lambaldy Reviews

Hostel (2005)

Bad research, Bad actors, bad movie...

[3/10 · 12 August 2006]

The first time I saw the title and setting of Hostel I thought it might be promising. Traveling through Europe seems to be a fantasy of a lot of Americans, so you can't blame the makers for that. But the way it has been brought and researched is utter c.r.a.p. It's unbelievable how bad the 'accents' are. Especially the Dutch accents. (reminded me of Goldmember, Austin Powers, same mistake.)As an American living in Holland I can fully assure you that I know what a Dutch person sounds like speaking English. and THIS IS NOT IT. They portray Dutch people as Germans. and everything east of Germany as Russian. It's almost racist.

The actors, apart from the childish sex-obsessed leads, are seemingly all from eastern Europe. That doesn't necessarily mean they are bad. But in this case they are. In the making of they even showed a drunk slovakian taxi driver who they decided to stick in the movie anyway due to lack of anything better.

Apart from the makers not knowing ANYthing about the setting whatsoever, the movie is mediocre. Not a bad idea, having a sort of cult idea where people torture people for fun. It's just all so-so. If you want to laugh AT a movie and not with it: This is the one. Although I don't think that's what horror movies are intended for...

The Animatrix (2003)

Great animation, good stories

[8/10 · 8 June 2004]

The animatrix is a very good backup for the matrix, and was a nice fillup for the time they were shooting parts 2 & 3. It consists of several short films which all tell a different part of the background of the matrix world. The Animatrix gives good background stories and the animation is of such a high quality that you will be stunned in your seat throughout all of the short films! My favourite was the story Final Flight of the Osiris, in which a ship crew must deliver a package to another ship inside the matrix, while the ship itself is under attack by sentinels. I wont tell you the ending of it but since the title isn't that disguising you can guess the end. The animation is what it's all about though! Have fun!

Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)

A big boat full of crap

[1/10 · 6 June 2004]

Speed. the first movie wasn't that bad, and so the other day I decided to watch speed 2, which appeared on television here. (god knows why) After 2 minutes I realized why Keanu didn't accept the role for this second part. The entire movie is filled with extremely bad timed jokes and unrealism beyond recognition... The killer being sandra bullock chainsawing open a fire door with people trapped behind that door (as if there wouldn't be an emergency handle, and what the **** is a chainsaw doing near the cabins?!?) After completing this task sandra keeps the chainsaw in the opening she just made. the people look at her and say she has to get out of the way with the chainsaw. she looks back, doesn't respond. They have to ask AGAIN and then she's all like: "oh oh oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah, sorry sorry sorry." taking another 5 minutes to apologize before she finally removes the roaring blade....

another great feature about this movie is the fact that people have to die 4 times before actually dying, or other impossible things that somehow the actors can make possible with their magic wand or something. a nice example: **** SPOILER **** The bad guy (i didn't even bother remembering his name) is flying one of those water planes. He isn't really paying attention as he flies over an oil tanker and hits the mast with a speed over 50 mph at minimum... Instead of crashing down or getting hit off course, nooo... the plane instantly stops and gets stuck at the top of the mast. The bad guy naturally hasn't a scratch. Then suddenly the plane decides to explode, taking the entire oil tanker with it. Of course there couldn't be any safety measures on board, since oil isn't flammable at all.

anyway my conclusion is that speed 2 is a blown up piece of poo, and should have never been made. this is one of those movies just to get people in the seats, leaving them to die of boredom in the theatre. (and was probably a career killer for sandra bullock, too....)