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Reviews
Side Effects (2005)
Awful just doesn't seem strong enough.
Okay, the point of the movie was made, but poorly played. Basically the movie is attempting to expose the pharmaceutical industry and all these new drugs that are constantly forced on us through celebrity endorsements and TV commercials. It's true, we spend way too much money on drugs and the industries force stuff on us. The movie gets to that point, but I think they used Katherine Heigl as a selling point and clearly the director wanted to know what she looked like without any clothes on. There are several scenes of her in her underwear, or furiously taking off her clothes. We as the viewers get screwed out of what could be the only redeeming quality of this film because we never get to see Heigl topless. Truthfully, that would have made the movie worth a rental. The movie looked like it was filmed on a home video camera, and sometimes the sound is so awful you have to wonder if it was. I get what they were trying to do, and to some point I can respect that but it could have been done better. I think the acting in my high school play was better, and that is saying a lot considering the talent pool we had. If you're curious, watch it. It's not like it's as bad as Miami Vice. Well, it's close but it's definitely not one you want to own.
Dirt Merchant (1999)
Not as bad as you'd think.
Okay, so this movie isn't for everyone. It's funny in it's own way, but nothing that would ever win an award. I wouldn't tell you to watch it for the chics because there are plenty of ways to see Jenna Jameson without any clothes on short of watching this movie. Honestly, her scene is brief and comical - as it should be in this movie. The movie even makes fun of itself, so I would say go in to it with an open mind and you won't be disappointed. I would highly recommend you use a free rental on it rather than paying for it, and only do it if you can't find anything else to watch.
Overall, probably gets a four or five out of 10. It's mildly amusing, but looks like it was filmed on a home video camera.
Three Way (2004)
Mega-crap!
Well, I should have known the underlying rule in soft porn flics. The girl you want to see with her shirt off never takes it off. Where is the justice? Ali Larter with two sex scenes and nothing more than a naval. I can't believe she stooped to this movie, same with Gina Gershon. This movie was garbage. The "unexpected plot twists were expected, predictable, and worthless. What crap! Trust me on this one, this is 88 minutes of your life that you'll NEVER SEE AGAIN! Ali Larter and Gina Gershon both keep their clothes on the entire movie, and the plot sucks. Your lead guy plays such a moron that you hope something bad happens to him. The lead girl is annoying and the ending doesn't fool anyone, it's still crap. Avoid at all costs.
Sol Goode (2003)
Garbage...
This movie sucked. I really hate to see someone like Katherine Towne get shafted in Sweet Home Alabama, and then come to this crap. This movie was probably one of the worst laid out movies I've ever seen. I rented it because Carmen Electra was in it and I was hopeful. She made a little less than a Cameo appearance and that was it. The actors are all good in the movie, as they've all done better works. They would have to, or there would be no room for them in Hollywood. The plot is over predictable, you know how it's going to end as soon as it starts. I have a general rule to stay clear of anything that has Tori Spelling in it - I violated my rule and I paid for it. She is the worst actress I have ever seen in any movie and this one is no different. I give this a one out of 10 because a zero isn't possible. I hate that I have to admit I've seen it, but oh well. Hopefully Ms. Towne will pop up in something good soon. Stay as far away from this movie as possible. Enough people wasted their time making it, don't waste your time seeing it.
Snapdragon (1993)
Skinomax late night crap.
Okay, I checked out this movie because quite honestly I like Pamela Anderson. I know she's no Oscar winning actress, but she's good looking as all get out. I read the reviews of this movie, and thought it couldn't be half bad. Well, it was pretty much all bad. To me it seemed like they saw Basic Instinct and said "Dude! We can do that!" Personally, I think Ms. Anderson would have been much better in Basic Instinct than Sharon Stone, but that's just me. This movie was crap. I wouldn't even thumb through the nude scenes of it if someone gave me a copy. It's just not that special. If you really want to see her without a shirt on, I would purchase the unrated edition of Barb Wire - that one doesn't completely suck. This one does. I give it one star only because you can't give it zero. Save that hour and a half of your life for something useful like arranging your sock drawer.
House of Sand and Fog (2003)
Not the story you would expect.
I didn't know what to expect going into this, other than it was nominated for a lot of awards. Ben Kingsley has always been a phenomenal actor, and this movie was no exception. Jennifer Connely has now proved she can play it all. She's gone from The Rocketeer's girlfriend, to Russel Crowe's wife, to a drug dealer, to this role. I honestly can't imagine wanting a better actress, or seeing one. She's great in this movie. However, this movie is not the kind of story you would expect. Short of giving any spoilers away, I would have to say don't get your hopes up about seeing Jennifer Connely without a shirt on (as man we all should), and don't watch the movie without a box of Kleenex. It's very good, very well shot, very well acted, but also a very sad story. I would give it a seven or nine out of ten based on the actors and actresses as no one could have played their roles better.
Swimming Pool (2003)
Crap
This movie was recommended to me as a thriller by Columbia House when I bought Killing Me Softly. These two movies aren't even in the same ball park. Basically, this movie is about a rude novelist (Charlotte Rampling) can't write a good book and hates her publisher. Her publisher let's her spend a week in his house in France. His sex crazed daughter shows up and attempts to nail every guy in the movie until the last one. He doesn't seem to want her so the "thriller" part of the movie begins - only without the thrill. This is quite possibly one of the worst movies I have ever even seen. If you still want to watch this movie, don't watch it for the plot. Watch it because you have some strange desire to see Ludivine without a shirt on - which she does for most of the movie. She's not that hot and the movie just isn't that good. The end is somewhat funny, but not worth two hours of your time. If you're going to watch it, thumb through the nude scenes (you'll get the gist of the plot I assure you) and watch the end. Make sure you don't pay for it though.