delmontebanana Reviews

Constantine (2005)

Yellow Spandex

[9/10 · 24 March 2005]

I thought this film was outstanding and really enjoyable to watch. This was one of the few films that made me want to get the DVD as soon as I left the movie theatre.

What on earth is it with critics these days demanding that films BASED, "note the word BASED" on comic books be identically adapted from them?! The film in itself was well made, beautifully shot, flawless CG, played excellently by Rachel and Honsou (no comment on Reeve's performance, note my 9/10 mark) and has an excellent storyline.

For all the normal people out there who enjoy a good movie and didn't expect Wolverine to wear yellow spandex in X-Men, go watch this movie and enjoy it.

Shadow of the Vampire (2000)

Misled by score.

[1/10 · 30 December 2004]

I read a good few reviews/comments about this film on IMDb and although many of them were slightly negative, I disregarded them simply due to the score being 6.8/10 and having read the plot, it seemed highly interesting and entertaining.

Having watched it, expecting this to be an excellent piece of filmography with the likes of Dafoe, Malkovich and Kier playing lead roles(and Nick Cage as producer in there for kicks) I was extremely disappointed. In fact, I fell asleep just after Dafoe came waltzing in onto the screen. This must be one of the most boring and over rated films of all time! I wasn't expecting a gorish horror film, but nor was I expecting a film with an intro lasting several minutes long panning around a piece of colourless art! It's not artistic, it's boring!

Oh, and did anyone else notice the German accents the actors used fading towards the end? Maybe they got bored too.

HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT.

The Return of Jafar (1994 Video)

2 words: Cash-off. (or Utter Rubbish.)

[2/10 · 30 December 2004]

I was one of the mindless individuals mugged into buying the special edition Aladdin box set with 4 DVDs, thinking that this would be a quality buy and that the 2 follow ups to the original movie (Return of Jafar and King of Thieves) would be of somewhat average to good standard. I was wrong.

Since putting on Return of Jafar, I couldn't help but think that this sub-standard-day-time-television-cartoon really was a waste of money to purchase and it's sole purpose of being made was to mug Aladdin fans and kids who love Disney.

• The animation was shoddy, I would say that Rugrats probably put more effort into their animation than this film.

• The plot was just randomly put together. You could see that by one scene where Aladdin is talking to Jasmine and there is a vase with a white tulip and a jeweled flower in it. These items keep disappearing every so often, sometimes showing an empty vase, sometimes one flower, sometimes 2.

• The music was horrible. If you have just watched the original movie and loved the music steer clear of this sequel. I think they paid a couple of monkeys a few bananas to knock together some notes on a keyboard and then they just made up a few words to go along with the song (if you can call it a song).

Anyways, after watching this sequel, I can happily tell everyone to steer right clear of it, because all it will do is depress you.

I voted 2/10