creiss Reviews

24: Redemption (2008 TV Movie)

Yurgh.

[2/10 · 26 April 2009]

Spoiler free review / opinion.

First off, I am a huge fan of the 24 series. There were good seasons and not-as-brilliant ones *cough*season6*cough*. But at least every season got me caught up in the middle, and I always craved for just one more episode.

This movie should prove me otherwise. The first half of the movie I was trying to get to know the "real" storyline. I was waiting for serious threats, terrorists, bombs, data espionage... well, something. Then it hit me, this movie is really just about moving a bunch of kids around. It was so blatantly mindless boring that even the action sequences did not get my mind of tomorrows grocery list.

In the series there was always an imminent danger to something. A nuclear bomb, poison gas or some nasty viral stuff that put a large portion of the citizens in jeopardy. Granted, it can also be fun and extremely exiting if only one person is at risk, as it was on the first season. But you could feel with Balmer and you actually were worried for him.

This movie is just about a bunch of kids, so it's not the "mass effect". And since the kids did not really bond with me, that is, I never had the feeling of "knowing them" I never really cared. I was hoping the other plots in the movie would cause some excitement, but it failed at that too.

My recommendation: If you are interested as hell in Jack Bauer hauling a bunch of kids around AND if you are a hardcore fan, watch this! Everyone else: Watch the athletes foot of your best pal grow! Much more exciting. AND you care about the person, at least.

Stealth (2005)

Terrible Movie.

[1/10 · 3 October 2005]

Stealth - More like "Lets get stealthy out of the cinema". It made no sense, from beginning to the end. Every technical line in the movie is designed for people without any technical background, IE, if you believe that your toaster contains quantum wires this movie is for you. But if you believe that a "firewall password" is MovieOS-Language, or if you have slight doubts that an AI signature does look like a Mandelbrot screen saver, hands off.

The remaining chatter in the movie was even so awful that I could not concentrate on the movie itself - not that you need to, tho. But most of the dialog got me thinking - what in the name of the lord they were saying - or trying to say.

If we strip the techno-babble and the remaining lines from the movie you are left with scenes that make no sense. For example, in one scene there was a space-station alike thing floating in mid-air without any kind of propulsion. Instead of "enjoying" (I apologize for the POOR choice of word) my mind was figuring out just HOW the hell it could fly. The space station was a fuel refill station, planes go there to refill using the "real" docking mechanism real planes use. The station was accessed by sending some sort of code to it, but in this case, access was denied. So a plane just shot of the end of the hose (the big funnel) and voilà: the fuel was leaking out. Last time i checked the fuel was NOT controlled by the funnel. No sir. And no, even tho the plane shot the funnel of with a machine gut, nothing got ignited. And why would it - its only fuel.

If you even ignore the bad scenes and have some basic human intuition you can pretty much guess what happens next - no really. There was not even one surprising element in there, we all knew what would happen next.

Suggestion: Hands of at all costs! Don't! But if you can turn off your brain completely (and then some) and you don't mind muting your television, there is a small chance you may remotely consider watching it. Again, to be safe: don't!