JayHysterio Reviews

Jerry Maguire (1996)

Sadly the film hasn't aged well

[4 December 2023]

It's getting close to 30 years since Jerry Maguire hit the screen and a lot has changed; the internet and social media have now replaced any attempt at the personal service that JM idealistically tried to portray as a change in the sports agency industry. In fact, it only attracted more materialistic, status seeking MBA's looking to be more like Scott Boras than Jerry Maguire.

Predictably, athletes and agents now command and control even more of the sports scene than they ever did. Players' agents demand longer and more expensive contracts, with owners often refusing to invest and top name athletes from fans' favorite teams moving on to a bigger paycheck in other parts of the country or world.

In more recent developments, college athletes are now allowed agents to negotiate NIL contracts with sponsors. That of course, is if the athlete isn't already convinced by his agent to forego his college eligibility to a lucrative contract before reaching sophomore status. Transfer portals have also allowed collegians to move between schools more easily based on athletic skill only, seeking a higher commercial value profile.

Cameron Crowe's film was well intentioned as a feel good saga of loyalty and friendship over money. But it was rather naive. Not his fault and it's a still a good film carried entirely by the characters and the actors who played them. It was a nice try.

Seinfeld: The Pie (1994) Season 5, Episode 15

I Hated Kramer in this one

[10/10 · 7 November 2023]

The way he hurt Olive's feelings after his back stopped itching and he dumped her was cold, especially when they showed her reaction while he taunted her with the Elaine look alike mannequin. It seemed out of character for Kramer to behave so intentionally mean to someone especially since she had helped him.

Also the scene where George refuses to eat the poisoned pie was a reference to the Pride of the Yankees scene where Lou Gehrig's teammates dared him to take a bite out of Babe Ruth's straw hat by saying "If you're one of us, you'll take a bite". George of course was a big Yankees fan and at one point worked for them.

Cheers: Love Me, Love My Car (1992) Season 11, Episode 11

Cheers limping to the finish

[1/10 · 25 May 2023]

You can tell the series was winding down with this episode and the writers were toast and had no creativity left.

First, the opening was completely overlong and unfunny, Sam looked and sounded ridiculous.

Second, the main plot of Sam having the opportunity to get his car back. What was the big deal? The woman has no use for the car, just buy it back! No need for deception, just an unrealistic plot. The side plot with the pig was silly as well, still not sure why the pig was in Boston, they don't have them in Indiana?

The only reason to watch this episode was Dana Delany. Sam was really showing his age in this and was sleep walking through the whole episode.

The Slugger's Wife (1985)

The Slugger's Whiff

[1/10 · 29 September 2022]

With Aaron Judge tying Roger Maris American League record of 61 home runs (as of this writing) I thought I watch this and see if it had become a little better.

It didn't. It got worse.

The one thing I missed from the last time I saw this was the way they butchered some great songs by having actresses who sing like they swallowed some Red Man.

What I do remember was this could've been a good movie by making it a drama about the troubles a pro athlete and aspiring singer can have when their careers take them in different directions. But it tried to be oh so funny and cute instead and then suddenly switch to over the top dramatics. It failed. Michael O'Keefe showed more maturity as Danny Noonan than he does here and I can't believe they'd make a movie in an era when women were showing they were more than capable of taking care of themselves.

What little baseball action there was was horrible, the writing was horrible, the acting was horrible, the singing was horrible. In short, it was a horrible movie. Whomever came up with this shoud've been drilled with a 100 mile an hour heater right in the head.

Oh, did I also mention it was too long as well?

On a side note, it was bittersweet seeing cameos of the late Mark Fidrych who passed away in 2009.

Hideous Kinky (1998)

A liberal fantasy

[25 September 2022]

A English woman travels to Morocco to 'find herself'. Naturally she quickly finds a Moroccan stud, moves in with him, doesn't shave her armpits, has sex in front of her daughters and he becomes a father to her daughters.

Why do people need to go to foreign lands to 'find' themselves? She needed to go to Morocco for all that? Plus the not too subtle side plot of educating her kids to a Moroccan society, which is notorious for it's mistreatment of women. In the end she goes back to London with what?

A pointless film that just uses an 'exotic' location and interracial liason to titilate...the story sure doesn't.

Peripheral (I) (2018)

No Walking on Sunshine in this one

[5/10 · 2 September 2022]

I was interested in this because of Hannah Arterton and it was odd to see her in such a grim movie after the upbeat Walking On Sunshine.

Overall it's a basic premise; human against out of control technology, the conflict reminded me somewhat of HAL 9000 in 2001 A Space Odyssey but without the filmmaking skill.

I guess there have been so many films of this genre that they need to make the story vague or convoluted in order to stand out, but all this one does is make the viewer ask 'why was this needed?' There are a lot of puzzling and unresolved scenes which is not necessarily a wrong thing but in this film the viewer doesn't get any background information or character development to have a chance to connect the dots.

I felt no sense of peril during the film nor a sense of triumph at the end. I pretty much didn't care.

You Can't Take My Daughter (2020 TV Movie)

Negative reviewers comments haven't aged well

[5/10 · 29 August 2022]

With states now limiting if not outright stripping women's abortion rights the argument of choosing to abort a rape child is rather murky. I think this film is extremely relevant today as it points out complicated issues faced by women who have had rights altered without consideration.

Can't give the film a really high mark because it descends into some rather unlikely scenarios and a sadly horrible appearance by Kirstie Alley who plays something of a clueless, stereotyped character that really subtracts from the plot.

It's a subject that is now relevant however the movie could've handled it much more intelligently.

The Office: Scott's Tots (2009) Season 6, Episode 12

Really liked this one

[10/10 · 4 May 2022]

This episode for me vaulted Erin to a #1 draft pick over Pam. Her explanation to Michael in the car was delivered with such a positive take on a typically stupid situation created by him. Plus her singing the rap song was really cute.

Also a great job by Dwight imitating the voices of co-workers, although what he was trying to do was slimy and sneaky.

The Love Boat: The Return of the Captain's Lady/Love Ain't Illegal/The Irresistible Man (1982) Season 5, Episode 17

The writers must have had a bad week.

[3/10 · 14 April 2022]

The 3 storylines:

1. A boring doofus tries to get an equally boring skeezer by pretending he was amorously assaulted by sex crazed woman. The skeezer's friend then pretends to be the sex crazed woman to get the boring doofus to notice HER.

2. An unscrupulous businessman steals the company funds while his unknowing girlfriend keeps his partner occupied. The plan falls apart when she falls for the partner.

3. A former lover of Captain Stubing comes aboard for some not too clear reason. It's then discovered she's not completely divorced and apparently showed up just for a little on the side action.

There had to be a better way to handle these storylines, implausible as they were. Most of the dialogue and situations were really contrived, although Gopher had some good comedic moments and the Captain's squeeze made an actually intelligent statement about why the Captain was so special that he couldn't be in a clandestine relationship.

Lauren Tewes had only a limited role in this episode and was looking noticeably bloated in the face. This was likely filmed at some point during her substance abuse issues. Plus not coincidentally Patricia Klous, who portrayed the skeezer's friend, eventually replaced Tewes on the show. Perhaps this was her audition. She replaced Tewes two years after this episode.

Party Mom (2018 TV Movie)

Missed opportunity

[3/10 · 8 April 2022]

Instead of an opportunity to focus on teenage drinking, drunk driving, enabling parents and the legal system it instead morphed into a campy, over the top and completely illogical murder mystery.

Tribes (1970)

Depicts the 70's mindset pretty well

[9/10 · 23 February 2022]

When this film was made, wild eyed militarism was under siege. Vietnam had been exposed by Tet, the public had turned against the war and the politicians were looking for a way to get out of Vietnam. The military and the government were now looked upon as the enemy who involved the country in a needless war. It was not cool to be in the military then, often to the point of disrespect.

Parallel to the anti-war movement was the decline of the hippie culture as noted by Jan Michael Vincent's character early in the film. The culture had soured with pimps, hard core drug dealers, rip off artists and degenerates looking for teenage runaways. The Elysium that was so coveted turned into a sewer of the depravity they wanted to escape and many were leaving the movement in disillusionment.

Both are presented in this film. While not a war film, it shows the mindset of most draftees at the time. Most did not want to be there and were skeptical of the reasons why. Vincent's character as seen by his long hair and meditational techniques represented the last of his kind; no one else in the platoon was like him. Sgt. Drake represented a conflicted drill instructor; while doing his job and being hard on the trainees he had doubts and in fact privately struggled with his dichotomy of being a military man and yet having an introspective and peaceful side.

Does Vincent win him over? Maybe, but the ending doesn't leave any straight answers. Like the time itself, America and it's people were at a crossroad.

The Perfect Bride: The Perfect Bride (2017) Season 1, Episode 1

My Favorite Hallmark Movie

[10/10 · 19 February 2022]

I thought this film was really good; funny, touching without being mushy, Kavan Smith and Pascale Hutton were a great match. I think it was a clever premise that Molly was running a bridal boot camp and being a marriage counselor after being left at the altar. I felt so bad for Molly when she found out Nick was engaged, her crestfallen look was right on while her smile was so dazzling. Even Nick's fiance, while initially unlikeable turned out to be ok. I thought the wedding dress controversy was unique and actually had some funny moments in it. I also like the character Claire (Jennifer Oleksiuk), good to see her career is taking off.

Family: Someone's Watching (1977) Season 2, Episode 15

How dare anyone infiltrate the Lawrence family

[7 February 2022]

In our days, instead of fretting over someone pestering us we would beat them up. Problem solved.

In actuality Tanner seemed like a cool kid, Buddy needs some fiber in her diet.

Funny end to the Nancy plot. She ends up sounding more crazy than her stalker, going on a screeching rant and when a passerby asks what he did to her, the only answer she had was "he sent me gifts"...

The Horror, the horror....

Family: Change of Heart (1977) Season 3, Episode 4

Those Lawrence kids always have relationship issues

[3/10 · 28 January 2022]

Nancy divorces Jeff, then gets jealous of his new fiancee? Buddy's domineering personality causes TJ to let his eyes wander? Anyone see a pattern here?

Veronica Hamel pre-Hill Street Blues plays Jeff's new squeeze so I can't blame him. Willie Aames...well, enough said. What's disappointing is Genie Francis' who moved on to General Hospital portrayal of Alice Dennison is played by some tall, skinny unknown actress. What a let down.

Mother's Day (I) (2016)

A liberal fantasy

[4/10 · 14 January 2022]

A star cast is about the only thing that saves this homage to diversity. Mother's Day doesn't miss a trick to try and hook the audience; a single mother, an interracial couple, a gay couple, an international couple, an older man with a younger woman, a redneck older couple who apparently have been under a rock for 60 years...and it manipulates with way too many cliched and contrived situations followed by sugary sweet resolutions. What's worse is it uses children as bait to garner sympathy from us.

But the main problem, as usually is with TV directors trying to make a theatrical film is the writing. The jokes and lines are just too obvious, it tries too hard and way too often for laughs as if it's a 30 minute sitcom. For all of the touchy-feely moments, there's not enough serious dialogue to make them effective; it's like, let's be silly and light hearted for 95% of the movie then reel them in with convenient, heart tugging moments that just don't ring true.

And as a final clue, the lame outtakes during the credits to try and convince us that a great time was had by all.

But it's a great cast of A-list actors who are easy on the eyes...too bad there was nothing much for them to work with.

M*A*S*H: Heal Thyself (1980) Season 8, Episode 17

Response to Al Capone State

[11 December 2021]

Hermann was being factitious, he likely did his undergrad work at the University of Chicago which is one of the highest ranked universities in the world.

The Love Boat: The Harder They Fall/The Spider Serenade/Next Door Wife (1979) Season 3, Episode 15

Gopher blows it

[1/10 · 24 November 2021]

Gopher was a real wimp in this one. Hooks up with Jill St. John and he lets her husband just walk in and take her away. Gopher even wishes the guy good luck.

High & Outside: A Baseball Noir (2017)

Don't expect Bull Durham

[8/10 · 18 October 2021]

This isn't really a film about baseball more than it's a film about a desperate man who happens to be a ballplayer. There's very little baseball action and there is no humor at all, it's a pretty dark film. But it's also pretty good; gritty would be too soft of a description, it's more raw and seedy showing the underside of a minor league player when he no longer has any options to stay in the game.

The acting is really good, sadly the last film of Geoffrey Lewis before he passed away. The main character who is the son of Lewis' character isn't particularly likable and has a complicated relationship with his father that's furthered by failed expectations along with a sense of loyalty. The son makes plenty of poor choices, some illegal and alienates many. The ending leaves the viewer uncertain about his future. It's neither upbeat nor is it totally depressing without resolution. But that's the point, what future is there when the game you love no longer loves you?

The Rookies (1989 TV Movie)

Long Lost Made for TV Hockey film

[8/10 · 5 February 2021]

Wow. I saw this film on network television 32 years ago before the internet, Amazon, and when Gretzky was in his prime. I gave up on ever seeing it again but there it was on Amazon Prime.

The plot mostly resembles that of Youngblood where a young hockey player from a small town farm learns the hard way about life in the Canadian minor league hockey system.

As a made for TV afternoon film there refreshingly is no foul language, nudity or even blood but it doesn't really take anything away from the film. It's doesn't have the star power of Youngblood, the vulgarity of Slap Shot, nor the vulgarity and violence of Goon...but it's a good hockey film.

The film balances the dramatic plot with hockey action pretty evenly, the characters are all pretty agreeable to the eye and there's no real antagonist in the entire film. I wouldn't call this an intense or emotion evoking film, it's pretty low key with no real twists or deep meaning...it just moves along to a rather ambiguous ending.

However, there are problems as the production value isn't really high; the character developments are pretty shallow, especially in the case of the main character, the young Cory Dyson. There are several pauses where commercial breaks no doubt were inserted, so several of the scenes transition awkwardly to the next scene that almost makes it seem like a series of vignettes.

Was it worth a 32 year wait? Probably not, I was just happily surprised to run across it and it was pretty much like I remembered it.

Soul Surfer (2011)

Good film in spite of some obvious faults

[13 October 2020]

I liked Soul Surfer as an inspirational film, the real life Bethany Hamilton back surfing only a month after the attack is amazing let alone competing at an elite level. The actors were all physically appealing; lots of pretty and handsome faces, rippling pecs, flat stomachs and armpits. It almost made you forget these were teenage girls in a faith based film, which seemed to sort of take away from what they were trying to show.

A little more disturbing was the total absence of the indigenous people. Except for an adult character who was in the film solely (no pun) to serve as the wise "chief" of the surfing community and island, plus the faithful Tonto like male friend of Bethany, there were no native actors...and those two roles were bit parts at best. Add in the beginning of the film where the outdoor Christian church service takes place with Carrie Underwood of all people leading them in Christian songs and it seems like white people have inhabited the islands for thousands of years. To further the slight, Bethany, who is about as white, suburban bred as possible, is supposedly imbued with mystical powers that allow her to become one with the ocean...and every time to the sound of traditional Hawaiian music.

A final problem I felt was the scene where the shark was hoisted by a crane and left to hang there while sinister music played, portraying it as some kind of villain. Now I understand they had to kill the shark once it got a taste of Haole meat but in fact people surfing are invading the sharks' home, all the shark was doing is something they've been doing for millions of years.

Valentine Ever After (2016 TV Movie)

Funny Autumn

[9/10 · 22 June 2020]

I'm a big Autumn Reeser fan and this was a nice change of character. Usually she plays charming, lovestruck roles but this was a truly comedic role for the most part. Her facial expressions during the various snafus are funny without even speaking. That's good acting when you can express an emotion to the audience without words. I admit the plot is pretty contrived and when the movie moves from comedy to serious romance in the second half it kind of loses something. Her sidekick in crime is also appealing and has a flair for comedy too.

Naked and Afraid (2013– )

Makes me sick; boycott this show

[12 January 2020]

Just another example of humans seeking attention. And I understand people hunt for food out of necessity, but is killing animals for the benefit of a TV show a necessity? This isn't survival...the people know they can quit at any time and after 21 days they'll be back eating fast food.

I see a couple raiding a bird's nest where the mother had left her hatchlings while going for food. The couple destroyed the nest and killed the babies. In fact, I'm wondering if there aren't laws against killing wildlife? In any case, it seems like the rape of nature and this show only exists because the people are naked.

Don't watch this show...better yet, boycott the sponsors.

How to Deal (2003)

Tries too hard to be cool

[2/10 · 6 January 2020]

Just a bunch of disconnected scenes put together to look cute and quirky while conveying some kind of vague message about love. But for every 30 seconds of anything worth watching there's 20 minutes of nothing worth watching. Add in what they think is a hip soundtrack to make the film seem better than it really is.

Believe me, if all you can remember is the soundtrack that means the film wasn't very good. About the only thing I think caught my eye was a possible glimpse of Mandy Moore's crack...but I wouldn't watch this again just to verify it.

Footloose (1984)

Kevin Makin' Bacon

[8/10 · 18 February 2019]

Kevin Bacon is known for two roles; the initiation scene in Animal House (thank you sir may I have another?)...and this film.

He's actually been better in more critically acclaimed films but he'll never shake this one.

As for Footloose, the plot, characters and storyline are questionable and contrived but there's a certain attraction to it all. The best dynamic is actually between Reverend Moore and his wife, two people who are conflicted within themselves as well as with each other...that's about the only real life in this film.

You have to wonder how Moore has the compassion and wisdom to go against book burning but not dancing, something that is way less potentially harmful to the kids. Plus he seemed to not question Ariel about her seeing Chuck, a violent and mean redneck, but forbade her to associate with Ren.

The best part was the final dance scene, precluded by a fight where Ren suddenly develops martial arts skills in addition to a hayseed kid all dressed up but sneaking a nose pick in like he's on a John Deere in the field.

I guess the this film has everything; Religion, breaking laws, hypocrisy, protagonists, antagonists, meaningful sidelong glances, contrived situations and a nose pick. Not bad.

The Big Valley: Winner Lose All (1965) Season 1, Episode 7

Unintentionally funny, disturbing too

[8/10 · 14 February 2019]

The premise of comparing the handsome buck Heath to inbreeding cattle struck this deranged old man as hilarious. Just as funny was the wrestling scene where Heath has Nick pinned and looks toward Maria for approval with a stupid grin on his face...and then gets pinned by Nick.

Disturbing was the senseless killing of the bull early in the episode, both for the cruelty of the act in addition to the impracticality. Wouldn't it have been easier to return a live bull to pasture instead of having to haul a ton of dead carcass out of his yard?

Of course the overall idea of elitism and racial purity is always a distasteful, yet compelling subject to base a piece of work upon. Don Alfredo was an arrogant ass and I hated to see him "win". Yet I enjoyed this episode, especially the climactic scene where Nick and Heath try to stop the other ranchers from destroying their land.