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Things (1989)
I don't remember taking mushrooms?
This movie is so mind-melting I felt on the verge of a bad trip followed by euphoria on repeat for the entirety of it. Just when you start to feel grounded, someone says or does something to send you spiralling out of orbit into the 3rd, 4th or 5th dimension.
Every piece of dialogue, every exchange of words in each scene more unbelievable than the last.
Make sure you watch this with a friend because you need someone there to ask "what the f-ck?" every thirty seconds or so. If not you'll be shouting into the void.
Things happen. Things don't make sense. But Things felt so right. 10 stars for the free trip.
Speak No Evil (2022)
Always trust your gut instinct
The only reason I've given this a low-ish rating is because I can't believe anyone could stand by while their child is taken / abused and then literally lie down to die. Psychologically speaking, this is the extreme version of freeze when it comes to flight / fight, perhaps in other cultures you would continue trying to be a good guest but I just can't see a mother and father not ripping and biting and tearing at the villains to save their daughter. Eye gouges, people.
I understand the point of the movie is to fully upset and frustrate you so I commend the writer and director on that. You can see how successful they were based on some of the comments.
Also one stars are for films shot on an iPhone in a warehouse, this film although very annoying at times doesn't deserve that low of a grade.
Hell Fest (2018)
Not bad but not worth the hate
Avid horror fan here, not going to gush over this one but it's not worth a really poor review. Some nice little pops in this, some tense moments, as well as a petit twist end which could lend itself to another movie - which honestly I'd watch because this wasn't half bad. This wasn't a gore-fest either - just one scene where something nice and gruesome happens. The rest is just your average slashing.
If you want to throw something spooky on in the background or are in the mood for teens to be chased by a masked villain it's a decent choice.
The sets / theme park and workers' costumes were really beautiful and the film keeps up a steady pace whether you like it or not. The killers does some nice non-verbal / physical acting which is always appreciated, and their stride is excellent! Def wouldn't want them lurking after me.
Haunt (2019)
Pleasantly surprised
The majority of what I watch is horror and can usually gauge what's to come from the preview. Like many here, I didn't expect too much but was popping something on for some spooky background as I normally do.
Concept was fun and there was some decent gore threaded through. Although it's nothing we haven't seen before - killer carnival meets escape room - there are some fun little additions I personally haven't seen incorporated before.
Sure there are some cheap (sometimes annoying) jump scares and a special survivor backstory for the final girl that's meant to make her place at the end feel worthy of earning, but tropes aside I actually found myself enjoying the ride.
Throw 'er on for some low commitment blood / clowns / skin peeling / head bashing / masked assailant slasher flick.
Tenemos la carne (2016)
Cute
Other than the ending you could see kind of see coming from a mile away, this was an enjoyable ride. Don't watch it with family unless you're as close as the ones in the film.
This isn't by any means an award-winning screenplay but it doesn't deserve the single star ratings it's getting. Lighten up, yeah?
10 Most Evil Serial Killers (2015)
Great for an amateur snuff film
Video editor: Do you want pencil sketchings, animated fire, inversed photography, historical archives, rain animations, loud piano, homemade sex tapes, or time lapse for these cut scenes?
Director: Yes.
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1994)
It's... alive?
Deniro is phenomenal in this film. All scenes with the monster carry his mastery with them. However, Branagh may have used a scene or two to flash us his abs. No joke. A lot of unnecessary moments could have been refined to pull more of the book into this adaptation. Overall not the worst, if you wanna pop a spooky period piece on for background noise or ambience, it'll do just fine.
Srpski film (2010)
You knew what you were getting into
Let's not pretend you watched this by accident. If you're here to vote this movie 1 Star because it shocked you, you're a coward.
Aftermath (1994)
Best find on Netflix
I found this little number on Netflix years ago, and what a pleasant surprise.
I don't understand how everyone is complaining that there is no story. This movie is 24 minutes (if you skip the credits), I don't know how much background you need about a man who bangs corpses. We don't need to know where he got his Polaroid camera or where he buys his newspaper.
The special effects are great. The gore is supreme. If you don't like shocking films, don't bother with this and maybe pass on rating a decent movie so poorly.
The Houses October Built 2 (2017)
Let's get the gang back together to do nothing, again.
Please rename this film "Wow, we really hated our first experience being lightly stalked and abducted so let's redo the whole thing step by step because what could go wrong...again."
This sequel has the same shabby and poorly-written structure as the first. This group of unlikeable individuals got the gang back together for round 2 and are still searching for the most extreme haunt even though they had a bad time in the first movie. They find what they're looking for (again) and complain. The girl still doesn't want to do any of it (but does it anyway?) and whines the entire time - ad nauseam.
The only real clown in this movie is me, having sat through the first burning trash pile and then putting the second one on to slowly finish off any braincells I had left.
I've flushed scarier turds than any houses October built.
The Houses October Built (2014)
Dollarstore Halloween masks and a plot that go nowhere
Like another reviewer, I started this and somehow kept it on hoping it would get better.
The characters are entirely unlikeable, and nothing happens to any of them. You could go to your local dollar store, pick up a clown mask and record something on your phone with more substance.
I would say this movie is ridiculously bad, but then I'd have to admit it even qualifies as a film and I consciously can't do that.
I'm about to watch the sequel because I hate myself.