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EndeavoursGirl
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The House Across the Street (2022)
Please skip this for the good of your mental health
Strange. Strange. And more Strange. Stranger Things meets BritBox
Very bizarre main character. Had high hopes. But I think they sunk all their money into the music (perhaps? As it would not stop being spooky music for the 4 episodes I tried to fast forward through) and/or the cinematography. It's filmed well. It just feels crazy. As if 4 people got together to write a script and they all wrote different ones, then mashed them together. Hard.
*But we have no idea why it's a crazy story*
Is there a back story? What's up with Shirley?! Or Claudia? Why is she so shiver-me-timbers not right in the head. And yes, as others have mentioned whats up with the underpants.
Or the other strange "I want to be you, or get with you" behaviour. Who knows? Never explained. Nothing is actually ever explained except the ending. And you don't see it coming. You'd think any good mystery you can sort of go, wow... Nope, not this one.
And red herring with that girl at the school... had nothing to do with anything in the main story.
And who thinks up of these crazy storylines... "let's have a missing girl, and the lead character is a survivor of breast cancer (no rhyme or reason), but her son is doing bad in school, so the one guy who is sort of a tutor, let's have him share all his secrets (also has a romp in the hay with the mom.. hey?!) that he steals random items out of nowhere... and bite his mom! Oh and the other neighbours, let's have them adopt a boy who has a physical disability and the mom plays with dolls, or recreates them/rescues them in a house by herself which her husband gets mad at. What. WHAT
This is straight out bizarre. I'm sure a really bad drinking game can be made on: drink when you see a doll, drink when you see lead lady try to smell people or lie in their beds or get drunk or crash their social media party.
Just skip this.. why hasn't a real fast forward button been invented yet for online.
The Loft (2014)
Very slick, very fake, in a thrilling sort of way.
As much as I wanted to like this movie, I still don't know. It's very slick looking, and almost has a neo-noir type look (esp at the end). The 5 main male cast should be a powerhouse of acting talent, but I feel this could have been done by any actor.
I recognized some as British or Austrlian etc and they covered up their accents well (for whatever reason). The men are all (as others have said) rough, stubbly, "slicked back" aka greasy? Looking. The wives were all brunette, they all resembled each other and I had a hard time figuring out who was who. The femme fatales were all blond and slight of build. They all seemed very uhhhh type cast?
The dialogue... GAH. Heaven help whoever wrote it. Maybe it was better in it's original language, as this was laughable and predictable. I kept shouting at the screen WHEN WILL THIS BE OVER.
Many users have nailed it on the head in that none of the lead (or even supporting) actors are likable. They are sleazy, vulgar to gratuitous nature, sex crazed men... is this normal? Are any of the characters normal? I felt like they were all the R rated James Bond's.
There is no character depth in regards to the words "love" being uttered... which was a major plot problem for me. Everyone fell for the blondes, but WHY?
Wentworth Miller was as wooden and stuffed in a shirt as I've ever seen someone. Everyone seemed shallow, dumb, conceited and lifeless.
The plot twist, wow, yes the first one.... amazing. And then came the second, and then the third... And it almost felt like a cartoon or Marvel movie you just went to end already. I didn't care what happened to any character.
It gets high marks for visuals, and the first plot twist.... and then that's about it. It's a shallow, thrilling, "entertaining" movie. Now where is my Sherlock or Endeavour gone to.
Stories We Tell (2012)
Disappointed
I did not know Sarahs mom and feel like I know her less. I thought it cool that they had all this archival footage, as another reviewer said, and then the only shocking part of the movie, was that it had been staged by actors. I then felt the lightbulb come on dimly, the footage felt too good to be true because it was. Over and over and over again.
Ive never taken a film course so this is personal opinion, but just as I was getting engaged in someones personal story we cut to the "archival" footage. Repetively. Even the voice over all done by Sarahs dad, is filmed while hes doing it. Emotionally I couldnt connect. Perhaps on purpose?
Its a deeply personal story told as an archival film. It feels like we are skating on thin ice looking at the story below the whole time but never really getting into the water.
Its too long. After an hour I shut it off. A few days later I finished it but kept watching the clock. And what was actually learned? Broken people make mistakes and they last a lifetime. And they can be loved. I dont feel like we ever heard Sarahs side in this and she directed it. We heard everyone else but her own voice.
Crooked House (2017)
Pretty window dressing, but that's about it
I'm a massive fan of Agatha Christie, and although have read some of her novels, haven't read this. I'm not sure if it's an American or British re-done, but it's typical "Downton" style.. where all the money has been poured into set/costume/design, and the writing is bland and acting is way way over done. As others have said about half way through, I got bored. Every character was over acted. I didn't like anyone. Not any of the leads. Nothing.
And how in heavens name is this house so dark? I get it's a dark novel, but for the first bit I can barely make out the lead detective's face.
And others are right, the lead detective and female lead and zero chemistry, or forced over-acted chemistry.
I finally watched this on 1.25 speed and it was great fun! It's a shame since all the actors are usually amazing, I'd blame the script then and directing. Lots of floof poof, no substance of WOW I want to see that again.
I honestly don't, and this is coming from a true British Mystery fan.
Deadwater Fell (2020)
A moody long drama... murder? (not)
Because that's what it is. At first this looked good... people said it's the new Broadchurch, it's not. I watched all four hours back to back. Some say it could have been done in an hour, perhaps two. Really all it is, is about a strange, sad, scary murder (and the reason why,nwhich you only get to see in the last 10 minutes). Instead it is filled with wine, drugs, swearing, and sex (or rather a lot of the outcome of it).
It's not really a classic murder mystery as the Detectives are not front and centre, leading and guiding the story line. Instead it's Cush Jumbo. Why? I don't know. Is David Tennant crazy amazing? Freaking yes. Matthew McNulty is also amazing, and same with Anna Madeley. But the story just doesn't seem tight enough or know which way it's going. Seriously I wouldn't know the flashbacks were happening unless I knew that they were of people that had died.
There was so much more that could have been investigated, for instance a real investigation. Instead it's several characters who at first you think have the greatest life (strange considering the ending).. it just hits you in the gut in the end and you wonder where the last 3 hours at least have gone.
It's quite sad and disturbing as well.
Cup of Cheer (2020)
Wish it could be a satirical Halmark Christmas movie
But it's not. I had heard a review for this on the radio and thought the satirical movie was most it could be. And yes, I ignored what the reviewer said about bathroom humor.
Note, I never did like or watch the 90s or even 80s, bathroom/sex humor movies... a la Saturday Nigh Live comedy.
This movie has everything, and the only 4 star part of it I liked was it's hilarious take on Hallmark. I wish it had just stayed in that direction.
But it introduced many characters or humor that had no reason or explanation to be there? Spoiler: Why is the ex and his husband/boyfriend(?) looking like they came right out of a 90s movie. Why is the British guy from the past here? I get it's a take on Kate/Leopold movies, but there's no large reason in the plot, for him to be here. Why does the grandma have such awful, bad, wash-my-ears-out-with-soap humor?
I just wish the writer or director or whomever had just stayed on track with one style of humor instead of jumping around. And yes, this does feel Canadian campy in a bathroom humor meets Hallmark way. At Christmas. With enough people saying Cocoa you'll never want it again.
Christmas Coupon (2019)
Not even close to Hallmark
While this is I'm sure billed as a family friendly romance, it has bad acting, writing, directing, "soundtrack" (songs), costumes, and hair/makeup.
Perhaps its geared for a much younger tween/teen audience, I highly doubt it. The dialogue is stilted, the makeup is caked on, there are at least 4 cold-shoulder looks on one woman, I'm surprised the last scene didn't have one as well. And the wardrobe malfunctions are here too!
And this is the first movie I've scene where an Indian actor plays an NHL agent.
The houses are echo-y, in fact the best scenes are the skating ones... hairstyles are under hats, sometimes its a blizzard so no one can see, and the voice overs! Oh my. I'd say have plenty of wine or beers when watching this one.
And there's plenty of real life drama associated with this film, but google for a bit more on that.
All I can say is that this was free. I don't necessarily wish my time back, but now am planning on writing my own local (not-really a) Hallmark movie too!
Paradise Hills (2019)
I thought this would be fluffy, but still watchable with wine. Wrong.
Turns out no. I read the reviews on Kanopy, where I watched this, and thought, well I'll just pour myself a glass of red and expect some Alice in Wonderland meets Resident Evil... with lots of fluff. No no... it's worse. Bad.
As one reviewer said, just watch the first 5-15, and the last 15.. and you're good. You can save yourself over an hour of your life.
It looks amazing (sets/dresses), perhaps I would have enjoyed if it was a foreign film with subtitles. But the ladies sound real young (grammar/conversations... what conversations?). Perhaps this was a (pre) teen movie? As another reviewer said, it's very feminist (is there any man, other than her deceased father, who actually is a good/nice/kind/decent man in this movie?)? And why do they swear? They don't need to. Why is there a lesbian love interest? That was strange, as there was never a back story to it, nor closing or follow through? Then again most if not all the "relationship" stories weren't really fleshed out, no character development, because they are all like paper dolls.
Very flat movie. Looks pretty but that's it. Whoever wrote the script, should either stop or grab a thesaurus.
I'd rather watch Clueless 10 times in a row, then have to sit through this again.
However, I did like Emma Roberts hair, and wondered if that should be my new hair style.
After the Wedding (2019)
Go watch the original
I saw this preview somewhere and thought wow, looks suspenseful and loaded with great actors. I quickly looked at the reviews and was surprised to find out there's an original movie from 2006 -> Efter brylluppet with Mads Mikkelsen.
GO WATCH THAT ONE. Please. Don't waste your time on this one. Although I love all of these main actors, for some reason whether it be script or directing or lack of soundtrack/music during key moments... the original is amazing. After trying to watch this and fast forwarding the last 30 min... I want to go back to the original.
Dumplin' (2018)
Ugh
If you're looking for something light... like REAL LITE. Go for this one. LITE script. LITE acting. LITE EVERYTHING.
After 30 min I started trying to fast forward it. I haven't read the book, perhaps it is better? The plot makes no sense, lots of things come out of left field which made me go huh or ugh regularly.
Jennifer Aniston is basically playing her famous Rachel but a grown-up Texan version. The lead Willowdean, is wayyyyyy older in real life than the 16-17 she is supposed to play. Same with Bo. WAAAAYYYYY older. Almost to the point of Ugh (again)... No 16 year old would date a man. Yes, a grown man. No backstory to this sudden, romantic relationship. And no reason.
No character development. BTW the plot about Willowdean becoming a Dolly Parton meets magician was beyond comical. As in how ... where... why?!?!! And the drag queens? Where did they come from? (The To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar movie?) All of this was somehow hidden in her beloved Aunt's life, who was basically her mother?
I kept waiting for Jennifer Aniston to say, sorry I'm not really your mom, it was your aunt.
Who died? But it was never explained.
Her dad? No show... not even mentioned. Actually... no other family mentioned at all in a small town? Really bizarre.
Netflix... you've got the money, you can get the talent, make it look really good... but the plot and writing was really really weak.
This movie is for pre-teens... or as I said real LITE viewing. Like comparing Club Soda to Coca Cola... (still waiting for my Coke).