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Strawberry Estates (1997)
Made The Expedition Look Like Citizen Kane
I don't know why I do this to myself. After having read a hilarious review at SomethingAwful.com, and having a weakness for both found-footage and B-movies, I decided to take the plunge and rent this movie. Thank God it was only a couple of dollars! It's an insult to Blair Witch Project when any comparison is made of this POS to Blair. This movie (and I use the term loosely) was a travesty: the acting was atrocious, the characters were despicable (I wished them all dead within a couple of minutes of being introduced), the sound was hilarious (particularly scenes where the wind blocked the voices, so they used sub-titles - yeah, that's realistic for "found footage").
There are some movies I've watched that have nearly been this bad (thank God only a couple), but those movies were so bad they were entertaining, and I've actually watched them more than once (such as The Expedition, and Witch Graveyard). But I will NEVER watch Strawberry Estates again, and will remember the director's name (Ron Bonk) as a warning to stay far, far away from anything he's associated with.
I cannot believe the positive User Reviews of this movie that I've read here. If they are in fact sincere and not being sarcastic, I fear for the future of mankind. I strongly suggest reading the aforementioned review at SomethingAwful.com - not only did it make me laugh out loud, but it is spot on (and No, I have nothing to do with that web site).
Judas Ghost (2013)
Best Surprise In A Long Time!
What a WONDERFUL surprise this was! It's been a LONG time since I've watched a movie of this genre that I've enjoyed this much - the last being Oculus. There was nothing ground-breaking about the story, but how it was told is what won me over, plus the cast not only acted well, but they were all LIKE-ABLE - something sorely missing in the majority of movies like this.
I read another review complaining about the special effects - that they were obviously someone in makeup - and was reminiscent of a stage play. I agree with the stage play comparison, but this is part of what I enjoyed - instead of the use of CGI, everything was practical, as it should be! I compare this to old television shows, specifically The Outer Limits and Star Trek. The effects were not what was important - it was the stories and characters that were the focus and allowed me to be immersed.
Kudos to the director, cast, and all others involved in the making of this film. I watched it for free on Amazon Prime, but am now purchasing it, for they deserve it and will hopefully be an incentive to make more movies like this.
Exit 91 Summerland (2011)
This Movie Lowered The Bottom
I cannot emphasize how bad this movie was. It was a found-footage movie, but instead of the typical video format it pretended it was from home movies - obviously video with post-processing effects.
There was absolutely NO plot to speak of. Instead, it felt like a bad, drug or alcohol induced hallucination. Not one section, but the whole damn movie! It took me three evenings to watch this, because I found myself falling into a hypnotic trance each night, leading to my dozing off with unpleasant dreams. I literally had to get up and douse my face with cold water the third evening, for that was the last night before my rental expired, and I'll be damned if the film makers got another penny from me.
I have a weakness for low-budget "C" level movies, and even what I thought was the worst had at least one redeeming quality. This movie had NONE - it lowered the bottom for me. I can only pray I never watch something worse than this.
Deadly Presence (2012)
Was Really Enjoying It Until The End
I see that the two other reviews have differing opinions. As for myself, I was really enjoying this little flick. I thought the story was engrossing, there was actually one jump scare that caught me off-guard (I'm usually immune to those), and thought the lead actress (almost the only actor/actress) carried the film quite well. She was definitely not the typical, Hollywood model heroine - instead, she was sincere, level-headed, and courageous in SPITE of being very afraid (which I feel is the true definition of courage).
A couple of scenes were even reminiscent of Hitchcock, built on suspense, not gross-out gore.
AND THEN THE END CAME (and here be spoilers).
Why, Oh Why, must so many movies of the horror genre end with a downer? I'll compare this movie to another I just watched (for a second time): Entity (2012). Yes, that movie also had a downer of an ending (regarding who lived and who died), but it fit the story and made sense. In Deadly Presence, not only was it a downer, but it truly felt as if they ran out of money (which is believable, for the budget was $1600!) and it was extremely frustrating! I'm just tired of movies where I spend a couple of hours rooting for someone, becoming emotionally invested in them, and then having them die, with no payoff what so ever! As I'm writing this, I thought of another brilliant movie - Oculus. It too had a downer of an ending, but like Entity, the ending FIT! The ending of Deadly Presence was simply frustrating - I truly felt like smashing my fist into the screen! So my hat's off to the director and cast (I thought the two secondary actresses, the girlfriend and the unexpected guest, were hilarious), and this movie looked fantastic for the budget. But please, for your next movie, think about how the audience will feel once the movie is over! I go to movies to forget how depressing and unfair life can be - I don't want to be reminded of it yet again (I can read the news for free for that).
The Morningside Monster (2014)
A Very Pleasant Surprise
This is a perfect example of a big budget not being necessary in making an entertaining movie.
It wasn't that this story was unique, nor was there a big surprise in who the killer was. But the characters completely won me over! I can't recall a group of actors and actresses that we so charismatic in recent memory, and they were completely natural. Not only the protagonists, but the antagonists also. And special kudos to the actress who played the one dying of cancer - it tore my heart watching her (this was my Spoiler).
For those who care, there was one scene that was somewhat graphic in violence (actually, it was more like watching an autopsy), and there were a few f-bombs (no more than a typical hour of "reality TV" - make that an half hour).
I really had fun watching this movie - I recommend it for what it is - a well done, low-budget entertainment flick!
Spectres (2012)
When, Oh When, Will I Learn....
Having read praises in Amazon about this movie, I purchased it instead of renting it, thinking "If so many people are saying good things, I'm sure I'll watch this multiple times".
I couldn't delete this movie from my hard-drive fast enough once I finished watching it - $15 completely wasted!
The only reason I've rated this movie two stars instead of one is, from a technical standpoint (audio, visuals, editing) it was sound.
HOWEVER (here there be spoilers).....
Acting - with the exception of one actor (Kevin Kingmaker), it was abysmal (and the exception was not good, he simply wasn't as bad as the others).
Plot - this was one of the most schizophrenic movies I've ever watched. One moment, it was a supernatural horror, and then suddenly shifted to a Rambo-wanna-be, except the Rambo character was the BAD guy. And then suddenly, in the last shot, it jumps back to the supernatural again.
Throughout most of the film, we are shown glimpses of Indian spirits, flitting around, but they play no part in the plot at all! Consider if the movie The Ring showed the ghost of that girl throughout the movie, but Noah is killed at the end by some random drive-by shooting and we never see the ghost again. IT MAKES NO FREAKIN' SENSE!!!!
And I'm completely sick and tired of having ALL the "good" characters, characters who I've invested time on, DIE AT THE END, without ANY sort of payoff! I might as well just watch the news, where I can be depressed for free.
I rarely get so agitated with a movie as I did with this one. I only wish there was some way to remove any trace that I wasted money on it from my Amazon account.
I will never trust Amazon reviews of unknown movies again, and I WILL NEVER PURCHASE SAID MOVIES WITHOUT FIRST RENTING THEM!!!
America's Most Haunted (2013)
What A Pleasant Surprise!!!
Ii never fails - movies that I purchase for download from Amazon turn out to be utter garbage which I cannot delete from my system quick enough (Skyline being the latest).
Along comes America's Most Haunted, and I decide to be prudent, so I rent the movie instead of purchase. And after watching it, I will also purchase it, for this is a movie that I can see watching every so often.
First of all, this is NOT a horror movie - it's a horror comedy, along the lines of Ghostbusters, although by no means as high-budgeted or with such famous actors.
Still, I found America's Most Haunted to be extremely entertaining, with characters I actually cared about, and although the plot was simple, it still kept my attention throughout.
The production was outstanding! The film looked great, the sound was clear, the music added the right mood, and the special effects were perfect given the subject matter.
Another pleasant surprise was how restrained the language was (something all too rare now-a-days).
I highly recommend this film if you're looking for light entertainment and have a desire to feel good when the movie is finished!
Muirhouse (2012)
Did They Run Out Of Money?
I've always had a weakness for low-budget, independent horror movies, and I'm very forgiving of their acting and technical aspects. All I look for is to be "entertained". By this, I mean stories that are interesting and told in a manner that keep my attention, and characters that likable (hopefully), or at the least not annoying.
I really enjoy horror that comes from suspense, rather than graphic violence, and that includes horror that is implied rather than having everything shown. Two good examples are the infamous The Blair Witch Project, and more recently, Josh Stewart's The Hunted (2013).
As I watched Muirhouse, I thought I had found another movie to add to my "re-watch" list - for I will watch movies that I like again and again. I thought the story, although simple, was interesting, the Muirhouse location was fantastic, the acting was fine, and the implied horror was great.
THEN CAME THE ENDING.....
It was literally as if this movie ran out of money, or the producers fired the director and released the footage that they had. What made it more frustrating is the opening scene, which led you to believe that the film would explain how it came to be, but instead NOTHING was explained! It's as if they tacked on a scene from a different movie at the beginning to pad the run-time.
The ending of this movie literally ruined the entire film for me. This is quite an accomplishment in itself, considering how much I was enjoying the film up to that point. And instead of placing it on my "re-watch" list, I immediately deleted it from my video library (purchased from Amazon Instant Videos).
There is another recent movie where the ending was very annoying - The Black Water Vampire - which I REALLY enjoyed up to the ending. In this case, the ending was (in my opinion) absurd, and I've re-watched a couple of times up to the ending, pretending that's where the movie ends. Maybe I will do the same for Muirhouse, but right now I'm still too ticked off to consider it.
The Lost Episode (2012)
Direct To Garbage Video
This is an incoherent mess of a video, worse than most amateur videos on YouTube.
The plot, such as it is, involves a group of young people visiting an abandoned building which is being converted into a "haunted house". During this visit, one of the youths tell the others a story of a group of paranormal investigators who went missing the previous year when filming an investigation of this site. And of course, they find that the story/myth is real.
In an attempt to be somewhat objective, I've rated this movie based on three categories: a) Story/Plot/Characters, b) Acting, and c) Production Values (Editing, Sound Quality, Visual Appeal). Each category was ranked by the following scores: 0 = Abysmal 1 = Below Average 2 = Average 3 = Above Average
On top of the above total possible of 9, I have a wild-card point given if some facet of the film made me go WOW, or made me wish to see it again very soon because I enjoyed it so much.
a) Story/Plot/Characters - 0 points. The plot was a mess. This movie couldn't decide if it was a ghost story or a slasher flick, and thus failed at both. If was hard to follow if a segment being shown was from the past or the present. The "storyteller" said that the entire investigative crew disappeared without a trace, yet in the "flashback" it appeared that there were two survivors - so what happened to them? In all fairness, it may be a matter of my brain having shut down by then. As for the characters, they were ALL annoying, with the exception of a single character, with the most charisma and who showed the most emotion, and he was a stoned-faced American Indian.
b) Acting - 0 points. I normally give a lot of latitude in this category, for I have a fondness for B movies, and can enjoy the most amateur performances. The problem with this film is I cannot separate the performances from the characters - it's hard to enjoy a performance when I'm spending the time wishing the character would just die (in the film). One of the biggest surprises was finding one of the actors to be the (in my opinion) great Michael Rooker - and even his performance was phoned in - it was as if it was an audition of his before he had any acting lessons.
c) Production Values (Editing, Sound Quality, Visual Appeal) - 0 points. As bad as the rankings for the other two categories were, this one was the worst! The editing was sloppy - it seemed like they used rehearsal takes that were quickly setup with no attention to framing, and the cuts from the present to the past were confusing. There was nothing scary about the location since it all took place during the daytime, which by highlighting all the graffiti on the walls, simply emphasized all the people who have visited this location. But the bottom of the barrel is the sound quality - it was as if someone was sitting on the microphone, or it was pointed opposite of the actors. There was even a moment about 2/3's through where a sound blurb was inserted - like a clip from another movie was accidentally spliced in. Of course, with all the F-bombs having a muddled sound track could be considered a positive thing.
One of the biggest surprises was to find who directed this mess (and this was the first time I had to look outside of IMDb to find details about a movie): none other than Michael Rooker! I can't believe that someone with his experience could create such an abysmal piece of excrement. Once I found this out, I couldn't help but think of the difference between this movie and Josh Stewart's directorial debut: The Hunted. I guess having a lot of experience of being in front of the camera counts for nothing towards being behind the camera.
If it was possible, I would have ranked this movie as 0, but am settling with 1 (the lowest possible).
You have been warned......
Plato's Reality Machine (2013)
Beware Praises From Strangers (Especially If They're From Someone With Ties To A Film)
I was conned by the praises. So I gave it a go (thank God it was free on Amazon Prime). This was the LONGEST 80 minutes of my life - it dragged even more than being at work with nothing to do, or stuck in an airplane on a runway when I can't smoke.
This was a pretentious piece of garbage, most likely made by people fascinated with gazing at their navels. The characters were ALL obnoxious - there was no plot to speak of - and it has NOTHING to do with video games, expect for using clips from freeware games made in the 1990s.
God I hated this movie!!! Next time I will check the links of those praising films - it should have been a clue something was wrong by having all these 5-star ratings made within a month of each other.
Watch it is you wish - but don't say I didn't warn you.
The School in the Woods (2010)
Keep Your Expectations Low And You May Enjoy This
I've been watching so many low-budget movies lately (although they've always been a weakness of mine) that I decided to come up with a system for myself so I can be fair (this system is for movies I watch at home - I just movies seen in the theater by how many cigarettes I've smoked outside, zero obviously being the best).
Anyway, my system involves three categories: a) Story/Plot/Characters, b) Acting, and c) Production Values (Editing, Sound Quality, Visual Appeal)
I ranked each category based on the following scores: 0 = Abysmal 1 = Below Average 2 = Average 3 = Above Average
On top of the above total possible of 9, I have a wild-card point given if some facet of the film made me to WOW, or made me wish to see it again very soon because I enjoyed it so much.
Here's what I came up with for The Spirit In The Woods (category followed by score):
- Story/Plot/Characters (1) The story wasn't bad, but it was nothing new or memorable. We've seen this basic plot many times before. What kept this from being rated Average were the characters, most of which were VERY annoying. I was looking forward to their on-screen deaths.
- Acting (1) Most of the acting was average, but there were a couple below average which brought the score down.
- Production Values (Editing, Sound Quality, Visual Appeal) (2) Overall, this was technically well made. I thought the camera work was fine, the audio was (for the most part) clear and I could understand what was being said, and I thought one scene in particular was effectively creepy (for those who have seen it, the hands).
So my total score for The Spirit In The Woods is 4, which compared to a couple of movies I've seen recently, is a GOOD score!
Witch Graveyard (2013)
Be Warned!!!
It is impossible for there being spoilers for this "movie" (and I use the term very loosely). I have never, in my 50-plus years of watching films, from movie theaters, home theaters, and YouTube, seen such a terrible movie as Witch Graveyard. Hell, even the old Swedish Erotica movies in the quarter arcades had some redeeming qualities, and they didn't even have sound. Witch Graveyard was reminiscent of Manos - The Hands of Fate, except Manos had some entertainment value, things you could laugh at. Witch Graveyard had nothing, and I mean NOTHING, entertaining in it. Amateur YouTube videos made by children and teens are professional in quality compared to Witch Graveyard, which made Birdemic and The Room seem like Oscar quality movies. Here are but a few of the annoying things I noted while watching (which is the first time I've done so):
* Birds chirping – it sounded like they placed the microphone in bird nests. * One of the lead "actresses", who is blond, wore a white jacket outside, and every time the camera cut to her there would be a lens flare blotting out the screen (actually, this could be considered a positive thing). * Watching obese characters running, one of which had stomach cramps and implied diarrhea. * Sudden camera cuts to a close-up of rocks, with accompanying blares of noise. * Close-ups of an ominous teddy-bear. * The "witch" speaking through florescent plastic tube embedded in the ground. This might not seem like an issue, except the witch said she was buried in the ground in the 1700s. * The said witch, supposedly hundreds of years old, speaking with a valley-girl accent. * I made a mistake and looked at the time remaining at 9:26 minutes – time slowed to a crawl from that point forward.
I could go on and on, but I think I've made my point. The main reason I'm writing this is I hope to save others from being fooled as I was by some of the reviews. The high praises that I read made me very excited when I found the video on Amazon, who should be ashamed for charging $3.99 for this piece of excrement. I know many have said this regarding other movies, but this was truly the worst movie I've ever seen. A pox on those involved with this video, and a double-pox on those who praised it.