h2223 Reviews

Hold Tight (2022)

Overindulgent to the point of being the TV equivalent of junk food

[2/10 · 7 February 2024]

I know what I'm getting into with a Harlan Coban story to begin with -- it's going to have too many twists and turns (which, to me, feels like a lack of discipline on his part as a writer... he's obviously overindulgent and instead of deciding on a tight plot, he throws in everything and the kitchen sink).

Still, the typical Harlan Coban series is like watching a Lifetime movie, but with more plot twists. Not terrible, but not award-winning. And I usually enjoy the production value, which is mostly why I watch in the first place.

This one, however, is just bad. There are too many people who go missing, too many apathetic, lackadaisical parents and cops, so many little weird plot twists and subplots that aren't even interesting, and a bunch of characters you couldn't care less about.

Too many people die, and too many people "come back to life" as well. I mean, PICK ONE but don't have ALL the people fall into the parallel universe where "all is not what it seems."

I also couldn't tell whether it was Polish culture, or whether the relationships between people were just "off." Like the guy who didn't seem to believe one of his friends (a very decent, respectable person) when she was accused of dealing drugs. He just kind of shrugs it off and basically says, "Eh, we'll see," right to her face. What?! If one of my close friends thought that about me, I feel like I would be fairly offended.

I mean, usually you'd believe your friend first, and then if evidence was overwhelming, you'd begin to wonder whether you were wrong about them. In this case, the guy seemed to treat her as he would a stranger. Is that a Polish thing? If it is, fine. I get that cultures are different. However, if it's not a Polish thing, then it was super annoying and seemed to be a characteristic of many of the relationships throughout the story.

And don't even get me started on the weird score/soundtrack and the "music video" scenes that got dumped in there every now and then, with what sounded like 80s synthesizer music. (A couple of times I felt like I'd traveled back to high school and was watching a Rick Springfield video on MTV!)

There was also so little emotion showed at key moments where a character should have looked super scared/terrified, or sad, or whatever... a lot of fairly expressionless faces and voices... and then suddenly people would be having a random argument or someone would show a sudden display of emotion out of the blue. None of it felt cohesive at all.

And then, we get to the final 20 minutes or so, and everything that is revealed just makes the whole thing ridiculous. There are hardly any redeemable characters in the end... so, then, why did we need to see their lives played out on screen?

Again, Harlan Coban needs to try and rein in his overindulgence in twisty and convoluted stories in general -- but he really went off the deep end with this one. Too many twists and you're just left with something that has no real point. It's like TV junk food (and of course TV is often not all that "nutritious" to begin with!).

If you haven't started this one, I would skip it. I regret wasting my time and sticking with the whole thing, hoping the end would justify my time. It didn't.

Race (I) (2016)

I wish I had felt a lot more inspired by this

[5/10 · 3 February 2024]

I was SO ready to be inspired by a true story of courage, conviction, commitment in the face of overwhelming challenges... something like that.

Instead, I watched mostly a retelling of historical events. I kept pausing this and getting distracted doing other things -- it just didn't pull me in. Jesse Owens WAS an incredibly inspiring human being, for sure. And Stephan James does a very good job of portraying him. All the actors do a good job, for that matter. It's just that the story is so boringly told.

And not just that, but the main Nazi characters were quite miscast. Whoever played Goebbels was far too good-looking to make you think you were looking at Hitler's chief propagandist. Or more precisely, not at all evil-looking. Yet he walked around acting like Darth Vader.

I just don't feel that this was likely an honest portrayal of what Goebbels was really like (I'd imagine he was scowly and supercilious, but probably also devious and one of those who would pretend to be friendly while plotting to kill you behind your back). I don't know. I realize I'm speculating heavily here, but just comparing a photo of Goebbels to the actor who portrayed him in this movie, and knowing something about human psychology -- it just didn't feel like authentic.

And I guess all that is to say that there was enough "meh, that doesn't quite feel right" in the movie, in general, to make it feel b-grade several times, despite the high-quality actors in it.

Plus, there was a serious lack of tension -- which any filmmaker should know is REQUIRED in order to then lead the viewer to feel massively inspired. As mentioned, the only "tension" was when Goebbels was present and it felt like we were on the Death Star. Other than that, there were a couple of very brief scenes where Owens is winning his races... and POOF! They're over.

I think I'm going to watch Chariots of Fire again, and get my inspiration fix. I would LOVE to see someone make Owens's story in a similar vein. I'm sure it could be done, and if it is someday, I'll give that one a go, because Owens surely deserves to have his story told with that kind of skill and heart.

Aloha (I) (2015)

This movie is not confusing, but it's just bad

[4/10 · 2 February 2024]

I've read at least one review that said people who think it's all over the place just aren't intelligent enough to get it. Um, no. I *got* the movie, I just didn't think it was good. None of the plot points is carried out far enough to make a really good story.

But what bothered me even more is how staged the movie feels. The characters act like characters, not like real humans. I just hate when directors make movies like this. I can't get over the feeling of watching actors act. Even though the "acting" itself was fine, the characters didn't do things real humans would do -- thus, it just seemed like you were watching people play characters on a screen.

It also feels very lazy when the story is put together poorly, but the filmmakers keep choosing music that is obviously designed to elicit certain feelings in the viewer. I imagine them sitting back feeling very satisfied with themselves for choosing "that" song to portray feelings the characters should have been portraying through the actual story and script. I'm going to try hard to forget how they ruined "I Can't Go For That" by Hall & Oates with a bizarre, very bad dance scene involving Emma Stone and Bill Murray (what the heck was that?).

And at the end of the day... what was the overall point of the movie? What was the theme? What was the moral/takeaway? There were several little ideas tossed in there together, but no strong unifying theme.

And no, the "final act" (trying not to give spoilers here) wasn't a strong enough theme because it was so severely underplayed that it got lost in all the "love triangle" and "emotionally unavailable guy gets swept off his feet inexplicably by too-eager woman" and "supernatural" and "native Hawaiians vs. The U. S. government" stuff.

At the end of the say, this movie was just like watching a bunch of stuff happen. Boring and uninspiring. I'm giving it 4 stars because the acting was good despite the poor story, plot, and direction, and I suppose because it was set in Hawaii (which is always an undeniably beautiful "character" in any movie).

The Iron Claw (2023)

A very sad story, told well and acted superbly

[9/10 · 10 January 2024]

I wouldn't have picked this one on my own -- I have zero interest in wrestling. Less than zero. But my son asked me if I wanted to go see it with him, and from the trailer it looked like a pretty good film, story-wise.

I went in knowing nothing about the Von Erich family and, quite honestly, expecting to see more of a victory/triumph film. I had no idea the story would be so sad.

I'll be honest, in the first 15 or 20 minutes of the film, I was still not sure whether it was going to be interesting enough for a non-wrestling fan like me, but it was well-acted, so I can't say I was disappointed or bored. I was just wondering, "What's the story here?"

Well... once the story unfolded, the movie ended up being one of the best I've seen in a long time. In an era of often quite questionable movies, this one shines. The fact that the build-up to the drama was slow is actually AMAZING, because as it builds, you really find yourself engaged.

Instead of everything being thrown in your face with a lot of overhype and action, the story is told quite frankly... but also really well-acted by every member of the cast. It pulls you in. And then it culminates in one of the most heart-rending scenes I've seen in quite awhile, which just kind of comes at you out of nowhere. It was hard to compose myself at the theater.

The acting is stellar and I really hope Zac Efron gets an Oscar nod, or at least some truly suitable recognition for his skills. Thinking of how he embodied his character here, after also embodying the character of Ted Bundy in the Netflix miniseries -- all I can say is, the guy's got range. And as I said earlier, the entire cast was outstanding. I can't think of a single character who felt "off" -- they were all great and truly believable as a family (a tragic one at that).

Sad as it is, I highly recommend this film.

Leave the World Behind (2023)

A movie for our times-- where people lack critical thinking skills

[3/10 · 9 December 2023]

I'm going to go ahead and sound like a pompous jerk here and say, anyone who enjoyed this movie is not very smart. I wish more people would crack open a book (and not necessarily one of today's bestsellers, because most of them are garbage).

It's not that those of us who disliked this movie are "too dumb" to "get" what it's about. Yeah, we know what it's about, but we're too smart to enjoy this as if it's even a reasonable facsimile of what would actually happen in society/a country should something like this occur. Hey, I'm HERE for a doomsday movie, but can we at least make it MILDLY realistic? This thing is just garbage.

And honestly, it feels as if it's meant for those who eagerly await the news headlines each day, waiting to be told what's going on in the world (heavily slanted either to the left or the right) rather than understanding that people are largely hysterical and reactionary, and that frankly, we're just repeating history, folks.

Beyond its silly "message" -- the plot stinks. It isn't tight. It's just kind of all over the place, with the movie heavily leaning on its score in an attempt to make the viewer feel the way they're supposed to feel, instead of actually pulling together a STORY that would make one feel frightened, tense, anxious, etc.

If you really step back and look at the movie's message, in fact, and apply some deep critical thinking skills, you'll recognize that, ironically, it's portraying the absurdity of humanity (but not the way it's TRYING to portray it). So I guess there's that.

And I'll give it a couple of stars for good acting and set design. But it's definitely not worth wasting 2 hours of your life on. I lost IQ points on this one.

Best. Christmas. Ever! (2023)

Gosh, it wasn't THAT bad...

[4/10 · 4 December 2023]

Reading some of these reviews, you'd think they'd watched Sharknado or something, haha! Rating it a 1 or 2 stars is a little too unforgiving, as it is far from the worst movie ever made.

I guess if I'd gone in hoping to have my mind blown, I would have been more disappointed, but you can easily tell from the trailer/teaser content that this is "just another Hallmark/Lifetime-eque Christmas movie" -- so I went in with that expectation, and I feel like it delivered just a little bit less than that (but not all that much).

To me, the main problems are:

1) The acting: Heather Graham and Jason Biggs seem bored out of their minds delivering their lines. That was one of the most glaring flaws. I thought Brandy did a much better job of acting than Heather! I was rather annoyed by the OVERacting of one of the kids (who played Brandy's character's daughter). Other than that, the rest of the characters really weren't very well-acted at all.

2) The plot had some weirdness to it and just wasn't very tight. It didn't stick to the basic premise, and if it had, perhaps the viewer would be more drawn into the emotions and actually FEEL something about these characters. Instead, it had too many small-ish/weird-ish little things going on that distracted from the central premise

3) And then, of course, the very awkward "twist" (which any thinking person can see coming a mile away) that is SUPER strange. Without giving a spoiler, let's just say it's not something that would ever happen with mentally healthy people. If someone carried on with a falsehood the way this particular character did, they would be urged to seek treatment for their mental health (I'm not stigmatizing that treatment -- just saying what the character did was NOT "normal"). I only bring that part up because it was super weird to have it get plopped into a Hallmark-style Christmas movie. It was like, "Seriously? Are we gonna go there?"

Even with those flaws, I didn't hate it: the pace moved along, the wardrobe and scenery were nice to look at, and it wasn't filled to the brim with "what the heck is this tripe?" moments. I suppose that means my bar is set fairly low, but honestly, there are very few REALLY good Christmas movies these days, so my bar IS set low, and this one *almost* cleared it. For that, I give it 4 stars.

Family Switch (2023)

It's not Oscar material, but why would you expect it to be?

[7/10 · 3 December 2023]

This is a cute, feel-good movie that made me laugh out loud a few times and kept me entertained the rest of the time.

This falls squarely in the genre of "Disney-esque" movies that take place during the holidays, with lots of festive bells jingling and ding-donging throughout the score.

I wasn't expecting to raise my IQ by watching it, and of course I didn't. Nor was I expecting a transcendent work of cinematic art, and it wasn't.

But the acting was solid from all characters, the premise (while ridiculous, as all of these "body-swapping" stories are, unapologetically!) remained pretty steady throughout, and although it was predictable and formulaic, it wasn't over-the-top corny. (Sure, it was a little corny, but not TOO bad.)

There's even a cute dance sequence in the middle of the movie that turned suddenly sentimental and made me tear up for no discernable reason except that I am a pathetic sap, lol.

I enjoyed it and would recommend it if, like me, you enjoy sometimes just turning your brain off for a bit during the holidays, and watching something that's basically the cinematic equivalent of a warm snowman-shaped sugar cookie.

Cougar Town (2009–2015)

A cult comedy that gets funnier and more endearing as it goes

[8/10 · 30 November 2023]

I missed this when it was airing, mainly because I would never be interested in a show with the name Cougar Town. I only started watching this because of Courteney Cox, and for the first several episodes I'd have to say I was only mildly amused.

But this thing really starts to pick up steam after several episodes, and I began to get hooked on it -- particularly as it changed from "superficial over-40 woman tries to validate her self-worth by chasing younger men" to "group of quirky neighbors and family members hang out all day doing ridiculous things, drinking way too much wine, and learning to like and even love each other over time."

My fondness for this show reminds me of when I started watching Arrested Development: give it a little time and you start relishing not only the interplay between the characters and how they each develop, but the creative way they weave in both pop culture references and also in-show repeat references (like Ellie's "imaginary hat..." or the wine glass "funerals" -- fans of the show will know exactly what I mean!).

Honestly, I think you really have to recognize creativity to appreciate this show. And I'd classify it as a cult comedy for that reason. Not to say that it's not also HILARIOUS at times (I laughed 'til I cried in the episode where Jules removed her "Mom goggles" and saw Travis as a Scooby Doo-loving nerd pitching her a terrible business idea -- I mean, COME ON, that was comedy gold!).

But even the episodes that are not totally hilarious are super creative. There are some really entertaining "themed" episodes where they recreate scenes from popular movies, or act out silly scenarios like everyone pretending to get shot by imaginary guns as if in a mobster movie. It probably sounds kind of dumb in writing, but the way it's put together is truly creative and original. Oh, and the episode where Matthew Perry guest stars (rest in peace, brother) is SO good... I don't want to give spoilers, but let's just say there's a scene in there that makes you think, "Gee, Chandler would have LOVED to do this for Monica." I felt a mixture of nostalgia and "Wow, this is really cute and creative!"

So... I would say after the first 6 episodes of the first season, things start to get good and that's probably about where the writers were like, "Oops, we should have given this show a different name" (since it is really NOT at all about "cougars") -- but even that was addressed in the series finale in a very cute, creative way. If you're not loving it a few episodes in, maybe give it a little more time and see if you don't start to like it better as the characters (and inside jokes) develop.

Granted, it's not a "deep" show any more than something like Arrested Development is deep. And it doesn't offer the kind of "cracking up all the way through every episode" script that a show like, say, Will & Grace gave us (and no, it's not "Friends" either -- but what is?). But it has enough little moments of tenderness and care between the characters that I definitely felt something for them and enjoyed having them be "part of my life" for a time.

Bone Tomahawk (2015)

Someone termed this "torture porn" and it's 💯 accurate

[2/10 · 20 November 2023]

I'm giving it one extra star because the movie itself--aside from the HORRIBLY DISTURBING gore-- was actually pretty well-done and interesting. I really wondered why they had to ruin the darn thing by showing some of the most disturbing Texas Chainsaw Massacre-style mutilation scenes I've ever had the displeasure of watching.

I don't think I'm revealing spoilers here because I believe it's clear from ALL the other reviews that this is part gore-horror flick, but I really feel strongly that people should be forewarned in non-spoiler reviews that you need to REALLY be okay with human mutilation (as stated by that other reviewer: "torture porn") to actually like this film.

Again, too bad -- because I actually thought the quiet dialogue, lack of soundtrack, kind of "ordinary" (vs. Overly dramatic) depiction of the story was pretty interesting. I liked the characters and thought they did a good job of developing them. I was rooting for them.

I would have to say the woman who gets captured is a pretty dull, flat actor (someone else mentioned how dry her delivery of her lines was, when she should have been expressing sheer terror at certain points) -- but other than that the other actors were pretty good.

It was just so disappointing when the film took a horrifying turn and all of a sudden I am feeling just as nauseous as I did when watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original) decades ago. It's a dull, aching nausea kind of feeling, like... are there really other humans who are that depraved in our world? I don't want to know, honestly. Or at least I don't want to SEE it laid out before my eyes. UGH.

By the way, I really can stand gore for the most part, especially if it serves the story effectively (like in a war movie) -- it is just this gratuitous, almost gleefully gory hell-like stuff that turns my stomach. So if that's you too: you've been warned!

The Killer (2023)

Probably could have been a lot more interesting with a different lead

[5/10 · 11 November 2023]

About halfway through this movie, I realized why I was only mildly interested in it, even though by all accounts it probably SHOULD have been much more gripping: the wrong guy was cast as the lead.

Michael Fassbender is giving such "middle-aged dad on vacation" vibes that it's really, really difficult to imagine him as a sociopathic assassin. I DO understand that he's supposed to be largely unremarkable in appearance so as to blend in and be able to do his job unnoticed, but in order for us to really feel a sense of dread, intrigue, fear... something, *anything* about his character... he needs a more quirky, disturbing personality lying beneath the surface of his seemingly banal look. His dad vibes are, unfortunately, just too strong to carry this off.

The character also narrates throughout the film, and it's done in such a monotone fashion that at times I felt like I was listening to a boring sales seminar. Again, I get what the filmmakers were going for with this character -- but a Christian Bale or even a Zac Efron would have been more appropriate in a role like this. Or even Bryan Cranston or someone of his ilk, who obviously knows how to pull off the dad persona without actually giving off too much of the "vibe" that makes you think, "This guy spends his nights watching 30-year-old reruns with his socked feet propped up on the glass & oak coffee table." Not that they could have gotten any of the aforementioned actors to work with the rest of this cast (some of these folks seem fresh off the set of a Lifetime movie, with the exception of Tilda Swinton, who is so good she really has no business being in this film).

And then there are the actual THINGS the character narrates to himself through the movie, which are about as boring as it gets. "Stick to the plan," "Trust no one." That's really the best material the writers could come up with for his character to say? Almost anyone would sound like a boring dad if they kept repeating those "core philosophies" in their head while carrying out various crimes, lol.

And finally... the plot isn't crafted in a way that makes you feel really invested. The stakes are not THAT high (I don't want to give spoilers... but in my opinion, there should have been something more akin, at least, to John Wick's vendetta for his dog). There isn't enough "oomph" to get the viewer really on board as events are set in motion. And even when, in the final scene, the main character narrates very explicitly the "why" of his quest, it still feels pretty flimsy.

With ALL of that said... the movie wasn't terrible. Probably the most interesting thing was watching the main character do so much traveling. It definitely made me want to get on a plane and go somewhere, lol. There was also one interesting fight scene, but I have to say that even then, Fassbender's fighting was pretty wooden! And probably the ONE thing that stood out the most for me was the scene with Tilda Swinton, where not only was her acting impeccable, but she managed to flawlessly deliver a joke that made me laugh out loud.

And honestly, the movie isn't nap-inducing (at least it wasn't for me). It'll probably keep most people fairly engaged. But in my opinion, it's not something you'll ever want to rewatch. And I just can't help feeling like a HUGE amount of potential was wasted by casting the wrong guy to carry it.

(Post-script: I read a theory that this is supposed to be a dark comedy/parody of sorts. I can SORT OF see the potential for that, but it needs a **lot** of work if that's the case. Even a movie like The Tourist with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie does better at that than this one. Or perhaps the filmmaker could watch some Peter Sellers for inspiration. Hint: for it to be a well-executed comedy, at least a fair majority of the audience needs to know it's funny.)

Confess, Fletch (2022)

I'm a John Hamm fan, but this isn't a good vehicle for him at all

[2/10 · 4 November 2023]

I really liked the old Fletch films, but in watching this new one, it's like the script was written for Chevy Chase and acted by John Hamm. It just doesn't work. Hamm is not the hilarious comedian that Chase is. Chase has a way of doing facial expressions and "eye acting" that is so subtle, but definitely different from Hamm. I could see Hamm *trying* to do that, and I give him points for the effort... but honestly, I could try and I would fail too.

John Hamm is a good actor -- he just isn't particularly funny. Or maybe he needs more funny people around him in order to be funnier? It makes a difference who a comedic actor is playing off.

So, speaking of that, none of the other actors are particularly funny either. Even the quirky neighbor who invites him in and proceeds to gross him out (and his "grossed out" expressions are the perfect example of how Chevy Chase would have been WAY funnier). She's just kind of "meh" all around. No offense to the actor who played her -- I think the director probably just needed to do a better job with that scene. If you're going to do slapstick, you have to go all-in.

The plot was exceedingly boring, too, so there wasn't even a really good "mystery" feel to it. No tension. No feel that Fletch was really in trouble, or that there was a nefarious character in the middle of the cast... just kind of left me bored and wishing for the end.

And not for nothing, but when they cast too many characters who've been in other things together, it gets distracting. Hamm and Slatterly (obviously in Mad Men together)... Hamm and Harden (currently in The Morning Show together)... and there was one more I can't recall -- but honestly from a casting perspective, I feel like this is a mistake. It just makes me feel like I'm watching colleagues working at a different company together. It takes you out of the scene and into thinking about "Oh, look at these actors, acting in different roles here."

Granted, if the movie itself was AWESOME, it probably wouldn't matter too much. But this whole movie was kinda blah, so it did nothing to help.

I wouldn't recommend wasting your time on this one, especially if you liked the original movies.

Vice (I) (2018)

I couldn't make it through this one

[1/10 · 18 October 2023]

I'm liberal, and I love some of the actors in this film, but... c'mon. This was anti-conservative propaganda.

Make no mistake, Faux News is propaganda, but we need to do better than them. This is EXACTLY the kind of garbage they put out in their "news" broadcasts, but told through a radical leftist perspective.

They portray these characters as if they're completely one-dimensional and evil. As if every single thing they do is motivated by greed, power, sexism, careless regard for human life, etc. When the reality of ALL politics, on both sides of the aisle, is that it is partially motivated by those things (unfortunately), but it's also often motivated by real beliefs that human beings have that they're doing the "right" thing. Belief systems are so much more complex (again, on BOTH political sides) than people seem to be able to grasp.

When will people realize this and stop demonizing the "other side" all the time? Democrats don't like Republicans doing that to them -- so why do it back? It's like watching middle schoolers fight. Immature, lacking in critical thinking, purely driven by emotions rather than facts.

Anyway, I had to turn this film off halfway in, because it became so tiresome in its self-congratulatory "conservatives are the worst" tone.

Plus, there's no real STORY here. There's no one, definitive scandal in Cheney's life to make it an interesting enough subject to create an entire propaganda-like film about.

I'm disappointed that Christian Bale and Steve Carrell signed on for this. As for Amy Adams, she's picked some stinkers in the past and I'm starting to associate her with bad films (her acting is good, but the films she chooses are often not so good).

I would recommend skipping this one unless you are a far-left-leaning person who sees absolutely zero value in those with conservative or even moderate viewpoints.

Fair Play (2023)

Eh, it was okay but could have been a lot better

[5/10 · 7 October 2023]

First of all, it's incredibly distracting that it's NOT actually filmed in NYC but in Serbia. I literally had to pause the movie and look up the filming location within the first 10 minutes or so, because the entire "feel" of the movie was NOT New York, and I wondered, "Are they supposed to be living somewhere overseas? But everyone has American accents..." It's amazing how unique NYC's entire energy is, that you can't really copy it by filming elsewhere. So, the whole film had an otherworldly feel to it, and that bugged me.

On to the plot: I was engaged for the most part, and wanted to see what was going to happen. The acting was good. By the time we got to the final scene, though, I was just underwhelmed. It needed a twist, or it needed to have gone much, much deeper into the characters' inner lives. It was kind of like a cross between a character-driven film and a plot-driven film, but neither of those was strong enough to give it the "oomph" it needed to make it a great film.

I read someone's review that they said the ending was what every power woman dreams of or something. What?? No. I'm a woman who is successful career-wise, and I don't relate to the female lead character at all (okay, maybe a little bit professionally, but not in her relationship with her fiancee). In fact, I would have just dumped the guy after he started pouting incessantly due to my promotion. I couldn't understand why the character wasted her time with him, and I found it tedious.

That character is also annoyingly terrible at communicating with her mother. The way she lets herself be led around by her is BEYOND annoying. I'm in my 50s and I wouldn't have ever let my mother do what her mother did... (hint: call off the unasked-for party like a grown-up!). How would a younger woman in today's world let that kind of 1950s behavior go on? It just doesn't make sense.

Overall, the movie was still entertaining. A decent effort and not a total waste of time. But it could have been SO much more, and left me kind of wondering, "What was the point of this movie?"

Chained (I) (2012)

I got duped by all the talk of the "twist" (please don't be like me!)

[1/10 · 1 October 2023]

About 15 minutes in I'm thinking, "Ugh, this movie reminds me of that despairing film Boxing Helena," which I watched back in the 90s and which has stayed with me to this day as one of the darkest, most masochistic-evoking movies ever (as in, if you have some masochistic tendencies, as we all do to some degree, they will be painfully activated by watching the character suffer humiliations beyond anything you'd think a human could endure). I couldn't have nailed my comparison better, as I later find out the same director made this movie. Well, I'll give credit to Jennifer Lynch for being an auteur -- her movies have an undeniable stamp on them.

There isn't anything else commendable about this movie. Everything in it is just suffering and despair. Not that life isn't sometimes suffering and despair -- but these scenarios take it a step further. Specifically, scenes where characters have to perform or watch sexual acts that are SERIOUSLY psychologically damaging beyond any hope of repair... WHY? Why would you make a movie like this? Particularly when there is no "moral" to the story. Because honestly, if there were a lesson to take away -- something that made you really think about humanity -- I could probably still stomach the terrible scenes. But in this movie (as with Boxing Helena) you're left with absolutely nothing but despair. Ugh. LIfe is never PERMANENTLY despair. Well, I guess unless you choose to let it be. Maybe Jennifer Lynch feels that way about life, and if so I feel bad for her.

I don't get the high reviews. I'm a little bit frightened to know that so many people enjoy sitting down to a despair-fest of sadomasochism.

On top of that, the movie is S L O W. How do you make a serial killer movie both disturbing AND boring? You have Jennifer Lynch direct it, apparently. It moves too slowly and, by the way, for all its gore, it's not "scary" in any sense. It's "Oh my gosh, that looks painful/gross," but it's not edge-of-your-seat tense.

I stuck around for this amazing "twist" all the reviewers raved about, but by the time it came it was ABSURDLY scripted and directed. Major character personality/motivation reversals happen within just a few minutes -- i.e., people do and say things that normal humans would never do, or at least not at the speed with which these characters do it (example: a loving wife of several years IMMEDIATELY realizes the "truth" about her terrible husband and, without needing any time to gather her thoughts, she hatches a plan to deal with it and clearly has COMPLETELY different feelings about said husband in that same minutes-long span of time).

But I guess it had to happen that way because we needed to wrap up the show. (Maybe some of those long, languishing bloody scenes could have been cut from earlier in the film to make room for a proper denouement?) And speaking of the denouement, it also basically screwed over the only real victim in this story, because if the police were looking for the perpetrator of the "crime" the wife reported... well, there was a witness in the form of that wife's young son (I realize none of this will make sense to anyone who didn't watch the film yet).

Overall, a terrible film and I'm realizing now I have just wasted how many minutes of my life writing about it? Oh well, it feels good to get it off my chest, ha! This film is terrible. End of story. I really, really wouldn't waste your time.

Knock at the Cabin (2023)

Unfortunately, another disappointment from M. Night Shyamalan

[3/10 · 9 August 2023]

I can't say I ever leave M. Night Shyamalan's movies thinking they're a complete waste of time, but it's rare (with notable exceptions like The Sixth Sense) that I feel he's fulfilled a movie's potential. It seems he consistently starts with an interesting premise, and just as consistently botches it so that the actual unfolding of it is *womp womp.*

In this one, as others have said, there's just nothing very surprising, interesting, or twisty. There were absolutely opportunities to make it that way, but they fell flat. The Redmond character was the only one who offered a window into what MIGHT have been a possible twist... but nothing interesting happened with it. Not to mention, the backstory of his connection to the couple was so thinly developed, it did nothing to make the viewer question what was really going on.

The characters were also severely underdeveloped for what was essentially a character-driven movie (there isn't enough going on to classify this as a plot-driven movie!). I would have loved, for instance, to learn about the backstories of the four visitors. Having them each summarize who they were was beyond boring. The way they met up was so mundane. What about their horrifying visions? We should have been let in on them. We also should have been given more views of things that seemed "off" in terms of the news stories and timing of events.

In sum, we should have been led to question what was going on at every turn and felt along with the characters a sort of in-the-gut "Is this really happening?" feeling, but instead it was like watching someone announce, "Here's what's going to happen" and then watching all of it happen exactly as announced. I can't think of a single "surprise!" moment.

The acting was fine, leaning more towards good in most cases, with the exception of the girl who played the daughter. I don't want to insult a child, so I'll say that my thought was either casting didn't do their job well, or she should have received much better direction. She was unconvincing in just about every scene in terms of her interactions with other characters and her reactions to events.

And, as others have also said, I'm not sure why this was rated R when everything was about as un-terrifying and un-gory as it gets. I don't need to see gratuitous violence, but there just wasn't any feeling of fear or terror evoked anywhere in this movie.

Despite all that, it wasn't totally boring. It was far from the worst movie I've seen. But I'm really glad I waited for it to be included in my Prime membership. I would have been disappointed to have paid money to see this one. And it's not at all a candidate for a re-watch.

Hypnotic (2023)

Hypnotically bad

[5/10 · 23 July 2023]

The only real positive I can say about it is that it somehow managed to keep my attention even though it was really dumb and the acting was really bad.

I'm not sure I can even explain why it kept my attention, but I guess it's because I was waiting for the reveal to unfold and I thought it was going to be cool. (It wasn't. And by the way, there is an after-credits scene and it is also SO dumb. But of course i dutifully waited for it. Like someone who's been hypnotized. Sigh.)

The whole plot lies upon an interesting premise, executed in absolutely absurd ways. There's just nothing even remotely realistic about it. It's obviously trying to be Inception, but it isn't smart and cool like Inception. It's like Inception's whiny, lazy, sloppily-dressed cousin who doesn't understand why no one wants to hire them.

Affleck's voice sounded so weird throughout, too -- like he was trying on a new way of talking. Almost Batman-ish, but super flat. Like the instruction was, "Lower your pitch and try to sound as if you care about absolutely nothing, no matter what's happening."

On the other hand, the female lead William Shatner-ed her way through her lines, with every one delivered as if she was telling someone it was the end of the world, her hands outstretched beseechingly. ("We have. To buy. More toilet paper!") It was grating. I haven't seen her in anything else, I don't think, but I am not eager to watch her again after this shoddy performance.

Not for nothing, but what was up with the red blazers? They looked like realtors. What a silly, cheap, ridiculous outfit.

The ending was ridiculous, and wasn't even properly explained. I'm not sure the filmmakers themselves knew all the plot details. I imagine the pitch for this movie going something like: "Okay, so there's these people who can create hypnotic constructs, and when they do... whoa nelly, watch out, 'cause it gets really trippy!"

AND, with all that being said... I watched the whole darn thing and the after-credits scene too. I'm even a fast-forward-through-the-really-boring-stuff viewer, and I didn't fast forward through any of it.

So I'm gonna give it a 5-star rating just for that. It's not the worst movie I've ever seen, but you could easily miss this one and live a long and happy life.

Lavender (I) (2016)

The silliest thing about this movie...

[3/10 · 30 June 2023]

The movie begins by letting us know that the main character's family was killed when she was young, and that she was found in the house, crouched in the corner holding a pocket razor. Basically the movie then serves to unfold the mystery of what happened all those years ago.

The movie is incredibly slow. I found myself doing that "come on, wrap it up" gesture at the screen on more than one occasion where the camera was just pointed at Abbie Cornish's face, while she stood there looking sad or scared for WAY TOO LONG. I don't require a superhero movie to stay engaged, but the pace on this thing was like watching hair grow.

Like some other reviewers, I also questioned the "look" of Abbie Cornish's character. She certainly didn't look like a photographer. She looked like she was going to a barn dance, every day. I usually don't feel that annoyed by a character's wardrobe, but in this case that darn denim jacket got SO old it was distracting.

That aside, the plot unfolds in a pretty silly way. There isn't much consistency to the supernatural aspects (I am fine suspending disbelief for supernatural stuff -- but please establish some rules instead of having everyone do totally random things!).

By far the SILLIEST thing about this movie, though, is when we get to find out "what really happened." It was 1985 when this multiple murder took place, and the police couldn't put together what happened?? Once you see everything play out on the screen, it's obvious that even a random person off the street examining the bodies could give a fairly good guess. The specific types of injuries (or lack thereof) would make everything pretty obvious.

In short, it isn't a mysterious crime at all, so the police would ABSOLUTELY have figured it out and narrowed in on the killer quite easily. I hate having to suspend THAT much disbelief, so I felt cheated at the end, rather than rewarded for my patience sitting through all of those long, slow scenes.

It's not the worst movie I've ever seen, but there are a LOT of other good things I'd recommend putting ahead of this on your watchlist.

Run Rabbit Run (2023)

"You're a monster"

[5/10 · 29 June 2023]

This movie is disturbing. Basically it's about a truly despicable human being who got away with something unspeakably horrible many years ago, and whose loved one suffers the consequences in present day.

I don't want to give spoilers, but that's the gist. I'm giving it 5 stars because I don't want to downrate the movie just because I hated the subject matter (and I really hated the subject matter -- the bad character is irredeemably bad).

I'd rate it higher, but it's SO slow-moving for the first 2/3 of the movie that I felt myself just about wanting to fast-forward to see if I would actually be rewarded for the interminable scenes where n o t h i n g happens except ominous music building to a crescendo and then abruptly stopping. Plus, the end is extremely unsatisfying.

I'd rate it lower, but the acting and cinematography were both quite good. (The sweeping scenes of Australia's beautiful yet foreboding landscape alone were enough to bump the film up a couple of stars.) And even though the ending was unsatisfying personally, from a storytelling perspective it wasn't actually that bad (though it still could have been done with more impact).

Not a terrible movie, but definitely don't expect to leave with any good feelings -- and be prepared for a too-long ride.

A Vigilante (2018)

Really awful

[1/10 · 20 June 2023]

Unfortunately I first read some of the glowing reviews that said this was some of Olivia Wilde's best acting ever, so I thought it must be an amazing film. The trailer made it look good, too!

But it's boring. It's slow, plodding, and not engaging at all. I never felt for any of the characters, and I should have because the subject matter was serious and would be utterly heartbreaking in real life. It just didn't come off as real. None of the characters acted like actual people. Their emotions and reactions were just completely out of sync with the situations that were happening. Thus, I couldn't bring myself to feel anything for them, good, bad, or otherwise.

For instance (*very mild spoiler*), when Wilde's character fights off two would-be rapists, they just kind of fold weakly, instead of fighting back, even though just moments ago they were trying to attack and presumably sexually assault her violently. This scene fell flat in the sense that you couldn't feel victorious for Wilde's character, nor satisfied that the bad guys got their comeuppance. It was just a *womp womp* kinda scene. This kind of thing carried on throughout the entire movie. Very annoying.

And, the pace was incredibly slow. Way too many scenes of Wilde's character hyperventilating and silently raging, when I wanted to see something actually HAPPEN. Yes, she is a very good actor for sure! I just wish she hadn't wasted her talents on this mess. I actually fell asleep at one point and then made the mistake of rewinding to see what I'd missed. Turned out to be nothing interesting.

Don't make my mistake. PASS on this one!

A Thousand and One (2023)

Really good acting, and an interesting story, but not told well

[5/10 · 17 June 2023]

I was SO looking forward to this and the trailer really made it seem like it was going to be both really intense and a tearjerker.

For me, it failed to deliver on both of those points. I was bored and struggled to stay engaged. It wasn't until the final 15 or 20 minutes of the film that things started to get interesting enough to warrant sticking it out to the end.

Until then, it felt like a bunch of rather jumbled-up plot lines that didn't come together coherently. There wasn't a strong thread of a story, or at least there didn't seem to be, until the final act.

Plus, I never felt the emotional connection between the son and either of his parental figures -- or between the two parents themselves. None of them seemed particularly attached to each other, so even the final act carried a lot less emotional weight for me, because it didn't feel they'd "been through something" together -- it just felt like they had spent their lives living side by side, but never strongly connected emotionally.

There were a few lines here and there that were meant to telescope the parental figures' devotion to the kid... but they honestly fell flat, because they were just inserted into the middle of what felt like a bunch of random scenes of people just living their lives (I guess I should give points for realism... but I do watch movies to do more than just observe people living ordinary lives).

To be clear, it wasn't the actors' fault. Their performances were really, really good. I just don't think they were given a good enough script to bring things together. The story should have been tighter, more focused, and the script more intense, and then the underlying plot would have really sucker-punched the viewer (because it DOES have a unique plot).

The score is great. And with such good acting and a unique plot, I just wish the final product would have come together better.

The River Murders (2011)

Ugh, so bad. Really, really bad.

[1/10 · 5 June 2023]

This started out "just okay" but then I had to start fast-forwarding at some point, because I was becoming so irritated and bored with what turned out to just be a poor excuse for a movie.

There are way too many plot holes to make this even slightly believable. There is just NOTHING realistic about it. I feel like I need to rant about them, so, I'm sorry, but spoilers are included here...

Some of the more glaring plot holes include:

How on earth did the killer know all the locations of the places where Jack slept with all these women? Just because he was Jack's son in NO way explains how he knew all of these locations.

Not to mention, there's NO way he would know all of the women whom Jack had slept with. There's brief mention made that he is getting their names from the other women before he kills them -- but that's just absurd. Just because a woman sleeps with a man doesn't mean she knows about all the other women (or ANY of the other women, for that matter) he's slept with. It's not like we are all spending our days tracking the men we're interested in like deer at a hunt!

How on earth did the killer get all of those fetuses that he's shown lugging around in a duffel bag at the end? SERIOUSLY?

Most egregious of all: why would we assume that all of the women Jack had slept with became pregnant by him and got abortions????

The entire plot is t-e-n-i-o-u-s-l-y held together by the teeniest, tiniest string by the idea that Jack once encouraged a women to get an abortion, and she didn't. But there's nothing else there to support why the son is now a religious fanatic serial killer.

Oh, and... why do Jack and his colleague Jenny both have ZERO "spidey sense" as detectives when they meet the killer? C'mon, the guy is oozing "creepy" and they're both like, "Eh, he seems like a good guy" even though they both KNOW Jenny would be a target of this serial killer.

I am watching this in 2023, so I will say... RIP Ray Liotta... I'm sorry you had to act in this film during your lifetime.

I'll have to watch some of his other good films to remind myself what a fine actor he was. This one is NOT worth wasting anyone else's precious life watching. Skip it!

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

Unintended comedy

[2/10 · 29 May 2023]

This thing borders on satire! So I'll give it an extra star for the laughs every now and then. At times I wondered whether the actors were busting a gut between takes. Many of the lines they had to deliver were just so inane.

In fact, when John Cleese appeared briefly I was really hoping he'd just go full-on Monty Python or something. (The scene of him and Keanu at the chalkboard working together on some complex "mathematical equation" was quite funny!)

Toward the end of this movie, the term "apocalypse porn" came to mind -- i.e., a self-indulgent, thinly-plotted mess that only someone giddy with fantasies about the doom of humanity would actually take seriously.

On a rather meta note: I was struck by the idea that this movie preached that humans are so dumb, lazy, or stubborn that we refuse to save our planet even though we know we should... and here I was, watching this dumb movie even though I was wasting precious moments of my life on it that I can never get back. So I guess there was some truth to the premise. LOL!

Having watched the entire thing, I can also say... the ending made zero sense. If the filmmakers REALLY want to improve life on our planet, they could start by not wasting gobs of money and time on dumb projects like this! Sigh.

Love & Death (2023)

Better than Candy

[9/10 · 28 May 2023]

It's amazing reading some of the critical reviews saying the Hulu version ("Candy") is better than this, when I thought this was far and away better than that one. So, taste is definitely subjective!

The chemistry between Candy and Allan seemed more believable in this one. Candy's husband Pat was much more interesting and real than the goofy caricature of him played in the Candy series. Candy herself was a more layered, interesting character in this series. I love Jessica Biel, but she was not as convincing as Elizabeth Olson in this character (in my opinion). And, having lived in Texas for several years, I didn't find the characterizations of folks in that area to be unrealistic at all. They seemed like regular folk that I would have known back in the 80s, when I lived there.

It also amazes me that people are just SURE they know whether it's plausible that Candy could have "snapped" and disassociated, or whether Betty really did come at her with the axe and try to kill her... I mean, what do we need a jury for, and its verdict, when we have all these experts who were obviously right there in that utility room watching the events play out in real time?

Anyway, since I *wasn't* there in that utility room, I can only speculate. But as a non-murderous person myself, I have known some people in my lifetime who I'd never want to have to face with an axe in hand. There are people I have known, in other words, who are mentally unbalanced enough that I could totally see them coming at me with an axe, and I'm truly not sure what I might do in that circumstance, since I am a human being with all the features that come with that condition (chief among them being a strong instinct to survive). So that's my long-winded way of saying perhaps people should "judge not, lest ye be judged."

All in all, it was a tragic situation, and of course Betty didn't deserve to die, but if she really did come at Candy with an axe -- what would you have thought of her had Candy been the one to die? It seems silly to categorize either Candy or Betty in a binary good/bad or victim/perpetrator way. It was a terrible, messy, and tragic situation, period. And 12 jurors heard all the testimony and delivered an acquittal, so I wonder why people still have to decide they are "right" about something they actually know very little about.

Back to the series, though: I thought it was SO well done. The only character who kind of bugged me was Candy's best friend. Her look and entire manner were just "off" with the rest of the cast, in my view at least. I can't quite put my finger on what I didn't like, but she's the only one who stands out as being not great. In any case, everyone else was fantastic in my opinion. Elizabeth Olsen's performance was especially great! This was about as well done as a series like this gets.

I do think the Hulu version is good, but this one is better in my opinion. Watch them both and decide for yourself!

SmartLess: On the Road (2023)

After episode 1, this gets really good!

[9/10 · 26 May 2023]

I haven't even listened to the Smartless podcast, but I'm not a huge podcast listener in general, so... I watched this because I LOVE all these guys and figured it would be worth a try.

I'm glad I stuck with it beyond the first episode, because the first episode was a little off-putting. Like, they seemed to act rude to strangers and were a little TOO deadpan with each other to the point it seemed like they didn't like each other.

After that episode, though (and btw, the guest on episode 1 made it worth it and I laughed out loud when he was on the show!) things start to congeal better.

Some of the conversations they have are SUPER real. Really fascinating insight not only into their personal lives, but into the creative process, creative/showbiz life, and its ups and downs.

And the humor and chemistry between them and their guests... it's fun and relatable. I could see hanging out with these guys and being in stitches half the time. I would love to be friends with them all! And the guests I've watched so far have been laugh-out-loud awesome.

So... altogether a really fun show and worth watching. I'm happy I stumbled on it. I guess I'll have to give their podcast a listen now!

The Nice Guys (2016)

As others have said, what's with the porno material and young kids?

[1/10 · 25 May 2023]

Jeez, I'm not a prude at all, and I don't think children should be over-sheltered. However, this movie takes things to an extreme by having the young actress portraying Gosling's character's daughter inserted into all sorts of bordering-on-criminally-inappropriate situations. I found it unacceptable and could not help but feel sad that the actress's parents were okay with her playing this role.

I was raised in the era of "inappropriate" films like National Lampoon's Vacation, too. And even though those movies had kids in them playing rather adult roles, they weren't nearly as over-the-top as this one, since the entire movie is wrapped around the porn industry.

Beyond that... the film is just not funny or interesting. It's about as exciting as clipping toenails. The plot is uninteresting and the story rolls out in an amateurish fashion. I turned it off halfway through, because I am done committing to bad movies just because I started them.

I am taking some of my precious time to write this review, though, in the hopes it will save others from making my mistake! I thought because of Gosling and Crowe it would *have* to be at least GOOD, if not excellent. It wasn't. I don't know how they got roped into this project -- or heck, maybe they think it was a good film. If so, we'll have to agree to disagree, because I most definitely thought this was a stinker.