. . . threatened with destruction, such as when an explosives-laden vessel seems bound to annihilate the U. S.'s cherished Statute of Liberty near the close of Wailing Whale Part 4, aka TNT FOR TWO or FRIGHT CARGO. What monster would spoof defacing Mount Rushmore for yuks, or melt down the Liberty Bell, even in misplaced "jest"? Is there some sort of warning embedded within this Rocky and Bullwinkle episode--a prediction dire enough to justify such outrageous images? Who is behind the TNT plot in this film? A thinly disguised Aristotle O., future spouse of the unhappily married Jackie O. Released well BEFORE Nov. 11, 1963, this picture could be sounding an alarm that Jackie is scheming the ultimate revenge for JFK's "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" party with Norma Jean, subcontracting the Greek mob to serve as hitmen. Stranger things have happened.
Reviews
2,371 Reviews
The Bullwinkle Show: Fear on the Pier or What's Up Dock?/TNT for Two or Fright Cargo
(1961)
It's never humorous to see an American icon . . .
Season 2, Episode 47
9 May 2024
The Color Purple
(2023)
I feel a special affinity for this film . . .
7 May 2024
. . . because one of my screenwriter friends is about to get his script green lit for the musical GONE WITH THE WIND remake. Like this version of THE COLOR PURPLE, my buddy's WIND is a "Wait, there's more!" flick. I can avoid blabbing any spoilers about the last half hour of PURPLE by just highlighting my pal's WIND revival script. Scarlet's dad has just fallen off his horse as a messenger is arriving from Ireland to inform him that he can be crowned King of the Emerald Isle in a month due to some recently discovered branches of the O'Hara family tree. Wait, there's more! The messenger has a side gig as a leading cutting edge neurosurgeon, so he fixes up Pops O'Hara better than new! Wait, there's more! Scarlet learns that Wet Butler has eloped to Paris with Melanie to take up still life painting. Wait, there's more! A telegram arrives from the Front disclosing that Ashley Wilkes has won field promotions advancing him above such notorious losers as Stoner Jackson and Bob E. Lee to the command of the Gray, where he quickly wins the Battle of Gettysburg and Meade's unconditional surrender by having Pickett charge up San Juan Hill and he'll be home by Tuesday to marry the widow Scarlet in celebration of War's end. There's about another 18 "Wait, there's more!" surprises featured in the WIND sequel, which is close to the record set by the new COLOR PURPLE.
One of the drawbacks of being well-versed . . .
30 April 2024
. . . in the Life and Times of Tommy Eddie Larry, as T. E. Lawrence aka Lawrence of Arabia, was known to his friends, is that YOUR friends, relatives and doormen will all be asking you which film biography they should peruse: the one directed by John Walker or the live-action remake by David Lean. Some snobbish "film buffs" will opt for the latter, just because it won a "Best Picture" Award. However, Mr. Walker's briefer animated treatment, narrated by the Voice of Bullwinkle as Mr. Peabody, clocks in at about four hours more concise, which is important to bladder-challenged Americans. Sure, there may be a subplot or two "missing" from Walker's treatment, but who will care? The real story is all written on the wind, anyway.
Mark Twain always says that golf . . .
28 April 2024
. . . is nothing but a good walk spoiled. This is why ordinary puffers, which usually is spelled with an initial letter "D" except on ill-informed spellcheckers such as this one, seldom are caught actually walking, preferring to tool around with their excess baggage weighing down so-called "golf carts." Peabody's Improbable History: THE FIRST GOLF MATCH illustrates why the "game" of golf was flawed from its very inception. Originally established to settle minor grudges, golf grew into a cheaters' paradise, highlighting most of the shortcomings of Human Nature. Golf is truly an insult to walking, and has polluted way too many ponds, creeks and swamps with long-lasting if not eternal useless plastic orbs.
Casanova is the most famous librarian in the . . .
28 April 2024
. . . History of Italy. Mr. Peabody hardly does justice to the Book Master from Venice during Giacomo's namesake Improbable History segment. A prolific date-stamper, Casanova is reputed to have checked out more deep tomes than anyone else in recorded library lore. Nowadays, when people think of Librarians, it's usually that tawdry tart in River City, Iowa. Marion the Librarian is infamous for being "the sadder but wiser girl," with at least one ill-gotten whelp to show for her libertine lifestyle. Unlike Casanova, Marion's book recommendations are hardly on the up-and-up. For instance, Marion scandalously pushes Balzac upon the unsuspecting residents of River City. Casanova, of course, wouldn't be caught dead with a volume of Balzac.
The Dudley Do-Right Show: Robbing Banks/Skagway Dogsled-Pulling Contest/Canadian Railways Bridge
(1959)
The third title here graphically depicts why no one . . .
Season 1, Episode 10
27 April 2024
. . . feels safe traveling in Canada. Whether it's by sea, land or air, Canadian transportation infrastructure features engineering by unqualified project "designers" such as janitors, shoddy construction by bogus contractors and frequent disruption on the part of disgruntled saboteurs. Canadian hamlets, villages and what passes for "major" cities are frequently leveled by exploding ships, runaway trains and dive-bombing jumbo jets. Traversing Canadian bridge spans is a particularly iffy venture, because these rickety viaducts, overpasses and trestles are prone to collapse with little or no warning into the yawning chasms below. Bottom line, according to CANADIAN RAILWAYS BRIDGE: steer clear of this Northern Threat at all costs!
One authoritative world author ranking lists . . .
26 April 2024
. . . Jules Verne as Number Two behind Agatha Christie, but ahead of Bill Shakespeare, Chuck Dickens, Wash Irving, Jim Cooper, Bob Lou Stevenson, Walt Scott and all of the other scribblers in the deck. Therefore, viewers will naturally have Great Expectations regarding his examination by Mr. Peabody. Many if not most of them will be hoping for coverage of JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH or, better yet, a dip into TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA featuring Capt. Nemo. No such luck here. The only one of Verne's stories touched upon turns out to be AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY DAYS. Though Peabody's treatment is far superior to David Niven's snooze fest, that's not saying much.
The Bullwinkle Show: Wailing Whale/Vagabond Voyage or The Castoffs Cast Off
(1961)
The actual name of the title character . . .
Season 2, Episode 46
20 April 2024
. . . anchoring this story arc of The Bullwinkle Show is problematic. This moniker for the so-called WAILING WHALE is similar to Maybe Dock or Maybe Duck. I suppose that if you stretch it, you can even throw in a Maybe Deck here. However, the no-longer-acceptable tag being highlighted is a word play upon a 19th Century American novel by Herman Melville beginning with the unforgettable phrase, "Call me Ishmael." Often referred to by Professors of Literature as the Great American Novel, most states now ban this book, confining it in the same dumpster fire as THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN and TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD. In retrospect, shame on Bullwinkle for dragging such dregs into the view of children.
The Bullwinkle Show: Boris Badenov and His Friends?/Bars of Steal, or The Hard Cell
(1961)
Bullwinkle fans have been debating for decades . . .
Season 2, Episode 42
20 April 2024
. . . whether or not a question mark belongs at the end of the title for the first part of this episode's BURIED TREASURE story arc, Boris Bad-enough and His Friends. Certainly, when the narrator announces this as the next part of the Picayune Pot Saga at the close of Part 10, he voices this heading in the interrogative tone. Furthermore, Spike, Slug and Three-Finger--the trio comprising Boris' Five Pernicious Pachyderms Minus Two gang--frequently hold him at gunpoint, causing pusillanimous Boris's knees to quiver fearfully, so whether or not they can be considered as allies or friends to their diminutive leader is truly questionable. However, when this chapter's title is printed on-screen, there is no trace of a question mark present. Therefore, the debate rages on.
The Bullwinkle Show: Blood and Sand or Three for the Show/Bullwinkle's Landing or Moosle Beach
(1960)
Surely BULLWINKLE'S LANDING or . . .
Season 2, Episode 31
16 April 2024
... MUSCLE BEACH--with the M-word misspelled--was inspired by a Real-Life incident that occurred on Elizabeth Lake shortly before this picture was fashioned. The actual Muscle Beach was situated back then on the southeast corner of the lake, which was the part closest to Detroit. On that memorably hot summer day, one of those giant black whale floats drifted away from its moorings on Muscle Beach, and because the intermittent breeze was wafting from the southeast toward the northwest, this odoriferous communal beach toy washed into our neighborhood's tiny swim area, more than a mile away as the crow circles from the high-priced playground of moose and muscle. I can still smell that burning rubberized whale Today, even though I was a full generation away from it.
The Bullwinkle Show: Last Angry Moose/A Punch in the Snoot or The Nose Tattoo
(1961)
Viewers will be awash at sea if . . .
Season 2, Episode 44
14 April 2024
. . . they lack an encyclopedic knowledge of 1950's feature films when they attempt to decipher The Last Angry Moose Saga or its second part, A PUNCH IN THE SNOOT. Among the many references are to a flick called A STREETCAR NAMED STELLA, during which biker boy Jim Dean keeps on yelling after a public transit vehicle always disappearing down the tracks without him, since he's habitually late even though he seldom wastes time shaving in the morning. He's always breaking his sister's glass zoo animal collection, until some guys in white coats whisk his sibling away in a medical truck headed for the humorous farm. All of this is just the tip of the lettuce.
The Bullwinkle Show: The Sand Blasters or Big Bang on the Beach/The Brave and the Boulder or To Each His Stone
(1960)
King Bush-Wick the 33rd obviously . . .
Season 2, Episode 32
14 April 2024
. . . constitutes Product Placement by Big Tobacco, as he puffs, puffs and puffs away on multiple cigars during the Green Burnt Ogle Saga. How many wives have been done in by second-hand smoke during the decades following Green Burnt Ogle's release because it inspired their eventual weak-minded spouses to become hooked upon after-dinner White Owls or King Edwards? The peripheral smoke from Ben Hurs, Trinidad's, Cain's and 1881's is equally nefarious, and. Bolivar's, Oliva's and Black and Mild's all have driven innocent by-standers six feet under. This is akin to be flattened by a Diesel truck--or stogie.
Robert E. Lee's most famous remark, "You ain't whistling . . . "
8 April 2024
" . . . Dixie," was directed at James M. Whistler, whom he personally expelled in 1855 from West Point Military Academy when Jim stated that silicon was a gas on his final exam for chemistry after doodling sea serpents, whales and mermaids in the margins of his text book while spending all of his study time shooting billiards, drinking and leaching money from wealthier classmates. Whistler immediately fled in disgrace to Paris, never being brave enough to show his face in America again. As depicted in this episode of Peabody's Improbable History, Whistler's Mother was an out-of-control riotous rebellion sympathizer, soon forced to follow her son into permanent exile. None of their ilk were even allowed to be buried in the U. S. However, Mr. Peabody proves unable to cram in enough of the disreputable sordid details of the despicable Whistler's wanton bankrupt existence. For instance, even when a London jury agreed that he'd been libeled by a mentally deranged critic, they awarded him the British equivalent of one penny in "damages" and ordered him to pay court costs. All of his belongings, including his home and art works, had to be auctioned off to cover some of this judgment.
The Dudley Do-Right Show: Mother Whiplash's Log Jam/Stolen Art Masterpieces/Mechanical Dudley
(1959)
Every Home Economics Major strives to make a . . .
Season 1, Episode 8
2 April 2024
. . . condiment so tasty that their families, guests or business patrons will be willing to risk knife and phlegm for just a tiny taste of it. Hot sauce, wings dips, barbecue toppings and chip salsa are just a few of the mouth-melting "extras" just waiting to be sampled, enjoyed and partaken of during what often turns out to be a Last Supper. The Dudley Do-Right episode called MOTHER WHIPLASH'S LOG JAM explores this sort of culinary phenomenon. Serendipity reigns supreme as Snidely discovers that his log-jamming adhesive has become the most popular bread topping in Canada, where the inhabitants mostly survive by chomping endlessly on virtually tasteless whale blubber and walrus fat.
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire
(2024)
The most memorable portion of this picture . . .
29 March 2024
, , , comes at the beginning, when one of America's most beloved poems--"Fire and Ice" by Robert Frost--is presented on the screen. First appearing in the December, 1920 issue of Harper's Magazine, "Fire and Ice" has finally emerged from the so-called Steamboat Willie embargo, free to roam the World of Thought totally unencumbered by Mickey Mouse copyright restrictions. Inspired by Canto 32 of Dante's INFERNO, "Fire and Ice" sums up Today's End Times. Depicting the Ninth Circle of Hades as a FROZEN EMPIRE, Frost expands upon Dante's image of Absolute Zero, as Frost's second choice for how best to perish.
The Bullwinkle Show: Fun on the Freeway or The Quick and the Dead/Bullwinkle Makes a Movie or The Feature from Outer Space
(1961)
Not since THE :PRODUCERS' hilarious . . .
Season 2, Episode 45
29 March 2024
. . . "Springtime for Henry" dance number has America been so enthralled by a show-within-a show as when they enjoyed FUN ON THE FREEWAY or THE QUICK AND THE DEAD. Viewers of the conclusion of "The Last Angry Moose" saga will get as much of a kick watching their favorite antlered citizen toting around his mattress wallet as they had seeing Gene Kelly twirling around a lamp post as he sang in the rain. BULLWINKLE MAKES A MOVIE or THE FEATURE FROM OUTER SPACE will bring a smile to the face of those with fond memories of PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE, REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE and A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE. This film brings the hope for a more benign Henry--and Germany.
The Bullwinkle Show: Subway Finish, or An Underground Round/The Last Edition, or Five-Scar Final
(1961)
Like most of the sagas of . . .
Season 2, Episode 43
24 March 2024
. . . The Bullwinkle Show, the closing of Saga #7--"Buried Treasure"--is somewhat anticlimactic. Viewers wind up with more questions than answers with each passing episode. Take Part 13, aka SUBWAY FINISH or AN UNDERGROUND ROUND. People of This Our Modern 21st Century will be wondering whether there actually were cordless cleaning machines being used in the American hinterlands in 1961. Furthermore, as the saga concludes with Part 14, aka THE LAST EDITION or FIVE-SCAR FINAL, many will puzzle over the complete absence of Colonel Pickpocket, the owner/publisher of the Picayune Intelligence. However, the suspense of the saga is likely to keep Today's younger watchers on the edge of their X-Boxes.
The Bullwinkle Show: The Wizard Biz or Bullwinkle Lays an Egg/Riptide Rocky or Drips Adrift
(1960)
The misguided humans of Yesteryear . . .
Season 2, Episode 30
21 March 2024
. . . used to resort of all manner of crazed "theories" to predict the future. Millions of perfectly healthy farm animals were slaughtered to enable self-proclaimed "wizards" a chance to foretell coming events via examination of the poor critters' innards. Other so-called soothsayers "read" bumps on their neighbors' noggins, or lines on the palms of paying customers' hands, in order to "predict" oncoming history. Once the industries of salvaging bones from dead animals, manufacturing dice and constructing "playing" cards took hold, all of these devil's playthings were put into use to gamble on the outcomes of tomorrow and tomorrow. Some crazed elements of the populace even strained their eyes to discover planets and link random stars into "constellations" while alleging that these unbelievably distant astronomical anomalies somehow "influenced" the lives of Earthlings. Therefore, when Bullwinkle's WIZARD BIZ involves giant birds laying fortune cookie eggs, it smacks of "breaking news."
The Bullwinkle Show: When Moose Meets Moose, or Two's a Crowd/The Midnight Chew-Chew, or This Gum for Hire
(1961)
If there's anything worse than seeing Boris . . .
Season 2, Episode 41
20 March 2024
. . . Bad-Enough in his outlandish and totally transparent gender-appropriate "disguises," it must be the spectacle of viewing him parading around as a would-be member of the fair sects. To make matters worse, he caps off this pathetic ruse by smearing on way too much lipstick. The topping on this cow flop cake is the self-proclaimed Public Enemy Number One's feeble attempt at a Southern accent clumsily delivered with a distaff drawl. If all of this is not enough to turn your stomach, you must be a baby fly. When it comes to MOOSE MEETS MOOSE or TWO'S A CROWD, you need to give The Bullwinkle Show due credit for managing to create something so repellent to everyone.
Love Lies Bleeding
(2024)
Back in the 1900's, few if any people knew about . . .
20 March 2024
. . . Android Rage. LOVE LIES BLEEDING is one of the first pictures to tackle the touchy subject of Android--or just plain 'R-o-i-d--Rage. That one-time vampire gal famous for always biting her lip falls head-over-heels for someone even more problematic than a were wolf, in the form of the 50-foot Woman. This Android wench is similar to one of those metal wrenches, with an opening to fit specific sizes of nuts at either end, connected by an iron bar in the middle. This allows users to apply said tool in either direction. Instead of taking something out, however, proper care for an Android requires Ms. Vampire to apply a hypodermic injection inwards for purposes of controlling all that rage. Since nausea and hallucinations are well-known R-o-i-d side effects, things begin to spin out of control.
Have you ever gone to an H.G. flick, only to have a concert break out?
19 March 2024
This is the feeling many viewers of THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS & SNAKES are left with by this film. People are demanding more snakes, and fewer songbirds. Previews for this picture suggested that it would feature a plot comprised of wall-to-wall snakes, so it's disappointing that most of its venom is reserved until a long--if not excruciating--two hours have elapsed. Meanwhile, viewers are completely underwhelmed by a main character learning to play the guitar, as she tramps from crowd to crowd warbling her Joan Baez imitations. No one ever said that starving ladies make for the best opera soloists or are likely to achieve any Grammy Awards. I do not think that Karen won very many.
In keeping with his Tradition of visiting people . . .
17 March 2024
. . . soon to get their noggins lopped off, Mr. Peabody travels to Peru to taunt Francisco Pizarro with his cheerful shouts of "Heads up!" Regular History viewers will recall that Mr. P. previously visited Sir Walter Raleigh, King Charles I of England, France's Louis XVI and his consort Marie Antoinette. Surely the kids of the 1960's would be taking weekly bets as to whose topper would be hoisted next up on the pike. Mary Queen of Scots, Ann Boleyn, John the Baptist and Macbeth doubtless were popular choices among the kindergarten set. Still, it's quite distressing to view Mr. Peabody conspiring with the nefarious Pizarro to eradicate the Inca Civilization.
The most famous story about the Real Life . . .
17 March 2024
, , , DANIEL BOONE relates how the alleged "frontier's man" whiled away his hours blasting innocent tree trunks with musket shots, then further desecrating his victim trees by carving misleading bull's eye targets around wherever his pot shots had happened to hit. Thus building an undeserved reputation as a "marksman," this bogus "sharpshooter" gained an unjust amount of fame, influence and worldly wealth by establishing the nefarious U. S. Red State tradition of fabricated Public Relations. So it's refreshing to see Peabody's Improbable History exposing Boone for the clueless dolt that he actually was, incapable of distinguishing skunks from raccoons, unable to get along with people and continually needing to be rescued from the sort of scrapes to which people with no situational awareness are prone.
The Bullwinkle Show: Fifty Cents Lost or Get That Halfback/The Scheme Misfires or You Can Planet Better Than That
(1961)
Peoria, IL has been considered the center of . . .
Season 2, Episode 36
16 March 2024
. . . American culture for at least a century. Peoria turns out to be the key to solving the RUE BRITANNIA mystery, as noted below. Fort Clark, as Peoria was christened, became home to Cater-Pillar Heavy Equipment Company in 1925, largely responsible for churning out the U. S. Interstate Highway System during the subsequent nine decades. Before Prohibition, Peoria was the center of the American whiskey industry, as well. As revealed in the YOU CAN PLANET BETTER THAN THAT conclusion of Britannia, America stands on Peoria's shoulders when it comes to bathmats. Still unexplained, though, is how a moose almost got stuck with Lord Crankcase's million-pound debt.
The Bullwinkle Show: Hop Skip and Junk, or Bullwinkle's Big Tow/Bucks for Boris, or The Green Paper Caper
(1961)
No one born in this century would be likely to know . . .
Season 2, Episode 40
16 March 2024
. . . to what the first title of "Buried Treasure," Part 7 or The Bullwinkle Show refers. The heading in question is HOP SKIP AND JUNK. Since 2024 is an Olympic Year, and this phrase emanates from early Olympic lore, it bears closer examination. When the French aristocrats tried to revive the Olympics, they were mystified by most of the Ancient Greek activities. For instance, they took references to winning long jumps of 46 feet as the literal truth, rather than poetic license. With the victorious American managing less than 21 feet in this event in 1896, the French invented something they called either the "hop, step and jump" or the "hop, skip and jump" (precise translations of French are impossible). Jim Connolly, winner of this first-time challenge, Americanized the name to its current official title, the Triple Jump.
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