aeon_static Reviews

Samuel Bleak (2013)

Decent concept, bad writing, terrible score

[3/10 · 17 July 2013]

The concept is decent enough and the twist at the end had some impact until the events immediately after the twist went full-retard.

The screenplay suffers from typical amateur writing perils, namely dialogue that feels under-developed and unnatural.

The lead actor (who is also the writer & director) doesn't fit the role - he looks too much like a model and creates distance from the viewer because of that. Someone with a less idealistic look (I'm not saying ugly) would've fit the role. Also his performance is extremely stiff and too visibly self-conscious.

That aside there were some decent efforts and some well-executed cinematography.

There is one part of this film I found inexcusable. The score. It's absolutely atrocious and falls well under any of the negative things I've said about other elements of the film. It's really, really, really bad, and it drags the whole film down immensely. I wouldn't be surprised if the score was micro-managed by the director - in which case, shame.

This seems put together by a rich kid with good intentions and decent ideas - but has a very long way to go in figuring out just where he belongs in the scheme of this whole "film industry" thing.

This film is best put on in the background while you fiddle with your laptop in bed and try to fall asleep. You might turn it off early when the music gets to those particularly bad themes.

ATM (I) (2012)

Some of the worst writing I've ever come across.

[1/10 · 6 November 2012]

... And it's strange, because the lines are written reasonably well. Dialogue is considered to be the great challenge for a writer - getting the characters to seem natural in the way that they talk. Here, the lines flow reasonably well.

But everything else in the story is complete garbage. Every step of the way, the characters do things that not only defy logic, but defy basic human instinct: fight or flight.

The cinematography is pretty good. The acting's okay. The director did fine. Sound, fine. Composer, fine. Acting, not bad at all. Writing? Complete, utter trash. This film should be a wound in Chris Sparling's career for years to come, and good riddance.

The fact that there are many genuinely talented writers struggling to have their material read, while they worry about their next meal - meanwhile, this garbage passes through, because what - Chris happened to know the right people, who were also dumb enough to think this screenplay was anything but horrible.

Shame, shame, SHAME.

Grizzly Park (2008)

This was a "gearsl*t" film.

[2/10 · 16 March 2011]

I've come up with a new term for anyone involved in art who seems to think that the amount of money they spend will somehow buy him talent. I call them "gearsl*ts". They're everywhere. A guy who buys the absolute BEST camera and thinks he's a great video producer now. A guy who buys the absolute BEST guitar and somehow thinks that earns him respect as a good guitar player.

The writer and director of this film is one of these people. I can tell. Because he's surrounded by talent that completely outshines him, but his part in this project was so miserably sub-collegian that nothing could save the film. The photography was great. The sound was top-rate. The acting was B-class but marred by a terrible script that made the job difficult for the newer actors to deliver.

The money was there. He bought out all of this talent around him. But like Uwe Boll, that can't save him. This is by far one of the worst screenplays I have seen come to life with so much talent laboring desperately to make it in any way adequate. Well, it didn't work.

2/10

Frontier(s) (2007)

Half-decent horror flick that unfortunately suffers from an identity crisis.

[6/10 · 25 October 2010]

I was shocked to find out that this was the same guy who directed "Hitman", as that movie was particularly horrible. While this film isn't a genre classic by any means, it's a decent attempt, though the whole "throw so much disturbing stuff at you that you think it's a good horror flick by that merit" motif was worn thin by films like Hostel and Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

It's gross, it's unnerving, and it's directed well. The pacing is flawless. The actress who plays Yasmine gives a FANTASTIC performance. Unfortunately, that couldn't save the film entirely. Had the screenplay received more polish, this could've been a real keeper for horror fans. Sadly, in the end, it's a film that can't decide whether it's trying to directly compete with its American counterparts or stand on its own right.

It's better than 90% of American horror, but that isn't really saying much, is it?

6/10

Kick-Ass (2010)

Good - not great.

[7/10 · 11 August 2010]

Seeing how the audience's standards seem to have lowered over the past decade, I generally expect a movie heralded as "great" to be decent, but almost never great.

That's where Kick-Ass lies in my book. I enjoyed the ride, and as an incredibly picky viewer, that says something. The film is, however, far from perfect - which is forgivable. There were a number of things, however, that could've been avoided or addressed, that would've helped the film to be truly great.

First, and most notably, is the film's outright identity crisis in theme. In a normal superhero or awesome vigilante tale, we expect a great amount of suspension of disbelief. Lots of things are going to happen that are totally unrealistic. That's fine. We expect that. Then, what amount of realism can be injected into the tale is a sort of treat - it helps with the immersion and seems to give the outlandish stuff some credibility... At least, enough to keep you involved.

With Kick-Ass, however, it was the complete opposite. The first act of the movie stresses the idea that "this story is grounded in a realistic world". That's fine. But then, later, when the outlandish stuff goes on... It's cool, and I can enjoy it, but it ripped me out of the world I thought I had just been introduced to. Only now do we understand that this is more of a mish-mash of themes - that it's actually not much different at heart from other superhero tales. That's fine. But what gives? You got me to LIKE the "realistic" side of things. You got me invested in it. Did you really think you couldn't stick to that for the entire movie, still follow the same plot, and not have it walk away victorious? Sigh.

The music has the same problems. One second we're immersed under hypnotically epic tracks from the films "28 Days Later" and "Sunshine" - - then it turns around and prods a pop-rock track at us akin to a normal "edgy teen flick".

In short, I found myself not knowing what to feel at a given moment, because I was too busy wondering how I should feel about the previous 20 minutes. Speaking of running time, with the amount of scenes that were drawn out for dramatic effect (only to be resolved in a minute or two by grandiose action), they could've developed one more superhero and had him/her die in a gritty, realistic manner. Would've helped.

Worst of all was the final reveal of the "secret weapon", which, even though it exists in the real world, was seriously off the mark. I won't spoil anything, but if the "secret weapon" had been revealed to be a tricked-out grenade launcher, a single mini-gun, one of those armed robot rover things... Anything along those ends would've sufficed. What it actually turned out to be was just too much.

All in all, I still found my attention fixed on the film, and I did find myself "digging it". The effort was noble. The result was well-done. For a little get-away into a movie on a Friday night, I supposed you couldn't ask for more.

Kick-Ass kicks ass, but I'll have to stick with The Dark Knight as the best modern superhero flick ... for now. 7/10

Godspeed (2009)

Insanely tacky dialogue ruined the film.

[4/10 · 18 May 2010]

The premise of this film was more than adequate. The actors were adequate.

The body of writing was not. At all.

He stands there, his back faced to her. She runs a monologue about how jealous she was of his wife. Not only is the whole long-monologue-to-a- person's-back thing REALLY teenage-soap-opera corny, but every single one of her lines in the speech was forced. It sounded like she was reading a script, not saying it from her heart - and it wasn't the fault of the actress. I was actually impressed by her delivery, because the lines were just really, really bad.

And it's like that throughout every important part of this film.

When the brother is preaching to his communion of teenagers? YIKES. Just wow.

Screenwriter needs to go back to the drawing board with how he writes dialogue. He sucks. Bad.

Everything else about this film was alright. Actually, everything else was way above average for a small-budget film.

4/10

The Caveman's Valentine (2001)

Fantastic.

[8/10 · 16 May 2010]

Let it be clarified that this is not a film about a murder mystery. This is a film about a man named Romulus, a genius gone mad, with plenty of heart and truth still left in him that others refuse to see. It just so happens that his redemption comes in the form of his getting caught up in a murder mystery.

And really, the way it all goes is pretty perfect. Everything in this film was done right. I haven't been left speechless by a movie in quite some time.

Watch this film - and without spoiling anything, I want to address some other comments people have left either in a review or in the forum. Some have said that the central focus of Rom's craziness (the man in the building he thinks is watching his every move) is presented and resolved ambiguously and without any clarity. I don't understand how this could have been misunderstood. Take everything in throughout this film. The sights, the sounds, the pacing - the answer to that question is pretty clear by the time you're a good ways into the film. What's more, the film holds your hand out of it, with a CLEAR and SPOKEN answer at the end of the film (the bar scene).

Anyway, great, great film. 8/10

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (2009)

Severely underrated by people with no "real life" experience.

[8/10 · 13 March 2010]

What bothers me about a well-crafted film such as this one is that audience members are so caught up in their sheltered, private worlds that they are not able to comprehend the difference between "mainstream" characters and characters that are actually realistic in their depiction.

Though Tucker's character was slightly over-played, I've known quite a few people like him. His two friends, their lives, and their attitudes also closely resemble people I have known throughout my life.

Though I didn't receive consistent laughs from this film, I ended up watching it as a simple drama, and on that note, I enjoyed it quite a bit.

There is a lot of attention to detail that will simply fly right over the head of the average viewer. Everything that came out of Drew's mouth and his later love interest absolutely shocked me - I never thought a movie would actually get the real-world "geek lingo" right on the money.

Of course, the average person would not understand such a fine touch as Lara saying "fear the pink mist", or Drew's use of the incredibly vulgar REAL underground slang "c**dumpster".

Long story short, this was one of the best and most accurate portrayals of the real-world people it was alluding to I have ever seen. For that, it has a lot of my respect. Again, more of a drama than a comedy, but this is really one of those films that if you rate it less than a 6 or 7, you have not experienced enough of the real world to deserve to judge it.

Avatar (2009)

Great film - but far from "revolutionary".

[8/10 · 28 December 2009]

First off, let's get all this hype out of the way about the technology used to create Avatar being "groundbreaking." I'm sorry, it's great, but it's simply an evolved version of the technology used in the last two "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies. Dots painted on the face of the actor? CGI mapped to the dots? Yeah, watch the behind-the-scenes of them making Davy Jones.

"Groundbreaking" by bum. In Pirates it was basically laying the CGI over the actor's head, with the dots-on-face trick used to preserve the performance on the CGI face. With Avatar, they went from CGI head to CGI EVERYTHING. Big whoop. Great work. Looks fantastic. But it isn't "groundbreaking" by any means. Sorry, and I think it's rather rude that they would take the trophy away from the Pirates crew who worked very hard on their projects.

----------------- That aside, the movie was great. Hardly anything wrong with it, really. I found it strange, the level of quality put into the production - and then one of the first action scenes had an animal using the T-REX ROARS FROM JURASSIC PARK? I mean -- REALLY? ... And that's really about it. I'm rather astonished that there isn't much to complain about with this movie. I actually had plenty wrong with Titanic. Great film. Very sleek, "organic" pacing from shot to shot. Near-perfect writing, though Michelle Rodriguez's character was practically pointless. You definitely watch the film through the director's eyes - and you can actually TELL.

Good job, James & co.

And to all you people saying this film has no originality, you don't know squat about this industry. Seriously.

8/10 because, honestly, I think this film could've waited a few more years. The technology was ALMOST there, but not just yet. It's right around the corner. Some of the stuff on-screen is still trying to be too advanced for its own merit. Great stuff, but far from perfect.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Complete laughing stock.

[4/10 · 22 November 2009]

Take 90's blockbuster comedy relief and completely butcher it.

Take a great special effects team and spread them so thin with SO many shots to work on that half everything comes out sub-par compared to what you know and have seen them do.

Don't stop blowing stuff up. I don't care if you have a headache. Just be incessantly loud, noisy, and explosive - with zero taste or tact or pacing.

Over-worship Megan Fox to the point that you have a little Transformer humping her leg - seriously - and make her character think it's cute rather than do what any NORMAL girl would do and be disgusted.

Do everything you can to overwhelm the viewer's senses, hoping that he won't see through it and see just how lame of a movie it really is.

Didn't fool me.

Oh yeah, and any time something cool is happening, either go into slow-motion, pan around the subject, or do both - AD NAUSEAM.

Michael Bay, this was almost Uwe Boll status. You seriously need to re-think your approach. It's getting old. Fast.

4 stars for effort, because I know all projects have a lot of love behind them. But this one just fell completely flat.

Hitman (I) (2007)

bahahahah

[1/10 · 27 March 2008]

The "film" begins. Amidst carelessly-formatted opening credits, we see children being raised to be assassins. A shot of a kid with a bar code tattooed on his neck. More credits. Now the kid is a young man - and the bar code has mysteriously traveled from the back of his neck to the back of his head, level with the ears.

Within the first few SHOTS, you get an idea of what you're in for.

I'm sorry, I've never done this before, but in this case, I just have to.

To the producers: bahhhhhahahahhahaha

To the screenwriter: bwahah -- bwahah -- hahahahahahaha

To the actors: Come on, at least enjoy your job a LITTLE, even if the project is utterly talentless.

To everyone else on the crew: The movie LOOKED and SOUNDED great! Top notch. Really, *you* guys did great!!

But seriously . . . (points finger at the producers) . . . hahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!

Beowulf (2007)

A film that smashes elitist pessimism to a pulp!

[8/10 · 16 February 2008]

Wow. I am in complete awe over this film. What's even more awe-inspiring is the level of nay-saying towards it by a select number of elitist morons. Let's start from the beginning.

"Beowulf" follows the story of a hero - whose name escapes me - and his fight against a monster or two that threaten his would-be kingdom. That's about as accurate the film is to the actual work of literature it's based upon. The sexual innuendo is heavy. The action is over-the-top and fantastic. The characters aren't as rich as they could be, but there are plenty of successful exchanges between them to prove effective.

Instead of a tale preaching blind, gallant, honorable heroism, the film touches on some serious critiques over the danger of such ideas. Man is flawed and imperfect. Even great men - men of legend - have elements attributed to them that are appalling. This isn't an original theme by any means, but it rings out hard and true in the film. It rings out so true, in fact, that it seems to have shot over the heads of the demographic of "high-end" individuals, their ego-driven pessimism focusing on all of the "trendy" elements that were added to the film, giving it some spice and flare.

Much like the Lord of the Rings films, "Beowulf" dances gracefully between pseudo-realism and outright fantasy. One second, our hero is . . . stressed . . . being grazed against a cliff-side on the back of a dragon - a second later, he is pummeled so deep into the ocean that any real human being's vitals would burst under pressure. Such a deep-sea venture does little more than "stress" our hero once again. I found it wildly entertaining. Questionably subjective viewers did not.

Take my advice. Don't go into this film expecting a loyal adaptation of the original. Don't go into this film expecting something as mindless as "300", nor as carefully-woven as "The Lord of the Rings". Go into this film expecting something lavishly cliché, yet unique and compelling (with a LOT of social undertones that many people don't seem to get), and that's exactly what you'll get.

It's heavy. It's over-the-top. It's very well-done, and brings to light some ideas that not enough 'mainstream' films dare to approach. I enjoyed it very much.

8/10

Serenity (2005)

GREAT movie!!

[10/10 · 6 January 2006]

Too many people are saying that you have to have seen the TV series before hand to really grasp the characters and the story and truly understand this movie...

I agree - partially - about the issue with being fully connected to the characters... But the way they're developed in the film makes them "deep enough" for you to have a healthy concern for them, though it's a concern that is anything but specific.

However, all these claims that a "newbie" wouldn't be able to properly grasp and stay grappled to watch the movie all the way through and enjoy it are complete nonsense. I had only seen the first 3 episodes of Firefly by the time I saw this movie - and the show personally didn't interest me much, maybe because half the time I wasn't paying complete attention...

I brought Serenity to my friend's house tonight. He'd never heard of Firefly, and I didn't speak a word about it, I just said, "Check out this movie. It's kind of complicated, a lot of information flies by really fast, so just pay attention." Complete silence throughout the entire film. It was late at night and he had to work the next morning, and he usually falls asleep in this situation even if it's a GREAT movie. He didn't fall asleep.

Once the credits started rolling, and a word hadn't been said through the entire film, I leaned forward and subtly put in my opinion: "Oh well, I thought it was good." My friend sat there for a second then said, "That... was a REALLY... REALLY good movie." And I have to agree. With or without the show, this movie is great. Before tonight I had shown the movie to my family and some other friends, all of which are not into sci-fi... and they all loved it.

Please, please, PLEASE make a sequel!! Promote it properly this time and I PROMISE it will do well!

The Purifiers (2004)

Absolute piece of trash.

[1/10 · 19 December 2005]

Wow. Just . . . Wow. It's movies like this that make me wonder how some people even began to think they could get anywhere in the business.

This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Ever. The way this movie was directed has "omg, I think I'm a freaking genius" splotched all over it, but sadly, nobody but this lame director will agree with that.

The absolute *worst* part of this film is the editing. It's atrocious. Shots that should be longer are WAY too short, and shots that should be shorter are WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY too long. I mean... I'm seriously astonished here. What were they thinking? The second worst part of this film is the fighting - if you call it fighting. It's sad. Really. It will make you depressed.

Man, and to think I wasted almost an hour and a half of my precious time on this. Reader, do yourself a favor and don't even go near this... This "film", as it claims to be.

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Pretty good.

[7/10 · 27 January 2005]

Considering what it could have been, Alien vs. Predator turned out to be a pleasant surprise, though dragging a bit at the end. People will complain to you that the film "sucks", not because it's a bad movie, but because it doesn't 'feel' EXACTLY like the original films it branches off of.

Put it in this perspective. This isn't a Movie + Movie = Movie situation, in which case I would agree with everyone if it was. This is Movie + Movie = Comic, first and foremost, then Comic = Movie. This is a rough comic translation with of course its own differentiated setting, much like X-Men and all those other comic movies.

That put into proper light, the film does correctly portray the attitudes, touches and visual flares of both the Alien and Predator films. Knowing that AVP isn't trying to be either an Alien or Predator movie, but a look in-between, both creatures keep their character respectively well.

Next, some people say there are plot holes - mainly in the actions that some of the characters and creatures take. I guess I can't reveal spoilers on this thing, so I can't go any deeper with you. But if you really care, listen to the commentary on the DVD, and all of these questions are surprisingly answered with specific clarity.

The acting? Mediocre. What do you expect? People are complaining about the ACTING in a sci-fi action/horror film? How good was the acting in Predator? We enjoyed the originals not because of Oscar-clad acting, but because of the atmosphere they set. If you haven't seen AVP, let me put it this way: the acting is just as good/bad as Independence Day or Terminator 3. If you want something better, don't go after sci-fi action.

This is a solid popcorn film with only a tad less gore then Aliens or Predator. Remember, PG-13 can get away with a lot more these days. If you're doubting picking it up, I'd recommend it. At least rent it first.

Too many people are giving this film a bad rap. It wasn't great, but it was far from horrible, and I found it enjoyable and true to both the comics and the films. I just hope they watch their pacing and don't screw up in the Predalien for the second film.

7/10