BraveHawk Reviews

Feeding the Masses (2004 Video)

These Knock-Off Zombie Movies Are Getting Out Of Hand!

[3/10 · 12 September 2005]

Feeding The Masses was just another movie trying to make a little money off of the zombie craze that is going around, mostly due to the popularity of movies such as Land Of The Dead and the Resident Evil series.

It starts at a television station, which is guarded by the military, and are reporting that The Lazarus Virus (zombies) are close to containment and the city will soon be free to do their business again. The problem is, this is totally false. Zombies are running rampantly and only a small minority of people are aware. Among them are Torch (William Garberina), the camera man, Sherry (Rachael Morris), the lead anchor woman (who for some reason is listed as playing Shelly on this website) and Roger (Patrick Cohen), their military escort. Torch and Sherry are against lying to the people but the station is being run by secret service (or some other government agency) and they are heavily censored.

This movie gives itself a pat on the back on the box-cover saying "We hold FEEDING THE MASSES on a higher level than any o the three 'of the Dead' films by George A. Rombero." The source of that quote has lost ALL credibility with me.

Let me just say that this movie is BAD. I don't mean bad like I was expecting more (I obviously was, though) but I mean bad in that I could not find any redeeming qualities in the film, whatsoever. The acting in all parts are either over done or too wooden. Did anybody remember their lines or are they reading off of cue cards? I can't even think of what the best part of the movie was or the best actor/actress. There really was not one. If I had to give a nod to someone, I would say Roger, the military escort was probably the most interesting character but that is really not saying much.

I would have to recommend to pass on this movie, despite the box-cover looking pretty good (It's what originally drew me to the movie). 3/10

Swimsuit: The Movie (1997)

Great Idea! Could Have Been Better Utilized.

[6/10 · 6 August 2005]

Swimsuit is a mockumentary about a fictional chemical company deciding to put out a swimsuit issue, in order to capitalize on sex selling their products. This company sells everything to toxic water, chicken nuggets, toilet paper, faulty breast implants. You name it, they screw it up. The rest is just "documenting" the process of making a swimsuit catalog.

This movie is mildly humorous. Although I never really laughed out loud, there is some genuinely funny moments from their "alcoholic photographer" Jeremy Hollister (Oliver Muirhead). Hollister is by far the funniest character in the movie. Looking back honestly, although I was looking for a comedy, something I thought would be like Drop Dead Gorgeous or something, I only stuck around for the hot women in bikinis. Mainly, for the insanely hot supermodel, Sandy Scotland (Suzanne Lanza), and super groupie but equally hot Roxy Randall (Dawn Ann Billings). Others worth mentioning are Amber Montana Dakota (Heidi Mark), a model known only as "A" (Sandra Purpuro) and Russian model, Svetlana (Olga Vodin).

Again, there were some mildly interesting and funny parts but I think I was led astray by the NR Rating. This could easily have been a PG. 5.5/10

The Last Shot (2004)

Casting Was Excellent But Ultimately Disappointing.

[7/10 · 27 June 2005]

The Last Shot is a supposedly true story about the FBI, undercover on a fake film set, known only to the few agents involved, trying to lure in an unsuspecting mobster in order to arrest him. With the actors and actresses involved, I expected more. A lot more, actually. While this was not a bad movie, I was still a bit disappointed.

Director Steven Schats (Matthew Broderick) and fake producer Joe Wells (Alec Baldwin) are making a movie called Arizona, which Schats and his brother happened to write. Along the way, Wells, AKA FBI Agent Joe Devine is talking the FBI into going further and further into actually shooting the movie until it seems that the FBI is actually interested in offering Devine a 3 picture deal.

Meanwhile, the casting is beginning and actually getting the attention of worthwhile movie stars, most notably Emily French (Toni Collette). Toni is visually stunning in this movie.

This movie was not too hard to watch, but still, I thought the talent could have made something much better. I miss the charismatic Broderick of Ferris Beuller. Most of the humor seemed to be of low value shock attempts, with the constant cursing. I am not against it, but in this case, it just seemed more childish and cheap than funny. Overall, not too bad but there are plenty of better movies to choose from. 6.5/10

20 Funerals (2004)

Powerful & Gritty Drama.

[7/10 · 19 June 2005]

20 Funerals was a good drama from relatively new director, Anghus Houvouras. Mark Mench played Sean Kietel, a cop who had had enough of criminals getting the upper hand while more cops were getting the short end of the stick. The real standout in this movie was D.J. Naylor, who played Marcus Chase. Naylor resembles a more hardcore, buffed out & tattooed Vin Diesel. His charisma carried the movie and, to be honest, it needed it. Like other reviewers, I would like to see more of Naylor in the future. With the right coaching, he could be one of the next big action stars.

Other than the original plot, which consisted of four cops being fed up with the system, decide to go into business for themselves and stop playing by the book. Instead of arresting criminals, they killed them, not having to worry about lawyers, bad juries and judges putting them back out into the street. I liked this idea very much, but the movie turned into nothing more than a countdown of the top 20 criminals being hunted down with unoriginal gunfights, interrogations & dialog. The original idea along with the ending is what makes it stand out for me, otherwise, I would have rated this movie much lower.

At times, the camera work and the inability to throw convincing punches reminded me that I was watching a straight-to-video movie and detracted from the experience as a whole. That, and the weak story brought my overall rating down. Recommended if you like low budget cops vs gangster movies. 6.5/10

Madagascar (2005)

I've Seen Better And Worse. Overall, It Is A Decent Kids Movie That Can Hold Adults Attention As Well.

[7 June 2005]

Let's face it, it's hard to put out a good animation movie that is equal to Shrek, The Incredibles or Finding Nemo. Those are hard movies to follow but Madagascar is by no means a bad movie. In fact, I will still rate this pretty high, as I enjoyed it without watching the clock.

The plot was very easy for children to follow while not so simplistic that adults become bored in the middle. The simple plot was that 4 animals raised in a zoo venture out into the wild and quickly realize how easy they had it back home in the New York Zoo.

There was quite a few humorous scenes in Madagascar, but my favorite has to be the "distinguished" chimps who get offended that the thought of looking or smelling like a monkey is bad. An honorable mention is the penguins who also got more than they bargained for in Antarctica.

While some of the graphics are sub-par to other movies I've mentioned, like Alex the Lion (voiced by Ben Stiller) for instance. At times they look sort of like clay-mation or something, and other they look positively life-like. The scenery and the lemurs stand out as the most beautifully rendered parts of the movie.

This movie is great for getting the kids out of the house and not too bad if the normal adult wants to get away and enjoy something more suitable for the family as well.

Kung Fu Hustle (2004)

Visually Stunning & Just Plain Funny!

[9/10 · 24 April 2005]

Kung Fu Hustle was one of the most visually imaginative and unique movies I have seen in quite some time. Upon first viewing the trailer, I thought we would have another Kung Pow: Enter The Fist on our hands but, boy, was I wrong. Unlike Kung Pow, the jokes did not grow tired on me and the special effects were definitely top notch. The scene with the two assassins playing that stringed instrument (don't know the name of it) in such a way that it kills was incredible.

Although there was not much to the story, it was not non-existent, either. There was a simple story happening which made sense for what we were watching. Even the jokes with the subtitles came across as funny, and from my experience, humor does not translate as easily as this movie would have you believe. It borrowed or spoofed a bit from Spider-Man and The Matrix as well, which was a bit unexpected for this film, initially. At least for me.

To be honest, I could enjoy this movie without sound or subtitles, too. It was that appealing to the eye. It would be a good background movie for a party or poker game which could catch your eye at any moment and still hold your attention. It could also be great if you feel like a good comedy. I was entertained throughout and even though I was dead tired when I saw it in the theater, it held my interest all the way to the end. 9/10

Cursed (2005)

Pretty Cool Little Werewolf Movie.

[8/10 · 23 March 2005]

Every once in a while, Wes Craven comes out with something new that I enjoy. Scream was the last noteworthy movie I can recall (and that I have seen) that was good. While Cursed was no Scream, it was a pretty good little werewolf movie, despite what Wes, himself, thinks of it. I think it would have been better if it was left uncut, but I still thought pretty highly of it, even if most do not agree.

Cursed is about a brother and sister named Ellie and Jimmy (Christina Ricci & Jesse Eisenberg) who get into a car accident and end up getting bit by something while helping the other motorist. Neither knows what it was, but Jimmy saw the creature directly and describes it as a wolf-like creature. Slowly, they begin to feel the changes one makes when turning into a werewolf and they have to solve the mystery of how to stop it.

I do have to say that Christina Ricci was absolutely stunning. I love the way she looks with her hair down. Also, Kristina Anapau as Brooke was also quite a knock-out.

The plot does take a few turns, some of them not so good but overall, not too bad. The good far outweighed the bad with me. The werewolf itself was awesome, with the exception of the one time you get to watch the transformation. It was OK but could have used a little flair or a bit of violence in the change- maybe something along the lines of Van Helsing's vampire change would have suited me better. Also, the little gay sub-plot thrown in for no apparent reason could have been left out. I realize this sounds weird to say about a horror film, but coming out of the closet in the way shown in this movie was completely unrealistic. Even more so than the fact they were running from werewolves.

I was also a bit disappointed with the ending but I was truly entertained throughout the film and can recommend it with an 8 out of 10.

Boogeyman (2005)

Pretty Much A Disappointment.

[5/10 · 14 March 2005]

Boogeyman is pretty much your standard horror movie which tries too hard to be different, but in reality, is about the same as every mediocre new horror movie that comes out nowadays.

Barry Watson stars as Tim Jensen, who since he was a young child, has been afraid of the Boogeyman that not only lives in his closet, but seems to be able to beam himself to any closet in the world and he uses that power to take those who Tim loves. We are treated to a decent scene at the beginning, where Tim is a child and witnesses his father being taken by the evil Boogeyman. The entire movie is basically Tim running from the dark, similar to Darkness Falls in a way.

Boogeyman does do some things right, however. For instance, it makes you wait until nearly the end to see the Boogeyman face to face, but this is very anti-climatic. You never get a clear look and when you do, it looks like a human painted black. Not much to it there. The feel of the movie was great, with the eery sound effects of the wind whistling and the house always creaking. In surround sound, this has quite a creepy effect, but when it is non-stop and in every location, it becomes tiresome. Other than a few scenes that are designed to make you jump, there is not much else to this movie. The ending leaves you less than satisfied and not even sure what just happened. I give 4.5 of 10 stars.

Robots (2005)

Top Notch Animation! Better Than Expected!

[13 March 2005]

Robots is a beautifully computer animated movie about... Robots. Basically, the main robot in the story, Rodney (voiced by Ewan McGregor), decides to go to the big city to meet up with his childhood hero, Bigweld (voiced by Mel Brooks), and to get his invention out to the other robots. His invention is basically another robot but this is pretty much a fairy tale anyways, right? Rodney runs into Fender (voiced by Robin Williams) upon his arrival in the big Robot City when Fender tries to take advantage of Rodney and soon after, tries to steal his foot! I guess that is the robot equivalent of stealing shoes by the thieves here in the real world. Little things like that made the movie a unique experience. You can tell that a lot of thought went into the little parts, like the "making the baby" scene at the beginning. I thought that was ingenious, especially for a kids movie and still keeping it clean. The best looking robots were the sharp looking corporate robots. Ratchet (voiced by Greg Kinnear) was the main villain here and Cappy (voiced by Halle Berry) was the female corporate robot on the side of good, eventually helping Rodney in his quest.

If I had any real complaints (which I don't, I'm really just nitpicking), the storyline could have been a tad deeper and for whatever they paid Halle Berry, it was not worth it. Her voice was not distinctive enough and if her name was not all over it, nobody would have noticed. Same with McGregor, too, I guess. They could have found voice actors for far less, but for these movies, money is obviously no object. I highly recommend if you liked the animation of Shrek or Ice Age. I give 9.5 stars of the available 10.

Be Cool (2005)

The Rock And Christina Milian Come Into Their Own, Vaughn And Cedric Are Hilarious.

[6 March 2005]

John Travolta is back as Chili Palmer in Get Shorty's sequel, "Be Cool". Chili Palmer is a former movie producer (as seen in Get Shorty) who is a former mobster. He is not happy with how his career in the movies is going and decides to branch off in the music industry. It is in a somewhat seedy bar that Chili discovers Linda Moon (Christina Milian) working in a trio. Linda has a strong singing voice but is obviously going nowhere within her group. The movie is basically centered around Linda and her contract. Everybody seems to want it now that Chili has plans and knows what a talent she is.

Getting all the characters on-screen spread them all out a little bit thin, with some barely getting any screen time at all. Most of the better characters got more screen time than I thought they would have. Thankfully, the great chemistry between Vince Vaughn and The Rock gets quite a bit of screen time. Another newcomer who delivers a surprising performance is André Benjamin, or André 3000 as Dabu. Dabu is one of the many in Sin LaSalle's (Cedric The Entertainer) entourage, along with many very large men.

There are many more actors and actresses in this cast but the best characters were those mentioned above. Dustin Hoffman pulled off a great performance, as usual, but even he seemed overshadowed by the rest of the cast. Uma Thurman, Steven Tyler, Danny DeVito, James Woods, Harvey Keitel and many others round off this great cast. I doubt all these actors would commit to something as horrible as we are all led to believe.

The Rock is starting to branch out with his acting range. His big gay bodyguard routine was hilarious, as I doubt I'll ever forget his rendition of "You're Not Woman Enough To Take My Man". Rock and Vince Vaughn as the wannabe pimp complimented each other perfectly and along with Cedric, they are the highlights of the movie. Also, Christina Milian looks to be one of the hotter new actresses on her way up and I was impressed by what I assume was her lip-syncing performance with Steven Tyler. Look for her to be around for awhile.

This was a large cast and, for the most part, they all held their own. My honest review is that this movie is better than it is being given credit for, possibly due to the incredible amount of hype put into it, turning many viewers against it. I went into this movie with an open mind and not expecting a great movie and I came out entertained. Because of this, I can recommend this movie with a clear conscience.

The Last Horror Movie (2003)

Too Bad The Surprise Twist Ending Is Written On The Box Cover!

[6/10 · 25 February 2005]

The Last Horror Movie is about a psychopathic killer who is otherwise normal named Max (Kevin Howarth). Max seems to have an obsession with video cameras because he is either at his day job, filming wedding, or is being followed around with a camera or filming what seems to be a documentary.

Max and his assistant (Mark Stevenson) are pretty much just filming murders, which Max commits. You never get to know more about the assistant. He is mostly just behind the camera but does have a few scenes in front of the camera, but you never do learn his name, just a bit of background to make the story make sense. With the documentary look to it, this movie reminds me of Two Days (the movie in which the actor is documenting his own suicide). The difference being that movie was documenting suicide and this one is documenting murders, in many various shapes and forms. Along the way, Max makes some interesting points and raises some interesting questions.

In the end, as much as I hate to say this, I was mostly bored. The ending was pretty good (it actually makes you think about it for a second to make sense and assure yourself) but it was marred by the boredom that the rest of the movie partakes in. Other than some brief killing scenes, there is not much to see. Overall, I think this could have been marketed better so as not to give most of the end away, but it still surprises you for a bit. Even so, it could have been a little better, but I've seen worse. 6 of 10.

Corn (2004)

When Will I Learn Not To Judge Movies By Their Box Covers?

[5/10 · 18 February 2005]

This movie caught my attention with it's unique box cover, which featured a deranged sheep in 3D, complete with demonic eyes. I like a good horror movie and something about mad sheep seemed a little creepy to me so I picked it up. This was just another case of the box misrepresenting itself as a horror movie when it was anything but. The crazy sheep only appeared two or three times and only in quick flashes. It was painfully obvious that, depending on which shot, the sheep were not real or was not doing anything out of the ordinary.

The story itself, was more about Emily Rasmussen (Jena Malone), a young, pregnant woman who has come home, most likely because there was nowhere else for her to go. Meanwhile, her neighbor has planted an experimental crop genetically mutated corn. The corn was meant to be altered genetically so it could grow with very little water so it could be grown in otherwise barren places such as parts of Africa to feed starving people. The side effect of this corn is it produces a weed as well, which makes the sheep act a little crazy, or get a high as the film explains. Sort of the same way a cat reacts towards catnip, but in more of a violent way.

The problem with this movie is that while all the characters in the movie have good intentions, not one of them is likable. Not even Emily. I have seen it mentioned before that the movie is similar to Erin Brockovich, and it is with regards to one woman going against a large corporation, but the pieces never quite fit together well and is nowhere close the the movie Brockovich was. Emily put the pieces together about the mysterious weed far too quickly and unrealistically to be believable.

Overall, the story turned out to be quite dull and moved pretty slow. I would have to rate this at about a 4.5 out of 10 stars.

Hitch (I) (2005)

Hitch Had Me In Stitches!

[15 February 2005]

Alex Hitchens (Will Smith) plays what he calls himself, a "date doctor", who helps people who are less fortunate with the ladies. After some rather awkward moments as a young man, he learned some things and now passes them on to other men for a living. He must be good at what he does, too, because he has quite the nice bachelor's pad. "Hitch", as Alex Hitchens is nicknamed, has a gift for knowing how to romanticize with the women, but eventually stumbles upon Sara (Eva Mendes), who even he has a hard time keeping it cool in front of.

In the meantime, Hitch is helping out a fellow named Albert (Kevin James), who is about as unlucky with women as they come. Albert was so bad, that even Hitch almost turned down a chance at helping him, but later takes on the challenge. Kevin James did a great job as the female challenged, awkward male in love. The chemistry between James and Smith was better than the chemistry between Smith and Mendes, which is surprising.

Of course, it would not be a story if Hitch's world did not come crashing down around him at some point in the movie, so it does and you can almost guess what happens. No matter what, though, this movie is a riot. I laughed quite a bit, which is what I expected to do. I am not really into the romantic comedies, but this one was great.

Working Tra$h (1990 TV Movie)

A Good Early Effort By Ben Stiller.

[7/10 · 5 February 2005]

Working Trash is a nice little story of two janitors who decide to play the stock market. George Carlin takes top billing as Ralph, an old school janitor who has been with the company for 23 years. A very young Ben Stiller co-stars as Freddy Novak, a young guy who applied to become a stock broker but they gave him a job as a janitor, so he could work his way up and who nobody would take seriously, due to his lack of experience and education.

One day while Ralph and Freddy are working, they come across some confidential information concerning a stock that is about to hit big. Freddy realizes that it is a crime called insider trading but Ralph talks him into it, in order to pay off his debt to the mafia. Anyhow, the two janitors kept playing the market and making a lot of money, which drew the attention of their superiors, who ended up firing both men. Of course, there is some funny stuff going on at the top and Freddy and Ralph have to find a way to get their jobs back.

This was a good early effort for Stiller and I think recreating the team of Stiller and Carlin might be a better idea nowadays than before, now that they could get a better script to work with. Regardless, this is a nice story the whole family could watch without fear of something inappropriate popping up. I give this 7 of 10 stars.

When Will I Be Loved (2004)

Indecent Proposal meets Wild Things.

[5/10 · 2 February 2005]

When Will I Be Loved is a story about Vera (Neve Campbell), who seems to be struggling with who she is and what she wants out of life. She has a scheming boyfriend named Ford (Fred Weller) whose character is directly lifted from Phone Booth's Stu Shepard, played by Colin Farrell. The two characters are nearly identical, only Ford is not as likable. Other than this, there is no real storyline going on until, after what seems like an eternity, the last 15-20 minutes. It becomes a cross between Indecent Proposal and Wild Things.

Truthfully, this movie bored me until the 3rd act. There is one main reason most men wanted to see this film, and most of you know what it is. Neve Campbell is featured in her first nude scene. While I am certainly all for her doing this, I believe it was done because her career had become a little stagnant. She has not really done anything to note since Scream. I think she had the right idea to get some attention back on herself, she just picked the wrong movie to do it with. There was not even any real reason to have the nudity. It did nothing for the plot, which was nearly non-existent. It was simply thrown in at the beginning and the end. Again, I'm thankful, but I feel it could have been put to better use in a better film with better meaning. It is the only reason I'm giving this movie 5 of 10 stars.

Who's Your Daddy? (2002 Video)

Funny... But Could Have Been A Lot Funnier

[7/10 · 2 February 2005]

Brandon Davis stars as Chris Hughes (or Chris Mack), a nerdy high school loser whose only wish is to know what it is like to be popular. Soon, a lawyer name Michael Hunt (yeah, Mike Hunt) shows up on his doorstep and tells him his real parents have been killed in an accident and that he should be at the reading of their will. It turns out that his parents are Peter and Honey Mack, the publishers of a very successful adult magazine named Heaven, complete with "Angels" as centerfolds. Of course, the antagonist is trying to get the company for himself and will stop at any means to get it, in this case, his Uncle Duncan.

This movie started out with some gross out humor, similar to what you would find in American Pie, but less funny, and ended up being more like The Girl Next Door. The main problem here is that it tried to hard to be funny. It was reasonably funny but most of the movie could have been polished up and Brandon Davis was too over the top as a geek. Ali Landry played a great centerfold (as she probably would be) and Wayne Newton played a great, but short, role as an adult magazine CEO. His magazine, Heaven, is supposed to be Playboy, or like it. Painfully obvious with the smoking jackets, mansions, etc.

Bottom line is, this movie is not one of the great comedies, but you could do much worse than this. If you are watching this because you are expecting nudity or a lot of sex, you will be disappointed. I can give about 6.5 stars out of 10.

Heathers (1988)

"F*#k Me Gently With A Chainsaw" A Worthy Predecessor To Mean Girls.

[7/10 · 1 February 2005]

Heathers is a movie about a powerful clique in high school. There are 3 Heathers (hence, the name of the movie), and Veronica Sawyer (Winona Ryder). Although Veronica is part of the clique, she does not like her friends. Heather Chandler (Kim Walker) tries to move Veronica up in social status by bringing her to parties she does not want to go to, among other various and sometimes cruel tasks. Along the way, Veronica meets a boy named Jason Dean (Christian Slater), or J.D. for short. They fall for each other despite Heather Chandler's feelings on the subject. Eventually, Veronica and Heather C. have a falling out, in which J.D. helps Veronica gain a bit of revenge. Veronica really does not want to go through with killing people, in fact, I do not think she thought J.D. was serious about doing it in the first place but, once it was done, they covered the murder by writing a suicide note in her handwriting (a skill Sawyer just happens to be good at). After a few suicides, it becomes the cool thing to do at Westerberg High. Meanwhile, Heather Duke (Shannon Doherty) takes over the reigns as the leader of the Heathers. This leaves Veronica up against Heather D. and ultimately, J.D. as well.

This movie is pretty much an 80's version of Mean Girls (although Jawbreaker probably draws a little inspiration from this movie as well). The Heathers are The Plastics. Veronica Sawyer is Cady Heron. The plots are the same, although a little more tame in Mean Girls. After watching this movie for the first time here in 2005, I think it holds up and is a fun watch. I recommend this movie with 7 of 10 stars.

Catwoman (2004)

A Super Hero For The Female Crowd.

[6/10 · 30 January 2005]

Catwoman is about a shy and timid woman named Patience Phillips who, after discovering something horrible about a product called "Beau-line", is killed by their henchman before she can make her escape. From there, a magical cat named Midnight breathes onto her dead face and is brought back to life, with a few feline characteristics. After her resurrection, she makes a decision to repay those who killed her and along the way, she will stop the contamination of beauty products by Beau-line. By the way, I liked Catwoman's outfit, minus the mask, shoes and gloves.

So much for the plot. To be honest, it was not anything more outrageous than plots for Spider-Man, Batman, etc., but it seemed to be a hybrid of a super hero movie and a chick flick. While the movie did have some interesting aspects to it, such as nice camera views and a few scenes with the whip, the CGI was pretty bad and that interfered with the movie for me. I thought the special effects were on par or worse than Hulk's (I liked Hulk better). But I did like Catwoman's suit.

I thought the whole cat thing was WAY too forced. Purring loudly, hissing at dogs and the whole catty attitude. I thought the scenes where she was performing various balance acts in her apartment while discovering her new abilities were more than enough to get the point that she was cat-like.

Overall, the movie was pretty bad for what it was. Comparing it to Spider-Man, Punisher, X-Men and the like makes it look far worse than it is. I'd say this movie is pretty much middle of the road, around a 5.5 - 6.5 of 10. It was better than the old Spider-Man movies from the 70's. If you want to see some real trash that deserves a 1 rating or lower, see Savage Roses or Plump Fiction. Did I mention I like the outfit?