horror films that were made between 1990 - 1999, and frankly that's good enough for me.

A slight recommendation, rent or buy a copy if you can find it cheap at a local video store. It's not going to be your new favorite horror film but it's a good way to spend 90 minutes.

Hell of the Living Dead (1980)

i liked it.

[7/10 · 18 July 2008]

this was a cheesy as hell but entertaining film. i don't really consider it to be a dawn of the dead ripoff, sure it has similarities with the (much, much, much) better movie Dawn of the Dead, but i'm willing to look past that, and the stock footage, just to find an enjoyable zombie romp. it's nothing you probably haven't seen a hundred and eighty six times before but that doesn't mean this isn't an enjoyable film, which i feel it is. the characters are incredibly enjoyable but my favorite had to be the crazy guy who'd always try to annoy the crap out of the zombies whenever he could haha. just thinking about him makes me happy, plus the plot itself isn't too bad, and it has some scenes that made me feel all grossed out and i've seen a ton of horror films in my day. plus this movie has a guy dressed in a tutu get eaten by zombies, now really, how can you say no to a movie with that in it?

I give it a recommendation, there's a lot to enjoy in Bruno Matei's film.

Pandemonium (1982)

I laughed.

[8/10 · 17 July 2008]

whenever I rate a comedy, i rate how much i laughed, and to be honest i laughed quite a bit while watching this lesser known horror spoof. the acting is actually decent, everyone does a fine job. I'm also going to have to disagree with everyone who said Paul Rebuens was the best part of the film, he wasn't in my opinion, he was rather annoying actually. I also smiled every time Tom Smothers said oot instead of out, hah. anyway I must say this is a rather enjoyable comedy that hits more then it misses, I was not disappointed and I would recommend people to watch this lesser known comedy film, it's tons better then ungodly crap like Meet the Spartans, of course i'm sure every comedy ever made is better then any of the goddawful tripe those fools put out, but that's another review for another time, eh? I'd probably rate this a 7 or an 8 out of ten, but i've never been that good with ratings ya know, it's a good comedy, it's no "Blazing Saddles" but it's worth the 82 minute run time to watch.

Sailor Moon: Tuxedo Melvin (1995) Season 1, Episode 28

A masterpiece.

[10/10 · 2 July 2008]

This was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. It is amazing, wonderful, touching and it honestly made me a better person. This episode is funny. This truly is up there with Citizen Kane in my mind. Hopefully one day it will be seen by all because it is truly a wonderful piece of animation. It really is amazing. I can not give it any less then 10 stars.

My Rating: 10/10 up there with Citizen Kane, Casablanca, and other soul touching classics.

also IMDb is making me write more lines but i can't really sum up how wonderful this thing is without writing 80 pages of text. It truly is the most beautiful thing ever. Go see it, please.

Tourist Trap (1979)

damn enjoyable stuff.

[8/10 · 12 April 2007]

i have to admit thanks to this movie i'm now afraid of mannequins. hahaha.

but yes, first off the acting in this movie at least by my standard is pretty swell. most of the actors are pretty decent in their roles. the script also seems to be pretty good too, sure some cheesy stuff in there but also some decently written character and some damn scary scenes. i STILL get shivers thinking about that one scene with the dude and the mannequins. brrr.

yeah, I'll say you should check this movie out it's pretty good, and very entertaining. a good watch. 8/10

Home Improvement (1991–1999)

not very funny.

[1/10 · 12 April 2007]

honestly I don't know why this show lasted as long as it did. ah well, humor is subjective eh? but yeah, this show is incredibly unfunny if you ask me. Tim Allen is annoying. Jill is annoying. the boys are annoying. Al is annoying. the neighbor is annoying. it's just more annoying then funny. the plots are all the same, Tim makes Jill mad and has to make things right again. and the latter seasons? less said about them the better, who the hell things cancer would be good for a damn sitcom? yeah, great idea jerks. so yeah, home improvement isn't a very good sitcom. I'd recommend you go watch News Radio or Seinfeld. if i had to give this show a rating I'd give it a 1/10 seeing as it never made me laugh once. ever. so yeah, it's still better then The Nanny though.

Girls Nite Out (1982)

totally frigging awesome.

[8/10 · 10 April 2007]

man, this had to be one of the coolest slashers from the 1980s, it was fun, entertaining, fast paced, and all around a fine movie. another thing i liked about it was that it was hard (well at least for me) to guess who the killer was and i was totally surprised at who it was. but i wont ruin it for you! the only real problem i had with this movie was the acting, most of it was wooden, but unlike most people i won't really let that ruin a movie for me and it has hal holbrook! HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO HIM? HOW? um so yeah, if you like 80s horror/slashers and are easily entertained (like me) you should probably enjoy this slice of 1980s cheese.

Christmas Evil (1980)

honestly the worst movie i've ever seen.

[7/10 · 10 April 2007]

this is without a doubt the worst most idiotic horrible piece o' crap i have ever watched.

this movies plot is that some guy goes crazy and dresses up as santa claus and kills people BECAUSE he saw his mother give his father oral sex while he was dressed as santa clause. THAT IS WHY HE WENT INSANE? is it just me or is that the worst damn reason for someone to go insane like EVER? and that's not the only thing. i'm being serious when I say NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS DAMN MOVIE. nothing until like 1 hour and 15 minutes of it have gone by.

there's an entire friggin scene where he glues a friggin santa beard on to him. IT'S A FRIGGIN MINUTE LONG. WHO THE HELL WANTS TO SEE THAT? however i must say the ending of this movie made me crap myself laughing at it. so if you see this movie on TV or something come back in like 1 hour and 20 minutes just to watch without a doubt the worst ending in all of cinematic history. and i'm serious about that.

it's not even so good its bad, it's tedious, it's idiotic, it made me want to break the vcr. it's just not worth your time also i'm sure every other review mentioned this but The actress who played the mother on Home Improvement was in this movie for a split second. YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW BAD THIS MOVIE IS? I'D RATHER WATCH HOME IMPROVEMENT FOR SIXTY SIX HOURS THEN EVEN LOOK AT THIS MOVIES COVER EVER AGAIN.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)

I don't even like Star Trek, yet this is passable.

[5/10 · 21 March 2005]

This is odd, I've never cared for Star Trek. Each and EVERY one of the television series just bored me stiff. I'm not big on science fiction anyway. this movie however, was well so-so. Nothing great, hell not even that good. but by far the best star trek movie (heh, it's the only one i've seen. twas on TV and i had nothing else to do so i watched it) it's pretty amusing to watch them in 1986 and has decent enough acting. All I know is that this movie is about ninety six thousand times better then any of the frickin TV shows. So if you have to see anything based on Star Trek, watch this, but for the most part I'd say ignore anything related to star trek, even this their most DECENT production, but thats just me I really don't like star trek, so I guess you can see that I wont be rambling on about any of the other sixty gazillion movies in this friggin series.

so uh, five out of ten stars should do.

Nothing But Trouble (1991)

You know, I LIKED it.

[7/10 · 21 March 2005]

It seems that like 25 people in the ENTIRE world liked this movie. I don't get it. This movies actually quite amusing, seriously. it's got a good number of gags that made me laugh at least. In fact, this would have to be one of the better films starring Dan Ackryod (how the hell do you spell that anyway?) Seriously, he is the reason to watch this. He is hilarious as the Judge, I mean he totally shines here. Plus, even if you don't find anyone in this cast to be funny this movie is seriously worth watching for how friggin weird it is. this is seriously one of the odder films I've seen, and for that I'll have to give it credit and say it's worth a watch. Ten times better then anything the cast stared in afterwords (except for John Candy in Cool Runnings). So don't listen to all the bad reviews on this here site and give this little film a chance.

Trigun (1998)

Meh.

[14 December 2004]

You know, I really really liked the first five or six episodes of this show. They were amusing and didn't really need so much thought put into them. Hey call me a moron, call me an idiot, but when I want to watch CARTOONS (yes, anime is cartoons get over it) I want to giggle at silliness and enjoy it without thinking too damn much. Back to it, the first six episodes were funny, amusing and I didn't need to think about anything. Pure enjoyment, then they started adding in more plot and I got confused (hey I get confused easily) and it all starts to become unbearably boring and just not entertaining to ANY degree. So in other words I gotta give this one a thumbs down. 4/10... but if it was just six episodes i'd get probably a 7/10 uh.. i don't know where I'm going with this so goodbye.

Sailor Moon (1992–1997)

The worst of the five.

[14 December 2004]

You know. I DO like this series but I feel it is the least best of the five sailor moon seasons. It's good yet I just don't like Chibi USA. SHe's just one of the few animated characters (hell! one of the few characters PERIOD) that i've always wanted to punt in the head. Still this is some oddball zanyness that I've always liked Sailor Moon for. Parts also seemed rushed. I mean it's like they didn't give each villain a bunch of episodes to uh, fight the senshi in (like in the first season) I actually don't know what I'm going on about, so I'll quit talking right now. Either way I enjoy this more then most Japanese animation, so uh yeah. I guess I'd give this a seven out of a ten.

Sailor Moon (1992–1997)

It's one of those things.

[14 December 2004]

You know.. in life there are many things we like but can never truly tell anyone why. This is one of them. I know I commented on the dub before (and it's entertaining because of how cheesy it is) and I'm not that big of a fan of anime... yet there is SOMETHING i can never put my finger on. I just like it. I really do. I don't see it as a guilty pleasure or anything It's just one of those things I cannot explain for the life of me why I like. I SHOULD think it's stupid. I SHOULD think it's not that good, yet I don't. Something about this oddly charming little piece of japanamation has stolen my heart (no not really) and I really really enjoy it. I guess i'd give you a recommendation to see it. I don't care if you actually do go watch it.

The Hills Have Eyes Part II (1984)

Hilariously bad.

[8 November 2004]

Spoilers within.

If your into watching bad horror films, rent or buy this. I don't think it gets ANY cheesier then this. It's goofy, ridiculous, and really stupid at times. my favorite part of the movie was when one of the stupid teens breaks this piece of rope thinking that it would only make this thing with spikes come down but no... a giant rock comes down and crushes him. i started laughing because it reminded me so much like one of those old road runner cartoons. the bad acting, along with other stupid moments (like the dog having a flash back) make this possibly the best comedy ever. great job here craven. really if your into s***ty 80s horror, you must rent this one. you will NOT be let down.

Futurama (1999– )

"Now Zoidberg is the popular one!"

[8 November 2004]

man, this show was freaking awesome, so of course it got canned. it was funny, had great characters, wonderful dialouge and was way too good for TV. In fact, at times I find myself enjoying this show more then the simpsons. I find myself enjoying the antics of the characters more. so if i had to choose i would say this is more entertaining then the simpsons. although the simpsons had more better side characters (although zapp brannagin and his alien sidekick are friggin hilarious) in the end, i would advise anyone looking for a laugh to catch reruns whenever you can or buy the dvds. I don't think you'll be disappointed. a wonderful show canned way too soon.

The Simpsons (1989– )

What was once good is now oh so bad.

[8 November 2004]

You know, I can tell you that the simpsons used to be a great show, but I'm pretty sure 95% of the people coming here already know that. It WAS funny, entertaining, satirical look at every day life. then they just stopped and brought in the insane plots. i mean bart befriends a western star? what the hell is up with that stupid crap? I wouldn't even mind the damn insanely stupid plot lines if you know it was actually funny? but no, it seems they forgot HOW TO WRITE JOKES. so in other words, watch the reruns but please for the love of the game don't watch any new episodes, maybe this show can die with a shred of dignity. now for my um... ratings. i'd give reruns (seasons 1-11) 8 stars. new episodes are worth a 3. making this show a 6. it may seem low, but thats because of the horrible new episodes. I guess that means this review is over. thank god/Jesus!

Kiki's Delivery Service (1989)

fantastic.

[8 November 2004]

i've only seen the dub, but I must say this movie is superb, fantastic, wonderful and worthy of all the praise it gets. it's heartfelt, funny, and all in all a wonderful movie. the plot, characters, everything about this movie is perfect. it makes me feel oh so good when i watch it. I honestly see nothing wrong with this movie, not a thing. it's quite possibly the greatest coming of age story ever. This movie is too damn good for a review written by me out of complete bordem, so i'll end it by saying if you can a copy, dub or subtitled, rent/buy/steal it. i don't think you'll be disaponited. So go on and get a copy before I beat you. GO NOW.

Pokémon (1997–2023)

Entertaining for awhile.

[22 May 2004]

pokemon is about a kid named ash and his wacky adventures to capture all the pokemon and become a pokemon master (i can't believe i have to tell you what it's about... have you people been living under a rock or what?) either way the show WAS highly entertaining. in it's first season(although this new season is somewhat decent compared to those damn tracey episodes) after that it became a blah show and they just threw in lamer and lamer pokemon, if you want to watch pokemon, watch the original series as it's an weirdly entertaining program, after that, forget it as it just repeats the plot and all the entertaining dialouge(mostly supplied by team rocket and brock) seems to be gone. either way i'd give the original series an 8 out of ten for being extremely entertaining and the episodes after that get a 5 for being so damn blah.

Sailor Moon (1995–2000)

CHEESE

[22 May 2004]

OK OK.. this is without a doubt the cheesiest show ever created.. cheesier then family matters, stupider then saved by the bell and thats why i love it. OK OK, i'll give you a plot breifing so that this review of sorts looks bigger, it's about girls in short skits fighting evil...

let that sink in for a minute.

yes. you're thinking is it REALLY that cheesy?

yes. yes it is.

from the extremely silly characters to the really really stupid plotlines to amazingly bad dialouge, this is a classic peice of cheese. anyone who's into watching bad TV shows, movies should watch this i think you'd laugh yourself blue.

Rating: 9/10

Get a Life (1990–1992)

Chris Elliot is god.

[22 May 2004]

Oh sweet jeebus, this is one weird as hell television program. i've only seen a few episodes but i can tell this is one of the greatest things ever to come out of the 1990s. it's about a 30 year old paperboy and his extremely insane adventures. it's weirdly hilarious and extremely silly at times. i love the episode where they are both stuck in the roller coaster. Or the one where he becomes a spelling bee champion. Or the one where he becomes a health inspector. a true piece of art, everyone should see this and the amazingly insane Cabin Boy (which is really really weird) or i'll point and GLARE at you. my rating would be a 8 out of ten. Stop reading this horrible review and go watch the god forsaken show.