the-marshall Reviews

Californication: Waiting for the Miracle (2012) Season 5, Episode 4

One of the best episodes I've seen

[9/10 · 17 February 2012]

I ended up watching "The Ride-Along" before this one, as by the time I realized I missed an episode (SPOILER - because Becca and that D-Bag were back together), I didn't care. The next day though, I decided I had to watch it, as the one-liners and sharp wit are my favourite part of the show, and I watch it more for this than the plot.

Let me say - this episode was ALL one-liners and sharp wit. By the end it started dragging a bit with the usual over-the-top dramatics and sentimentality, but the dinner party scene was an instant classic. Runkle's side plot with (SPOILER - the virgin), was pretty entertaining B material as well.

I am giving this one a 9, I thought the Ride-Along was about a 5 or a 6.

Burn Notice (2007–2013)

Pretty terrible show, actually.

[2/10 · 4 August 2009]

People were telling me how great this show is, and thought I would check it out. I got through the entire first season hoping at some point it would get better, but it never did. I watched the first episode and a half of season two and just couldn't take it any more.

The acting is a lot like the 1970's Gone in 60 Seconds. The "tips" for being a spy are absolutely ridiculous and the technology-coolness is so unbearably stupid. The "jokes" are pretty terrible and repeat themselves every episode.

About the technology, very mild spoiler ahead (not really a spoiler but I guess someone could call it one): To find out where a warehouse is, he decides to crack a cell phone open and removes the "GPS chip" and inserts it into a shoe. His partner then goes on line and watches where he is taken by the bad guys. It makes absolutely no sense. How can a GPS chip function without any kind of battery, and then how can it transmit wirelessly without the rest of the cell phone? I can suspend disbelief for things like this (as in Firewall, which also was stupid this way), but when half the show is this guy giving out these tips as if it's educational.... it crosses the line.

Some of the events that occur are fairly interesting, and there are some decent scenes but it really, absolutely is not worth the time sitting through the awful acting, flat, obvious characters, and sheer ridiculousness to see.

The Island (2005)

Time period confusion and jarring product placements mar what could have been a good movie

[4/10 · 3 January 2006]

This movie would definitely be an 8/10 if it wasn't for two huge problems: many time period confusing moments and really jarring product placements.

If I remember correctly this is the year 2019, and everything is supposed to be futuristic. We see these high-tech methods in place where urine is detected by computers when you pee into the toilet, and video cameras are embedded into your dresser. But then we see MacGregor running through the compound undetected by security guards. Why are there guards to tell people to "watch their proximity" and cameras in dressers, but no guards at night, and no cameras in public areas??? Also, when they appear 'above ground' again, why is nothing futuristic? Only few select things, like the train are. Why does this new train run on fiber-optic rails, but cars still burn gas? If Hollywood learned something, and they obviously haven't, product placements can only be acceptable when they are NON-INTRUSIVE. Apparently in 2019 everybody drives '06 Chevys, uses MSN search and plays on Xboxes that apparently are super-high-tech. These placements do NOT belong in a Fantasy movie and cheapen the whole thing incredibly. At least in I Robot, we get the explanation that his shoes are from our century, here it just makes no sense.

A movie that could have been an 8/10 is dropped to half that because nobody can hire a decent consistency editor or realize that product placements do not belong in fantasy movies.

Two for the Money (2005)

Not the worst movie this year... but not good.

[3/10 · 3 January 2006]

This was not a great movie, nor was I expecting it to be. I think they really overdid Matthew McConaughey's shirtless scenes, it seems like for whatever reason they felt the need to keep him scantily-clad the entire time. Maybe to keep the girls interested? Probably. But once you notice it it really gets grating.

The acting is okay, the script is acceptable but the direction is somewhat boring. This movie could have easily been 90 minutes and the emotional impact the ending was supposed to have fell flat. It seems like there was meant to be a huge twist but it ends in somewhat confusion (not with the plot but why it ever happened to begin with).

After watching the movie I came out of it with nothing, the story and direction made it seem like a waste of time, not really an enjoyable experience. That is why it's a 3/10 for a movie with a script that could possibly pull off a 6/10 with better editing and a tighter finish.

Robots (2005)

Horrible Movie that should be seen by No-Bots!

[1/10 · 17 March 2005]

This movie was terrible. The jokes that were there were awful (i.e. aunt fanny), there were a bunch of puns that weren't at all punny ("Ladies and gentle-bots") and the plot was incredibly loose to the point that it seemed just like a random series of un-funny events.

A couple of other points...

1. That invention of Rodney's reminded me a LOT of Orbity from the Jetsons, an annoying thing on springs that adds absolutely nothing to the plot or development of anything.

2. What was with the licensed music for no reason? If this is a fantasy movie, then why would it ADD to the world by having Chingy in it? NO!

3. It seemed to have characters that added nothing to the plot just to fit in as many celebrity voices as possible (i.e. Jay Leno).

4. The whole first scene with Bigweld Industries seemed to really be an attack at Eisner ousting Disney.