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Reviews
Masters of the Air (2024)
This show doesn't even come close to Band Of Brothers or The Pacific
Two episodes in and wow, what a disappointment. I was looking forward to this one because I love its predecessors, and WW2 in general. Unfortunately the whole thing is a mess. I don't know who wrote this series but compared to BoB there's basically no character development and the pacing, editing, and dialog are all consistently jarring and generally just kind of unconvincing. The music also consistently gets in the way, which is to me, a basic no no.
Hands down the biggest issue for me is that the show just looks like a video game, i.e. WAY too much CGI. Like, extremely excessive amount of digital effects to the point that it doesn't even look remotely real.
Surely there's a way to shoot digitally but still retain a gritty quality? Even if it's logistically impossible to recreate a WW2 series practically.
Not to mention the cast looks way too young to be WW2 airmen; especially the baby faced Elvis kid with the ridiculous hair. I didn't serve in the military but I'm willing to bet this show is rife with tactical and logistical errors too. It's weird that something so amateurish and bad got the Hanks and Spielberg approval.
Probably won't finish this one.
Reptile (2023)
Was this written by AI?
On the positive side, I do think it's nice that Netflix will occasionally produce some original feature length films, especially with lesser known filmmaker's under the helm, but even so, this film should've either been shelved, or at least gone under extensive re-writes.
I have a feeling it probably wasn't completely finished, but released prematurely to provide the necessary consistent trickle of content to subscribers.
As for the film, I didn't get it. Not only did I not get it, I don't think there was anything TO get. This is the first film I've seen that literally felt like it was written by robots.
If you're knowledgeable (or a fan of) Fincher and Villeneuve, then it's pretty likely that the imitative style of this movie will either be very familiar and charming, or restlessly distracting and generally pretty foul. It is an extremely slowly paced film, but unlike the consistently satisfying endings in the aforementioned auteurs' previous films, Reptile has an unsurprisingly unsatisfying completion and this mostly stems from a bad original screenplay involving incohesive plotlines and poorly realized characterizations.
The story itself isn't very compelling. I half expected some kind of cannibal horror from the very misleading trailer, and the fact that the film is called REPTILE, but alas, the end product is far from anything so lurid.
The end result is a poorly executed, boring and derivative police-procedural in some non-existent county in some non-existent place in America where black people go line dancing and everyone else acts like they've been generated through AI software.
1883 (2021)
1,883 historical inaccuracies and musings of annoying anachronistic woke people
"Where innocence is a mineral in the soil, the filth of our touch is an apocalypse", muses the whimsical teenage soothsayer in the stetson with the horrendously fake looking blonde hair and perfect dimples.
WTF
This show has a very high rating and I do not know why. It is not very well written. There are an alarming amount of historical discrepancies, plot holes, and narrative blunders from the start.
Who travels to Oregon from Tennessee via Texas? No sane person.
Who speaks English? Well, no one, and then whoops, actually pretty much everyone.
Who spends hundreds and hundreds of dollars of savings on an extremely perilous wagon journey when train tickets are cents on the mile? Duh! A bunch of birdbrained meandering vaguely European "pioneers" who function merely as a plot device to keep our main characters from ever actually leaving Texas.
Yup. This pretty much sums up living in Texas in 1883 alright. Back then, you didn't need washrooms or mirrors because it was natural to have perfect teeth and hair, women weren't dependents and they wore pants and shot bad guys if they felt like it, and some folks from over the pond just didn't know they were fully fluent in English.
The first episode has some gritty classic western vibes but every subsequent episode is a repetitive mess of nonsensical reverie, botched river crossings, maudlin flirtings on horseback, bandit fighting, and Sam Elliott's salty Sacramento tears for lost love.
The Terminal List (2022)
Wasn't this an Xbox game?
I could only handle the first episode so take it or leave it.
I typically love a good wartime thriller, but I swear this show must've been written by a team of geeks because the plot unfolds with the same apathetic, tropetastic, flash-back-heavy rhythm of a blockbuster inspired video game. A very inflexible Chris Pratt and his fake beard are both in it, and big surprise, he is utterly unconvincing in his attempt to portray someone with the elite training to jump out of an airplane into enemy territory, or hold their breath underwater for minutes on end. I guess all the talking to dinosaurs went to his head. His character is bland, thick, gruff, and hostile. He has none of the charismatic qualities of the likes of Robert Redford in Condor, or Eric Bana in Munich, or Tim Robbins in Jacob's Ladder...all great films with realistic, fleshed-our characters. The dialog in this show is so patently artificial and full of exposition and the sheer amount of tacky emotional manipulation is nauseating. To use a brooding soundtrack que every time a plot pot is reached is super annoying. I didn't watch enough to get a grasp of how the story evolves, but something tells me it involves Pratt going all Jason Bourne on a bunch of sinister dudes, unraveling a conspiracy, surving fire, and then maybe saving a helpless little girl.
"I know some guys in Persia. I'll make some calls" - actual dialog.
The Outpost (2019)
FRIGHTENING
I was really expecting a cheap VOD B-Movie, but this is actually a pretty harrowing film. I don't know how 'realistic' this movie actually is, but it definitely had me on edge.
There's not much character development, but (to me) it didn't feel lacking. It's really the building sense of dread that gets to you. All of these guys are gonna die.
Watching guys trying to pull their wounded to cover while taking fire is something you see in every war movie...but the difference is that in this film, the camera just keeps rolling without a cut, pulling you in to the moment even moreso - and watching this on a big TV makes a difference. The camera follows as guys repeatedly run through a hail of gunfire to resupply their defenses, and you're right there with them. It's as close to a first person experience as you'll get.
The Outpost is probably the best in it's category. It's way better than that stupid Mark Wahlberg movie, and probably has an edge up on Black Hawk Down.
The Mountain (2018)
The Master
The director must've watched The Master too many times.
The 4:3 Bergman-esque photography is fantastic, but this movie is quite slow and a little too on the nose.
6/10
Extraction (2020)
Boring AF Netflix Action Movie With No Discernable Style or Substance
A somber faced Chris Hemsworth runs around a la Call Of Duty, killing hundreds of people to save a kid from drug dealers. It rips from everything you've already seen, from John Wick, to Man On Fire, to Proof Of Life. The action is ridiculous and the story is non-existent. I gave up after dude gets multiple 9mm rounds fired off right next to his head, doesn't flinch, and suffers no hearing damage, only to continue killing dozens more hapless meandering villains. The action is woefully unrealistic and kinda insulting to actual combat veterans if you think about it, but if you like mind-numbing action, then you'll like this POS.
Da 5 Bloods (2020)
Black lives matter so this movie must be important
I watched Da5Bloods based soley on the accolades it's received from a few major publications, and while I appreciate the relevancy it holds to the current racial climate, I don't think it's very cool to laud a bad movie just because of said relevancy. If this movie had a white director at the helm, with a white cast, it would have been panned and forgotten. It's just that bad.
Other reviews will go into details on the inconsistencies and errors within the film, but all that stuff aside, what I found most unnerving is that these major publications blatantly discarded any attempt at an honest critique, just to conciliate a particular demographic, i.e. black people! So not only are we scared to admit that Da5Bloods is a gargantuan trainwreck of a film, but we'll ignore all faults altogether, just to avoid any uneasy racial turbulence. Sure, why not. Who cares.
So yeah, IMO most of Spike Lee's movies suck, and Da5Bloods is no exception. It's sloppy, poorly written, derivative, and badly executed. Not much more to say. If you're looking for a good American war-time gold heist film, Kellys Heroes or 3Kings are much better movies.
If you want to watch an artful and challenging film by a black filmmaker, then Steve Mcqueen is your guy. He's a vastly superior storyteller in every way.