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1kirk
Reviews
Masters of Horror: The Black Cat (2007)
Good.
Surprisingly well done. I don't know if there's any actual evidence of Poe going nuts and killing all his pets but it makes some amusing television. Also, it's got some characters with good wigs and Gothic false eyes and of course a big spoonful of looming death. The best bit's when he hangs the cat and the cat comes back for REVENGE. This means lots of screaming and horrified stares at said cat. Anyway, the character is well done and it's refreshing to watch something that has no jokes in. Woah someone just got chopped in the head with an axe. That was unexpected, unless you read this in which case, eyes peeled. I don't even know what this is, is it some television episode thing?
Merlin's Apprentice (2006)
David Wu and his lack of talent - spoilers
'Merlin's apprentice' is a sequel to the slightly better 'Merlin'. In this latest installment, the writer, Wu, decided to ignore most of the themes (and actual plot) of the previous film and add his own unique charm. This takes the form of killing off Sam Neil, to make way for the 'young blood' acting, which is so unconvincing and stilted that the actors seem actually depressed. If you want to see a bunch of Americans, looking young and angry about Camelot (the big computerised castle), running around waving swords in dramatic moments whenever possible, 'hilarious slapstick comedy' with the bungling hero who grows spiritually at the end whilst winning over the brusque female character who is cleverly disguised as boy - oh how we cheer him on, then see Merlin's apprentice. The main villain is Conan with more clothes on, who gets killed in a final climatic battle where everyone dies, but not really as the grail (which glows fluorescent green) makes them all alive again - yay. The meaningless ending which adds a talking pig, to bring back the 'lightheartedness' of the first bit, is about as effective as the script in which clichés, clichés galore, litter the dialogue. My favourites: 'fulfill your destiny', 'pure of heart', 'fate has decided', 'please spare us', and various noises like 'Nooo', the 'I'm-evil-roar'.