Doctor_No Reviews

Casino Royale (2006)

Craig oozes the essence of "Bond...James Bond", this CASINO is ROYAL(E) indeed!

[9/10 · 18 November 2006]

From the start from the legendary opening scene to the beautiful girls, Bond is back and in full force. After the studio's stumbling about trying to get the 6th Bond I can safely say they made the right choice. "Casino Royale" which was originally made in 1967 with Woody Allen is now the birth of Bond yes James Bond played by Daniel Craig. Bond's first mission is to be sure to stop a man from winning a tournament to fund an evil company. The villain and plan is pretty simple but hell is sure ain't "Moonraker". Eva who plays the Bond babe is a perfect choice, she is charming, beautiful and perfect (not as good as Halle Berry of course ;) "Casino" is very action packed and a nice start for Bond I am excited for the rumored Bond 22 with Craig returning as the martini-loving, babe catching "Bond...James Bond" - ***1/2

Borat (2006)

Long live Kazakhstan! BORAT is a riot, first time EVER I laughed soda through my nose at a theater

[10/10 · 4 November 2006]

Oh dear, this has to be the first and best time I've had at a theater in god knows how long. "Borat" had me laughing so much that I literally, shot soda out of my nose. It hurt so much, the comic genius overwhelmed me so much I could not drink anything because I was too afraid that I'd end up shooting it out of my nose. Cohen portraits a journalist named Borat who is sent to American from the glorious nation of Kazakhstan (long live Kazakhstan!). While there Borat becomes sidetracked when he tries to hunt down and marry Pamela Anderson. WIth a documentary crew capturing the insanity that entails, Borat learns the lessons of America and the big city. Looking back "Borat" is depraved and disgusting, the humor is filthy and wrong all the time. But Cohen delightfully changes the outlook and makes it side splitting. I absolutely loved "Borat", one of the funniest movies made since "This is Spinal Tap" or EVER. A very very high ****

Man of the Year (2006)

Quaint political satire with notches of comedy, Williams shines again with Levinson at side

[8/10 · 14 October 2006]

A political satire of a comedian (Williams) who after dissing the political campaigns and presidents is forced into the running. But shockingly we wins and makes a mockery of the office. "Man of the Year" is not the funniest movie nor the best but in small doses it does work. Williams again teaming with Levinson after a hit with "Good Morning, Vietnam". The two seem to have a great chemistry and work off each other. I am not comparing them to Scorsese and DeNiro but you can get the picture. Although I wouldn't quite say to rush out there and see the movie in theaters I would recommend renting it. This movie is a comedy but also has a great satire, please if you like movies like "Scary Movie 4" this is not for you, take your brain with you to see it. - ***

The Departed (2006)

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you Mr. Scorsese's first BEST DIRECTOR WIN, excellent on every caliber, the best movie of the year

[10/10 · 6 October 2006]

Wow, I have always been a big Scorsese fan with "Raging Bull" to "Goodfellas" and even "The Aviator". And he still holds his place as one of the best directors, just hearing his name will get me to see a movie. And this is without a doubt one of the five best movies he's ever made ("Goodfellas", "Bull", "Taxi Driver" and "Casino" being the others I.M.O). Again teaming with DiCaprio for the third time along with screen legends Nicholson and Sheen who are both great (especially Jack). I'll spare you the whole complicated story line because it is just too long to explain but it is a brilliant, well crafted and stunning piece of americana. Scorsese is in top notch form and deserves the damn Oscar already, the best movie I have seen all year long. I loved "The Departed" - ****

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

INTENSE, one of the best massacres I've seen in a good while, this chainsaw still purrrrrrs

[8/10 · 6 October 2006]

Okay so it's about the 7th installment to Hooper's original cult 70's slasher picture "Texas Chainsaw Massacre". And here the ends are still pretty together, nothing TOO new aside from some nice gory deaths ala chainsaw (oh yeah!) You would figure after about the fifth time you've seen a deformed man chasing horny, high teens in the back end of a deserted town with a chainsaw in hand would go well retarded and unenlightening. But with the foul mouth drunken sheriff (Ermy) cussing and holding his ground while nurturing Leatherface, anything is indeed possible. TCM is nothing to go nuts about but it certainly is a nice little treat just in time for Halloween. Defenatly a rental around this time along with the original and remake, overall a nice installment - ***

Everyone's Hero (2006)

Certainly not FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME, regrettable animated movie that kids can barely enjoy

[3/10 · 17 September 2006]

On the basis of most animated movies with a heart warming cast and story that is just so great you can take everyone, regrettably this is not that movie. Although I am a fan of baseball and the actors this movie is too shallow to enjoy for my taste. It has a lame story of a young kid who travels many miles to help out Yankee ball player Babe Routh. And I doubt some little five year old has the capacity to take in all the knowledge of who Babe is along with the Yankee history. This film was soggy and disappointing I was not impressed at all. And even the animation wasn't done well enough to make it nice to look at. I honestly fell asleep, I am sorry Mr. Reeve, you are still one of my favorite celebrities - *1/2

The Black Dahlia (2006)

Right director, actors, writer WHERE DID THEY GO WRONG?! The year's biggest disappointment

[5/10 · 17 September 2006]

This month's two movies I was very eager to see "Hollywoodland" which I loved and "Black Dahlia" which well not so much. You would figure the movie has everything, a great director (DePalma) some nice stars and an excellent story plot. HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG?! Well somewhere along the lines these knuckleheads managed to screw up the perfect movie. After an actress in California is murdered by a demented killer the cops go nuts and try and track the killer before he can strike again. I loved "L.A Confidential" it is one of my favorite movies but the writer here just can't seem to pull the gritty intrigue in. The audience began to grow weary of this two hour plus movie. I must say I was very disappointed after seeing this, since I skipped into the theatre with glee and left shouting a plea "How can you do this to me?!" (That rhymed)- **

The Covenant (2006)

For me to recommend this I'd have to gouge your eyes out first, one of the years WORST

[1/10 · 9 September 2006]

1/2*, oh boy, oh boy. Hollywood's turned to witch craft again. With the all female cast of "The Craft" they switch it up here and change those voluptuous gals to guys. But not just guys, guys with problems. This whole movie runs like an episode of "Sabrina the teenage witch" and "Dawson's Creek". Everyone is bickering and fighting in spite of other powers and some other stuff. Honestly I have no idea what this movie was about or tried to put off. The effects were terrible, as was the directing, acting, writing and I even blame the best boy on this account for helping to feed these bums! I hated this movie so much it has nothing in it. But if you look at the trailer you see they have to EXPLAIN every detail just to sum up the movie in a short 2 minutes, expand that!

Accepted (2006)

Corky comedy by way of "Animal House"

[7/10 · 18 August 2006]

I went in thinking this would be a stupid teen comedy rip-off of true 80's comedy's like well anything good. But honestly this movie is funny, it won a good rating for me which I was shocked. Although I gave "The Illusionist" ****, I think I enjoyed "Accepted" much more. It was funny, Corky and just stupid but in a great way. A young kid (Long) applies to every college but is sadly turned down, the good part is he makes up his own college with his buddies. And a nice little cameo there by Lewis Black as the angry dean, no acting there since he screams his lungs off nonstop on stage. "Accepted" isn't fully original but it's enjoyable enough to just say I laughed out loud, especially with that chubby kid screaming like a girl and in the hot dog suit. - **1/2

The Illusionist (2006)

The true illusion is this movie works well, Norton and Giamatti are fantastic

[10/10 · 18 August 2006]

One of the years best films, and I thought for sure it would be tiring since later this year you have another magic movie coming out. With Bale and Jackman, but so far this movie sweeps away any competition of opening week. The story follows a magician (Norton, Oscar Worthy trend) who falls for a beautiful woman (Biel) in a higher social standing than himself. But when she is to be wed he uses his unique ability of the "dark arts" to win her love back. "The Illusionist" is smart and probably will end up very underrated. And of course Oscar snubbed. By far the best movie I've seen all month long I enjoyed the magic, the sense of wonder and just everything about it. ****

Zoom (2006)

ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM "Galaxy Quest" part 2, Allen proves yet again that it's for the money

[2/10 · 15 August 2006]

An odd group of super hero misfits must be shaped up by a dimwitted leader Zoom (Money whore Tim Allen). Some of the child actors are okay but their powers and the whole back story is foggy. Despite they need to be trained at the Academy there was, for me, no good reason to care. Allen after doing "Shaggy Dog" (another runner up for worst of 06) shows that despite the god awful taste in film selections he is just doing it for the MONEY. So the next Allen flick that comes out don't expect some kind of descent film just expect Tim laughing it up on screen pulling ridiculous stunts like "Zoom". Despite the kids, probably who this mess was made for it is regrettable, despicable and down right dimwitted. *1/2

Miami Vice (2006)

MAN(N) o MAN(N), despite feisty Farrell and Foxx, "Vice" does no justice to Yerkovich

[5/10 · 27 July 2006]

A modern day tale of the two partners James Crocket (Feisty Farrell) and Ricardo Tubbs (Foxx, ditto) who go undercover and have their work life enter their relationship life. Michael Mann who's name means ACTION does no justice to the retro 80's duo of Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas. Despite extra cool effects and action sequences "Miami Vice" was far too long and could not keep my attention. The trailer per usual packs up clips of the action and things foreshadowing it, dose not rain true. Instead the gaps from talking to action are far longer than normal and I felt no real connection like in the t.v series. "Miami Vice" is nothing more than a summer popcorn, blockbuster film. My suggestion is wait 3 months till it comes out on DVD and watch it at home.

John Tucker Must Die (2006)

"John Tucker" BETTER DIE...AND SOON!

[1/10 · 27 July 2006]

Dear god, another gawky teenage girl flick about a stupid jock that everyone claims to envy. I for one do not envy this guy at all, he's got three girls screaming in his ear all the time, and then try to keep it a secret. Dear god, like that's believable! The ingenious plot is a basketball player John Tucker who has three women, who find out that they are not his only true love. In spite of his acts they take vengeance on him by trying to humiliate him and all out kill him. These girls are so stupid to fall for this loser, and Tucker himself brings nothing new to the table. He's a stupid jock who thinks he can get what he wants by his charmless good looks, if that. "John Tucker must Die" is gawky, un-funny, and a waste of time. One of the years absolute worst movies!

Just My Luck (2006)

"Freaky Friday" anyone? Lohan and Pine prove that it is "just my luck"

[7/10 · 16 May 2006]

A halfway decent seemingly redux to "Freaky Friday" where Lohan also starred. Lets face it these pompous brats are inheriting the celebrity world while work slips through the fingers of Oscar winning actors/actresses. I am shocked to see everyone so giddy over these young faces but with this movie I am starting to realize why.

A lucky Manhattan woman Ashley Albright (Lohan) seems to have lost her luck when a fateful kiss at a party with unlucky and accident prone Jacke Hardip (Pine). Afterwards the effect is groundbreaking where they trade personalities and luck.

I will admit the story is over done and half way through we can tell what the end with draw but these young kids show so talent in the midst. With the right script and a better director aside from Donald Petrie who's half @ss job takes the movie just so far before it cops out on us. And Petrie has a good run but when the films meaning is clearly looked at we can see it is cliché' and a low brow teenage, perhaps even a slumber party, girl bonanza flick which I just can't handle all the way through. Still much better then I expected and surprisingly decent.

Mission: Impossible III (2006)

A snooze CRUISE, Tom's character is just as crazy as Tom himself

[6/10 · 10 May 2006]

Da-da-da-da-duh-da-da-da, the score to the new and third action packed flick "MI3". Again the same score can mean one thing, action or just espionage in a dull form like the first two? Well the music does recall the first two and Hoffman just off his Oscar for "Capote" immediately jumps on a suspense summer flick. Sorry Phil no Oscar for this one. Ethan Hunt (Cruise) has again returned but of course battles along side a villain, Owen (Hoffman). The two fiends fighting for the valuable rabbit's foot. If the MISSION IMPOSSIBLE franchise turns out to be anything like BOND'S then we are in for some serious melodramatic, overplayed, world domination (!) that won't let up. Perhaps there will be three or four Ethan Hunt's like bond himself.

An American Haunting (2005)

"Hauting"ly awful, horror movie alumni reduced to this travesty, what gives?

[2/10 · 10 May 2006]

Now I may seem rude or even out of my mind to say that this movie isn't scary! I find it hard to even consider a so called "jumper" movie, but then again I saw teenagers in the theaters jumping out of their seats and spilling pop corn on the floor. But maybe I'm the only person who remembers that Sutherland and Spacek are part of horror movie alumni. Sissy Spacek's unforgettable turn as Carrie in the 1972 film and Sutherland in the remake of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". If you want to see something scary, then go to a video store and rent some vintage heart pounding movies.

Now kudos to last years "Exorcism of Emily Rose" and both "Exorcist Beginning"'s, ghost and exorcism are all the rage. But not like anyone really wanting to see this filth has taken the time to look at Friedkin's SCARY (gasp) "Exorcist" where it all began. But the story focuses on a few people where creepy things and ghastly specters run amok leading to a death.

A overdone story line with the same old tricks, if anything a laugh out loud spook-fest. Skip this at all costs

RV (2006)

Same annoying Williams, same recurring story, no new tricks

[2/10 · 28 April 2006]

For anyone that saw this distilled comedy and never saw "Good Morning, Vietnam" or "Dead Poets Society" then you would never have believed this was Robin Williams. After last years lackluster animated movie "Robots", where Williams proved to be a big pain in the @$$ the effect doesn't wear off, instead stays on. Annoying dialogue and some scenes that even I could predict would happen when this goof ball father takes his family on a trip. Which is precisely the whole plot, a dad takes his wife and two brats on a trip.

If you'd think this was the same as say a "Nation Lampoons" movie or "Johnson's Family Vacation" even "Are We There Yet?" you were right. The story stays the same and no new tricks are added, idiotic jokes that seem to drop before being delivered. "R.V" is sadly Williams last kudos to film --- 2/10

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Perhaps the one all along that needed "eyes" was Aja to see what a piece of crap he was making

[1/10 · 28 March 2006]

A typical horror film, all gore no plot. Sure "Hills have eyes" has plenty of gore, guts and blood charged adrenaline but the acting is lame and a cheap rip-off of Craven's "Eyes". The story focuses on a family headed out west until they run into a band of mutants, I will admit Nicotero did a great job with the effects but that's to the extent to it. All style no substance, all gore no galore. Alexander Aja would be wise to come up with his own junk not other people's once brilliant ideas. To think they remade a lot of classic horror since 2005, John Carpenter's "The Fog", along with "When a Stranger Calls" and now "Eyes", all 70's-80's films are here by gone. Hollywood is sucking them up, its a shame to see this happen to a great film.---1/10

Take the Lead (2006)

"Dirty Dancing" meets "Lean on Me" by way of "You got Served"

[4/10 · 27 March 2006]

Well seems again those no good kids are about to learn a valuable life lesson through the art of dancing. Whenever you see a group of real gangster kids you know there is a well dressed hard-ass ready to teach the kids how to be successful and have rhythm. The idea has been done before, there is no originality whatsoever in any of the scenes made.

If I can give it one complement it would be the dance scenes, they were well choreographed and took some skill to it for that I applaud. Otherwise, yawn, has nothing to it. Story focuses on a man (Banderas) who one afternoon teaches a few bad apples how to salsa and change their ways.

"Take the Lead" has a less the choreographed plot to it other than a few cool moves on the dance floor. I don't no why Antonio Banderas keeps doing these bad movies "Spy Kids" and "Take the Lead", what happened to "Desperado", nowhere in sight. Sadly his career has fell flat on its face.---4/10

Basic Instinct 2 (2006)

It's not to say that "Instinct" is completely horrid but more that the sequel is uninspired and Stone has lost the sex appeal

[2/10 · 25 March 2006]

Another lame sequel that loses its touch along the lines of well story plot, acting, directing and etc. Sharon Stone is in her what? 50's now? And she tries to swindle and attracts other males, lets face it she can't attract anyone. Her character much like herself has become old and feeble which is much like the story, three in a row. When we last saw her she was cunning and in a relationship with a Detective (Michael Douglas) but in this case is obviously dead and the whole act should be dead along with him. Anyway, she again tries to evade being caught by her shrink and carries on the act again. "Instinct" can't go any where but down, we know who she is so the whole plot was a waste. And I'm surprised it even got a wide release my speculations were direct to video. If you must see Sharon Stone in this god awful sequel then what for the DVD release and rent it.

Stay Alive (2006)

"Stay" awake, PG-13 horror again plummets even lower, Bell uses the same old routine and tries to make it his own

[1/10 · 25 March 2006]

As always the PG-13 horror genre plummets without so much as an attempt to reach out to the audience. That is of course without state of the art over blown sound effects and annoying pop ups. "Alive" much like the title can hardly keep the story plot "alive" let alone itself. Perhaps Bell has copied so many movies in the process they along with this have lost it's touch. The story of a group of idiotic kids play a video game and soon learn you die in the game you die in real life. Wow, if there was ever a stupid idea this is it. I can't wait to see how many Razzie awards this wins. One of the many acts of plagiarism is "The Ring" eventually you die by watching or in this case playing. My final rating 0/10

Imagine Me & You (2005)

No need to "Imagine" "Me & You" loving this movie, one of the years best and funniest movies

[10/10 · 28 January 2006]

A witty and charming comedy about a woman ready for her wedding and soon stolen away after seeing an unsuspected and uninvited guest. The movie at first sounding typical with perhaps a few chuckles her and there but goes much further than that. Every scene has its own charming dash of comedy and delightful character development, an academy award nominee already. Although now it's limited to theaters but soon the fans will be lining up to see this laugh out loud and heat warming tale of true love. The actors do well over and highering my expectations to what great acting is. This, this is great acting. One of my new favorite movies and the years best. My final rating 10/10

Big Momma's House 2 (2006)

Paul Giamatti made the best decision of his life not to come back for the sequel

[1/10 · 28 January 2006]

* Martin Lawrence. Directed by Josh Whitesell. Sequel to god awful 2000's "Big Momma's House" only this time Malcolm Turner (Lawrence) going deep under cover as Momma to watch a possible murder suspect. Unfunny dialogue and a few annoying scenes with a pitiful pawn on Bo Derek's slow motion walk down the beach. A sad sad sight to see. I should have known it would be bad since Lawrence hasn't had a good movie since "Bad Boys 2" and 1 in a handful isn't great or good at best. With other flops "Bad Boys", "Black Knight" and "Big Momma's House" this wasn't destined to be great. Regrettable overall. My final rating 1/10.

A History of Violence (2005)

Forgive and forget (forgetting this is a lot harder than it sounds)

[10/10 · 25 September 2005]

**** Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello, William Hurt, Ed Harris. Directed by David Cronenberg. Cronenberg finally makes a descent film since his last really good one was the Fly with Cronenberg when science runs a muck. Now the owner of a small diner Tom Stall (Mortensen) is thrust in the spot light and mistaken for somebody else an ex-killer. Now his family is involved in what might be the forgotten truth. William Hurt, Ed Harris and Maria Bello all do a fantastic job co-starring in the adrenaline pumping action flick. Cronenberg makes one of the years most action packed film since Face/Off. He shows his inner John Woo and Brian DePalma type of directing. Bravo. my final rating 10/10.

Corpse Bride (2005)

A creepy, spooky, fantastically done non stop animated cartoon for both kids and adults

[9/10 · 25 September 2005]

***1/2 Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Depp Roy. Directed by Tim Burton. Burton makes his second trip to the underworld even better than a Nightmare Before Christmas. Of course casting his buddy Johnny Depp to play the shy Victor Van Dort who on the day of his wedding vanishes and accidentally marries the beautiful yet dead Corpse Bride (Carter). She takes victor on a wild rush through the underworld where he sees life after death. Burton yet again does a fantastic job at animation with his team. Bravo on all the people's parts that made this movie possible. A fantastic film both visually and virtually. My final rating 9/10.